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so not to be dramatic but
I was the sickest I've ever been in my life these past 2 weeks, had to get IV fluids and ate practically nothing (lost 10 pounds) for most of the time as some nasty virus was forcing me to essentially reinvent the entire concept of homeostasis. The beauty of VDJ recombination (essentially the trial and error process that our immune system undergoes to figure out how to fight off pathogens) has been working overtime and I am finally finally on the mend now, but wow. I actually felt like my entire body had been pulled inside out multiple times and then thrown in a dryer for infinity. I've always been someone who gets sick super easily, but I think this episode woke me up to realize that there may be some sort of deficiency that really needs to change.
Best of luck everyone for the rest of the season! Stay safe out there... you're always young and healthy, until you're not </3
I am slowly re-introducing solid food back into my diet and trying to figure out how to hop back into exercise. Whenever I make a full recovery, I am so so excited to be back doing the sweatiest, grimiest, nastiest circuit training - I found an amazing studio that checks off all my boxes and so excited to share my journey with them <3
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POST WINTER BREAK WE HAVE BREATHED WE HAVE RESTED WE ARE READY FOR 2024
I GUESS I'M SLOW BUT SLOW AND STEADY STILL WINS SO I'M TRYING NOT TO BEAT MYSELF UP OVER IT
SLOW IN THE SENSE OF NOT ONLY AS A STUDENT OF MEDICINE BUT ALSO A STUDENT OF #LIFE LMFAO
HERE ARE MY TIME SAVING, JOY SPARKING WELLNESS LESSONS/REMINDERS FOR MYSELF AT THIS TIME THAT I WANTED TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE:
I cannot express how LAUGHABLE of a venture it was to expect myself to ever reasonably keep up with essentially a 6 days/week workout routine in the midst of the biggest life transition I'm experiencing thus far. This semester we are focusing on fitting in a 1 hour session only 2-3x/week, that hits both strength training AND cardio - the name of the game is efficiency!!! Aerobic, weight-bearing, heart-rate elevating, fat-burning, full body, FUNCTIONAL, ATHLETIC. I'm accepting that certain other goals (e.g. flexibility) will have to take a backseat for the time being. It's looking like a lot of HIIT, double compounds (e.g. squat to shoulder press), minimal equipment ->
I'm done with waiting in lines for popular machines!!! WHO HAS THE TIME!!! I've also learned the value of simplifying your needs as much as possible the so that your ability to stay consistent with your workouts is not limited to exclusive, fancy equipment that ties you down to a particular studio/gym e.g. kind of a meme but I got so used to the hip thrust machine at my giant suburban gym just to basically never see it again. I PRAY for the day I am able to rely on body weight calisthenics alone, but until then, there's so much magic in a bare-bones bench + dumbbells gym, and almost everywhere you go will have that
on that note, a lot of solidcore moves can be done with sliding discs, youre welcome
for the first time in an extremely long time, one of my primary goals this time around is actually weight loss - there's a whole lot more I can say about this but for now, one of the primary reasons is the fact that I will be in Korea for the first time ever this summer ifykyk lol. but starvation is never the means nor the ends, especially given how much GLUCOSE my brain requires during these long days. I'm approaching this as a fun challenge to see how I can be the most efficient (time and money) with my fuel
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SUBPOST!!! HOW TO MAKE SALADS LESS OF A CHORE THANK ME LATER
->BUY A LARGE PLASTIC BOWL WITH A LID!! EZ TO CLEAN EZ TO SHAKE/MIX EZ TO CLEAN BC LIGHTWEIGHT
->ROMAINE (CRUNCH + FLAVORLESS) + KALE (SOFT + EARTHY) IS THE BEST LEAST BORING GREENS COMBO THATLL DELAY TEXTURAL DISINTEREST
->TRY NOODLES AS UR CARB INSTEAD OF QUINOA OR RICE BC COLD NOODLES > COLD OTHERS
->USE LITERALLY JUST ACID (LEMON OR LIME JUICE) AS UR DRESSING AND ADD HERBS/SEASONINGS/NUT BUTTERS (THINNED OUT) SEPARATELY DIRECTLY INTO THE BOWL!!!! IT ADDS THE DEPTH OF FLAVOR BUT FEELS LESS HEAVY AND ALSO LESS DISHES BC U DONT NEED TO FKN MIX UR DRESSING IN A SEPARATE CONTAINER AND IT GET IT ALL GREASY FROM OILS AND ALWAYS HAVE LEFT OVER AND NEVER USE THE LEFTOVER ASFDIAHSDFLKH
-> VIDALIA CHOP WIZARD/-ESQUE TOOLS
GL I HOPE U ARE ABLE TO EAT MORE VEGGIES THIS YEAR!!!!!
