Oops I did it again

I did it again.  I failed.  I squandered my time.  I made excuses.  

 Why can't I commit to this? Part of it is, I suppose, I'm still stuck where I left off.  I wrote a bit, yes.  But I still have no idea what Meffrey's "Plan" is.  I'm stymied.  The writer's block I suppose?  But I'm not even in that Middle Marathon area I hear dreadful things about.

 I think I'm also kinda bored with where I am.  And if I'm bored, the reader definitely will be.  So what do I do?  Change it up? Skip ahead? Rewrite completely?  

 I feel like the structure is bad.  Too many things.  I shouldn't turn EVERY encounter my group experienced into its own chapter.  I should make an outline to give myself structure.  I listened to a you tube video by a dude named Jerry B Jenkins, and his "13 steps to Writing a Book".  Good stuff.  He says even if you are a "pantser" (which I can only assume I am) you should have an outline and deadlines.  

 I as a person need structure in order to get anything done.  I am useless left to my own devices.

So that’s the plan.  Make a structure.  Give myself a deadline.  And if nothing changes, PUSH through this scene.

I didn't do any of that. 

I dusted off an old story I started (it was in my computer so I didn't LITERALLY dust off anything) and I continued working on that.  I don't know if that's normal, or even a good idea.  I'm not a writer yet.  I don't know the rules.  Or if there even are any.

But the idea of doing more with this other book excites me.  If I'm not excited about something, I won't be engaged.  Your novel should be engaging, you should be excited to write it. At least that’s what I think.

My protagonist (only one in this book, YAY!) just got off a plane and met an old flame (oooh tension!).  Neither of them seem overly happy to see each other.  But she is there to show him the way, and her soul is at stake, and there's a Steve Jobs joke…. What?

Ha ha.  All will be revealed later.

….maybe.

95 Days

Forgive me tumblr, for its been 95 days since my last confession.

No writing. No post updates. Nothing.  

At first it was "Oh shit I forgot" or "I am suuuuuper busy, I can make it up tomorrow".  But soon it became "Well it's been a week, what's a few more days?" Then, well…. You get the idea.

 I think the main reason I wanted to write is because of something that happened in my last Roleplaying session.  I was in the middle of a tense scene where the Sorceress in our group discovers the group has been betrayed by an old friend.  She's alone and cornered.  I prepare to roll initiative and she says "Wait, I want to talk to him more because I feel like this might be my fault."  Unprepared for this response I gloss over it and a fight ensues, one where the betrayer gets away.  The plan is to set up a scene next session where the betrayer is confronted and queue epic battle music.  

 Its been a couple of weeks since we played and I haven't given the scene a second thought until now. Why it took my brain this long to pick up on her signals is beyond me, but I am glad I finally smartened up. Sometimes I get in this mindset where the idea I had for a scenario playing out is the only "right" one. But if her thought leads to a scene where she tries to bring him back, redeem his soul as it were, who am I to deny her that?  Certainly it would be a much more interesting scene than just another combat encounter. I almost missed an important storytelling opportunity because I am too busy trying to hamfist my "cool badguy/betrayal" agenda down my players' throats.  

 I'm going to try that thing I wanted to try before where I skip ahead to a more "juicy" scene I really liked.  I nearly killed on of my player's character (Yes it was Meffrey, h—how did you know?). I could see it in his face, he knew he was about to do something stup---I mean dramatic, but he went for it.  I gave him plenty of obvious warnings and even one free bail out in the form of the villain he was following do the whole "Leave now or face the consequences" type dialog.  He went for it, got his ass kicked and had to rely on saving throws to get out of it.  But it was super dramatic.  And as a consolation prize, I gave him a little nugget of info for his backstory (his character has amnesia).  

 It was a great moment, the table was silent as they watched it unfold.  They didn't seem to be happy about what was happening, and one player was openly angry at Meff.  But after the dust had settled, its still one of the scenes that’s most memorable for the group.  And it gave Meffrey motivation to track this villain down again (Yay plot hooks!).

