Day 5: Carrie (2013)

CW: Mentions of Bullying, Suicide, and Self-Harm

“If you’ve got a taste for terror… take Carrie to the prom.”

The above quote is the tagline from one of the 1976 Carrie posters. It’s a good quote for shock value and it certainly catches the eye and piques interest about what exactly that could mean, but I still kind of hate it. There’s this inherent implication that Carrie is out for blood and that taking her on a date means certain doom, and, well, that’s not exactly what happens.

Before things officially get started, I owe you an apology, Dear Audience. We watched last night’s movie way later than I intended, and as a result, last night’s review of the 1976 adaptation of Carrie was rushed in order to meet my self-imposed deadline. I am not at all proud of it - the point of this project is not only to watch horror movies and share my opinions, but also to sharpen my analytical skills and hone my ability to quantify my opinions. Last night’s review barely met the midnight PDT deadline, and I feel like I had to cheat to get there. It’s not fair to me, it’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to Carrie. I apologize, and I promise I will strive to be better.

Because last night’s review was rushed, I did not feel right including my signature line from adaptations week two years ago. I did not, in fact, discuss the novel or the film, at least not in nearly enough detail. Let’s do our best to amend this, shall we? Without any further ado:

Let’s talk about this novel and this film.

Carrie is the first novel ever written by the man who we all know and love as one of the masters of horror (and one of my favorite authors): Stephen King. Published in 1974, Carrie would go a long way to help Stephen King become a household name. His subsequent works such as Salem’s Lot, Pet Sematary, and The Shining may be a bit more famous in that regard, but Carrie was no slouch. I mean, let’s be real, that 1976 film is considered a classic for excellent reason.

In his autobiography “On Writing” (which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone who has even a passive interest in the process that one of the most prolific authors of our time goes through; I read it at least once a year, and it’s really helped me as a writer), King briefly describes the circumstances behind the novel’s conception and production. Two young women - neither still alive by the time of the book’s writing, one referred to as “Tina White” and one as “Sandra Irving,” though King makes it clear that these are aliases to protect the innocent - inspired the character of Carrie White. 

Tina White grew up in poverty, and her family could not afford clothes for her. As a result, she wore the same clothes to school every day, and as children are not as charitable as we may like to believe, she was absolutely hounded for it. “Bullied,” “ridiculed,” “demeaned,” “othered,” whatever buzzword you want to ascribe to this behavior is accurate; the children did not allow her to simply live in peace. After winter break one year, Tina and her brother came to school in brand new clothes, and the children were quick to put them back in their replace and remind them that they were less than. Of course, these clothes were also worn every day with no exception, leading to them eventually falling apart just like the previous outfits.

Sandra Irving, meanwhile, lived with her very religious single mother. In the memoir, King recounts that he was hired to move furniture in the Irving household; upon arriving, he was struck with awe at the massive crucifix that hung over the couch. The cross was so huge, he writes, that if it were to fall off the wall, it would immediately crush whoever was sitting under it. Sandra also dressed in a very peculiar way and unfortunately suffered from intermittent seizures, leading to her also being ostracized by her peers.

Neither of these women lived to the age of 30, sadly - Tina tragically died of suicide, and Sandra passed away during a seizure while she was alone in her apartment. As he developed the character of Carrie White, both of these girls haunted King, and he decided that he wanted to give his character the power to stand up for herself in a way that neither of them could.

Once King had written a portion of the novel, he went back over it only to find that he did not like it. He dropped his manuscript in a trash bin, poured his cigarette ashes over it, and went to bed. Upon arriving home from work the following evening, he found his wife, the great novelist Tabitha King, sitting on his desk reading the ash-smeared excerpt. Once she was finished, she told him that he needed to continue it; she wanted to know how the story ended.  King alludes to this on the novel’s dedication page: “This is for Tabby, who got me into it - and then bailed me out of it.” This probably also had something to do with cocaine, but we’ll just pretend it was only about Carrie!

So like I said last night, I’ve only read Carrie once, when I was a Freshman in high school, thanks to Folsom High School’s excellent library. It was the second novel by King that I’d ever read - the first being Pet Sematary - and I devoured it in two days. Carrie tapped into a kind of fear that is often overlooked in horror media: the fear of social ostracization and isolation. And, really, this fear exists on both sides of the aisle. We as humans are social creatures. We crave connection with others. So, naturally, we’re afraid of being alone, of being mocked by our peers, of being unfairly rebuked by everyone around us. Conversely, we’re also afraid of the bullied, the “loner.” They’re different, therefore they’re scary. We leave them to their own devices or mock them for keeping to themselves, yet we fear the proverbial darkness that may lie beneath. Recent real world events would, of course, demonstrate that these fears are founded, but even outside of that context, these are feelings that horror does not often examine.

Carrie manages to capture both sides of this fear. King wrote his novel in a very peculiar way - though there is some prose, much of the story is told through news articles, eyewitness interviews, police reports, and most importantly, a memoir by the novel’s true protagonist, Susan Snell. Through Sue’s eyes, we’re able to see Carrie through multiple perspectives - during the infamous opening scene of both film adaptations, Carrie has her first period at 16 years old while taking a shower during gym class. Because of her religious upbringing, she has no idea what a period is and panics, believing that she’s dying. The other girls immediately leap upon this new display of weakness and begin to throw period products at her while chanting “plug it up.” Sue Snell is one of these girls, but she quickly realizes that Carrie has no idea what’s happening to her. Once Carrie is sent home, Sue and the rest of the girls are punished for what they did to her, and Sue feels guilty for it. Guilty enough that she asks her boyfriend Tommy to take Carrie to the upcoming prom.

When the novel allows to see from Carrie’s perspective, we not only realize how terrified she really was, but also how terrified she was of her mother. Her mother, Margaret White, the only family she’d ever known, did not tell her what a period was. Margaret tries to convince her that only women who have the sin of attraction have periods, and we’re given a glimpse into the girl’s psyche. She loves her mother and she’s desperate to please her. She fears the version of God that her mother has burned into her memory. She wants to be liked at school, wants the bullying to stop, wants to feel like she has a normal life, just like any of us do. And when she realizes that she has this psychokinetic ability, it emboldens her. No one else she knows can do these things, least of all the girls who’ve gone to make her life Hell, and she finally feels like there’s something special about her.

Last night, I also said that Carrie was the first piece of adult literature to make me feel dysphoric, and that’s honestly a compliment to King’s writing. The story goes on - the girls are punished, one of them decides to team up with her boyfriend to take revenge on Carrie (victim blaming at its finest), Tommy takes Carrie to the prom much to her mother’s protest, and things spiral out of control. 

By the time I read Carrie back in 2007/2008 (who can keep track?), I of course already knew about the film’s climax. The bullies dump pig’s blood on Carrie and Tommy, Tommy dies from being struck by the bucket, and Carrie lets loose her psychokinetic abilities, killing everyone except for Sue. I honestly didn’t expect this during that reading, but that scene felt empowering after all we’d endured through the titular character’s eyes. And looking back with the context of King’s memoir, I’m certain that that was intentional.

So, if you read last night’s review, you’d know that I thoroughly enjoyed the 1976 film. Who wouldn’t? It’s iconic! Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie put on genre-defining performances as Carrie and Margaret White, respectively, and the rest of the cast pulls their weight and then some. Amy Irving as Sue, William Katt as Tommy, fucking John Travolta as Chris’s boyfriend Billy - all great performances! Let’s not forget the excellent cinematography by Mario Tosi and the brilliant score by Pino Donaggio - all superb, all classic, all deserving of the status that the 1976 film as as a horror icon.

I fully expected to be let down by the 2013 adaptation. I love Chloë Grace Moretz as an actress - so much so that we’ll be watching another movie with her in a lead role later in the month - but I went in expecting this movie to be a flaming pile of trash that not even she could save. Sissy Spacek as Carrie is an essential piece of horror canon - no matter how much I enjoy Moretz’s work, how could she possibly fill these shoes?

My friends, I am very, very often wrong about things. This is one of those things. I absolutely fell in love with this adaptation, and I hate the terrible reputation it has.

Carrie - the 2013 film - was re-adapted for screen by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and then revised by Lawrence D. Cohen (again!). This time around, the film was directed by Kimberly Peirce - and let me tell you, having a woman in that chair made a WORLD of difference.

During the 1976 film’s opening, we see a lot of nudity. The girls are naked in the locker room as they pelt Spacek!Carrie with period products, and the camera takes no pains to hide that. We see a lot of shots of breasts, and the camera has a fascination with Carrie’s upper thighs as she checks the blood on them.

The 2013 adaptation does not show us any of this, much to the film’s benefit. It instead focuses on Carrie’s face and hands - her classmates are already fully clothes when they begin to throw tampons and chant “plug it up,” and Carrie is quick to cover herself with a towel. This allows for some great shots where the towel is soaked with her blood, and she smears it on more than just her gym teacher’s clothes.

I should mention now that the setting of the film has been updated from the late 1970s to the contemporary 2010s. A character - Chris, the main bully from the novel and the 1976 film - whips out her phone and begins filming Carrie’s ridicule, an act which actually plays a small part in one of the following scenes and a HUGE part in the film’s climax.

