screaming crying etc god I love barriss

(full under the cut!)

Taglist (dm to join)!

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narratively I am a fan of romances that don’t ever actually become romances

I don’t mean in an aromantic life partner way, I mean romantic tension that is never resolved or acted upon for whatever reason but by the end it’s clear that both characters experienced the love of their lives without ever acknowledging it as such. but they know. they know.

That old man actually has no effect on me any more

hi!! I would love to hear about the director's commentary for "death and a kindness"?

hi friend!!!!!

death and a kindness my beloved ♥️

i'm a huge fantasy fan, even if i don't read it as much as i used to (because i am also the pickiest person alive). this was in a way my homage to that genre, in that i think it is the most "traditional" fantasy thing i have ever written, both in fic and in my own original fiction. still, it's more of a low fantasy than high fantasy lmao

there's a lot of Lore TM to that AU i never shared in any of the fics i published, about cody and rex's childhood before their father was killed and their experience in captivity, and then how they got free and kicked off the rebellion. and also stuff about obi-wan and quinlan and luminar and the force in this 'verse and how they got to where they are, but lbr i am first and foremost a cody person lol

it all got complicated in teh sequel (and i think i chickened out), but i started writing that first fic because i wanted to explore that kind of dynamic, i wanted to explore an AU where their power imbalance and differences in life experience exists in maybe more obvious ways, since i feel that it's one of those things it's very often glossed over in codywan fic. i wanted to write a version of cody who very much doesn't just distrust obi-wan but dislike him (and for good reasons!), and an obi-wan that has embraced all the ruthlessness that i think it is part of his character.

i think that AU is my favourite kind of AU to write: i had a lot of fun exploring the character dynamics in that specific context, and i love that kind of worldbuilding. most of my worldbuilding is vibes-based (i usually don't research a lot lmao i do that enough in my day job, thank you very much), but i think it really came together in that fic.

i also think i was low key stealing stuff without realising from what might be my favourite fantasy series, the malaz books (one of these days i'll make it to the end of the series.......). the whole premise (the rebels and the soldiers for pay) and the vibes are kind of similar to those books'.

also, for what it's worth: i think this might be my favourite part of that fic:

“We looked for you.”  Cody shakes himself and turns to look at his brother. Rex is staring at nothing; his hold on Cody’s arm is so tight it hurts. “We went back after they left and we looked for you among the corpses and found nothing.” Cody still remembers the day he realised that the world was an unjust, cruel place he could make better. That he realised there was very little he wouldn’t do to make his cruel, unjust world better. He fell after he told them it was time to leave. Hit to the head, lost consciousness for a few hours. Someone took him away from the battlefield, hid him in a barn—when he woke up, it was night, and they were searching for him, so he hid his knives and his armour and joined the workers in the fields and when Kenobi’s soldiers set the fields on fire he joined the long, long line of refugees and prisoners as well.  Rex looks exhausted. Cody tugs him closer, places one dry kiss on his brother’s forehead, feels Rex shudder. “I knew you couldn’t be dead, I just thought—” “I would come back from the dead for you. Cross the river, find my bones, fight the lady of the well and win,” Cody tells him seriously. Rex stops, mouth open, and Cody cradles his face with his cold hands, feeling stubble and too-sharp cheekbones. “I would. I will. Alright?” Rex snorts wetly. “Alright.” They rest in silence, eyes closed, foreheads touching. Cody sighs. He steps away, rubbing at his face. He can half-see Kenobi between the trees further down the narrow, winding road, whispering to the horses. “He’s not what I expected,” Rex says suddenly. Cody scowls. “I don’t trust him,” he tells his brother. “He will use us until he can’t and then he will get us out of his way.” The peasants call him the Kind Man. 

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

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Hooking up and having fun with a cute girl, this definitely will not have consequences :)

[PRINT] - [COMMISSIONS]

For the uncensored art, you can either find it on my inprint or bluesky

Process and usual rambling below vvv

Also quick reminder, in sw 1 maul is 22 and obi wan 25 :)

Ok so this fucking drawing beat my ass fkfjckcn it took me a whole week (I usually manage to do a detailed colored illustration like this in 3 or 4 days), and I hated it for 6 of those days. I was kind of art blocked, and I decided to brute force this by hitting my head again the wall that was this fucking drawing until it worked- and it did ! After 2 failed attempts, and immense frustration at every step of the way <3

