shakespeare was ahead of his time

neko atsume is the best game bc all you really do is open the app, look at the cats and go “hehheuhhEH hOOoh hoo hhueh hOO!! Look at this cat”

Denny’s New Years Resolutions

• Learn something new everyday

• Overthrow the bourgeoisie

• Find out where that music’s coming from, we don’t have speaker systems

• Get that guy out of the claw machine

• Provide transportation for tennis players looking for the Grand Slam

• Eggs

• Milk

• Cheese

• Bacon

• Meet Dua Lipa

• Marry Dua Lipa

• Grow old with Dua Lipa

• Lose weight

• But like, the weight of toxic people in our lives

• More tomfoolery

• 1080p

• Remove curse from parking lot

• Love potato more

• Stop and chew the flowers once in a while

• Stop wasting money on fake ghost dating sites

• Build real ghost dating site

• Figure out how to get ghosts jobs so they can pay for said dating site

• Maybe only the living have to pay? Since it kind of sucks to be a ghost?

• Anyway, resolve to figure this thing out at some point

• More dessert

When the Internet is good, it is so good.

I love this shitty right-wing meme for two reasons:

1) They think the movie is named after the year it took place in.

2) Spartans had a ludicrous amount of gay sex. It was encouraged by the commanders as a way of building unity. Newlywed Spartan wives shaved their heads and wore men’s clothing to make the transition to sex with women easier for their husbands. It was just that gay.

My friend told me a story he hadn’t told anyone for years. When he used to tell it years ago people would laugh and say, ‘Who’d believe that? How can that be true? That’s daft.’ So he didn’t tell it again for ages. But for some reason, last night, he knew it would be just the kind of story I would love.   When he was a kid, he said, they didn’t use the word autism, they just said ‘shy’, or ‘isn’t very good at being around strangers or lots of people.’ But that’s what he was, and is, and he doesn’t mind telling anyone. It’s just a matter of fact with him, and sometimes it makes him sound a little and act different, but that’s okay.   Anyway, when he was a kid it was the middle of the 1980s and they were still saying ‘shy’ or ‘withdrawn’ rather than ‘autistic’. He went to London with his mother to see a special screening of a new film he really loved. He must have won a competition or something, I think. Some of the details he can’t quite remember, but he thinks it must have been London they went to, and the film…! Well, the film is one of my all-time favourites, too. It’s a dark, mysterious fantasy movie. Every single frame is crammed with puppets and goblins. There are silly songs and a goblin king who wears clingy silver tights and who kidnaps a baby and this is what kickstarts the whole adventure.   It was ‘Labyrinth’, of course, and the star was David Bowie, and he was there to meet the children who had come to see this special screening.   ‘I met David Bowie once,’ was the thing that my friend said, that caught my attention.   ‘You did? When was this?’ I was amazed, and surprised, too, at the casual way he brought this revelation out. Almost anyone else I know would have told the tale a million times already.   He seemed surprised I would want to know, and he told me the whole thing, all out of order, and I eked the details out of him.   He told the story as if it was he’d been on an adventure back then, and he wasn’t quite allowed to tell the story. Like there was a pact, or a magic spell surrounding it. As if something profound and peculiar would occur if he broke the confidence.   It was thirty years ago and all us kids who’d loved Labyrinth then, and who still love it now, are all middle-aged. Saddest of all, the Goblin King is dead. Does the magic still exist?   I asked him what happened on his adventure.   ‘I was withdrawn, more withdrawn than the other kids. We all got a signed poster. Because I was so shy, they put me in a separate room, to one side, and so I got to meet him alone. He’d heard I was shy and it was his idea. He spent thirty minutes with me.   ‘He gave me this mask. This one. Look.   ‘He said: ‘This is an invisible mask, you see?   ‘He took it off his own face and looked around like he was scared and uncomfortable all of a sudden. He passed me his invisible mask. ‘Put it on,’ he told me. ‘It’s magic.’   ‘And so I did.   ‘Then he told me, ‘I always feel afraid, just the same as you. But I wear this mask every single day. And it doesn’t take the fear away, but it makes it feel a bit better. I feel brave enough then to face the whole world and all the people. And now you will, too.   ‘I sat there in his magic mask, looking through the eyes at David Bowie and it was true, I did feel better.   ‘Then I watched as he made another magic mask. He spun it out of thin air, out of nothing at all. He finished it and smiled and then he put it on. And he looked so relieved and pleased. He smiled at me.   ‘'Now we’ve both got invisible masks. We can both see through them perfectly well and no one would know we’re even wearing them,’ he said.   ‘So, I felt incredibly comfortable. It was the first time I felt safe in my whole life.   ‘It was magic. He was a wizard. He was a goblin king, grinning at me.   ‘I still keep the mask, of course. This is it, now. Look.’   I kept asking my friend questions, amazed by his story. I loved it and wanted all the details. How many other kids? Did they have puppets from the film there, as well? What was David Bowie wearing? I imagined him in his lilac suit from Live Aid. Or maybe he was dressed as the Goblin King in lacy ruffles and cobwebs and glitter.   What was the last thing he said to you, when you had to say goodbye?   ‘David Bowie said, ‘I’m always afraid as well. But this is how you can feel brave in the world.’ And then it was over. I’ve never forgotten it. And years later I cried when I heard he had passed.’   My friend was surprised I was delighted by this tale.   ‘The normal reaction is: that’s just a stupid story. Fancy believing in an invisible mask.’   But I do. I really believe in it.   And it’s the best story I’ve heard all year.

Paul Magrs (via yourfluffiestnightmare)

Reblog if you would date a robot. I'm not a robot I'm just asking for a friend. I have skin.

Not only is our local coffee shop hosting an 80s party, their website has a countdown timer for said party.

I have literally no idea how to parse this sentence. Was Ms. Pate a witch and also a ballet teacher? Did she teach modern witching and ballet? Or was the knife owned by three distinct people (Pate, then a witch, then a ballet teacher)?

An athame (ceremonial knife) that belonged to the late Brownie Pate, a modern witch and ballet teacher.

I never guessed that in my adulthood, I’d be relating to Calvin’s parents as much as I do in this comic.

Because damn … Calvin’s dad was so right.

Home Living with Maui

My stepson was talking about his day at daycare with his Maui figurine from Moana, where he was mostly playing "home living with Maui". And I can clearly imagine the spin-off show now: "Maui, demigod of hearth and home, hero to all housewives..."

Oh my Chuck this is accurate af