 I've set an alarm every day at 7pm EST labelled "WRITE!" so I have no excuse to forget.  I will let you know how it works.

 Also, if you aren't following @SamSykesSwears on twitter, you should be.  He is a fantastic source of inspiration for creative fantasy writing as well as bullshit asshattery.  

Distractions

As soon as I posted last night's blog I brought up my word doc, sat down on the couch next to my wife while she watched some Masterchef and got to work. I got a lot of work done. So much work.  Did all the pages.  Yay me. Anyone believe that garbage?  Yeah, I didn't get any work done.  I was too busy counting how many times Gordon Ramsey could squeeze the word "Stunning" into one episode.  I often have something in the back ground while I write.  Usually music, often times TV.  TV is probably the most distracting of them all, especially if its something I really like to watch or it fills the secondary role of inspiring or informing my Dungeon Mastering (**Cough** Critical Role **cough cough**).  

I think I read somewhere that you are most productive first thing in the morning. So here I am at 7am.  No TV.  No music. No wife.  Just me and my dog Kylo.  He can be needy, but beyond needing scratches behind the ears every once in a while he is harmless.  Obligatory puppy photo incoming.

  I know.  I know.  We are the cutest.

 I’ve been thinking a lot about why I am doing this blog.  As laid out in the original blog that pushed me to do this, it’s important to keep a journal of your process.  But I think that there’s more to it.  I’ve never had a twitter account or a blog or a Youtube channel because I always felt that those people either are very good at their subject matter or very entertaining, or both.  I am neither.  I’m just a muggle.

However I think it’s good for other aspiring authors/DMs to see what I am going through and relate.  I have this crappy trait where if I am not super proficient at something as soon as I try to do it, I abandon it.  I want others to see what I am doing and and say “if he can do it, so can I”.  In fact, you can probably do it much better.

Story update.  The heroes fond the cave where the mcguffin lived. They sent in the kitty kat who got his ass kicked.  The kitty cat then says something like "ok lets do my idea now".  I have no idea what that idea is.  When we did this part of the D&D adventure, we did what all player characters do.  We just went in and hit the thing till it died.  Super interesting novel material right there.  So the first thing I need to do this morning is to figure out his plan.  I have no idea what it is.  But I'm sure he will let me know.

 One more dog pic:

  You're welcome.

Good News/Bad News

I flopped after I flipped. I decided to keep the basilisk mission. The undead thing had a creepy vibe that I don’t felt was appropriate for the beginning of the book. There will be time for that later (I'm looking at you NARF), but I don’t want it to set the tone from the get go.  After I committed to it, the words flowed beautifully. Smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy.

 The bad news is, I didn't write at all yesterday.  Not for the novel, not for the blog.  Nothing. I don't have any good or bad reason for it.  I just spaced it.  It's after 10:30pm here now, and I would rather be sleeping (ok, I would probably be playing xbox).  But I can't go two days in a row.  It would definitely be the start of a very slippery slope.

 More good news though. When I stopped writing on Friday, it was not because I wanted to.  I had dinner plans and had to go at a specific time.  But I was really enjoying what was being put on paper.  So I am eager to jump back into it.

 That being said I'm going to dive back in right now.

Derailed

What?  Two posts in one day?  This loser obviously likes to hear himself talk.  ….er type.  Whatever. I brought up my word doc to push through that early scene when I had a realization.  I need to back up a bit to give you some context.  When we first started playing this campaign, I was not the Dungeon master.  I was playing a human female pirate, who excelled at controlling the battlefield with her bow.  The DM at the time was doing what you normally do when you start an adventure, or most RPG video games for that matter.  Here's a quest, do the thing, come back for a reward.  Great, here's another quest, go get it!  Lather, rinse, repeat.  