I find the older obimaul (around 50yo) dynamic much more compelling, because of the whole baggage desperation loneliness it has going for it, but after failing to draw it (this time, I will come back to it one day)- I decided to settle for the second best obimaul dynamic : young strangers hooking up ! No baggage yet, only fun :)

So they are drinking caned bear in a cheap hotel room (I imagine Coruscant having capsule hotels, being an overpopulated city planet ! Even tho I made it way bigger than a regular one-) to escape responsibilities and just enjoy a good time ! There is no chance to develop an unhinged hatred-obssession-love onesided dynamic here haha :)))

The yuri is not yet toxic, but we'll get there

PS : this is t4t btw :) because @quijicroix is a genius and pointed out the potential of the "of course I know him, he is me" line for a trans obi wan <3 you can also thank them for the tasteful Palpatine censoring

PPS : I've never seen the 3d animated clone wars show, this is only based on the movies.

EWAN MCGREGOR on discarded draft for Obi-Wan Kenobi show.

Vanity Fair | 2024

Hello! The conversation about careening had me wondering--how do you like to do research for your stories? Are there any topics or sources you particularly enjoy delving into or including in your work?

Hello, my friend!!! What a wonderful ask: thank you for these great questions.

After reflecting, I think I could describe my process as having two general categories: as-needed research and broader worldbuilding research.

The first category is a part of almost every fic I write, and it involves things like sourcing locations, verifying timelines, tracking down character names, and (very often) looking up what it feels like to receive various injuries. If it's a Star Wars fic, at least one Wookiepedia visit is a given (the raw materials page is a frequent hit). And there are likely to be a few other general internet searches I repeat several times ("aviation terms," for example, or "New Orleans plant life," depending on the fic and fandom).

The second category covers the exploratory reading and viewing I do for fics that involve more worldbuilding because they extend further outside (or completely outside) canon. The Codywan Pirate AU has me doing all kinds of targeted searches for naval ranks and sailing ship terminology, for example, but I've also been browsing maritime museums for descriptions of what life on ships was like from day to day (look at this cool page about sailor libraries and sailing literature!) and for images that give me a visual sense of the environment. I also love looking at digitized resources through academic libraries. When @festiveferret and I were collaborating on Citation Needed, an MCU professor AU in which history prof Tony is writing a monograph about weapons development during WWII, I used the online special collections at University of Massachusetts - Amherst to learn what the primary documents (enlistment records, ration cards, etc.) featured in the fic would look like. (Ferret then did incredible edits for the epistolary portion of the fic: this post has the collected documents.)

In a couple cases it's actually been the research that has come first and inspired the fic. The initial ideas for Separation, for example, which is a Top Gun fic that leans into the context of the AIDS crisis in the 80s and 90s, came from prep that I'd been doing for a queer literature class, so I was listening to music by queer bands in the period, reading poetry and essays about queer life in NYC and San Francisco (including this piece that discusses Nan Goldin, Thom Gunn's The Man with Night Sweats, "The Fall of 1992" by Randall Mann, and Alexander Chee's essay "After Peter"), and watching the documentary How to Survive a Plague, about the ACT UP movement. Much of that research informed the choices I made in writing the fic, even if it doesn't all appear directly.

Finally, I should confess that I am pretty self-indulgent with my fic research: I spend a lot of time studying and tracking things down when it's a subject I find interesting and/or when having more information will allow me to texture the choices I'm making in ways I personally find compelling; but I am also very unfussed about leaving other things vague or about fudging some details in service of the story. It's not at all out of the ordinary for me to spend 30 minutes looking up the names of camera models that hit shelves in 1991 and then write a sentence that says "when he gets off the carrier in mid-July, he goes to the mall" without specifying which carrier or which mall, because I couldn't be bothered to figure out the military logistics involved. This is one of the joys of writing fic for me: freedom to pour energy into those areas where research helps get me closer to things I want to discover and describe.

Thank you again for the terrific asks, my friend!!! This was very fun to write. <3<3<3

Hello, my dear!!! I would love to hear about "Seeker, Prospector" for the director's cut meme. I think that's the first story of yours I read, and I adore it to this day. <3

hello elwen darling, of course!! (for this ask game)

I have to start out by admitting that I tried to find the original document file for this fic and could only, bewilderingly, find a copy of it that had been edited to be PG-rated (certainly a director's cut, technically..) and was losing all hope of finding the original (cherishing, of course, the prime directive of AO3 to archive fics) WHEN, out of the mists of desperation, I opened a file so enigmatically titled "Codywan End of Day Treats.docx" and, lo and behold there was the original (E-rated) Seeker, Prospector, paired within the same doc with Leaning Closer to Never. What an awful peek behind the curtain. The file has now been renamed.