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snack hunt saga:
the biggest revelation = The Only Bean Edamame Beans, they have a 11g protein :110cal ratio (same ratio as those pure protein bars) and go down wayyy better bc it's real food and not processed powder (I'm still learning to tolerate protein powder). They come individually packed too so SO good for on the go!!!!
I've been liking TJ's flavored cashews too - not the best macro profile (like all nuts) but are so easy to pack for a study session and don't go bad quickly
MEDJOOL DATES every once in a while i remember again that nuggets of heaven exist and are so filling so quickly
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While washing my favorite fruit, concord grapes, this afternoon - likely my last batch of the season - I noticed something peculiar for the first time in all my years of enjoying them. Grapes grow in clusters from the same vine and these clusters more or less stay intact throughout their journey of being harvested, transported, picked for quality assurance, packaged, transported again, and sold in grocery store portions, through extreme fluctuations in temperature, moisture and handling. So much so that they are nearly unrecognizable as isolated units - in more occasions than I can remember to count, I've packed them for my lunch in my tupperware picked off from their branches for ease of consumption, only for people to marvel at how I seem to have found the biggest blueberries they've ever seen.
Today's batch is from a box my beautiful parents delivered to me nearly a week ago, that I only just found the time to open today. After inspecting past the dusty grime and some spiderwebs perhaps (I don't mind the effort it takes to clean these away - these days as a city-dweller, I grasp onto any reminders of basic earth) that soiled the surfaces, I wasn't surprised to find a bit of mold tracing a number of bud scars as I hadn't opened the case at its freshest. The observation of note: almost all of the moldy few were the ones that had been detached from their cluster communities while their neighbors held on strongly to the vine, unscathed.
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Good morning
I just got 8 hrs of sleep last night, ate a warm macro rich breakfast, am drinking my coconut water (recent blood test told me I need to work on my potassium), and I have about a good hour and a half until I have to go to class.
After class I'm going to drive home and reward myself with a meal I've been craving from the county (kung pao tofu from china wok) for several weeks and have Matthew try it too for the first time! Then I'm going to go greet his parents and his cat for the first time in a very long time. Then I'm going to my childhood home and get work done in my dining room and eat dinner with my mom and pick up the halloween costumes I had sent to the house and take a nice walk in my very safe, very clean, very deciduous neighborhood and hopefully run into several dogs. I might listen to the newest ologies (10/10 recommend btw, coming from someone who doesn't like podcasts) episode on pumpkins to embrace the autumnal season because the one on apples (interviewee was a cornell agsci prof) distorted my entire space time continuum in the best way possible, or I might shuffle my liked playlist, or I might choose to listen to the sounds of the streets in silence. whatever I choose, I'll be ecstatic about de-rusting my hip flexors and lower back after a weeks-long stretch of sitting. I'll take a nice long shower, hug mom goodbye, and drive back in the evening 🫶
So much has happened (as it does) this past month - my heart's been heavy for the world, my post bac community, and my current day community in more ways than one, and constantly getting sick during the last block of my first course had me in a very toxic, very cyclical state of mind as I stayed holed up in my room wishing time could stop just for a second, just maybe once.
I'm (physiologically) much better now, my last P/F exam - which, thanks to all the religious people around me, I did more than well enough on - is behind me at last, and my life is oozing with privilege as always. Today is one of those days I've woken up feeling more cognizant of that truth. I'm hoping to capture this mindfulness, put it in my pocket, and carry it with me for as long as I can during this next block.
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Recent grub that has nourished me physically and mentally. While putting this together I realized I am essentially 85% rice...
