I can bare my hardships i can display trauma for you to see but can i show the most fragile parts of me who havent seen the light for what seems to be an eternity?

I think ive known you longer than we both may realize but i also feel a connection with the static the come before a storm. A pressure change as drastic as a new star forcing its way violently into existence. I feel the unknown expansion of the universe. When i get to talk to you its like im so familliar i couldnt forget yet so new and terrifying feeling that festers. Causing the second guessing because ive known you several times over but i dont know this version of you.

im scared of being like either of my parents. one is a love sick fool and the other is a drunk who never got to be happy. i see them in myself. its funny that i look like my dad and despite not being raised with him it turned out that... i am a lot like him. like it's infused in my dna just like my moms wrath and anger. it sucks. i have both of their bad sides. i got the worst of their traits. i wish i didn't exist like this. i wish i could be fixed and i wish i could tear out my dads tired eyes from my face. i wish i could pull my teeth out as i feel the need to bite away all of the anger and fear my mom has instilled in her.

its funny becasue when they die i and going to be the one to plan their funerals. my mom expects me to care for her and my dad told me he didnt trust anyone else to plan for the funeral. it sucks. I am not the oldest. i am my dads youngest and i am my moms youngest middle despite me only being raised with my baby brother.

i regret my parents choice in keeping me. i shouldnt exist but here i am and i cant stop crying as they both abandoned me. and even now i still look and act like them.

some of u aren’t carrying a constant yearning for love that consumes u and that must be nice

Love is many things but it is also an agreement where both parties state their needs, their expectations, their limits. Both must be honest with each other and themselves, and go in with eyes wide open. Things must be talked out loud, and not assumed. Hurts must not be allowed to fester and anything that bothers or upsets you must be brought out to the light even if it is difficult. Communication must always remain open and vibrant for change is inevitable and these conversations must be had constantly. If there comes a time you cannot come to an understanding then please part before bitterness and hurt take over and obliterate every good memory from both of your hearts. Love is an agreement, a pact, a promise, something that must be held in reverence and honored by those involved. 

e.v.e.

💯 🤣

unfortunately for the both of us, i really like you

The only reason why I believe in love is because of the way I love.

.if

I want to be disgustingly raw to where you see my bones and the horrors it took to make someone like me i want to peel my skin away so someone might see

I am not pure

I am not good

I am the monster i was made into but by no means does this make me bad

The body of a human and wold crushed together tightly knit as my teeth gnash and my voice distorted.

Who could ever know a creature like me.

I could really drown myself rn lol. Just fall asleep in the bath like old times right

Sally Wen Mao, from "The Peony Pavilion"