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bpdiruma · 27 days

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misaki okusawa and how i see her with BPD: an analysis

hi! as someone with BPD myself i have seen some symptoms of BPD in misaki, and i wanted to talk about it. a lot of people don’t typically see her with BPD so i just wanted to share my thoughts. this will be a long yap sesh so enjoy if you’re interested

what is BPD? BPD by definition is “A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.”. it is a personality disorder that can be caused by trauma or even genetics.

having a favorite person: a huge part of this disorder is having a favorite person. what is a favorite person exactly? the one person (or can be multiple people, but it’s more common to only have one) that the person with the disorder is attached to. someone with BPD will seek attention and validation from their favorite person, go to them for support, or even look up to them. it can vary, but overall it is a person’s with the disorder’s favorite person. but it’s much stronger than someone without it typically having someone they like more than most.

who is misaki’s favorite person? let me pose a thought to you. kaoru seta. you may think i’m biased b/c i personally like kaomisa, but let me pose actual canon evidence and facts. this is going to be LONG because there is a lot of proof here so stick with me.

the fact there is two stories at this point that emphasize misaki’s attachment to kaoru. the fact there’s more than one tells me that there’s simply something more there and she feels a connection towards her. the two stories in question are a fleeting’s night dream and to those who will depart.

misaki seeks validation from kaoru. back in band story 2, kaoru shows up at the park. she tries to seek an answer from kaoru, which kaoru literally calls her out for. she tries to seek that validation and understanding towards her.

the only thing that calmed misaki down in a fleeting night’s dream was kaoru simply being herself. due to the fight with her parents (which i will circle back to by the way), misaki is all over the place. once she goes to kaoru’s house, kaoru pretty much just talks about herself. weirdly enough, this calms misaki down. what proves this further that it’s a favorite person connection is that even kokoro and hagumi are super confused on WHY kaoru talking about herself calmed her down. the two sillies themselves don’t even know how that works. with favorite people, sometimes the only thing that can calm someone down is their favorite person.

misaki’s whole attitude in to those who will depart. while everyone else is focused on nicolina, misaki’s focused on kaoru. she is MORE worried about what’s going on with kaoru. yeah it could also be explained by the fact that misaki didn’t know how long kaoru would be going for. but, there’s more in this story. i’m gonna make a separate bullet point for this because it’s such a big thing.

misaki’s anger towards kaoru in the same story. misaki is never ever truly mad at kaoru. she can be annoyed by her in past stories, yeah. but she never genuinely got angry. but for the first time, she got mad at kaoru. it even got to the point where she got kaoru confused and kaoru herself got nervous. misaki pretty much takes it personally that kaoru didn’t take up her decisions to go abroad to misaki first. this is very common with this disorder, feeling like the favorite person has to involve them in any way possible. also, this anger can be considered splitting. splitting is when the person with BPD is genuinely angry and can see their favorite person as bad. she was genuinely angry with kaoru and saw it as a terrible thing that she did not take it up with misaki herself.

the mere fact misaki literally fell at the end of the story in relief when she realized kaoru wasn’t going to be gone long. that just speaks a lot of volumes to me personally.

misaki and how the idea of kaoru leaving caused her to be miserable and not able to enjoy anything else around her. she cannot enjoy the festivities regarding nicolina around her because she was more focused on what was going on with kaoru. it pretty much consumes her, this is proven that the whole story is focused on her trying to get past its consumption of her.

the fact the only time misaki got out of her shell to perform as herself instead of as michelle because of kaoru leaving. like that is a major thing for her, as she became attached to michelle in the time she spent with the band. she wanted kaoru to see her as herself sending her off, which can show how she wants kaoru’s attention.

lastly (holy crap this list is long) how she was acting at the end of the show in to those who will depart. the manner she speaks to her says a lot. she is talking to her as if she’ll never see her again. with BPD, the feeling of a favorite person going away for a bit can feel like they will never come back.

misaki’s heightened emotions: misaki’s emotions are very strong. those with BPD have heightened emotions due to the amygdala (the emotion processing center in the brain) is shrunk, therefore making them more sensitive. misaki has been shown to be shaken up by things that wouldn’t bother someone without the disorder. such as:

in a fleeting night’s dream, her book being thrown out by her parents. yes, it can hold a sentimental meaning to her. but she also started a fight about it and decided to avoid going home over it. holding a sentimental meaning can actually line up with BPD, as sentimental things are usually as a result of emotion. not that everyone who has a sentimental feeling towards something has the disorder, but it makes sense for misaki’s case.

once again, with kaoru leaving. she felt like she was being unreasonable for it, she felt like it wasn’t normal to be that upset. she knew what her feelings were from a realistic standpoint, but couldn’t shake the feeling away. that can be the case for someone who has BPD and is aware that they do (like me), where they know their feelings are unreasonable, but can’t help but feel it anyway.

misaki’s black and white thinking: misaki has black and white thinking. this is a very common part of BPD.

what exactly is black and white thinking?: black and white thinking is when you think of things as completely good or completely bad. there is no grey area for thinking. there is no seeing the complexity of a situation, only that it is completely good or completely bad.

what examples of black and white thinking does misaki have?: let’s look back at the second band story for hello happy world. in the story, the rest of the band takes upon misaki’s jobs for her as an act of helping her. this was because misaki had so much to do and was under a lot of pressure. the band did this as an act to help her, and thought they were doing the right thing for her. despite what they came across, they were trying to help her. misaki does not see this, and instead takes this as an “all bad” scenario, thinking that due to this she meant NOTHING to the band and was not needed anymore. immediately jumping to this assumption can be a symptom of BPD. she does not see the whole complexity of the situation, and resorts to that. that’s the whole plot of band story 2.