 Our first mission (I believe, it's literally been over a year since we started) was to go investigate farm having some issues with chickens dying or some crap.  Long story short, it was a basilisk hiding in an underground cave below the farm.  Then we were sent out on a mission to investigate some missing kids.  This quest turned out to be some dark shit involving blood magic and the undead.  

 As fun as those quests were, nobody is going to want to read the back and forth of quests and rewards like its World of Warcraft.  So I am going to scrap the Basilisk mission altogether.  It's interesting, but has no bearing on the story as a whole.  Whereas the blood magic is a constant theme throughout the campaign.  The problem is that those first few pages are about the trip to find the basilisk. This means I am deleting it and starting all over again.  Yes it's only a couple of pages, but the feeling of having to start all over is kind of discouraging.  

 Yet at the same time it also gives me a chance to do it again better, smoother.  I will have to do some story finagling though.  On the way back to the farm after dealing with the basilisk, kitty kat swipes something from the farmhouse that turns out to be super important later.  Which means I will have to do what any good DM would do and move the thing to the house where the creepy dude is doing his creepy stuff.

Day IV: Day Harder

I did a bit better last night.  Only a page or so, but its progress.  Ironically enough it wasn't writer's block that cut me short.  I actually forgot a lot of the dialog that took place during that session.  I remember the outcome, but not the details of the important beats.  Which sucks for me because I remember it being a great scene, with lots of tension.  Plus, as I mentioned before, it was a great evolution for the kitty cat character because when we first meet him, he's just a mess.  Wise cracking, catnip smoking, needlessly cartwheeling shit head.  Now he is an interim council person.  And he's slaying it.

 So I reached out to the person who plays the character, Meffrey.  Yes, to see if he could remember more of the details (he didn't), but also because I clearly remember him saying that he didn't really get across all of the things he wanted to say in the moment.  So I wanted to give him the opportunity to get that out now. Besides I'm not going to be able to make this story a direct transcript of what happens in our gaming sessions. Some parts are boring, or are just unnecessary for the reader.  Other parts I just want/need to inject my own will on the story.

 For example. Currently my players are in this cast underwater research facility. It has almost a dozen floors reaching down towards the bottom of the sea. Encased in Ice on one of the lowest levels is an ancient sea creature that can read your thoughts, pluck out your desires, and use them against you.  So I left many little subtle clues in the rooms leading down. Plus I had these great scenes planned out for each character where they would walk into a room and see visions, supplanted by the beast, bringing out their worst fears.  Really creepy stuff that would add an element of suspense and (hopefully) fear in the players.

 However…. Anyone who has been a dungeon master for more than 5 minutes knows that your players will always find a way to derail your best laid plans.  In my case, these Mother F'ers found a maintenance hatch.  As a result of some clever use of skills and spells, were able to circumvent THE WHOLE GOD DAMNED THING, and went right to the bottom of the facility.  I mean, I can't really be mad at them.  I'm not the kind of DM that would punish them for good planning just because they didn't get to see the cool thing I wrote.  Yes I'm a little but hurt, but it happens.

  But now I am in full control.  And you can bet your sweet ass that this time these jokers will be going through the facility the long way. AS THEY SHOULD HAVE. No, I'm not bitter.  Why do you ask?

 Ok rant over.  Where was I? Ah yes.  So Meffrey and I had a short chat which garnered no progress in my quest to remember shit that happened two months ago.  I have recap notes, but it's not enough.  So new thing I learned today: If you are going to make a novel out of your gaming session, keep better notes.

This is my fourth day in a row chronicling my attempt to write this book.  While that’s better than I thought I would do, the strangest thing is happening.  The more I do this, the more I get the feeling that I am going to give up on it. I keep wanting to say "I can skip one day".  We all know how that goes right?  If I skip one day, a second day is no big deal.  Etc etc.  When I first tread that blog that told me to write everyday I was all like "Heck yeah!"  Then I came down off that initial surge of motivation you get when you start a project. I was more like "OK, you don't need to write EVERY day.  Just stick with it on a semi-regular basis."  I'm pretty sure that won't work though.  If I don't discipline myself, it will never get done.  