The process behind the fic itself is that it was, as I've re-discovered, a writing treat for the end of the day, that grew legs and an entire body and resulted in a lot of extraneous research. I grew up with family in Alberta, and thought: haha, of all places to set a codywan fic, why not? And then yeah, it became an increasingly viable setting as the fic went on. I think because it was just supposed to be a fun writing prompt I didn't think much about pairing a paleontologist with whatever cody is. However, I do remember particularly thinking about experimenting with really unsubtle imagery/descriptors: oceans and rocks, fluidity and stability, change and stasis. Fortunately, both characters ended up with bits of both sides of these: cody is constantly moving but stuck in a cycle, obi-wan is in a stable position but has open-ended life plans (even the setting itself falls into this theme with its geological and social history). It ended up quite nice to think about, which is probably why I had to run after it to keep writing.

The research appendix is also because I'm a monster, and if I write down the notes anyways then I might as well include them. I also get feedback that they are enjoyable after the fic, like an academic dessert, which is nice :)

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. 

Or, send in a ⭐star⭐  to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

actually you know what? i absolutely love tusken sign language. i think it's fucking fantastic how we're able to see that type of thing, especially with characters that we don't see expressions for most of the time. as a person who knows (american) sign language myself, a lot of signing is based off of non-manual signals, relying on a lot of facial expressions and often times exaggerated movements in order to get things across clearly. the tuskens way of signing doesn't rely on facial expressions, which i think is so interesting. the tuskens understood din as he signed, and since their facial expressions aren't perfectly clear either, i think it's fascinating how their language doesn't rely on non-manual signals. the creator of the tusken sign language (troy kotsur!!) is Deaf and his development of the language is so interesting to explore, especially since he said that he created TSL to be completely different than ASL. he said "My goal was to avoid ASL. I made sure it became Tusken Sign Language based on their culture and environment." and that's BEYOND interesting to explore more into. i wish to see more, and even expand on tusken culture or just signing and the cultures surrounding it in star wars. i think we could've gotten so much more if disney weren't cowards, and i just love to think about how diverse the star wars galaxy really is and how much inclusion we can see in that.

Seven-Sentence Sunday

Just a wee, out-of-context snip in celebration of the fact that progress was made on the Codywan Pirate AU this weekend (thank the Force).

“Our paths rarely crossed after that: the odd occasion, usually at a distance or in company. Then one day, years later, we were both in Alderaan, waiting for our ships to be careened. We passed on the street, and he pulled me aside by the sleeve - urged me to change the course we planned to take to Corellia. I’d heard of his recent victories - two ships captured in as many months - and was surprised to see how little his good fortune seemed to have eased his cares. I asked after his sons: he said his oldest had just been made yeoman of the sheets. His face made me swallow my words of congratulation. He looked like I’d asked him to stir his guts with a knife.”

aren't you a bit old to be thirst posting like this tho?? 🤧

catch me thirst posting on my deathbed the grind never stops

sighs. padme if i were in charge tbh

Padawan haircuts / Padawan beads

✨🌙 ART LOG -> @404ama

wip wednesday

Kenobi’s hand is heavy and warm on his shoulder. Cody jumps, turns to look at him—his jaw brushes the general’s knuckles, and then he’s letting go of Cody and clearing his throat. They’re close enough that Cody can see his blond lashes, the delicate network of wrinkles around his eyes, the small scar on his cheekbone. Last year. The larty he was on got shot down, and he made it out fine except for that slash on his face, deep enough it needed stitches, deep enough it cut almost to the bone. Cody still remembers the way he looked while one of the medics treated him—blood dripping down his face and into his beard and staining the neck of his robes and the dusty fabric of his trousers, red on his bone-white face. Cody raises an eyebrow at him—Kenobi raises one at Cody right back, and then they’re back to normal, back to Coruscant and to the empty meeting room, and Kenobi’s first too close and then dancing away in that way he has that makes it look like he’s exactly where he wanted to be in the first place. “Go home, Cody,” he says. He smiles, eyes warm but wary, holds it for an instant, and then his smile goes crooked. “You look like you’re half a second from biting my head off.”