Chloë Grace Moretz is a fantastic Carrie with a performance that, I feel, is just as good as Sissy Spacek’s. However, Margaret White is this time played by Julianne Moore, and I think that she played a MUCH better version of Carrie’s mother. This is NOT to snub Piper Laurie’s performance by any means, let me claire-ify. Laurie’s performance was great, but it also came off as campy and a bit over-the-top at times. As I discovered while doing some quick research for this review, it’s because she was under the impression that Carrie was a black comedy, and she approached the role as such.

Moore, on the other hand, is downright SCARY as Margaret. You can feel the tension in her portrayal. You can see madness and fear bubbling behind her eyes. She self-harms. She weaponizes her religion. Her voice is strained much of the time, and she always seems moments away from lashing out at herself or her daughter.

This portrayal honestly makes the movie that much scarier to me. It feels like there are real stakes for Carrie, even at home. Moretz’s take on Carrie is a lot bolder, but the fear of her mother that she exhibits is so much more real than the material that Spacek was provided with.

The ever-problematic Ansel Elgort appears as Tommy in this film. I hate to admit it, but while he is no William Katt, he still brings a lot of charm and charisma to the role. He and Moretz have such great chemistry - if the sexual assault allegations against him are to be believed (which they should be), then it’s a huge shame that such a charismatic actor is such a terrible person.

Despite those strong performances, however, none of the rest of the cast really stand out. Judy Greer plays Miss Desjardin, the gym teacher, and she just does not compare to the warm performance we got from Betty Buckley in the 1976 film (although this version character was renamed to Miss Collins, probably because Desjardin is a mouthful; thanks, Stephen). The rest of the cast - Gabriella Wilde as Sue Snell, Portia Doubleday as Chris the bully, Alex Russel as Billy Nolan, you get the idea - are just forgettable, whereas I can still vividly remember their 1976 portrayals just as freshly as I could last night.

The film’s climax is where this adaptation makes things VERY interesting. The beats are the same - Chris and Billy set up a bucket of pig’s blood, Carrie and Tommy are artificially elected Prom King and Queen, and the bullies dump the blood all over them - but the execution is what really makes this stand out.

In the 1976 film, it didn’t really seem like Carrie had a whole lot of agency in the destruction of the prom. She was destroying things, sure, but it came off to me like she didn’t really know what she was doing, that she didn’t really have control of her abilities, rather that they were controlling her.

In the 2013 film, however, you get to SEE Carrie murder her ridiculers. She intentionally throws people around, she purposely breaks electric cables and throws them into drink puddles from overturned tables, she deliberately traps people inside. She is for sure in control and in charge, and she revels in it. It’s a VERY powerful scene.

And not all of the prom attendees die! The film goes out of its way to show that many of the students and teachers survive the onslaught - the primary subjects of Carrie’s rampage are those who wronged her. Even Miss Desjardin survives this time around, though, the film shows, with a lot of trauma. And the scene where Carrie destroys Billy’s car with him and Chris inside - delightful.

That’s not to say that everything this remake did was perfect. We’re forced to watch Margaret White give birth to and almost kill Carrie in a new opening scene. She, of course, doesn’t, but it really doesn’t add anything to the narrative. There’s this weird contrived plotline where Sue has morning sickness, and Carrie tells her she’s pregnant with a girl before saving her from the collapsing White home. Some of the performances, as I said above, were pretty wooden and forgettable, and some were downright laughable in a bad way.  I liked Steve Yedlin’s cinematography, though it does not stand out from any contemporary horror movies in a real way, and Marco Beltrami’s score was passable, but lacked the character of the original adaptation. And man, I really miss that Psycho-like panic sound whenever Carrie flexed her powers.

In the end, I think I like both adaptations equally. They each have their pros and cons, and I think they both do justice to King’s novel in their own ways. Rikka ended up preferring tonight’s offering over last night’s, and there’s nothing wrong with that opinion. I think I’ll end up going back to both them, depending on my mood. If my opinion means anything, you really can’t go wrong with either of them.

Tomorrow, we’ll be looking at another, more recent Stephen King adaptation. As I said, "I am unfamiliar with the source material" will be a recurring theme this month, and unfortunately, tomorrow's film falls into that camp.

Day 4: Carrie (1976)

If you've been here for a long time, you'll know that I'm a huge fan of Stephen King. 

Pet Sematary was the first novel of his I'd ever read at the tender age of 15 years old, and Carrie was the second. It's really weird to say that I did something fifteen years ago, but that was the first and also most recent time I ever read Carrie, so my memory is a touch hazy.

Nevertheless, Carrie is the rather infamous debut novel of horror master Stephen King. It's been a widely banned book in the decades since its release - I'm certainly glad it wasn't banned from California libraries, because the first copy I read belonged to the Folsom High School library.

The novel is centered around a sixteen-year-old named Carrie White, who lives a very restrictive life with a controlling religious fanatic of a mother. While showering after gym class, Carrie has her first period and has no idea what's going on. The other girls in the locker room berate her and throw period products at her, leading to her being sent home early.

Carrie realizes that she has telekinetic abilities and begins to hone them. One of her classmates - Sue Snell - takes pity on her and convinces her boyfriend to take Carrie to the prom as an act of kindness. However, things go awry once word spreads, and, well, you know how that goes.

I really loved this novel. I read it at the perfect time in my life. I know it's weird to say that this novel was one of the first pieces of adult media to cause me to experience dysphoria, but hey, here we are.

Carrie isn't really scary in the conventional sense - it incites a very different kind of fear, one of social ostracization, and that's what makes it hit so well.

And, well, Carrie the film more or less hits the same plot points. Adapted to screen by Lawrence D. Cohen and directed by Brian De Palma, Carrie hit the big screen just two years after the novel's 1994 debut. Sissy Spacek plays the titular role flawlessly - you weep for her, you cheer for her, and you're horrified and upset along with her during the film's (and novel's!) infamous climax. Spacek really hit those uncanny facial expressions extremely well. I was very impressed with the contortions she pulled off! The rest of the cast is great as well, with special praise to Piper Laurie as Carrie's mother, Margaret White. Her cadence and the way she can make her voice shrill really stuck with me - she's such a great villain in this movie.

Pino Donaggio's score is another standout. That Psycho-esque sound effect every time Carrie did a psychokinesis - fantastic!

Carrie is worth both a read and a watch. There was a made-for-TV remake in 1999, but I won't be looking at that one this year. Instead, there's a more recent remake that came bundled with this Blu Ray...

Day 3: Silent Hill

My relationship with Silent Hill is interesting. The first time I started up the game was on my PSP when I was a senior in high school. Once I had a Vita, I tried it on that, and also on my PS3 when I had one of those. Despite all of these attempts at playing the game, I've never actually finished it, nor have I made it particularly far. It's not for a lack of interest or even much of a lack of trying; I just hate tank controls (sorry, babe!).

As Adaptation Week goes on, you'll find that the sentiment "I have not consumed/completed the source material" will be a recurring theme. Still, the show must go on.

Silent Hill is a Survival Horror video game that released on the PlayStation 1 in 1999. In the game's opening scene, a man named Harry Mason is driving near Silent Hill with his daughter Cheryl. He swerves to avoid a girl in the road, crashes his car, and loses consciousness. Once he comes to, Cheryl is gone, and he must venture into the town to find her. Shortly upon entering, he is attacked by demons and soon realizes that he must brave the town's fog to find his daughter.

Now, just because I haven't played the game for myself does not mean that I don't know or understand the story. The bottom line is that when Silent Hill draws someone in and sics its demons on them, it's to teach them a lesson. Oftentimes, these protagonists have an awful, complicated past that they're running from, and the town makes them quite literally face their demons.

Sadly, much of this franchise - this movie included - fails to understand this.

Silent Hill is a 2006 adaptation of the first game, written by Roger Avary, Nicolas Boukhrief, and Christophe Gans, with Gans donning the director's helm. The movie very loosely adapts the game - a young girl named Sharon sleepwalks and has night terrors involving Silent Hill, and her mother Rose decides to drive her to the town to try to figure out what's going on with her. After she zooms away from a police officer, Rose swerves to avoid a girl in the road, crashes her car, and loses consciousness. Once she comes to, Sharon is gone, and she must venture into the town to find her. Shortly upon entering, she is attacked by demons and soon realizes that she must brave the town's fog to find her daughter.

Let me start by saying that I actually don't hate this movie. It's not a great adaptation of the source material by any means, but it's inoffensive to me as a casual enjoyer of the franchise. It has some cool ideas and it successfully brings to life a lot of elements straight out of the games. Masahiro Ito has some great designs in that first trilogy, and this movie does them justice for the most part.

I really appreciate that most of the score comes from the first four games in the franchise. The music is perfect. The sound design in general is fantastic - I mean, come on, those sirens are iconic, even in a completely different context like this one. And those visceral demon sounds - yum.

I also love some of the cinematography. There are some shots that come off like they're trying to capture the fixed camera angles from the first game - and it really works in my opinion.