I did some thinking, which was super difficult as there is no shower here at work. I will likely skip the second council meeting for now.  Wait for either Meffrey or myself to have a flash of inspiration on the subject.  I think I’m going to try and push through the block I had earlier and get these yahoos to the thing.  I can't avoid it forever.  I need to treat it as something to do in order to be rewarded with scenes I do want to write.  Like eating my dinner so I can have my ice cream after.

 I’ve been mentally assembling a group of story testers.  They say you should have a few people that you can send your first or second draft to in order to get feedback.  They should be someone you know and trust but who wont just say “it’s great”.  Meffrey is obviously on the list.  My wife will be as well, though I fear she may lean more towards the “it’s great” club.  My father will be on the list as well.  Yes this book will be geared towards to fantasy loving crowd.  But if I can write in a way that even my father can understand my worgs and druids and kobolds and whatever I am going to change warforged into (copyright Wizards of the coast inc), then that would be awesome.

The foursome….

That’s it.  What you see above are the only two words I wrote yesterday.  I was trying to get the four of them from where they had their skirmish with death to the mcguffin.  But I couldn’t find an interesting way to do it.  Then the more I stared at it, the less I liked what was there.  The foursome.  Trash!

 I did have to work late. And after that it was Taco Trivia Tuesday at the eatery across the street.  Then I got home late and me and the wife wanted to check out The Umbrella Academy (it’s a bit slow for me right now, hope it picks up soon). 

However all that stuff is just an excuse.  I could have put in an hour, even 30 minutes.  Nope, I let it slip and rationalized it away.

 So I failed.  I did some thinking where I would imagine everyone does their deepest thinking.  In the shower.  I thought back to something I mentioned in yesterday’s post.  About being super excited to write a scene when we get to it.  I don’t think it matters what I write necessarily, as long as I write SOMETHING. I’m sure I will figure out how to get the heroes to the thing eventually. Therefore I’m going to write that scene tonight. I don’t want to.  I’m tired and I would rather watch tv or play the switch. But I gotta do what I gotta do.

 The king has died. Some ne’er do wells are trying to manipulate things behind the scenes.  The dopey, comic relief cat person is about to flip my well planned script upside down and create a democratic council.  Was not expecting that when it happened.  But the dice fall where they fall and you can’t plan for everything.

 Short post today friends. I want to get in some writing before my eyelids get the better of me.

Day two, the return!

So I did the thing.  I sat down.  Brought up a fresh Microsoft Word page.  And I stared at it for a long, long time.  The little cursor just taunting me.  "Come on buddy, you gotta have something," he says, smugly. He knows I got nuthin.

 I force myself to start somewhere, ANYwhere.  I decided finally to start with a sound, a **crunch** to be specific.  I decided to start with our main characters (or a subset thereof) heading into danger.  I know I said I would start them in the shit, but a bit pre-shit I thought was best under the circumstances.  Who knows, I might change it later.

 It turns out that once you started it was pretty easy to just keep plugging along.  I got just over 2 pages.  And you know what?  It was 100% grade A bantha poodoo.  Just the worst thing I've ever seen written down.  Too much dialog.  Too much description.  Not enough of the right kind of description. Don't even get me started on how clumsy the fight scene was.  Gross.

 But I also know that’s art. I would never claim to be an artist. But I do write D&D adventures for my group, I have professionally made edited videos, and I cook.  In my opinion all three f these things are considered art.  And in all three cases it scares the shit out of me to present these things for people to consume (both literally and figuratively).  However, I don’t get nervous when I cook my boy pancakes, or make that sausage alfredo thing my wife likes.  Because I have it down. I've done it many times before.  I can only imagine writing is the same.  I botched up so many pancakes in my day.  Then later I would only botch the very first pancake.  Now I am the god damned Gordon Ramsey of pancakes. I will pancake your ass off.