🏡 Top row, home goodies: mom’s beautiful bibimbap vegetables and cucumber kimchi, including my all-time favorite gosari namul (fern); the most comforting greens soup with rice; homemade mango sticky rice which was exceptionally easy to make after having nearly 5 cups of rice leftovers from a chuseok potluck.
🏥 Middle row, hospital goodies: harvest bowl buffet at the dining hall; a poke bowl with inari AND soft tofu + beets, an up and coming regular in my veg rotation; a bowl from one of the many many halal carts stationed around campus. I swear by this one particular guy - his rice is so saffrony and rich, he uses some sort of sweetly/cinnamon spiced tahini sauce, and his falafel portioning is so generous.
🌆 Bottom row, city goodies: on the hunt to find my favorite panang curry in town. Nothing has beat my favorite that I’ve had in Ithaca but this one was more than sufficient on a very drunken night; a chipotle-style burrito bowl place near the school offers grilled pineapple and cacti (nopales) as add-ons and overall has extremely fresh veggies, absolutely insane; last but not least the best vegan pho I’ve ever had - intensely flavorful broth and a good portion of tofu and veggies that comes with.
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Like clockwork, I always manage to come down with some sort of respiratory illness every February and September ish; this time around however my body has endured some weird PMS, GI, and UO (my attempt to spare those in my circle who are not in medicine and do not have the same TMI-threshold) symptoms all month and starting Sunday I've been dealing with a feverish, achy kind of malaise with a nonexistent appetite for food or water. Not the strongest comeback after a month of an intense anxiety/adrenaline high (my second exam of the year was hell in ways I won't bore anyone with), but I am grateful for remote access to my education in the meantime 🙏 I just hope I'm able to not mess up my sleep schedule too much, considering I knocked out for hours in the early evening today and find myself writing this at 3am.
To state the obvious and expected: school has been exceedingly difficult. Not necessarily in a bad way though, at least all the time? I am constantly flipping between resentment towards the unreasonable pacing of a medical school education and feeling blessed and willing to probe about everything I learn about**; there's no shortage of academic and even existential enrichment these days, and as a kid who never took school as seriously as they probably should have, I'm holding on tightly to the opportunity to prove to myself that I can be the intellectually curious human I've always wanted to be. In short, these days have been an extension of last year - the arduous yet rewarding process of learning, period; about cells, the trajectory of an organic molecule in our livers, the phenotypical presentations of certain enzyme deficiencies, and the hardest one as of late - about how to maintain my sanity while being tested over and over again.
As I've been carrying the weight of this mental load, movement (in any form) has unfortunately been largely on the back burner. I'm hoping to never have to go a full week without at least fitting in some maintenance weight lifting, if not progressive overloading, but being sick this week might get in the way. The good news is I think I've nailed down a daily routine that I can start sticking to once I'm back in person?? I have one more true P/F exam before I'll start being tier graded (honors/high P/P/F), so the pressure is on to really figure out my strategies this time.
Godspeed to everyone working towards a time sensitive, stress inducing, energy draining or fate controlling project/goal/milestone right now - we're all in this together <3
10 things that have kept me nourished recently (I love fall):
CONCORD GRAPE SEASON YAAAAAAA (pictured above - NOT JUMBO BLUEBERRIES tho I have a soft spot for all fruits ofc)
Peanut butter chocolate chip larabars; I have adam tcharni to thank for introducing me to these
a ton of veggie-saturated japchae, porridge, and japanese curry courtesy of my mom but all very simple dishes to cook up as well if anybody needs meal inspo
finding this chocolate and miso banana bread recipe and making plans to bake it w a friend this weekend
planning a mid-autumn/chuseok potluck for this weekend to celebrate w my fellow asian american classmates! excited to gather and bool
The healthy minds (thank you ryan) and balance apps - both have built-in gameifying features that encourage a regimented approach to meditation in the same way that a lot of fitness apps do
seeing matthew's decorated spooky apt and watching season 4 of love is blind together as a mental pacifier before bed
deep cleaning/sanitizing my own apt
finding a volunteer opportunity for a trick or treat program the school hosts for the city kids
A very long but very needed talk with my brother who imparted tons of his invaluable wisdom
**Our existence is made up of long ass codes, created by strings of sugar, phosphate, and nitrogen-rich molecules. These codes are used to make proteins. But where the hell, then, does sentience come from??