These characters, however, are honestly kind of generic horror movie fodder. They make some really stupid decisions - more than can be explained away by panicking in a tense situation. Generic mother, generic little girl (screaming "SILENT HILL" during the opening lmao), generic police officer... you get the idea.

The plot itself draws a lot of inspiration from the games, but doesn't really execute those ideas in any sort of inspired way. Sharon is a similar enough name to Cheryl, and they play nearly identical roles in the story, but the execution is... strange. Like I said above, Silent Hill is supposed to be a twisted manifestation of its victim's psyche. This means that the demons and people they encounter are twisted reflections of themselves, and they're meant to learn something or die trying. This movie does not understand that.

Everyone knows Pyramid Head. Everyone loves Pyramid Head. He's cool and scary and, along with the famous nurses, is the most famous monster from the franchise. Pyramid Head and the nurses also have no business being in this movie. They are a reflection of James Sunderland, the protagonist of Silent Hill 2. They mean something to him and him alone, no one else. I get that they're cool designs, but to just throw them into anything with Silent Hill in the title because they're recognizable completely misses the point.

In the end, I enjoyed this movie. It's a bad adaptation, but it's at least watchable and has some really cool moments. I'd take it over Homecoming or Book of Memories any day.

Now, how about we return to novels for the next adaptation?

Day 2: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Can you believe I’d never seen this one?

The Rocky Horror Picture show needs no introduction. An adaptation of the 1973 West End musical The Rocky Picture Show, The Rocky Picture Horror Show was released in 1975 to vitriol and shame. Audiences loathed this movie, but it soon gained a cult following that has grown exponentially with time.

The film opens with protagonists Brad Majors and Janet Weiss attending a wedding. Once the ceremony has concluded and the newlyweds have driven off, Brad proposes to Janet and the two are happily engaged until they blow a tire on a remote road on a cold, rainy night. Deciding to visit a castle they drove past and ask to use a phone, Brad and Janet find themselves at the castle of Dr. Frank-n-Furter, played by the excellent Tim Curry, which is currently playing host to a convention.

I’ll just say it: I fucking loved this movie. It’s cheesy, it’s campy, it’s gorgeous, and it’s just so much fun! Each character was cast perfectly, each line delivered flawlessly, each song played beautifully. I of course loved Tim Curry already for films like Clue, Home Alone 2, Muppet Treasure Island, and a whole host of other performances, but my gods, this was the PERFECT role for him! I LOVED Frank-n-Furter in this film! As the principle face of the movie, he carries the rest of the cast on his beautiful shoulders - I absolutely adore this performance.

Throughout this entire viewing, I must have annoyed Aubs and Rikka several times over with how impressed I was by one element in particular - the sets. The SETS! Those beautiful, lovingly-crafted sets! Oh my GODS, those sets must have been a pain in the ass to build, but they worked so well! The church, the cemetery, the castle! Every room was beautiful and immaculately imperfect! And those setpieces! The lift, the stairs, the gaudy beds, that enormous red door that lowers to introduce Eddie! And that Pride-colored aquarium where Rocky was born! The SETS!

Look, CGI has done a wonderful job making it easier than ever to build sets using tools like Unreal rather than building them in the real world, but as I said many times the last time I did this marathon (two years ago!), I am a sucker for anything that’s real. These sets were real. People made those by hand. Call me simple, but the sets and the setpieces were absolutely stunning!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a treat for the eyes and ears. I loved everything about this movie - I want to watch it again with the sing-along lyrics on the screen and the audience reactions and the commentary - I want to watch it again! And again! And again! And maybe even again! I am so glad I chose this as my rebirthday movie. It’s nothing short of perfect, and I cannot wait until I can see it again.

There’s a 2016 remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show starring Laverne Cox which I’m mildly interested in, but I won’t be tackling that one during this particular marathon. Though I’ve not (and may never) consumed the source material, this film is an adaptation of a stage musical. You know what horror cinema has a lot of? That’s right, adaptations. The last time I did this, every adaptation I reviewed was of a novel. While there will certainly be no shortage of those for this adaptation block, what if I took a look at another film that was adapted not from a novel, but from another beloved medium that is near and dear to my heart?

Day 1: The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Well, let's get this started. CW: RAPE So, before tonight, I'd only ever seen parts of this movie with my cousin over a decade ago. I'd never actually sat down and watched it in earnest. Since the October 1st movie during these marathons is traditionally something from Rikka's childhood, we decided to fill that slot with this one. Needless to say, there's an infamous scene in this movie that I was blissfully unaware of before I went in. The Hills Have Eyes is a 2006 Post-Atomic Horror film co-written by Grégory Levasseur and Alexandre Aja, with Aja in the director's chair. A remake of Wes Craven's 1977 horror classic of the same name, The Hills Have Eyes follows the the Carter family as they're on a road trip from Cleveland, Ohio to San Diego, California. Upon taking route advice from a gas station attendant who may not have had their best interests in mind, the family finds themselves stranded with blown out tires in the harsh New Mexico desert. It's soon revealed that their misfortunate occurred at the hands of some people mutated by nuclear radiation thanks to the United States military. I'll start with the things I liked: - Some of the cast members were very pretty - One of the dogs (the one who doesn't die) is a badass - Some of the violence is cool - There's some fun cinematography - There are some pretty funny and memorable quotes: "97% nationwide coverage and we find ourselves in the 3%." "I'd take my bullets over your prayers any day." "He's a democrat, he doesn't believe in guns." And, well, that's pretty much all I really have to say about the "good" in this movie. The early-to-mid 2000s marked a weird transitional period for horror cinema. The Hills Have Eyes is rife with the era's blemishes: stale, wooden performances, stilted dialogue choices that at times insult the audience's intelligence, fake-out jumpscares, flashy and noisy closeups and scene transitions that would put modern Bollywood dramas to shame... you get the idea. Let me actually elucidate that last point for a second: a lot of this movie was just ugly or otherwise unpleasant to look at, and I'm not talking about the characters that are unattractive for the sake of forcing the audience to hate them. There's one scene in particular where one of the ill-fated family members finds a corkboard with pinned newspaper cutouts that conveniently display all of the exposition we need to not think too hard about what's about to happen (since the flick thinks we're idiots). Instead of scrolling over or blinking through the headlines like a sane movie would, it instead flickers through them with annoying flashes and dramatic sound effects. I'm really glad we're past that in modern cinema. Like I said above, there are SOME inspired shots. There's one where the camera follows a mine track and speeds down a slope as if it's on a rollercoaster - that's clever! I kinda miss when movies would do that. But if losing awful transitions means sacrificing fun camera sweeps like that, then good riddance. So, I'm now going to talk about THAT scene. If you ignored my content warning above and are not comfortable with this topic, or you don't want to see me get on a soapbox, please leave right now. The horror genre can be a fantastic vehicle to explore taboo or uncomfortable topics and concepts. A good horror film can explore these things and make the audience experience the terror of these situations without crossing the line into exploitation. The Hills Have Eyes intentionally and maliciously flies over that line. It contains a rape scene that flies about as close to the sun as an R-rated theatrical release can. It revels in its gratuity. It's shock value for its own sake. It disgusted me and I had to pause the movie and step away for several minutes. I almost did not resume playing it. I almost intentionally failed this challenge before it even began. This, of course, is the scene where some of the film's villains tie the family's father to a tree and set it aflame. While most of the cast is pointing and screaming at the fire and clutching and shaking the bleeding heart liberal who's trying to put it out, the archetypical pretty white blonde teenager is left in the family's trailer with her sister's infant daughter. Since the rest of the family is occupied with the burning man, two of the villains break into the trailer and force themselves on the teen. They tear off her clothes, they cover her mouth so she can't scream, and they fight over who gets the pleasure of assaulting her. At one point, one character even runs in, grabs something, and leaves without noticing what's going on just a few feet away from him. I just sold some of you on the flick. That's fine. I hope you enjoy it. There's nothing wrong with doing so. I sure as shit didn't, though. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't find any enjoyment at all in the comeuppance that comes to Brenda's rapists in the final act, but I also just don't think that scene was necessary. At all. I know it was in the Wes Craven original, but... come on. And impaling one of them in the head with an American flag to an electric guitar rendition of the Star-Spangled Fucking Banner? REALLY? Look, if you like The Hills Have Eyes, more power to you. I don't. I really fucking hate this movie. Tomorrow's my rebirthday. Let's move on to something more pleasant, yeah?

Metroid: Samus Returns

"Samus Aran... You must exterminate the Metroids once and for all!"

I originally planned to get this out before Dread released. Unfortunately, the more I played this game, the more I realized that I don’t actually love it as much as I did upon its original release four years ago. I hadn’t played a non-Prime game in years around that time, so Samus Returns felt like Metroid’s triumphant return to glory. 

This time, however, I marathoned the previous three 2D Metroid titles before launching into Samus Returns. After re-experiencing what I loved so much about those beloved games and seeing what Samus Returns actually brought to the table in comparison… I realize that I don’t have nearly as much nice to say as I thought I did.

This game is less than five years old, so just to warn you, spoilers abound.