 So I am going to push through it.  My characters had their first small skirmish with some nasty creatures.  Had a bit of dialog/character development/exposition. My goal was to start with something more exciting than "you meet in a tavern" but also give readers a taste of each characters personality without spoon feeding it.  Also I dropped hints that this group hasn't really found their grove as a team.  Heck some of them don’t even seem to like each other very much.

 The interesting thing was that this was supposed to be a nearly direct transcript from the adventure I am running for my players, and in the first two pages I am already taking several tangents away from it.  Some of that was to be expected (I had to fix an issue involving sex toys in my game, no that’s not a joke, more on that later).  I think that even though the give and take between me and my players create some great moments, many of which I wasn't expecting, some things aren't as interesting as I would like them to be.  As I said before, if it doesn't interest me, it won't interest others.

 On a side note, this blog is already helping with my writing.  I just looked over this document and do you know I started the first 3 paragraphs with the word "so"?  Well you don't, because I went back and fixed it. But yeah, that happened.  

 Side note #2.  I just got a notification that I have a follower. I'm not going to lie, that scares the shit out of me.  Because now I'm not just rambling to myself.  People are actively listening.  Judging.  It's been less than 24 hours from my first post and someone likes it enough to want more? Slow down Cheezbot, I don't know if I am ready for this type of commitment.  Just kidding Cheezbot, you rock!

  The other problem I am running into is copyright infringement.  So…(Dammit, I did it again) when you create a campaign adventure for your players to meander through you are not only allowed, you are encouraged to steal from anywhere you can.  A character from this book, a castle from that movie, Sean Connery's accent for your local Sherriff.   Totally ok. However, if I am going to make a novel to be sold for possible monetary compensation, I can’t do those things. Especially since some things I am pulling directly from Wizards of the Coast who owns Dungeons and Dragons.  First example: Meffrey plays as a cat person. They are called Tabaxis in the game.  I can't use that.  So let's find something else.  "OK google" I say into my phone.  What is Latin for cat?  Cattus. Well that sucks.  Let's try something more European medieval-esque.  Celtic for cat? Cath Sith.  Hmmm. It's better, but Final Fantasy 7 already kinda used it.  I would love love LOVE to just call them Sith but, you know, that’s got its own issues.

Check this out though. There is a type of cat called a Scottish Kellas.  Boom! Done. His race is now Kellas.

 Now that I think of it, not only are there terms and names I cannot use, I feel like there are some I shouldn't use.  One of my characters is an elven paladin.  But that's not what defines him.  Yes his 5th edition character sheet does say Level 7 Elf Paladin. But he's a pirate.  Well, technically ex-pirate.  But I digress.  I can't think of a single reason to refer to him as a paladin just because he wears heavy armor, swings a long sword and can smite shit real good. He's a pirate who has lost his ship, his captain and really his sense of purpose.  So his character arc will revolve around finding that sense of purpose. Same could be said about the Tabax-I mean… Kellas.  He's not a Kellas Rogue.  He's a stoner shit head.  He happens to be good at swiping things and hiding and stabbing things till they die and purring at the most inappropriate times . However (Spoilers) his character arc so far in the game is my favorite.  It's dramatic and evocative and I can't wait to get to the part of the novel.  

Alright, I have my intro, the killed the first thing and are now heading to the mcguffin.  Now I have to find a way to make traipsing through the woods interesting.  I have no idea how I'm going to do that.  Probably more dialog, but that feels like a cop out.  I don’t want to just have a character say "Jeepers these woods are scary."  I need to find a way to shoot that image into the readers mind with my word-foo.  

 I'll let you know how that goes.

Trying not to drown for The Sunken

Trying too hard to be clever with my title?  Definitely. I read an article today about the 10 dos and don'ts for writing a novel (https://www.nownovel.com/blog/how-to-write-a-first-novel-guide/).   2 things stood out to me.  Number one, write everyday without fail.  This one rubbed me the wrong way because I am not disciplined at all, in fact, I am currently failing fantastically at my most recent diet attempt (stand by Keto, the white chocolate reeses somehow wandered onto my desk).  But it makes sense to me that setting up a habit is important.  So I will do my best.