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First med school exam out of the way!
WOW did I get humbled quickly. The good news is that I've been through enough now that I trust myself to learn from this and maintain a growth mindset. I have the best support system I could possibly ask for behind me including the academic advisor who I will likely end up meeting very regularly until I find my footing.
Matt has somehow managed to impress me more and more at every step of this journey so far and this past block is no exception; now that I'm going through exactly what he did last year I'm able to contextualize the extent of his academic skills even more. This has been both good and bad - while a straight-honors partner is basically a free tutor who will unconditionally support me, it also stings to be able to watch him accomplish more than I could ever fathom in the same amount of time it takes me to crawl - quite a strange phenomenon considering that we haven't been classmates for 8ish years now. Overall though, I still find it beautiful that I was running in circles for a bit to eventually end up in his wheelhouse. It's saved me what I imagine could be hours of long, painful discussions about quality time and life's priorities; some things don't have to be explained, and in a time where even a single hour seems to slip by faster than ever before I appreciate that (and him) very much <3
For more physio updates - someone plz yell at me to do my goddamn PT stretches. I'm supposed to be doing most of them every day but...please see above, they are so AWKWARD and I cannot be caught dead doing these at the gym so I always tell myself I will do them when I get home but then the momentum is broken and I just ... don't. Another exercise (not shown here) isn't as awkward but just takes so much goddamn time (2 sets of 20 reps, each rep being 10 seconds) and in total the bit takes 30 min. Another one is a unilateral shoulder stretch aimed at correcting my upper body asymmetry but I've noticed that it makes it easier to pull some fibers in my lats and fucks up my upper body days so I've just been refraining from doing them 🤡 But I don't get to see my PT til Sep 12 to talk about all these notes!! RIP
On the flip, I've been really enjoying my leg days after not being allowed to do them pretty much all of last year. I'm up to about 135% of my body weight on the leg press (though I use the cable one, so who knows how accurate those numbers are) and working on unilaterals to strengthen stability muscles. Something went wrong the other day, likely on the abductor machine ?? , that left me with a 3 day long stretch of perineal pain I've never experienced before, so I'm trying to be careful to not go crazy til failure like I did prior to the back pain.
COMFORT ZONE STORY I wanted to do sprints one Friday evening when I expected nobody to be at the gym. I was wearing an extremely oversized Tshirt (as I do) unfit for sprints and had planned to take it off once I got there. THE THING IS we have an elevated running track above the courts where everybody can see everyone, from above or below, and on this fateful day a group of no less than 20 of my male classmates were playing basketball in clear view D: I debated during my warm up jog if it would be dumber to run half naked in front of them or to let their presence stop me from doing what I showed up to do, decided that it was the latter, and worked out in just my sports bra for the first time in public??? And now there's really nothing to hide? Cannot stress enough how momentous this given my intense body dysmorphic tendencies :')
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Status -
I've been experimenting a ton since classes started last week with all things routine and studying. Attending lecture, not attending and watching recordings, taking notes, making anki decks, using pre-made decks, trying different spaces (to the surprise of no one, I CANNOT stay at home alone bc I will doom scroll), working out right after mandatory commitments (noon), working out at night, working out before dinner time, eating a filling breakfast, eating just a protein shake for breakfast, snacking, etc. The good news - this first anatomy block is so cool that I've been able to rely on intrinsic motivation alone to keep myself moving. The bad news - after my anatomy exam at the end of next week, we're moving into more foundations material aka PREMED content like biochem and genetics 😵💫 While I hope and do anticipate that things will be reframed more pertinently this time, it will be extremely important for me to have a routine down so I don't accidentally waste 5 hrs one day, so let's hope I nail this in the coming days.