Metroid Samus Returns is the 2017 Nintendo 3DS remake of the 1991 GameBoy title Metroid II: The Return of Samus. In this game, Samus finds herself under orders to enter the Metroid homeworld of SR388 and commit genocide against all Metroids. And so she does. The Metroid counter starts at 40 and slowly depletes until there are none left.

… And then, suddenly, right in front of her, an egg hatches, and out floats a baby Metroid. Samus raises her arm cannon at it, but as it bounces and dances before her eyes, she realizes that this Metroid hatchling believes that she is its mother. Samus then decides that enough is enough. This hatchling is not a threat. There is no need for further bloodshed.

And thus, Samus departs SR388 with the hatchling in tow, to be kept safe by the Galactic Federation and researched for potential medicinal use. Foreshadowing.

Now, that’s how the original Metroid II ends. Samus Returns decides to throw a ton more combat at you as well as a rather shoehorned fight against Samus’s most famous adversary, Ridley. Once Ridley is dispatched once and for all (yeah, I know), Samus and the Baby THEN finally depart.

So, like I’ve said in the past, I’ve always struggled with the pre-Super Metroid titles. NES Metroid and the original Metroid II just never clicked with me. They were too… clunky. Too limited by their old hardware for my tastes. I of course appreciate what they did for the Metroid franchise and for video games in general, but I just get into them.

As of this writing, I have not played AM2R: Another Metroid 2 Remake. I know that it’s the “preferred” remake of Metroid II, and more power to the fans who built it and those who have played and enjoyed it. I just haven’t gotten around to it, and I honestly don’t know if I ever will. It’s nothing against the developer or the game itself, I’m just not interested in being glued to my computer while trying to play a Metroid game. It’s kinda dumb, I know, but that’s just how it is.

Anyways, Samus Returns was developed by MercurySteam, of Castlevania: Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate fame. They REALLY stepped up their game since that handheld Castlevania title. Samus Returns is actually very enjoyable for the first few hours. Samus has this cool melee counter that you can use to stun enemies with good timing and then down them in one shot, or counter a boss’s powerful attack and then deal massive damage. That move is incredibly fun to utilize and master until you realize that the entire game is built around it and it’s inefficient to just jump and shoot like you would in past titles.

Samus also has the ability to aim in any direction by holding down the L button. This is actually really cool and doesn’t get old - it offers so many options. The only gripe I really have is that you can’t move and aim at the same time; you have to come to a full and complete stop when you aim, and there is no longer an option to just aim upwards or downwards when you’re running. This kind of broke the pace of combat for me; I found myself missing Super Metroid’s simplicity a lot while playing this game.

Samus also has these “Aeion” abilities that allow her to use up some special energy stored in her power suit to do things like scan the environment, prevent damage, turn her arm cannon into a fucking gatling gun that chews through everything in its path, or slow down time (which replaces the speed booster in this game). These actually all have their uses and are really cool to play with. The Lightning Armor especially helped me out of otherwise ugly situations. I’m glad that of all things this game did, Aeion is one of the mechanics that moved forward.

The level design is… there. The game honestly just becomes more frustrating than fun by the end. Everything feels so rigid and limiting. You can’t sequence break and get things early like you were encouraged to in previous games. You often come across items that you just can’t get because you don’t have the proper upgrade, whereas a game like Super Metroid would have another means for you to grab it if you were skilled enough. Every area feels kind of samey, just with different coats of paint here and there. It’s not inherently awful, but it misses so many marks that it just feels a little artificial.

The music in Samus Returns is comprised mostly of remixes from past entries in the franchise. Not just Metroid II, but there are a lot of remixes from the Prime games. There’s honestly not much to write home about here; every single time you enter a fire room, a remix of Metroid Prime’s Magmoor Caverns (which itself is a rearrangement of Super Metroid’s Norfair theme) blares in your ears. You’re also treated to a nice remix of Lower Brinstar, which is admittedly one of my favorite tracks in the series. In terms of music, Samus Returns doesn’t have an identity of its own, which is honestly kind of sad.

Look, I don’t dislike Metroid: Samus Returns - I don’t dislike any game in the franchise (that includes Other M) - but after playing through the games that made the franchise great, Samus Returns is just… well, it’s not my favorite entry. For every step forward it takes, it takes another back. In the end, I’ll play it again, I know I will. I’m a sucker for these games, and this one is at least accessible enough for me to dive back into. I’ll probably even give AM2R a try before all is said and done, who knows?

Now, Metroid Dread is out, and was also developed by MercurySteam. What could they have learned from the feedback from Samus Returns…?

Triple Scoop: Metroid Zero Mission, Super Metroid, and Metroid Fusion

In preparation for Metroid Dread’s imminent release on October 8th, (wow, time flies!) I've spent the past week playing through a few entries in the 2D Metroid saga. Instead of posting individual reviews for each one, I’m opting to combine my thoughts on these three games into one post.

For some background if you need it: the Metroid franchise follows the exploits of freelance intergalactic bounty hunter Samus Aran. Most games involve Samus being hired by the Galactic Federation to carry out some mission or another.

Samus herself was born to human parents on her home planet of K2-L, but they were unfortunately killed by the evil space pterodactyl-dragon, Ridley during a raid by the Space Pirates. Samus was then taken in by the Chozo, a race of bird-like hominids, and raised on the planet Zebes to be a fierce warrior. The Chozo had very advanced technology and created Samus’s Power Suit in order to assist her. They also created both the Metroids (jellyfish-like creatures who can latch onto lifeforms and drain their energy - see the big creature latched onto my Switch in the photo) and a biomechanical AI called Mother Brain, but unfortunately lost control of both. The Chozo are all but extinct by the time Samus reaches adulthood, though recent developments have suggested that this may not be the case.

As a warning, my summaries of these games will contain spoilers, so discretion is advised.

And now, without any further ado, here are my thoughts on the three games I played this week, in timeline order (the order in which I played them).

“EMERGENCY ORDER: EXTERMINATE ALL METROID ORGANISMS ON PLANET ZEBES… AND DEFEAT THE MECHANICAL LIFE-FORM, MOTHER BRAIN.”

Metroid Zero Mission is a 2004 Gameboy Advance remake of the original 1986 NES classic Metroid, in which Samus is hired by the Galactic Federation to infiltrate the Space Pirate base on Planet Zebes and destroy the Metroids that they’ve stolen from the Federation. As she explores the planet, Samus is finally able to exact her revenge on Ridley for killing her parents and then destroy Mother Brain.

Now, Zero Mission is most famous for introducing the Zero Suit, which Samus canonically wears under her Power Suit (see the blue-suited figure on the left of my photo for reference). Once she escapes the Space Pirate base as it self-destructs, Samus is unfortunately captured by the Space Pirates and stripped of her Power Suit. Armed with only her Zero Suit and an admittedly useless stun pistol, Samus must get back to her ship and escape.

Honestly, Zero Mission is the closest I can get to actually playing through the original Metroid. I’ve fired up the NES classic many, many times over the years on several different platforms (GBA, Wii, Wii U, 3DS, Switch… pretty much anything but original hardware), but I am just too casual to actually play through that game. It’s beyond my skills, and I am in awe of anyone who can actually muscle through it.

Metroid: Zero Mission is a great entry point to the franchise. Unfortunately, it’s not as widely available as some of the others. You can buy it on the Wii U eShop for $7.99 (that’s how I played), but the actual cartridge can go for well over $100 these days, and it’s unfortunately not yet available on Nintendo Switch. Hopefully that changes soon, but if you know where to look, you can easily find a rom of the game and emulate it as well.

“The last Metroid is in captivity. The galaxy is at peace…”

Super Metroid (Metroid 3) is the 1994 SNES sequel to the 1991 Gameboy game (the original Gameboy, not the color) Metroid II: The Return of Samus. Following the dramatic events of that game - in which Samus has committed genocide against all Metroids on orders from the Galactic Federation, except for one final hatchling which thinks that Samus is its mother and is now in Federation custody - Samus receives a distress call that states that the space station Ceres, where the hatchling is being held, is under attack by Space Pirates. Samus arrives too late and watches as a now-revived Ridley flees with the tiny creature. Samus then gives chase back down to the surface of Zebes, where the Space Pirates have not only rebuilt their base, but have also cloned the Metroids and revived Mother Brain.

As Samus infiltrates the base, she re-kills Ridley and Kraid and meets some new Space Pirate monstrosities. As she comes close to Mother Brain’s lair, however, she’s suddenly attacked by a giant Metroid who nearly completely drains her of her energy, only to stop at the very last instant and flee in presumed horror. After Samus recovers her energy and fights Mother Brain, she finds that the AI has grown more powerful than ever before. As she comes within an inch of her life, the giant Metroid flies in and drains Mother Brain of nearly all of her energy and gives it to Samus.

The giant Metroid is the hatchling, who still recognizes Samus as its mother. As Mother Brain recovers and begins attacking again, the Metroid hatchling sacrifices itself by blocking Mother Brain’s attack, thus allowing Samus to finish her off once and for all.

