boring--raccon-blog - Tumblr blog

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

What It’s Like to Not Have a Dad

There are a few things that I think people who lacked a male parent in their upbringing can relate to.

Just saying “dad” feels exceptionally wrong. Also, for that matter, hearing phrases like “Mom and Dad” seems off because we weren’t accustomed to saying them.

The awkwardness of someone asking you if your dad taught you that. No, they only taught me to deal with abandonment issues after they threw me into a shark tank of reality when I was a child. Thanks.

Father’s day. Need I say more? Probably not, but I will. As the years go on, it feels like the roller coaster of emotions revolves around this day. It’s either devastating because you never had a dad but always craved one, or infuriating because you could have had a dad, but they weren’t a part of your life. Someday, hopefully, it won’t make a difference anymore.

Knowing that your kids aren’t going to have a grandpa from you. I personally can’t relate to having grandparents, but the idea of depriving my children of a grandpa to love and give them wisdom, eats at me. I wish I could give them an old, wise grandpa with quirks like chewing sunflower seeds and not being able to hear them if they whisper.

Imprinting on father figures with the hope that they will adopt you as their own, like a lost baby bird. I’m pretty open with the fact that growing up, I had an unhealthy attachment to Jackie Chan (as well as many other actors, like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins) with the hope that they could be my father (Particularly Jackie Chan because my dad is Chinese). I also put a lot of pressure on my big brother to love me like he was my dad, which obviously didn’t happen since I was four years younger and a weirdo who shaved off half her eyebrows at twelve. No one really wants to claim that, I suppose.

A lot of crying at dad movies. Amanda Bynes, What a Girl Wants? Oh hell yeah. Cried my eyes out on that one.

Being at the least, slightly jealous of people who have loving dads. It gets even harder to deal with when they complain about them. I hold back my pettiness, because it’s not my place to snap at them for being upset about their dad being overbearing since they had no say in the fact that my dad was just absent. The worst, though, is when you see their moments. Like when dad’s walk a girl down an aisle, or a father daughter dance.

A whole bucketful of insecurities that sound a lot like “Why am I so worthless? Why couldn’t he love me? Why wasn’t I worth keeping?” Yep, sounds like a fun time being a teenager.

Fighting with your only parent makes you fantasize about having a dad. Would your dream dad take you to that concert you were dying to go to? Would that dream dad hug you when you were upset?

Getting older and finding someone who you wish could be your dad. For me, that was my history teacher. If we could buy dads like a puppy at a shelter, that’d be the one for me. I only mentioned it to him once, but I carried it all throughout high school with the idea of what it would be like to have a dad who cared, and wanted to be there for me. So I, like any other rational misfit, just picked on him a lot so I wouldn’t let on my screwed up wish that I could have been born in a different household. (Sorry, Mr. Gooding)

Lastly, whether I realized it or not, most of my issues with my mother might have been because she had four kids and she was only one parent. She has mental health issues, and she was carrying all of us on her shoulders. I was having a hard time dealing with an absent parent, but she had to deal with it too. With that said, we didn’t have an easy time growing up. At all. If I still lived with her we would still have issues, but now I think that part of it was because of the whole ‘father’ ordeal.

These are just the ones that pop into mind. The only thing that has helped me cope with all of this mess is that I did forgive him. When I did that, all of the anger washed away and all I felt was annoyance. I forgave him, and then I cut him out of my life even further than he had done to me. I blocked him on everything after I gave him a piece of my mind.

Not having a dad in your life is hard. It’s harder to deal with when you wish that they could be someone else, but the reality of it is that the father you wish you could have is never going to be them. They aren’t build to be the loving parent you wished for. They aren’t worth the tears, the self worth issues, the anger. Don’t let them have that power over you anymore.

They aren’t worth it.

You are.

273 notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

I kinda wish having “daddy issues” didn’t just mean that someones dad was manipulative or abusive towards their kids, it should also include those that haven’t actually met their dads and never grew up with one and don’t know what it feels like to have that presence around in their lives.

Oh man, your dad is really supportive of you. Can’t relate. Oh your dad is proud of you. Can’t relate. Wow, that’s a sweet birthday present from your dad. Can’t relate. Your dad is your biggest fan? Wow, I can’t relate to that.

8 notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

Turn + Bo Burnham quotes

George Washington

Alexander Hamilton

Benjamin Tallmadge

Caleb Brewster

Abe Woodhull

Robert Townsend

Anna Strong

Abigail

Nathaniel Sackett

Selah Strong

Richard Woodhull

Mary Woodhull

Samuel Townsend

Martha Washington

Lafayette

King George III

Edmund Hewlett

John Graves Simcoe

John Andre

Akinbode

Robert Rogers

Benedict Arnold

Peggy Shippen

Philomena Cheer

Freddy Morgan

Ensign Baker

“Sprout” Woodhull

Cicero

722 notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

I love how these two entirely different shows both include a depiction of Lafayette kissing Washington on the cheeks, and in both shows Washingdad wants to stop him but instead goes with it cuz he loves his adopted French son too much.