Today I had a really great (read: pushed more weight than usual) lower body workout right after class which immediately boosted my mood, self esteem, and energy despite the suboptimal amount of sleep I got last night. These days are rare because leg days feel so foreign to me ever since my injury/PT journey started. Reminded me briefly of why I started lifting in the first place :') I had been feeling intense gym anxiety prior to starting school but now that it's been a regular thing, I feel so much more settled despite consistently running into several of my male classmates (I even worked in a quad/hammy superset w one of them today lol) and I'm v proud of myself for that bc imposter syndrome goes harddd as someone who was never an athlete
I'm on the hunt for no-bake/easy & cheap & micronutrient-rich & plant-based PROTEIN SNACKS (now that I type all of that out, I realize I am truly asking for a lot lmao)!! My favorite this week has been silken tofu straight from the container w scallions, toasted sesame seeds, fly by jing chili oil and a lilllllll soy sauce for depth of flavor. It's so summery and light but satiating and takes mere seconds to whip up. Dare I call it a savory cheesecake?
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Have you ever disliked 2 different things and then changed your mind when you tried them at the same time?
Karisa disliked matcha and lavender until I insisted that she try the bun shop's matcha latte with a pump of lavender syrup. For me, I never particularly liked kimchi or Japanese curry until I decided one day to combine the two in sharply acidic and salty, yet creamy and flavorful harmony. Once I finally noticed that one brought out the best parts of the other, I was able to better recognize their individual strengths and contributions elsewhere.
I've rarely been a fan of school during my life. Not learning itself, but one-size-fits-all pedagogy and the transactional nature of my relationships with my educators. Learning the hard way this past year that I have some major attention deficits, whether or not they are formally pathological doesn't matter, was a liberating process and yet threw me into the most extreme identity crisis to date (who knew I could top atheism and bisexuality?). While things could have ended worse, I definitely retreated further once I was made aware of this revelation, and being forced to spend hours every day among exceptionally bright and intellectually curious people while merely trying to keep my head above water left me working overtime to preserve any self-love I still had.
One more thing that's always scared me - blood, visceral organs, and in general - seeing things I feel like I shouldn't be seeing. Matthew has slowly and gently converted me to liking horror films but even within the genre of gore, I strongly prefer story lines whose focus is on psychological horror like Ari Aster's. In elementary school, I always believed that wanting to become a doctor required no explanation; striving towards the humane consequences of a doctor's heroism, rather than the heroism itself, has always been self-explanatory to me so much so that I still struggle to explain to people why I want to be a doctor. One of the very few reasons that kept me from pursuing this path until recently was said gore. How would I ever be able to manage violations of such a purely evolutionary fear?
Three days ago I was nearly a full forearm deep into a deceased patient's thorax. To get to that point, my lab partners and I had to use real surgical instruments to cut through layers of skin, tissue, bone, cartilage, vessels, LUNGS, and pericardium. If only I was allowed to use my nauseatingly expensive camera to document this surreal experience. While my first incision required some fortitude, somehow, eventually, both school and the act of holding a human heart in my hands became a reason to wake up in the morning.
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Posting this check in to let the fans (lol) know that I am alive and well. Did I spend way too long trying to figure out how to turn a video into a gif? Maybe. But I needed to immortalize that steam to illustrate the vibes on this fine Friday night. Picture this: you just finished your first week of medical school. School is tough, but you were sufficiently warned, and unlike at the start of your post-bacc, you know yourself, your tendencies, and your values more intimately than ever before. Your anatomy professor is one of the best the field has ever seen and you are having so much fun exploring and learning about the marvel that is the human body. For once, studying feels like a privilege rather than a chore. It's 8pm and you're trying the Trader Joe's tteokbokki for the first time and decided to mix in some mushrooms, onions, carrots, tofu, and sesame seeds for extra nourishment. In a bit, you will shower off the formaldehyde from cadaver lab earlier this afternoon and go to a pregame where you don't really know anyone. Who knows how it'll go? It might be a bust, but you also might meet your next best friend. The warm and fuzzy feelings may fade sooner rather than later as things start picking up before your first exam during the end of week 3, but for now, everything just... feels right.
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Sometimes you’re so focused on the future that you don’t realise you’re in the middle of exactly what you used to pray for.
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i need to fact check this with reliable sources but everything looks right just from the top of my head!