Super Metroid is my favorite 2D Metroid game. It absolutely nails the music and atmosphere in a way that no other game in the franchise does. I do admit to having a bias here, however. In December 2009, my uncle dusted off his old SNES so that we could play through it together. That was my first experience with Super Metroid, and is honestly the best first playthrough I could have ever asked for. While I was a huge fan of the Metroid Prime games - the 3D side of the franchise - playing through Super Metroid with my uncle and learning some of his strats for sequence breaks and early upgrades really drove home the open nature of the 2D games in the franchise. I don’t think I’d love the 2D Metroid games nearly as much as I do if it wasn’t for that formative experience.

Super Metroid is, of course, not easy to obtain if you want to play on actual hardware. A fully-functioning authentic cartridge can go for around $100, and that’s assuming you even have hardware to play it. However, it is readily available on Wii U Virtual Console, Nintendo 3DS Virtual Console, and Nintendo Switch Online via the SNES app (that’s how I played this time!). If, like me, you’re fortunate enough to have obtained a SNES Classic Edition, it’s also available there.

“As for me, one life ended… yet I survived, reborn as something different. Pondering this fact, I realize… I owe the Metroid hatchling my life twice over.”

Metroid Fusion (Metroid 4) is the 2002 Gameboy Advance Sequel to Super Metroid. Upon a routine expedition back to SR388 with the Galactic Federation’s Biologic research team, Samus is accosted by a life form she’s never encountered before: the X parasite. It invades Samus’s body and mutates her, fusing her with portions of her suit, which have to be surgically removed. The Galactic Federation quickly realizes that having Samus commit genocide was not the play- the Metroids were created by the Chozo to be predators of the X parasite. Unfortunately, now that all of the Metroids are gone, the X are free to do as they please.

The X live to essentially kill their prey from the inside and transform into them. They then gain all of the memories and abilities of their victims, but do not gain any of their emotions. Thankfully, the Galactic Federation had some cells from the Metroid Hatchling that they were able to introduce into Samus’s system, curing her of the X infection and essentially turning her into a sort of human-Metroid hybrid. Samus is then granted a new suit, the Fusion suit (which looks super cool, I’ll put a pic in the comments) as well as a new ship loaded up with a Federation AI.

It’s not long after Samus recovers that she’s sent to Biologic’s research ship to help fight off the invading X parasite. Unfortunately, shortly after arriving, Samus learns that the remains of her power suit were kept on the ship and have been absorbed and mimicked by X. Dubbed the “SA-X” by Samus’s ship’s AI (who she nicknames Adam because he reminds her of her commanding officer from her days in the Federation), the suit has all of Samus’s memories and old abilities, but not her consciousness to actually use it for good.

The SA-X is actually a really cool threat. Metroids are weak to ice, and the Ice Beam is one of the final weapons that Samus receives in most games. Since her old Power Suit had the Ice Beam and Samus is now part Metroid, she is now SUPER vulnerable to the SA-X. There are some really cool segments where the thing chases you around as you desperately search for somewhere to hide while evading the ice beam - it’s AWESOME.

Eventually, Samus learns that the Federation was using the Biologic lab to - you guessed it! - clone Metroids. They also plan to use the SA-X as a weapon, thinking they can somehow control the damn thing. Adam is annoyingly loyal to the Federation, admonishing Samus anytime she so much as exhales in a way that the Federation does not like. Eventually, Samus grows frustrated and accidentally calls the AI by the nickname she gave it and reveals that the real Adam died protecting her during the events of Metroid: Other M. The AI then reveals that it actually IS the real Adam! He had his brain scanned and backed up by the Federation, and Samus reminding him of his sacrifice awoke his actual consciousness in the AI.

Samus and Adam team up, set the space station on a collision course to Zebes - which it’s ordering - defeat the SA-X and an Omega Metroid (which the SA-X realizes it can’t win against and gives its powers to Samus) and then escape, vowing to tell the Federation the truth of what the SA-X is and why it’s a terrible idea to militarize it.

Of these three games, Metroid Fusion is my least favorite. It’s not bad by any means, but it’s very linear. You’re basically railroaded to go Adam’s way or the highway, and it can be a bit frustrating when you’re used to being able to go where you please. The game does open up towards the end, but it’s just not the same as being able to find things as you explore.

Like Zero Mission, Metroid Fusion is available on Nintendo Wii U Virtual Console and nowhere else legally. While it’s not quite as pricey as Zero Mission, an authentic cartridge for Fusion can run you at least $60.

Fusion and Zero Mission have very fast-paced gameplay, while Super Metroid is a little slower and more thoughtful. They all have the same loop, more or less - explore, find shit, explore, fight shit, explore, escape explosion. Super Metroid in particular is what inspired the “Metroidvania” genre, started by Castlevania: Symphony of the Night and leading to titles such as Hollow Knight, Guacamelee, and Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night.

The music in the GBA titles can be kind of grating at times, but Super Metroid’s soundtrack is absolutely stellar. There are no bad songs in Super Metroid - in fact, many of its songs have been remixed and used in later games in the franchise, such as the Metroid Prime games. Even Super Smash Bros has great remixes of Super’s themes - Kenji Yamamoto really outdid himself with that one.

The Metroid franchise is very near and dear to my heart, and I’m glad I got to take this trip down memory lane. I can’t help but allow my hype levels for Metroid Dread to fly off the charts; I’ve been waiting for a new original game in the franchise since 2010, and I cannot wait to sink my teeth into this one.

Now, you may have noticed that I did not mention playing through Metroid II: The Return of Samus. Well, like with the original Metroid, I just do not mesh with the Gameboy game for some reason. It’s just too archaic for my tastes, I’m sorry. However, in 2017, Metroid II was remade and released on Nintendo 3DS as “Metroid: Samus Returns.” Though I played all of the others in timeline order, I decided to save this one for last. It’s not only the most recent entry in the franchise, it was also developed by MercurySteam, the studio who worked on Metroid Dread. Since Dread seems to be using some of the new mechanics introduced in Samus Returns, I’m currently replaying it so that I can have a good feel for how everything works by the time I get my hands on Dread.

Until then, everyone, take claire!

Rank 1: Final Fantasy VII Remake

Yes, I loved it that much.

Final Fantasy VII was a game that I coveted in my youth. Once I found out that Cloud from Kingdom Hearts (raise your hand if you just fumed at that descriptor) had his own video game, I sought this thing out far and wide for years. Eventually, my persistence would pay off when I discovered a complete copy in a local game store.

I feel like I don't even need to state this, but Final Fantasy VII was nothing short of groundbreaking upon its 1997 release. It set the bar for what a 3D JRPG should be. It had a deep, complex, emotional story, a fantastic soundtrack, stunning FMV cutscenes, a massive world to explore, and an advanced, engaging iteration of the series' signature ATB battle system. That's not even to mention the Materia system - you could level up your magic and combine different slots to get cool effects in battle! Want Tifa to punch fire at people? Great, smack Fire and Elemental Materia onto her gloves! There was so much playing around you could do - this game was so large and immersive that it had to be played across three discs.

Of course, all of this is ignoring the fact that I didn't procure my copy until 2009. While I could recognize FFVII's influence over concurrent games at the time, it also felt... old. Outdated. It was really cool to experience a piece of history, but it didn't quite capture my attention at 16 years old. As I grew older, however, I gained a new appreciation for classic RPGs, and I was eventually able to complete the game before this Remake came out. It was glorious.

A remake of the game was long rumored to be in development behind the scenes at Square, following that infamous PS3 tech demo shown off waaaaaay back in 2006. In 2015, it was officially announced to be in development for PS4, and now here we are 5 years later.

Now, Final Fantasy VII Remake is a bit more divisive than Square perhaps anticipated. This entry covers the opening act of the original and ends when our ragtag band of misfits escape the cyberpunk streets of Midgar. In the original Final Fantasy VII, that arc generally took 4 - 5 hours to get through. In Remake, however, my story playthrough clocked around 50 hours of playtime.

This is not a 1:1 remake of Final Fantasy VII. Hell, I think calling it a "remake" at all is inaccurate to an extent. This game is an adaptation of the original Final Fantasy VII, with the plot massively expanded to add new context and understanding to the events of the classic game.

The game hits most of the same story beats. You take the role of Cloud Strife, a 21-year-old ex-SOLDIER who is recruited into Avalanche, an ecoterrorist group who wants to liberate the planet from the iron grasp of Shinra, a company that is leeching the planet's energy to power its cyberpunk society and maintain its power. Yeah, not very subtle.

I sincerely enjoy this game. It's absolutely beautiful. With the added scenes, the story becomes even more compelling, weaving the new content into the old and creating something that feels brand new. The voice performances are stellar as well! With the exception of a few outliers, this game has actors who have been in very few (if any) projects before it. Everyone performs beautifully.

Famed Final Fantasy VII composer Nobuo Uematsu returned for this game's soundtrack. His new arrangements of classic tracks are a treat to listen to, and there's a plethora of new stuff too! He truly outdid himself here. In particular, there's a new arrangement of One Winged Angel - the most famous track from the original game - that has become my favorite version of the song.

