captainehren
The Captain's Log
I'm an all American mutt. I'm an artist/writer/musician/mad genius as well. I'm a Texas woman and proud of it. Don't expect much of anything out of this blog. I have no theme. I'm conservative. I'm Christian. I also have very passionate feelings about...
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This will probably be my last contribution to Dickbabs week just due to time constraints, but here’s my (late) day 5: injury.
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i’m so done with these two nerds i need to take a walk
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Can we still be friends?
It doesn’t have to end
And if it ends, can we be friends?
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Dick Grayson is the kind of person that would, when someone was blocking the door, blow out his air and squeeze past them, probably saying "queEEEZE" like he just took a swig of helium.
I’m not kidding when I say I laughed out loud just imaging Dick awkwardly side shuffling past one of his family members while sucking in his stomach saying “exsQUEEEEEEze me” and then he just carries on with his normal day to day life. He’s just THAT extra.
Bruce and Alfred are completely immune to it. Alfred just kind of steps aside and let’s Dick so his thing, mildly amused, but Bruce just kind of pretends it’s not happening. Carries on disassociating. They’ve dealt with Dick for too long to give a crap about the shit Dick does on a daily basis. Bruce has five kids and all of them have their quirks.
It drives Jason completely insane. The more time that Jason spends around the manor, the more it happens, and the more pissed Jason gets. Dick finds it funny and he’s pledged to never stop.
It doesn’t really happen to Cass, and Tim’s usually too sleep-deprived to do anything about it. But Damian HATES it. I mean, it probably happened so many times during Dick’s and Damian’s partnership that Damian learned to live with it, but he grew up believing that you asked someone to move or you MAKE them move. And Dick just kind of slides on by. It infuriates Damian.
Oh man, I love this. This is my new favorite headcanon. Thank you, anon.
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Damian: Father. Please revoke your ‘No profanity’ rule.
Bruce: Why?
Jason: *Somewhere in the manor* WELL THAT JUST DILLS MY PICKLE.
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“Come on, let’s go, patrol time, streets are waiting.”
Batman and Robin (2011) #38
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Imagine Bruce inviting Clark over to Wayne Manor and arriving to find the Bat kids in total chaos.
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i live for bruce being this like terrible force and a dark shadow and the scourge of the underworld but can’t get his kids to do fucking anything. like an hour ago a criminal was trembling before him and now damian won’t go to bed at a proper time and counting didn’t bloody work and now he’s out of tactics
stephanie still won’t keep to the meal plan he’s laid out for the batkids and unlike the others, who at least cheat in private, she takes great pride in bringing in a box of krispy kreme doughnuts and stuffing her face right in front of him
cass hears bruce’s orders to stop watching cutthroat kitchen on the batcomputer but just does a face and turns straight back around and plays the rest of the episode
tim ‘i’ve told you to tidy your bedroom eight times now I’LL DO IT LATER GOD’ drake
dick and his habit of hanging from the rafters despite bruce’s insistence that they’re old and antiques and he shouldn’t do it, dick just ‘alot of stuff in his house is old and it’s still standing’ whilst giving bruce a too pointed look
jason and …….. well anything
bruce in a meeting with the justice league, standing over them as a dark and commanding leader and then just his phone ringing and he has to immediately try and calm down duke and damian before they fight each other again and he’s trying everything and just hears a loud yelp on the other end and has to sit down w/ his head in his hands like ‘why are they always like this’
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Things I associate the Batfam with:
Bruce: *internal screaming* and Adoption Papers
Alfred: The Sassy Eyebrow Raise™
Dick: Puns n’ Secret Sadness
Jason: yeET
Tim: Near Death Coffee Experience
Damian: Veggie Burgers and Massacre
Barbra: Under the Glasses Nose Pinch
Stephanie: 107% DONE
Cass: Doesn’t Deserve This Shit
Duke: *panicked screaming*
Harper: Really Really Loud Sighing
Kate: Squinty Glare
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for @bat-clan, who suggested a fantastic pose for these two XD
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You can’t tell me that when Batman sees children and teenagers and young adults who have been murdered–because it’s Gotham, all horrendous and unspeakable things happen in Gotham–dead children and teenagers and young adults with eyes that are too blue or green or brown, or hair that’s a shade of black or blond or red that he knows all too well, or skin that’s tanned, or a frame that’s too small, too skinny, too familiar–
You can’t tell me that Bruce Wayne wouldn’t go home and find his children asleep and safe and warm, or go home and call them as soon as he gets out of his suit. You can’t tell me that he wouldn’t wake them up or call them over the phone at three in the morning just to hear their voice, just to make sure that they’re okay. You can’t tell me that he wouldn’t run a hand through their hair, squeeze their shoulder, touch their arm just to make sure that he’s not dreaming, that they’re really there.