Vitamin Cheat Sheet
Vitamin B2 + B3 = energy
Vitamin B7 = hair and nails
Vitamin B12 = blood health
Folate = supports liver detox
Vitamin C = master antioxidant
Vitamin B1 = metabolism/stress
Vitamin A = eye + liver + immunity
Vitamin B5 + B6 = neurotransmitters
Vitamin D = immunity & sex hormones
Vitamin E = antioxidant
Vitamin K2 = arteries & bone health
Mineral Cheat Sheet
Chromium = blood sugar
Iron = oxygen transporter
Copper = iron metabolism
Iodine = thyroid hormones
Magnesium = sleep/anxiety
Manganese = sugar metabolism
Selenium = mitochondria (energy)
Zinc = immunity/testosterone/skin
Calcium + Phosphorus = Bone health
Boron = hormones/metabolism
Potassium/Sodium = heart health
Molybdenum = iron metabolism/Detox
BONUS nutrients
Inositol = brain health
Alpha-Lipoic Acid = antioxidant
Carnitine + CoQ10 = mitochondrial energy
Choline = acetylcholine (memory & muscle movement) #TheMoreYouKnow ✌🏾
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My original relationship with protein started as a too-much-of-a-good-thing-is-bad-for-you type deal (most americans overeat period, including protein) due to mindless eating behaviors and then the instant gratification from buffet-style dining halls in college. I overcorrected for this during my stint with uncompromising veganism, leading me to experience a host of maladaptive symptoms (a story on its own for another time) and recognizing that I should probably do something about that, and then I met a very careless personal trainer who told me that I would not, in fact, ever be able to accomplish my muscle mass goals as a vegan. I promptly ate my first bite of salmon in over a year that afternoon, which was the beginning of the end of whatever sort of metabolic regulation my body had maintained up until then (rip). My post-grad year in Ithaca was a long year of on-and-off veganism until I finally realized my gut microbiome had put its foot down to violently tell me that it doesn't like animal protein. I say all of this to illustrate the extremes that I had put myself through over the past few years. This past post bac year was definitely more stable in this regard, sure, but much worse in other ways, so who's to say that it was a W in the grand scheme of things?
I resisted protein powder for the longest time, more than anything else. Because I've always been in constant flux with nourishing my body enough or too much, I never found a regular way to incorporate it into my diet. This and, more significantly, the mental gymnastics I had to perform; the way people glorified this extremely processed product in the name of fitness always rang a bit paradoxical to me. The vegan diet dogma taught me many things, good and bad, but one of the good was that humans are mostly meant to consume whole foods - all of the fiber, starch, and micronutrients that are packaged alongside the fleshy, chewy highlights of, for example, a single kernel of corn, as opposed to just its sugar molecules that are granted an engineered shortcut to our brain (looking at HFCS). I had ingrained in my head that practicing balance and variety would sort most things out naturally, and to betray that principle with a mysterious powder often accused of heavy metal contamination definitely came with mental barriers. On top of that, THE SHIT ALWAYS TASTED AWFUL. There is a lot of sacrifice and discipline that comes with the process of improving your fitness, but goddamn, taking away the joy of eating feels criminal and like a slippery slope to some disordered eating, which plenty of "fit people" have problems with anyway.
I still stand by these criticisms. In an ideal world, everybody would be handed the perfect variation of fruits and vegetables and legumes and spices that comes with not too much but also not too little protein composition, which they would choose to cook up at their leisure by listening to their finely-tuned hunger cues and anabolic windows, set by efficient metabolic systems and pristine hormonal regulation. In this world, everyone would agree with my criticisms and nobody would bat an eye at the at-times-questionable food science invention that is protein powder. But over the years I've truly sat with the pressure that humans are facing in their every day lives - impossibly paced schedules that require us to compensate for sleep deprivation with caffeine and for-profit food systems that pump out cheaply-produced junk with empty calories, just to name a few. My luxury when studying nutrition for the first time in 2020 was existing as a student in a socioeconomic bracket that allowed me to practically live in this ideal world until the world began to open up again slowly. Today, three years later, I've practically flipped the circumstances by pursuing arguably one of the most demanding career paths I possibly could have chosen. My nutrition will on many days be completely out of my hands, along with most things. I guess for the time being, a processed powder incorporated into my regular routine gives me the reassurance that, at the very least, I'm hitting my macros for the day. One less thing to think about.
