More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

One year of journaling

You know you're fucking up when the gal that's supposed to be THE demon, THE temptress, THE Serpen of Eden, is looking at you like this after you tell them what your God is doing

girlhood is touching your necklace whenever you feel nervous

If u want to write a story about a character that’s just you but hotter with a dark twisted backstory and magical powers and a pet falcon or something, I think u should just go ahead and do that. Who’s gonna stop you? The government?? Fuck the police.

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

the best trope in media is: “characters turn on the lights, see the monster, and immediately turn the lights back off”

basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up. and also really bad at going to sleep

Tell us where you live! Submitted by @elicrumb

have you ever been so in love with a fictional character so fucking much you don’t know what to do, so you just spend 37 hours looking every single last detail about that character and cry.

Shrek

in the hour or so it took me to draw this op turned reblogs off

So we all know that Tumblr is US-centric. But to what degree? (and can we skew the results of this poll by posting it at a time where they should be asleep?)

Reblog to increase sample size!

the second i start thinking about stardew valley heart events in real life terms it becomes such a chaotic telenovela, demetrius is trying to lecture me about not dating his daughter when ive been dating his son for months, abigail invites me for a oujia board sesh but the board starts spelling out "i love you" so she gets embarrased and stops but the next day comes to me like "sorry about yesterday, im sure you know what it means 😳👉👈" all while standing in front of my house which i share with my husband who i got married to YESTERDAY, one of emily's heart events ends with clint walking in on us literally just talking and he's like "oh sorry i must be interrupting.. congratulations man" CLINT STOP IMPLYING SHIT IM MARRIED TO A MAN

Manifesting this for Omega in episode 15 of season 3*

star war

My brain 25/8