heading in to see challengers, pray 4 me

if y'all don't shut up about that woman and put on gasolina by daddy yankee.......

“In order to be free you simply have to be so, without asking permission of anybody. You have to have your own hypothesis about what you are called to do, and follow it, not giving in to circumstances or complying with them. But that sort of freedom demands powerful inner resources, a high degree of self-awareness, a consciousness of your responsibility to yourself and therefore to other people.”

Andrei Tarkovsky, from “The artist’s responsibility,” Sculpting in Time, trans. Kitty Hunter-Blair (University of Texas Press, 1987)

THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY (1999) dir. Anthony Minghella

Jean-Baptiste Greuze - Le Guitariste (1757)

at the end of the day my frustratingly infrequent casual work and complete erosion of sense of self-worth is still worth it because the green grocer here has the best and cheapest fennel in the state. worth the hassle for good veggies tbh.

on the whole i love living in my new idyllic rural town that's walkable and picturesque and way cheaper than the city. it's like living in a postcard at the moment with the leaves changing, fabulous! but you know what. you know what!!! job hunting here is so infuriating it's almost worth moving back to adelaide. there are so many job openings and i'm applying for them all and getting rejected in ways that are completely baffling.

i had an interview where they literally laughed in my face about how i have an archaeology degree and could not get past it, they kept interrupting my actual answers to their questions to say "it's just so bizarre, we can't get over it" - when they called the week after to let me know they went with someone else, the woman said, for real, "well at least you're never bored with your history". i applied for a medical reception and data entry job, having done both of those things and knowing a boatload about both of those things, and got instantly rejected despite knowing from the nurse manager at the clinic that they can't find anyone with experience!

in complaining about this at work yesterday, my favourite coworker nodded sagely and reassured me that this is just the way it's done - she moved here ten years ago and it took her genuinely years to get the jobs she's qualified for because this is secretly the most cliquey town on earth. if your references aren't from here, they don't even give you an interview. if you use industry-standard terms in your application and not the whacky local equivalent that you have no way of knowing, straight on the reject pile. and i know this is ridiculous and as an outsider i don't instantly have a right to a permanent job in the town i moved to so i could afford to buy a house, but in fairness to myself i have the actual skills people are looking for and m is from here originally so i should be getting some honorary clout for bringing the city boy back to his hometown. the only possibility left is my personality is so repulsive to everyone here that they can sense it through my resumé!

okay pity party officially over, i'm going to the market where capsicums are still blessedly $4 a kilo.

i still don’t know anything about homestuck despite the 26 hours a day i spend on here. my beautiful life ❤️

Kurt Russell - Escape from New York (1981)

the fact that i still have to unlearn shame… like come on that’s literally the most embarrassing thing to not have unlearned yet

here is my review of monkey man: m ran into one of the only other people in our showing at the urinal afterwards and the guy said unprompted "man that was so sick". if his girlfriend had been in the bathroom at the same time as me i would have done the same thing. extreme levels of sick.

this sentence makes me hopping mad. WHAT R U TRYING TO TELL ME

you guys are getting queerbaited big time but its kinda beautiful to see in 2024. firemen arent gay everybody knows that.....

"Fluid as water, brilliant as silver, heavier than lead, mercury spills through a mine worker's fingers."

National Geographic

October 1972

ph. Robert W. Madden

PAST LIVES (2023) dir. Celine Song