I was shocked to find out that the one I finally settled on was nearly unanimously hated for how bad it tastes, when I thought for once, it tasted like normal food with no weird ass aftertaste. I try to drink a protein shake once a day using the naked pea - i love it because it's void of the classic sugar alternatives/preservatives that a lot of other powders have. I'm not necessarily opposed to consuming such things in moderation but given that in a good week I'm drinking this every day, I thought it was important to keep it as natural as possible. Although there is some discrepancy because of their sodium levels apparently due to their filtration process or something similar...will have to look into that more when I have more bandwidth. Based on what I know as of now, it's the most cost efficient, natural, and best tasting (clearly subjective) option in the market today. When I drink it with just milk and 2 scoops of PB2, it's vaguely similar to the misugaru latte, a drink my grandma used to make for me when I was a weeee little baby still living in buff. Perhaps this nostalgic touch is just enough to let me tolerate an otherwise admittedly bitter flavor (though honestly, I'd prefer this than ghost which might taste better but has just as much sugar as a candy bar. If I wanted proteinless calories - which I often do - I would much rather commit to indulging and just eat the candy bar).
I'm hoping to regulate my eating schedule a little bit more by the time school starts so I don't have to really think about it during the inevitably busy days to come and so I can fit in these extra grams of protein on a daily basis. I've often felt too full this summer to squeeze in a drink - which, with everything ideally included, ends being 300 calories - pretty heavy and filling considering 1 cup of fruit juice is ~100 and already feels like too much sometimes after a satiating meal. It's too soon to tell if's had any impact on my athletic performance/progress, so tbd :)
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Sean, my new PT
I saw a sports medicine doc back in the spring for my lower back pain, which has persisted since April 2022 despite ample rest, medication, 4 months of physical therapy, all kinds of exercises, and plenty of copays. This doc was amazing - so much so that I am now considering going into the specialty despite never having given it a second thought prior. Her treatment plan essentially boiled down to having me try working with a new PT, someone on her team with lots of experience with athletes in my age group and spine/hip pathology in particular. I finally had my first appointment with him today after booking it right after my MCAT (I know I'm generally healthy and in no place to complain on my own behalf but seriously smh @ our healthcare system bc patients always have to wait forever to be seen).
I love physical therapists, and in general, the study of physical therapy and kinesiology. For reasons similar to why I fell in love with yoga, I am consistently amazed by how such seemingly subtle stretches, movements, and form adjustments can make a world of difference in someone's pain or mobility, and how people I've met for mere minutes can tell me things about my own body that I've never known despite being the sentient soul living inside of it. I remember meeting Marcus (a personal trainer I got one free session with at my gym) and Kim (my physical therapist from Oct-Jan) and feeling stunned by how quickly they were able to catch on to my left hip instability. Today, Sean took my awe to the next level, and I knew he'd be different when the first thing he told me was that he could tell I was left-handed simply from the way that I walk.
He spent a solid hour and a half on his physical exam + teaching me about the how and the why my spine, sacrum, and - news to me - shoulder and cervical have been doing tons of compensatory work (possibly to restore equilibrium from my wack vestibular system. tbd on that) to, at the end of the day, protect me from collapsing, which in my case has resulted in a chronically stiff lumbar region. Yes, my unconditioned glutes, hamstrings, and core may be subject to improvement, but that fact alone can't explain the chronic pain, because if that were the only reason - wouldn't everybody on earth be feeling the same way? For the first time since onset, everything finally made sense. His clinical reasoning took into account all of my unique presentations and deficits, which was extraordinarily appreciated, because up until today I was only ever treated like a generic back pain patient.
E.g. My left hip is unstable when I squat. But why? Unlike the "general weakness" conclusion that I was fed since learning how to do compound lifts, so much clicked for me today when Sean said, yes, the left gives out first - but because the right hip flexor is severely tight, likely from the compensatory work that my spine has been teaching it to do. We did a series of stretches and adjustments together to try and loosen up my hip joint. I felt no different sensation afterwards, but when I tried squatting again - like magic, my left hip didn't give out nearly as much as before. The video evidence proved to me everything I needed to know. I scheduled another appointment with him about a month from now (because I will not realistically have to time or money to drive 30 min away on a weekly basis while I'm in school, also I never understood why I was seeing my other PT weekly because how much progress can I really make in a week?) and he gave me a program to follow until then. I plan on committing to it religiously.