 The second item that struck me was to "List rationalizations for not writing and put them to one side."  Now I get the psychology behind it.  Visualize your detractors and literally, push them aside.  Plus as I am sure you or anyone who has read ANYTHING about setting goals has heard, writing things down is 50% -128% (your results may vary) likely to help you reach that goal!  However the part of this second point that really stood out for me was to keep a journal of the process.  Hence this piece of work.

 I understand completely that I am unlikely to see this journal or the book itself through to the end (see notification above re: discipline), but every journey begins with a first step, etc etc.

 So I need accountability. I went to two sources between writing this paragraph and the previous one.  First my wife.  I have given her the task of nagging me to write everyday, which she gleefully accepted. Second I enlisted my friend, coworker and passable smite player who, for the purposes of anonymity I will name… Meffrey. He is also an aspiring writer, so I thought we could bounce ideas off each other and keep each other motivated. Then the first thing this asshole sends me is an excel sheet with characters, items and locations from his story all organized and meticulously laid out.  Ok, clearly I am out of my depth.  He calls it a "work in progress".  Show off.  

 But it served its purpose. It motivates me.  

 So where to start.  I feel like this must be the most asked question. How do I even begin to start? Where in the story do I start?  In the beginning?  Halfway through then backtrack via flashbacks?  Do I change things from my original plot?  Will readers get turned off when a main character near and dear to my heart (SPOILERS) gets killed off in the first couple of chapters?

 Yes this is going to be one of those blogs with GIFs.  GIFs are awesome.

No, this is my story and I need to write it my way or I won't follow through.  If I'm not excited about it, not only will I not finish it, but surely the reader will not be excited about it either.

So how did this start? Well thanks for asking.  I was at my father's birthday party recently.  I was talking to him and my brother about the Dungeons and Dragons campaign I was currently running.  After listening to me go on for several minutes about Druids and blood cultists and dragons and a dead king with no heir and dark alley double crosses and nearly killing off one of my players (Sorry Meffrey), he asks me "Why aren't you writing this as a book?"  I said what I assume many people say to this. A) I don’t have time and B) I suck at writing, no one will want to read it.  There are so many other BETTER writers out there.

 That’s when my father said something really profound.  "You are right, there are many many writers out there doing this much better than you." Not the best start to a pep talk.  "But you wont get better unless you do it.  I'm not a great writer but I have a book that’s still selling copies on Amazon." (it's true, it even hit the top Sci Fi list in Australia. Shameless plug incoming: https://www.amazon.com/Sleeper-Defending-J-Alexander-Black-ebook/dp/B01MSVT358/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=j+alexander+black&qid=1551104170&s=gateway&sr=8-3).

 He then offered to write it for me.  Problem solved!  However after several emails back and forth and a rough draft I received, it became clear to me that our ideas of how the story should go were very different.  It is no reflection on my story or his writing ability.  His writing style just does not jive with my story.  Instead of compromising what I wanted my story to be, I decided the only one who could write it the way I wanted it was me.  So here we are.

Anyways, back to my earlier thought.  How to start the damn thing?  Well I am going to start "in the shit" as I like to say.  Am I allowed to say Shit on Tumblr?   I am often inspired by an old video game called Lufia.  It was made on the Super Nintendo in the 90's. Heard of it?  Congrats!  You too are a dinosaur!  But the cool thing about it is it started you out right in a fight, a boss battle no less! It was a great way to hook me right from the get go.  So that’s were I shall start.  

 The heroes are already on a mission, killing a thing to get the mcguffin and save the blah blah. Pretty standard stuff.

So that’s the plan. Start writing.  Hook em in with action.  Work in some small bits about the characters through actions and dialog.  KEEP WRITING.