misaki’s proneness to anger: misaki can be quick to anger. i’m gonna talk about that more.

let’s bring back the mention of her fighting with her parents. her first reaction was to argue. she is quite angry about this for a good amount of time until kaoru comes around and helps. her arguing with her parents can show a lack of restraint on her part, and how she snaps at them on the phone while she’s with the band. BPD can make someone have a lack of restraint of what they are doing. she immediately regrets it after, as she didn’t mean to do it in front of everyone.

also, her interactions with kokoro in band story 2. when she first screamed at her, is what i mean. i honestly don’t blame her for this, kokoro needed some sense knocked into her. genuinely might’ve been the best way to execute it because it seems like kokoro wouldn’t have listened to misaki calmly talking. but still, shows she can be quick to anger.

instances of social isolation: misaki can have a tendency to isolate herself/avoidances when she’s upset with someone or a situation. this can be a way for those who have BPD to cope with the situation due to strong and overwhelming emotions. here are some examples.

her avoiding going home from her parents. she isolated herself from the band too until kaoru found a way for misaki to be comfortable enough to ask her to come with kaoru. kaoru was incredibly smart for this by the way. because even though misaki wanted help, she isolated anyway. it wasn’t until kaoru gave her a way to do it, misaki did not want to flat out ask for help.

in band story 2, she runs off from kokoro when she is spoken to. misaki was already clearly experiencing heightened feelings from the encounter, and leaving was the only thing she can do for her feelings at that point. she felt like running off was the best thing to do.

as a bonus i’m gonna mention the april fools game, girl’s blossom project. of course it isn’t taken as canon as it is a dating sim made for april fool’s. but i take how the characters react as something they would do in canon. so, misaki’s route is a bit different compared to the other girls. she makes you wait for her. prior to this, misaki acts strange and upset. she doesn’t necessarily tell you why, but she is clearly upset. she avoids you, for lack of a better word. she avoids you til the last second, until the very end of the route. and this is the good ending. it is very interesting that she isolated herself for so long as you wait for her after she was upset and then suddenly appeared again. just a little bonus.

smaller details that show her symptoms:

misaki is an anxious person. anxiety can be a part of BPD as well. she clearly struggles with some form of anxiety. i would say social, as she felt humiliated at first to admit to other people she was part of the band. also, her area conversation where she runs away from a child because she thought the kid was gonna hug her.

depression. BPD has depressive symptoms, and to me it seems as if misaki was heavily depressed during band story 2. she literally thinks she is not needed and that the band would be better off without her. she asks michelle if she can ever make her smile too.

i love misaki okusawa and personally as someone with BPD i see a lot of her in myself. if you read this whole thing thank you!

i have references for everything i said, so if you have questions about anything i said just ask and i will show you a picture or the quote :]

#number one yappatron #misaki okusawa #okusawa misaki #kaoru seta #kokoro tsurumaki #hagumi kitazawa #kanon matsubara #hello happy world #hhw #harohapi #bandori #bang dream #character analysis #analysis #bang dream girls band party #bpd #borderline personality disorder

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bpdiruma · 2 months

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i'd like to do an analysis on kaoru seta based off a quote i particuarly like:

"despite everything, it's still you."

you may or may not recognize this quote. this is from undertale, one of my favorite games.

undertale happened to be memed a lot over the years, but some pretty deep stuff has come out of it, such as that line. it really is a masterpiece of a game, so i highly recommend it if you haven't played it.

anyways, back to my initial point. kaoru.

kaoru's personality has changed a lot over the years.

as a child, we see her as a meek and timid person. she is not one for confrontation, as she does not stand up for chisato in their early years. she considers herself a coward for this, and wanting to change her attitude. she wanted to grow and become stronger.

she wanted HERSELF to become stronger. she did not want to put on a fake act of strength to others. she wanted to be genuine, and she genuinely wants to be stronger. she wants to make up for what happened in the past.

that leads her to her middle school years, where she discovers theater. this became her outlet and her guideline for becoming herself. this became a way for her to discover who she is and how she can become the best version of herself.

she develops the attitude that she has now, the one that everyone knows her for. the flamboyant and bombastic kaoru, the one we all know and love. this is the self she has reached, and one she is happy with. because she reached what she wanted to do. become stronger and help other people.

and how exactly does that connect?

kaoru is still herself. she even says this multiple times.

the point is, it's still her.

she went through loads of changes, she had to overcome her timid nature as a child to be the one that she is now. there is no "sensitive kaoru" deep down. that's her. that's who she is, and she's happy.

but, she's still kaoru from all those years ago. back then, it was still her. and present kaoru is still herself. she changed in nature, but at the core she is truly herself.

she just evolved into someone she wanted to genuinely be. she overcame her past and decided to come back stronger and happy as who she is.

the past kaoru isn't gone, she's still there. she is just showing herself in a different manner. and that's the kaoru we have now.

despite everything, it still is her. she's kaoru seta, and she will always be.

#BOOOOO BOOOO CORNBALL TOMATO TOMATO #leave it to me to compare kaoru seta to undertale #kaoru seta #seta kaoru #hello happy world #bandori #hhw #harohapi #bang dream #bang dream girls band party #character analysis #analysis

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