Now that it's been over a year with this pain and consistent disappointment in my lack of progress, I was beginning to accept that this was my new normal. I went in to my appointment today, having almost forgotten about it since I scheduled it months ago, fully expecting to be given generic advice and planning on not seeing him again. I guess I still went because my subconscious had hoped that maybe, just maybe, something would be different this time. And maybe, just maybe, this time it will be.
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Doenjang guk for din 2day - a classic stew with sweet onions, potatoes, zucchini, chili peppers, and soft tofu in a soybean-based soup (similar to miso) + my mom’s go-to grain mix with tri-colored rice + barley. Soup runs through my veins u guys like a meal w no soup always feels a lil bit empty bc I always grew up eating some sort of savory liquid with all of my other food. I’m a strong proponent of bottling said savory liquids as well. There was this Spanish bistro owner in Ithaca who sold his gazpacho in these adorable lil bottles (pic from his website) and I wish we as a society did that more for other soups.
One of the blessings of being so close to home this year is having access to my mom’s cooking much more often than my brother who was all the way in NC for med school (rip). I’m the luckiest girl alive fr
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The most elite summer dish FRRR. Naengmyeon - a Korean cold buckwheat noodle dish. Traditionally eaten with brisket, beef broth, and hard boiled eggs. That red sauce, which I had not mixed in before taking this picture, is CHOCK FULL of micronutrients and aromatics from garlic, onion, pear, sesame seeds, chili, and vinegar which aids in nutrient absorption. Topped off with some sinus-awakening mustard oil, it’s literally perfect - I love the refreshing balance of flavors and the fact that it’s rich in macros while being plant based if u choose!
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I just initiated the cancellation of my membership today (I’ll still have it til I move out for school) for the gym that taught me how to love and take care of my body for everything that it does. From helping me develop a consistent lifting schedule/positive attitude towards exercise after finally getting vaccinated for COVID in 2021, to leading me to discover my love for workout classes (esp spin and yoga) and having all of the modern equipment and amenities I could ask for (hip thrust machine!!!! Pit shark machine!!! Turf!! Sleds!! Pool!!! Sauna!!! Even lockers that come w locks!!!), all for an insanely fair price given the breadth of services i had access to, it’s so cheesy but it truly became my lil suburban getaway and I will miss it dearly 🥺 I don’t think I’ll be joining again in the near future since my school gym is honestly really nice for something I get for free so long as I live downtown. I am a big girl now and must learn how to get over myself and take up space, even when people I know are looking 😩
One gem I didn’t take advantage of until this summer was a mobility yoga class, which targets connective tissue and improving ROM - something that really appealed to me as I’m working on this chronic back pain. Kraig, the instructor, quickly became my favorite for his pacing and speech, so I prioritized attending every Wednesday evening since learning about the class. Today was my last day with him since he’s out for a month for a surgery, so I decided to go up to him and formally introduce myself after class and tell him how his classes got me through plenty of tough days - waiting for my score to come back, waiting for a decision from my school, bad back pain days, etc. He responded with so much gratitude and told me that if I reach out, he can find a way to let me attend his classes during breaks for free as a guest 🥹 I wasn’t able to connect as intimately with any of my other class instructors but this really just exemplifies my experience with how welcoming the yoga community is - a stark contrast from the plenty of weight lifting people that have treated me like I was little more than gum on their shoe lol. (I was close to making a rant on this very page about all of the egregious characters I crossed paths with last night at the gym, but I let it go…)
Enjoy this utterly irrelevant pic of my go to breakfast bc I am nowhere near the point where I’m comfortable enough to be taking pics in the gym - rolled oats w chia and flax and soy milk with any seasonal fruit of choice. It’s an easy 19ish g of protein and induces my morning shit super quick - a blessing that I have taken for granted for far too long, which I learned the hard way this year 😭
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