Did you know? Tumblr DOES have a post length limit. Strangely, though, it's based on how many blocks of text you have. Supposedly this implies that you can have any length post so long as it's one block of text? Very strange, will have to investigate further.

literally this

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

we diagnose you with a creeping sense of alienation forever. incurable

when doctors ask if i have any history of cancer in my family and i have to say that yes my grandmother had 2 types of gastrointestinal cancer and they're like oh wow okay so we'll keep an eye out for that but i'm like no it was probably just all the nuclear radiation and they're like ok hm ok what the fuck do you mean and it's very weird seeing the look on american doctors' faces when you have to explain to them that believe it or not atomic bombs were dropped on this earth 2 generations ago and it did have consequences

Whoever invented "open in app" links that redirect you to the app store instead of actually opening the app even when you already have the app installed on your phone should be involuntarily turned into a beanbag chair

I got too excited while playing chess and told my opponent that I was going to slit his throat and slaughter him like a hog. something to work on for next time