I wanna feel loved rn so bad like…. I’m begging the universe to give me someone who’s in love with me

Sometimes the depression gets so bad I can't force myself to do anything. Sometimes the self hate is so much that I just don't care what happens to me. I don't have my risperidone and I already feel myself worsening more than usual. And I'm sensitive to everything more than I normally am. Trying anything to feel better like binge eating apple cinnamon Cheerios because it's easy to just continuously pour cereal and milk into a bowl a few times. Dishes are piled up, I haven't been showering or taking care of myself at all. I just lay around and watch Netflix or sleep. Sometimes I don't even feel anything. I just know I'm a failure and a disappointment and a burden. I don't want to leave my apartment. I wish I could just isolate. I wish I could disappear.

people get tired of me and leave, but they don’t know that i’m tired of me too. if only i could leave myself simply too,

why is it so difficult for you to understand that i'm not being dramatic? that i genuinely feel like the world around me is on fire & all you're doing is just watching me burn alive.

I shouldn't be so fucking stupid. What would I ever have to offer anyone? No one will ever want a loser.

@hooverson6

Lost and empty, yeah that’s me lately

@hooverson6

being suicidal and living for others is the most drowning feeling ever.

why can’t i find a reason to live for myself?

Honestly I dont know what's worse, the overall emotional roller coaster of this or the fact that I know they'd be better off without me here.

I lost having this w you @hooverson6

If it ain't like this I don't fucking want it

I still feel like dying

and i hate myself for missing you.

today's mood, 06/23/2022.

Am I really a hopeless case?

I have falied at everything. I feel the world is better without me in it.

I'm losing weight again and not from drugs.

I Kno what's wrong with me.. I'm an idiot. I'm ugly inside and out. I'm pathetic and pitiful. I'm not fun. I'm nothing.

I'm fukn pathetic