The battle system especially is amazing. The Materia system returns and is as immersive as ever! You can upgrade weapons to deal more damage or to grant more Materia slots. Each weapon also has a unique skill that, once mastered, is permanently added to its wielder's repertoire for use with other weapons. The battling itself feels like Square took the best parts of Kingdom Hearts, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy XIII, and Final Fantasy XV, and mashed them all together to create something that feels both fresh and familiar.

I can't really say much more about this game without getting into spoilers. Final Fantasy VII Remake is a triumph. It completely defied my expectations and redefined what I thought a video game remake can be. There is so much in this package, and I cannot wait until the next entry.

Yeah, I'll discuss this now. Final Fantasy VII Remake is a planned series of games that will continue to retell and expand the story of the original game. This is controversial, and many feel that we received an incomplete package as a result.

I would like to dispute these claims. Final Fantasy VII Remake is a complete game. It tells *a* full story. It turns the Midgar arc into a full narrative that wraps up most of its plot threads, but leaves the threads necessary to tell *the* full story through its sequels.

I honestly feel like a lot of this game's detractors haven't played it, haven't played the original, or haven't played either and are just hopping on the hate wagon. Anyone who can look at the original objectively without nostalgia-tinted glasses will find that the story, while groundbreaking for the time, would not hold up to our modern expectations of what a JRPG's plot should be. It lacks a lot of nuance and doesn't do a great job of conveying itself. I'm not saying that a modern RPG needs to beat you over the head with exposition, but fans of the modern genre expect a certain level of detail that the original lacks. If we had received a 1:1 remake of the original with a fresh coat of paint, I don't think that it would have been received well at all.

Strawman arguments aside, I loved every second of this game. Please give it a shot - it's on sale for $30 on PSN right now, and it was well worth the 50 hours I put into it. In fact, I'll be returning to Midgar shortly to earn my Platinum trophy.

Rank 2: Persona 5 Royal

So, by a show of hands, how many of you expected this to be Rank 1? Please, don't be shy - I also expected this to be Rank 1, and to be honest, I consider the two to be in a tie for my favorite gaming experience this year.

Now, do NOT get me wrong - Persona 5 is still my favorite video game of all time, that hasn't changed. If I was allowed to have two games in Rank 1, you bet this would be up there! Why is it Rank 2, then? Well, it's because Persona 5 Royal isn't exactly a brand spanking new gaming experience.

You all know how much I love Persona 5, and as I predicted, Royal indeed improved upon perfection. However, for those of you who may not be aware, Persona 5 Royal is essentially an expanded and remixed version of the original Persona 5. My first 140 or so hours in the game were spent reliving a story I'd already been through a few times before - albeit with new characters and elements mixed in to keep things fresh. The bulk of this package's new content lies in the final 30 or so hours of the game, which poses a fascinating new scenario for our heroes to deal with.

You know how Persona 5 is known for its unique style and presentation? Royal has even MORE of that! Without a PS3 port to hold it back, Royal is able to present itself even more proudly than the original Persona 5 could. There's more of the fantastic soundtrack. There are more lovable characters. There are new elements to the battle system. There are more ways to just hang out with your friends instead of Phantom Thieving. Persona 5 Royal is just... more. It's more Persona 5, and that's the best it could have been. I was a little disappointed in how easy it was to earn the Platinum trophy - I did so at the end of my first playthrough - and Royal is a bit easier overall, but those are just personal nitpicks.

All of the original content is still here - you can even get the original ending if you really want (though the new Royal ending tugged at my heart strings even more than the original's).

If you've already played and loved Persona 5, then Royal is definitely worth your time. While your save from vanilla Persona 5 does not transfer over, you do get a small bonus for letting Royal read your data. It's not much, but hey, Kamoshida's Palace is kind of a pain on a fresh playthrough, so the extra stuff is helpful.

If you have not played Persona 5, however, and you are a fan of the franchise or a fan of JRPGs in general, please give Persona 5 Royal a shot. It is without a doubt the proudest video game ever made, and is still my personal favorite of all time.

So, if I can put my favorite video game of all time at Rank 2 on this list, what on Earth is Rank 1? Well, stick around - the answer may surprise you yet.

Rank 3: Resident Evil 3

I don't know how many of you know this, but I am a MASSIVE fan of the Resident Evil franchise. My first was Resident Evil 0 on Nintendo Gamecube, and the rest is history.

Resident Evil 3 is a modern remake of Resident Evil 3: Nemesis. Released on April 3rd of this cursed year, this game packed a major punch.

Resident Evil 3 has you once again fill the shoes of Jill Valentine, one of the survivors of the mansion incident from the first Resident Evil. Jill finds herself being hunted by a grotesque abomination who wants to take down all surviving members of STARS - as evidenced by his occasional droning of the word "STARS" - and Jill must escape his clutches and, ultimately, Raccoon City.

So, I never played the original Resident Evil 3: Nemesis. I just never had the opportunity. I'd heard a lot of mixed feedback on this entry, so I was a bit concerned with what I may encounter.

I'll keep this short: I loved this game. It's not as good as last year's Resident Evil 2 remake, but that's okay! I loved the new designs for Jill and Carlos. I loved the dodge system and how rewarding it was to master. I loved how green herbs actually played more of a role than just being health pickups. I don't think Nemesis was nearly as terrifying as Resi 2's Tyrant, but I love how ridiculous he is. Casually shooting at Jill with an RPG, nbd.

I grabbed this game on a Black Friday sale, and I'm glad I did. It was a phenomenal experience and I can't wait to go back to it to complete the Platinum trophy. Resident Evil 3 (or 3make) is a wonderful addition to the franchise, and it leaves me hopeful for the rumored Resident Evil 4 remake as well as Resident Evil VIII.

2020 games of the year: Runners-Up

This year has been brutal, but there was no shortage of new games to play. In total, I purchased or was gifted 13 new games, but I only played three of them to completion.

Here are the other 7 games that I would have liked to rank. With the exception of 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim - which I received as a Christmas gift - I have started up each of the games facing outward, but have not finished them. I cannot in good conscience give an opinion on a piece of media that I have not consumed, so these are sorted by platform and release date, not in any sort of actual ranked order.

Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore - This is an updated port of a Wii U game. The Shin Megami Tensei and Fire Emblem series are two of my favorite franchises, so this crossover is one I was looking forward to forever. Unfortunately, I never played much of the original Wii U release, and the Switch port doesn't quite have me deviating from that track record. Hopefully someday...

Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition - This is a full HD remake of the original Xenoblade Chronicles on Nintendo Wii. I loved the idea of the original Wii version, but I could not get past the character models, which looked like they were ripped directly from the early PS2 era. This Switch remake, in contrast, is absolutely gorgeous to look at, and I cannot wait to sink my teeth into it when I have more time.

Paper Mario: The Origami King - I've never been a mega fan of the Paper Mario franchise. I enjoyed the first three, sure, but as a JRPG buff, they were never my favorite JRPGs. I absolutely adore the writing in these games, and as far as I've gotten in this game, it looks to be no exception. This is another one for me to enjoy when I have more bandwidth.

DOOM Eternal - I only played a tiny bit of the first chapter in this one, as I have not yet finished DOOM 2016. This one seems to be more visceral than its predecessor, so I'm pretty excited. DOOM 2016 is great so far too, don't get me wrong, but I'm probably gonna bum rush the rest of it so I can dive into this one.

Ghost of Tsushima - This is an absolutely massive and beautiful game, and the plot so far is as gut-wrenching as I'd expect a Samurai story to be. I actually really wanted to finish this one by the year's end and give it an official ranking, but it unfortunately turned out to not yet be in the cards. Soon, though...

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim - Like I said, I haven't even started up this one yet. I've heard amazing things about it, and now that my boyfriend has bought it for me as a Christmas gift (and, unrelated, my first gaming PC! Thanks, cutie!), I'm pretty excited to give it a shot. Probably after Tsushima.

Spider-Man: Miles Morales - Believe me, I am just as surprised as you are that I haven't finished this one yet. Spider-Man PS4 is one of my favorite games on the platform and is my favorite superhero game of all time, so I thought this one would be a no-brainer for this list. Unfortunately, though, it came out at a time when I had several other games going on, so I haven't been able to devote the time it deserves. This is the game I've put the most time into out of everything on the list, and I've heard it's pretty short and sweet, so maybe I will finish it by the end of the year. For now, though, it waits.

So, you might be wondering what I *did* play this year, and what my ranking is going to look like. Hell, if you know me, I bet you have a guess for the number one slot. Well, starting tomorrow, I'll be counting down the 3 new games I actually played through start to finish this year, so stay tuned!

Final Thoughts: An Autopsy

I did it. I survived 31 days of horror media. 31 horror films and 1 binge of a tv show later, it's finally over.

Honestly, it was difficult to keep up the momentum. There were several times where I thought I was going to break the chain, that I wasn't going to slam out some reviews before the stroke of midnight, only to find that the compulsion of inspiration kept me going. This was as much for you, my audience, as it was for me.

If you live anywhere east of my native PST timezone (or if you're one of the few who have been following these reviews on my Tumblr blog, where a few of these were posted after midnight because my Facebook audience is my primary audience), then you may not have realized just how close some of these came to not coming out on time.