You can’t tell me that Bruce Wayne wouldn’t see those murdered children and teenagers and young adults and panic, because what if he was too late again? what if he failed them all over again, what if he couldn’t make it to save them when that was the only promise he ever made them?
You can’t tell me that Bruce Wayne wouldn’t feel his heart shatter, his whole world crumble because what if he had broken his promise? What if he had broken his promise again?
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my absolute favorite thing about richard “dick” grayson, hands down, is the fact that he always insists to be called dick. in every version of him, every show every movie every game, he’s like “yeah my name is dick”
like this isnt the 1940s anymore. its 2017 and everyone snickers when they figure out his name is dick but he genuinely doesnt care. this boy is in the era where dick jokes are at its peak and he still looks at everyone w/ the straightest poker face like “call me dick”
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the Batfamily in the McDonalds Drive Thru
it would be a fucking mess. Picture them, crammed into the back of some luxury minivan Bruce picked up:
Damian, cranky, in the backseat. “I don’t understand why we have to consume processed fats, it’s horrendously unhealthy.”
Tim: “Your face is horrendously unhealthy. Also, Bruce, can I get like, three frappes?”
Dick: “Can I have a happy meal?”
Jason: “You’re literally 25. Why the hell do you want a kid’s meal?”
Dick: “Some of us want to remember our childhoods–oh. Oh, Jay, I didn’t mea–”
Jason: “No, no, no. Continue. You were gonna say some of us want to remember our childhoods, right? Well mine was cut short on account of me dying–”
Tim: “Damian, give it back!”
Damian: “It’s a pen, what use do you have for it?”
Tim: “It’s not a pen, it’s a laser box cutter!”
Stephanie: “When did you have time to make a laser box cutter?”
Tim: “Last night–”
Stephanie: “You told me you went to bed.”
Tim: “I did say that, didn’t I?”
Cassandra: “I would like apple slices, please.”
Bruce: *turns to Alfred with wide eyes*
Bruce: “Everyone’s getting chicken nuggets. I don’t care if they complain. Hello? Yes? 17 6-piece chicken nugget meals please. Yes, I’m serious, 17–”
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I remember a post about Dick swearing but do the others do that? Jason swears a lot in fanon but I don't recall him or timmy swearing in canon. Damian says "damn" in son of batman, what else?
Okie dokie here is Shelly’s post about Dick swearing, and here is a Jason comparison. So I’m gonna limit myself to the younger three Robins.
Bear in mind that this isn’t even close to a complete list– it’s mostly pulls from the series that I’ve recently reread (Red Robin, Batgirl (2009), both Batman and Robins, Batman Eternal) plus whatever panels I already had on file. Here we go!
Alrighty so I find that pretty much every member of the batfamily uses “damn” and “hell” often. Here’s Tim with
assorted hells
couple damns
And my personal favorite: “I am so screwed,” when he realized Ra’s was watching him.
I also noticed that Tim is more likely than the others to use fake swears like these
Freaking, darn, and nuts. All in all? Pretty lowkey. Steph on the other hand:
Lots of variations on ass
One bitch and a few damns
Two screwed, couple hells
And a single fuck. Interestingly enough, Steph might have the highest swear rate. I stopped screenshotting after a while because there were so many.
Also:
Lots and lots of craps.
And Damian varies a ton by writer. In his very earliest appearance you get
(Side note: Alfred’s response to that is something like “ah, memory lane” while he glares at Bruce, so I’m guessing Bruce was a mouthy kid too)
Weirdly enough I couldn’t find a single Damian swear in the first section of the preboot B&R series. But as soon as it switches over to Tomasi, we’re back in business.
Lots of hells, three asses
Couple damns and two bastards.
And there you have it
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I love how chill all the bats are with their villain regulars. You know what I bet is a thing? Batkids being so done with Bruce’s bullshit that they snitch to the villains, and then Bruce gets told off by literally everybody he knows.
“Batman, I am a trained psychiatrist, and I’ll have you know that you are screwing them up like seriously how dare you??”
“Riddle me this! You know who I saw today? Nightwing! IMAGINE THAT.”
“Looks like I’m not the only no-good, two-faced, double-crossing, secret-keeping bastard around here after all!”
“You know, maybe I do occasionally encase this entire city in ice, but AT LEAST I’M LOOKING OUT FOR MY FAMILY.”
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