buhok-ng-bruha
Lapulapu had the right idea
Call me Temp | Main | Art Blog She/they | Filipino/Chinese ExJW | ace agender lesbian | probably a vampire
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For we so loved the world we started living in it!
I'd been told that God so loved the world that he sent his son to be sacrificed for it, for us. But in that love was an inescapable judgment. It was love with an asterisk. In order to accept God's love I had to accept that I was fallen and worthless and that the world was empty.
Letting go of that kind of love was a prerequisite for me understanding and embracing real love. I learned that love didn't have to come with an apocalyptic asterisk. Love didn't demand that I empty myself or comply with ancient rules. In fact, it was much the opposite. Real love supported me and encouraged me to be the best version of myself, not an empty vessel.
I didn't have to earn someone's love by completely obliterating myself and letting them remake me in their image. When I say it like that, it doesn't sound like love at all. It sounds like control.
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reminders for ex-fundies:
-you can trust yourself
-other people’s reactions to your body and appearance are not your fault
-real love is not draining or punishing
-you aren’t broken
-you are allowed to change your mind
-having sexual desires (or not wanting sex or romance at all!) does not make you sinful
-resting is good and necessary
-you weren’t naive or stupid for trusting what your authority figures told you
-your body is yours alone
-you are not inherently evil or bad
-disability and illnesses are not punishments from god
-you’re allowed to want and enjoy nice things
-you are capable of rational thought and good morals even without a “guidebook”
-your opinions and feelings matter
-you’ve got this!!
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True isolation is when everyone else is talking about their vibrant teenage experience and you’re like. I was just trying to survive
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does anyone hve any sin recommendations i just fell from the garden of eden five seconds ago
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FEMA is doing an emergency alert test on all TVs, radios, and cell phones on October 4, 2023, at approximately 2:20pm ET.
If you live in the US and you have a phone you need to keep secret for any reason, make sure that it is turned off at this time.
Yes, I'm doing this months in advance, and yes, my blog has very little reach, but I figure better to post about it more than less.
Please reblog and add better tags than mine, I'm bad at tags.
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god + angels can't see into the bathroom but they do know when you bring your phone in there
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traditional chinese firework 打铁花datiehua in spring festival/chunjie
#SHOW STOPPING AMAZING STUNNING BEAUTIFUL#also from the notes this isn't the 'original' form of fireworks it's just A form of fireworks#i'm stealing this so much for my headworld#chinese
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"siblinghood, as a series of seasons"
//
[spring]
our father brings you out into the hospital corridor. you are swathed in a linen blanket. i am impressed that you are not crying.
on the way home, our mother makes some comment, something like i hope you aren’t upset that the baby was born so close to your birthday. i do not respond. i am staring into your eyes, and you are staring back.
-
[summer]
summer, in all its brutality, is us together in the scorching heat. it’s me, the only one who can interpret your toddler babble. it is looking over as you take shaky steps and knowing, before anyone else, when you are about to fall.
you are old enough to walk now. i still spend my spare time wondering who will catch you.
such is siblinghood. such is life.
-
[autumn]
when everyone else thinks of autumn, they think of golden leaves.
we think of the reason why they turn.
this is the nature of siblinghood; we grow up in a burning house. we leave with ashes under our nails. you are the only one who will ever hate our parents as much as i do. you are the only one who could ever love our parents as much as i do. you accidentally call me mom once and i say it’s fine, so long as no one’s listening.
i am old enough to leave, and i fly like a bat out of hell. you are too young to leave, and you stand in the hallway with crossed arms and a glowering face and you burn, and burn, and burn.
-
[winter]
winter is an echo of all we should’ve had; a world where we imagine siblinghood and think of warmth instead of salvation.
our golden forests have faded to gray. i could not save you from the fall, nor could you save me from the flight. i could not save you from the burning house, but i’ll try my damndest to patch the wounds it left. you hate me just as much as you hate our parents and i love you just as much as i love them.
i try to imagine a world where i am not stitching up your wounds as i bleed out from my own. there is no such world.
winter is all we have.
-
[spring]
a patch of dandelions blooms to our left.
have you come to save me? you ask, and i shake my head.
no, kiddo. we already tried that.
well, what are you here for, then?
the answer to your question chokes in my throat. i’m going back to college. your birthday is my phone password. i still think of you every time i eat a marshmallow.
you are still bleeding, and you are still smoldering, and you are still glowering in the hallway. i have stitched up my wounds; they are healing into scars. i saved me first. i saved me at your expense.
i lived to regret it.
i would not have, if i’d stayed.
i’m here to make a wish. i say, and i hand you a dandelion. wish with me?
you puff the seeds into my face. it is just as annoying as you stealing my clothes in autumn when you were thirteen and cutting up my books in winter when you were five and taking what remained of our parents’ love in spring when you were born. siblinghood is a list of sins you’ll never remember and being the oldest means letting them cease to matter.
i reach out. pick a dandelion. blow the seeds off in some unforeseen direction.
would you believe me if i told you that my wish was for you to be happy?
you do not respond. but you do not leave.
i stare into your eyes.
and you stare back.
[in spring, we are reborn.]
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Just wanted to share more iconic photos of this living cultural legend!
APO WHANG-OD
106-year-old Filipino tribal tattoo artist
for VOGUE PHILIPPINES, APRIL 2023
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Idk I think Job's wife really went off when she told him to curse God and die. It's interesting how there's no oxygen for her suffering in the narrative. She lost her children too. She lost her home too. Her health was taken from her too. Everything she had was stripped away by God. And yet there's no compassion for her. Not in the narrative nor in the commentaries or the sermons. She isn't even named.
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grabs you. hey. listen. one day youll get out of your parents house. you will be able to not go to church on sunday. you will be able to cut and dye your hair any colour you want. you will be able to wear crazy eyeliner and black lipstick or whatever makeup you want. you can swear and be openly queer with your friends and transition and date. YOULL GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!
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Blasphemy
Suniti Namjoshi // Ocean Vuong // Anne Sexton // Bouguereau // Augustina Bazterrica // Ocean Vuong // Ethel Cain, Sun Bleached Flies / @toothachebench // Ada Limón // @avainblue // Madeline Miller
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religious imagery and body horror go so well together... it's the drinking the blood and eating the body of christ of it all
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