You may also not realize that - with the exception of Hill House, which I binged from October 1st - October 8th so I could review it on the 9th (we watched The Covenant that evening, which was by design because I did NOT want to review that flick) - I was actually watching these films the same evening that I was writing and posting the reviews. Some of these were LONG, and if I didn't hit play early enough in the evening, then there was trouble. Crimson Peak was the one that cut it the closest - that one hit my Facebook page at 11:58 PM on October 17th, and WAY after midnight on Tumblr. A few of them cut it similarly close, but oh god, I was really scared that THAT was going to be the end of me.

And that's the thing - I told myself that any one of these that landed on Facebook after midnight would be the last one for the month. As asinine as that may seem, there were two primary reasons for this:

1. I wanted to hold myself accountable to a deadline. If I failed to hit that deadline, then I was off the project, simple as that.

2. I wanted an out in case things became too much. It would have been really easy to write a review and just let it sit in my phone until after midnight, and then resign myself to not completing this thing.

Still, we're not in the timeline where that happened. I succeeded. WE succeeded. We're finally out of the woods.

I did attempt this last year, but Rikka and I had to move right as things were getting going, so the reviews were sporadic and didn't have any sense of cohesion. This time, I tried to keep similar films together the best that I could, even if the order didn't always make sense. I'll post a photo of the "master list" in the comments so that you guys can see how many iterations this thing went through.

Will I do this again next year? I'm not sure. It may not seem like it, but this took up a LOT of time and energy. I'd like to have some sort of Halloween tradition like this, but I don't know if I'm going all-in like this again. If I do, I won't keep my reviews limited to just movies. Horror is my favorite genre in all entertainment media, and there are whole worlds of horror I'd like to discuss that exist outside the realm of cinema. This would also allow Rikka and me to not have to devote every evening to a horror film, which is a small victory.

That's not even to mention that my favorite thing to review was The Haunting of Hill House on October 9th. Out of everything I watched over the course of October, that was the only thing that really got under my skin and made me check the dark of my bedroom or turn on my phone's flashlight to make sure nothing was staring at me. That show is honestly my favorite piece of horror media, and I invite all of you to watch it and read the novel. They're both fantastic. There's a reason that Hill House is the longest review and the one that I put the most effort into.

I did learn a lot about the horror genre and my relationship with it throughout the course of the month. I learned what works, what scares me, what scares others, and what's not scary. I learned that the most effective way to scare someone is to make them feel like the stakes endanger their loved ones - thanks, Hill House! I learned that what's scary isn't necessarily what you see, but rather what you don't see. There's a lot of power in leaving an entity or a monster to the imagination. A scary sound, a horrified expression on someone's face, a panicked description of something, perhaps a brief glimpse at part of what's invoking that pants-shitting, and you have a much more effective scare than any jump scare or creature design could illicit.

Lastly, I have some thanks. I want to start by thanking Aubrey, Jeff, and Jossie, who had to endure my endless prattling about this project on a near-daily basis and still provided great moral support. It's finally over, my friends, you don't have to hear about it again. I want to thank Rikka, who so graciously allowed me to monopolize our living room TV every evening and even sat through most of these with me. And, finally, I want to thank each and every one of you who read and reacted or responded to even a single review. You made this worth it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take some time away from the things that go bump in the night. As I keep stating, Horror is my favorite genre, so I won't be away for long, but I need some time to myself. And who knows? You may see a review from me sooner than you think, even if it's not of a movie.

Until then, my faithful friends, Clairewell.

Day XXXI-2: Fear PHarm

Dear Kevin,

I have to admit, this flick would not be on my radar if you hadn't told me about it. When you did, I initially handwaved it, saying that I would get to it "eventually." I had a lot of other movies to get through this month, after all, and I didn't want to go through the effort of trying to find what looked (and reviewed) like a terrible horror flick.

But as I thought about it more and more as the month wore on, I realized that I was being harsh. You are a valued friend, and, well, horror is my favorite genre. I should be more open to venturing off the beaten path. Nearly everything I looked at this month is firmly in the mainstream, and I haven't even scratched the surface of low-budget indie horror. Even if an indie flick is bad, it's still a labor of love, blood, sweat, and tears

Still, I want to make one thing clear: the only reason I watched Fear PHarm is because you're in it, albeit it in a bit part. Remembering the conversation we had about how a real friend would pay to see your work, I resisted the urge to sail the high seas for it and found it for rent on Prime Instant Video. And, well, here we are.

As you already know, Fear PHarm is a 2020 horror flick written by Mark S. Allen, Howard Burd, and Dante Yore, with Yore also serving as the flick's director. The principle cast is comprised of tropey high school seniors Brandon, Wendy, Rustin, and Melanie, who venture into a corn maze owned by Hershel, a businessman who really likes to remind people that he runs a family business. After Melanie's "special stamp" in the maze entrance marks her as the 10,000th visitor that season, the group gets to experience the "VIP maze experience," a special maze with a $5,000 to $10,000 cash prize waiting for them at the end if they can complete it in a timely manner. Once they begin their journey, however, they soon discover that everything is not as it seems, and they're being hunted by the maze's masked haunts.

I can say truthfully that going in with extremely low expectations was the way to go. I enjoyed my 80 minutes. I enjoy flicks that know exactly what they are and don't try to be anything more, and Fear PHarm is delightfully self-aware. There is a unique twist once the flick decides to reveal itself and- well, you already know what it is.

Your cameo in this flick is great! While I'm not ashamed to remind you that I actually asked where you appeared, I wish I hadn't. You were nigh impossible to miss, so I hope that any of our peers who sit down to watch this and catch you bear that in mind and are more patient than I. I do wish your role was a bit larger, but it was fun seeing you have fun! In fact, the best part of Fear PHarm is that it looks like everyone on set had a blast.

Thanks for the recommendation, Kev. I enjoyed my time watching your flick. While it's certainly not a masterpiece by any means - in your words, "They can't all be Paranormal Activity," - there's a lot of fun to be had here. Fear PHarm serves as a reminder that venturing off into smaller local productions, even if they don't review well, is a worthwhile endeavor. And hey, it's not super often you see Davis, Dixon, and Pleasant Grove listed as filming locations in a movie's credits. Hell, it helps that I've been to the corn maze at Cool Patch Pumpkins in Dixon, so it was a little surreal knowing that it was one of the featured mazes.

I hope that you're doing well down in Los Angeles, Kevin. I look forward to grabbing that beer we talked about whenever the pandemic allows one of us to venture to the other's corn field. Now that you're down there, though, I hope that you have opportunities to be in more film productions. It's always nice to see someone you know personally on screen, after all.

Take claire, my friend. I hope that this review, my final for the month, is to your satisfaction.

Dearest Regards,

Claire

P.S.: You're still dead to me.

Day 31: Halloween (2018)

At last, we've arrived at the end of things.

Halloween is the 2018 sequel to the 1978 film Halloween. Though there were a TON of sequels to the first film, this one retcons everything and brings us back to the roots. Our team of writers consists of David Gordon Green, Jeff Fradley, and Danny McBride, with Green sitting in the Director's seat. Jamie Lee Curtis headlines once again, reprising her role as Laurie from the first film.

Usually these "decades later" sequels suck, and that's kind of an unfortunate truth. Oftentimes, new creative teams completely miss the mark of what made the original great, and the resulting product is a disappointing mess. I am so happy to say that this is not the case with this film.

Halloween (2018) kicks ASS! Jamie Lee Curtis fucking KILLS it in this return to her debut. Laurie, quite understandably, has a bad case of PTSD after surviving Michael Myers's original killing spree 40 years ago. Now in reclusive retirement and with a strained relationship with her daughter Karen and granddaughter Allyson, Laurie is trying her best to continue forward, but can't stop looking over her shoulder, which creates problems in large crowds or public settings. Michael (who partially reprised by Nick Castle from the 1978 film and franchise newcomer James Jude Courtney for most of the film) is in captivity, having been caught shortly after the events of the first film, but when a pair of podcasters from across the pond bring him his mask to try to stir him up so they can get a story from them, he escapes and begins wreaking havoc in Haddonfield, Illinois once again.

We're treated to some pretty fantastic performances here. Aside from Curtis's and Courtney's scene-stealing presentation, Judy Greer is great as Karen, and almost all of the young actors put on a believable show. Andi Matichak as Allyson stands out among them, of course, but Virginia Gardener as Allyson's best friend Vicky, Miles Robins as Vicky's boyfriend Dave, and Dylan Arnold as Allyson's boyfriend Cameron are pretty good too. I have to give props to Jibrail Nantambu as Julian, a young boy who Vicky babysits in the film. He is a laugh and a half and has great comedic cadence and timing for such a young actor, even when faced with some of the film's more tense scenes. I really hope we see him cast in more films.

John Carpenter returns to this film's score with his son Cody Carpenter and composer Daniel Davies in tow. The many different renditions of the original Halloween theme are so great to hear! The dramatic ambience and heartbeat sounds during tense scenes had me at the edge of my seat, and I was sitting on the floor!