2K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

List of things I wished they would've included in Turn

-John Laurens -Lafayette sucking at dancing -Lafayette crying at John Andre’s hanging and Hamilton trying to defend John Andre by saying he’s too beautiful to be hanged -Flashbacks of Ben and Nathan -Lafayette and George taking a nap after the battle of Monmouth -the duel between John Laurens and Charles Lee -Baron von Steuben -the fucking way Baron von Steuben came into the fucking camp like some sort of god -Baron von Steuben falling in love with Benjamin Walker -FLASHBACKS OF BEN AND NATHAN -the time everyone thought Hamilton died and then he stood in the doorway dripping wet -Scenes with Lafayette, Hamilton and Laurens doing things that actually happened like pushing their beds together or spending whole nights on the grass outside and just talking about politics -just the three of them being besties -JOHN LAURENS!!!!

I mean there are obviously more things and probably more important things but this the stuff they easily could have included on the show.

2K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Photo

Hamilton & Turn: Washington’s Spies Shared Characters

2K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

One day I’d like to find a Harry Potter blog that doesn’t make fun of my favorite book, insult the author that inspired me to write, or make me feel bad for being excited whenever new content comes out.

184 notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Photo

When the Nazi concentration camps were liberated by the Allies, it was a time of great jubilation for the tens of thousands of people incarcerated in them. But an often forgotten fact of this time is that prisoners who happened to be wearing the pink triangle (the Nazis’ way of marking and identifying homosexuals) were forced to serve out the rest of their sentence. This was due to a part of German law simply known as “Paragraph 175” which criminalized homosexuality. The law wasn’t repealed until 1969.

630K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

He’s about to get bitchslapped

2K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Photo

Oh, I can’t wait to see you again- It’s only a matter of time.

A modern au in which both come back to a better word, searching for eachother. And one day, they meet.

4K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

Cabinet Battle #2

Jefferson: Do you forget Lafayette?

Hamilton: What

Jefferson: Do you have an ounce of regret? You accumulate debt, you accumulate power - yet in that hour of need you forget.

Hamilton: Lafayette’s a smart man -

Lafayette: *runs past the window screeching with his hair on fire *

Hamilton: … He’ll be fine -

4K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Text

First Burn is a masterpiece, and there’s one thing in particular I can’t get over. We’re all talking about this incredible, savage quote:

“Your enemies whisper so you have to scream. I know about whispers. I see how you look at my sister.”

It shakes us to the core, it speaks deeper of something we always knew. Eliza might say she doesn’t know who Alexander is, she has so much to learn, but also she knows everything.

Of course, she knows Alexander so so well and she knows better than anyone where to attack him: his writing, his legacy. The final version of Burn shows us that: she goes right for his throat, ‘your sentences border on senseless’ and so on. His obsession with his legacy and ‘you are paranoid in every paragraph how they perceive you’.

But she always knows the rest of his flaws, she knows what Alexander is doing to her. She sees how he is about women, about her own sister. She loves him and sees all the amazing stuff about him, but she sees him entirely, all the bad included. In Satisfied, Angelica says she’d have to be naive to put aside Hamilton’s flaws and intentions. Eliza see his defects too, she also says she’s not naive, she stands by his side but she knows what he is costing her. She knows his power to affect people, herself included: “Don’t take another step in my direction, I can’t be trusted around you”. She sees the effects of his charms on others and in hers, and she is prepared for that, for his words: “Don’t think you can talk your way into my arms”.

And she knows his tendency for self-destruction. Angelica used the Icarus metaphor, but Eliza was already aware of his sense of self preservation, so extreme it easily went sideways, being how he falls. She knew how blind he could be to the things that really mattered, obsessed with his legacy, drowning in his pride. She saw the things he ignored and dismissed, she’s way ahead of him: “When will you learn that they are your legacy? We are your legacy”. This quote speaks to so many things, to Philip’s death, to Alexander’s legacy only surviving thanks to Eliza, to his whole story.

Angelica is not the only Schuyler who can read right through him. Eliza was looking closer, longer, even deeper. And she was right in the eye of the hurricane along with him, the consequences affected her and her family directly. She knew everything, she felt all of it. It’s not hard to understand why she loves him, why she forgives him later, and it’s no wonder at all that she hopes that he burns.

7K notes · View notes

boring--raccon-blog · 5 years

Photo