Michael Simmonds's cinematography works so well in this film! There are so many tense shots framed JUST right to get to get that claustrophobic feel I love so much. There's one sequence in particular that's filmed in a long continuous shot for several minutes, and it's nothing short of eye candy.

I love how this film ended. Without spoiling too much, it could have been a definitive ending, but also left open the possibility for follow-up films. And, well, this was successful enough that there are two more entries planned - Halloween Kills in 2021 and Halloween Ends in 2022. If those sequels can keep up the momentum and quality on display in Halloween 2018, then I'm all for it.

And that, my friends, is a wrap. 31 days and 31 horror films later-

"WAIT!"

... Huh?

"You didn't review 31 films. You only reviewed 30."

I... What are you talking about? I reviewed a film every single day this month.

"Nope. You reviewed a TV show on Day 9, remember?"

... Well-

"So if you don't review one more film, you'll be a liar and a massive fraud, and everything you've done so far will have been for nothing."

...

"Best get to it, the clock's ticking."

... Oh gods...

Day 30: Halloween (1978)

The original plan was to include Rob Zombie's Halloween film from 2008 in this final block, but then we learned that it actually came out in 2007, so the joke would have been lost. Also, it apparently sucks, so

Halloween is a 1978 slasher masterpiece written by Debra Hall and John Carpenter, who also served as the director. The film starts with the POV of an apparently (if the height of the cameraperson is anything to go by) very tall 6-year-old named Michael Myers, who murders his sister on Halloween 1963 and is sent to Smith's Grove sanitarium. 15 years later, he escapes and heads back to his hometown so he can kill some more.

Believe it or not, I haven't seen this film in its entirety before tonight. I've caught bits and pieces from when my cousin would have it on when we were kids, but this is the first time I've ever actually watched it. Rikka's seen the Rob Zombie remake, but otherwise she's in the same boat.

The great Jamie Lee Curtis headlines our cast in her debut role as Laurie, a high school girl who notices on Halloween 1978 that she's being stalked by some creep in a mask. That creep, it turns out, is now-21-year-old Michael Myers (played by Nick Castle and Tony Moran), who apparently just loves to kill teenagers. We also have Donald Pleasance as Dr. Sam Loomis, who served as Michael's psychiatrist and is trying to find him along with Sheriff Leigh Brackett (Charles Cyphers), the father of Laurie's friend Annie (Nancy Loomis). PJ Soles and John Michael Graham feature as kill fodder characters Lynda and Bob, and our principal cast is rounded out with Brian Andrews as Tommy and Kyle Richards as Lindsey, some kids who the main girls babysit.

Someone did their math wrong. We have Michael age 6 and Michael age 23 in the credits, yet Michael age 6 exists in 1963 and Michael age 23 exists in 1978. Somehow, Michael aged two extra years in the fifteen years between '63 and '78, I guess.

I honestly can't buy any of the teenage characters as teenagers, though that might just be a 70s thing. Jamie Lee Curtis delivered the best performance of the young cast, and I can certainly see why she became known as a Scream Queen. The adult performances were sort of hammy, but I think the film was going for that B-movie feel. Michael Myers has what is probably the second most famous breathing sound in cinematic history, right behind Darth Vader - I adore it.

The cinematography impressed me - Dean Cundy set up some pretty tight, claustrophobic shots when Michael was off killing, and there were some cool subtle shots involving our killer in the background. This film has a surprisingly small amount of blood for a Slasher feature, and the blood we did see didn't look particularly convincing, but that just lends to the B-movie feel.

John Carpenter's score is absolutely incredible. I mean, come on, EVERYONE knows the Halloween theme, even people who have never seen the film. It's just as iconic to the film's identity as Myers' silly William Shatner mask.

I really don't like the way Halloween frames mental health. There's this implication that the mentally ill are skeevy murderers. I don't think that Carpenter and Hall necessarily meant for that to come through, but it still just feels a little gross. Sure, there have been mentally ill serial killers throughout history, but... well, you know. I kinda wish it didn't come off that way.

Despite its issues, Halloween was a fun watch! I can absolutely understand why it's considered a grandparent of the Slasher genre and why Jamie Lee Curtis had such a successful career stemming from it. I'm sure that this film is beloved by many of you who might read this, and I completely get it. I had a fun 90 minutes.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and that means that this review series is finally coming to a close. Halloween itself had a ton of sequels, a remake, and a sequel to that remake. However, in 2018 - 40 years after the original film's release - another sequel came out, one that retcons everything after the first film...

Day 29: Late Phases

I've got to give yet another shoutout to my good friend Jeffery for recommending Late Phases. This is my kind of indie horror film.

TW: ANIMAL DEATH

Late Phases is a 2014 werewolf film written by Eric Stolze and directed by Adrián García Bogliano. It stars Nick Damici as Ambrose McKinley, a blind Vietnam war vet who moves to a retirement community with his seeing-eye dog, Shadow. The night that Ambrose moves in is also the night of a full moon, and the two fall victim to a werewolf attack. Unfortunately, Shadow is mortally wounded, and Ambrose has to put him down. After learning that fatal animal attacks occur once a month, Ambrose begins to put two and two together and prepares to take this thing down.

This film is FANTASTIC! I especially love Damici's performance as Ambrose, who has nothing to prove and nothing to live for, only something worth dying for. He's so snarky and bitter and it's a joy to hear him verbally spit on his pearl-clutching well-to-do neighbors. He's got no time for these social graces and I love it.

I was also pleasantly surprised to find Mr. "Meat's Dreams" himself Paul Noonan in this film. He plays a pastor who desperately - to no avail - tries to repair Ambrose's relationship with God. We also have some other hammy performances, but it's all in good fun.

Wojciech Golczewski's score impressed me. It's reminiscent of some of the more serious horror scores of the 80s and 90s and is very fitting for the film's more somber and gritty atmosphere. I also have to give props to cinematographer Ernesto Herrera, who managed to get some pretty subtle blink-and-you-miss-it setups foreshadowing the werewolves. I really love when a horror film isn't in your face with everything, and this one executes that extremely well.

Now, if you've been reading my reviews, you know that I'm a huge sucker for practical effects. When done correctly, they're WAY better than CGI. There's a lot to like here - the gore is done very well, and the transformation sequence we get is riveting. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about the werewolf designs. They're... inspired and unique, sure, but they just look like cheap costumes. I can see that the film wanted its werewolves to stand out from the rest of the pack, but I feel that there was a much better way to execute that. It didn't detract from the film too much for me, but these werewolves will forever stand out in my mind for the wrong reasons.

Still, Late Phases is a BLAST. I had a great time watching a grumpy old man fight off werewolves. I was emotionally invested in his story, and the ending actually somewhat moved me. The death of Ambrose's dog at the beginning may put off some of you - that's what the trigger warning was for - but if that isn't a dealbreaker for you, please check out this movie! It's worth a watch.

We are rapidly approaching October 31st, and that means we only have a few of these left to go through. Tomorrow, why don't you join us for a trip back to Halloween 1978?

Day 28: Silver Bullet

So, I know you have no reason to believe me, but we planned for this to be my birthday movie as soon as we decided to have a werewolf block. My review has nothing to do with and was not influenced by Jeremy Jahns's (undoubtedly superior) review of the same film that he uploaded yesterday. This is just a massive coincidence, I promise. Though, as a reward for finishing this review, I am going to check out Jeremy's.

Silver Bullet is a 1985 adaptation of Stephen King's novella "The Cycle of the Werewolf." Penned by King himself and directed by Dan Attias, the film stars the late great Corey Haim (May his memory be a blessing) as Marty, a paraplegic boy who discovers that a werewolf is responsible for the string of recent killings in his town. His Uncle Red (Gary Busey) builds him a cool motorized wheelchair dubbed the Silver Bullet, and now it's up to Marty and his sister Jane (Megan Follows) to get Uncle Red to believe them so they can find a way to stop the werewolf before it's too late.

This film is great. I am super fond of 80s cheese, and Silver Bullet has it in spades. There's something really special about corny Stephen King dialogue being spoken by cheesy 80s overactors, and boy do we get some goodness here! The performances are just as over-the-top as you would expect from a Stephen King film of the era. And, while absolutely nobody speaks like the characters in this film, it's insanely quotable.

I really loved Jay Chattaway's score here! Sure, it's reminiscent of a lot of other 80s horror scores, but it suits the film so well! There's a piece in particular from a scene where the townspeople are preparing to hunt down whatever's picking them off that is still stuck in my head because of how memorable it is.

Honestly, I find myself wishing that this film had better practical effects. The werewolf looks cool to a point, but this was four years after An American Werewolf in London and The Howling - I'm certain that they could have done better, at least with the transformation sequences.

Still, I had a great time with Silver Bullet. It knew what it was and leaned into the ridiculousness - I honestly liked it more than The Howling, Tomatometer be damned. If you want a light werewolf movie that has fun with itself and you've already watched An American Werewolf in London, give this one a shot! It's worth a look at the very least.

Because I didn't want my opinion to be influenced by anyone else, I purposely waited to watch Jeremy Jahns's review until after I finished this one, so I'm off to check it out. As for tomorrow's film... well, I think we've got one more werewolf movie in us...