I wanna look more masculine.
I wanna cut out my chest.
I hate my chest so bad.
I wanna be thin and disappear in big clothes.
I want to people look at me and don't think immediately that I'm a... I'm a biological girl...
I hate myself.
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anya taylor lived off cigarettes coffee and diet coke while working and you cant?
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Meanspo for myself
You know what? Fuck you. You keep saying you want to try, you want to be better, but you cannot be bothered to make an effort. You hypocrite.
And the excuses- oh! Please. No, yeah, sure, "I'm only eating because I'm with other people", and "I'm only eating because I don't want them to find out I'm sick"- don't make me laugh. They'll NEVER worry about you being sick when you look more obese than underweight.
And be honest with yourself, you love it. You love stuffing your face with grease and garbage and chemicals. You say you don't. You do. You might love to pretend you're one of those ethereally sick people whose skin is made of paper and guts are thin as yarn, who don't need food and can only handle small nibbles of fruit, but in reality you're a worse pig than most "normal" people.
You try to control yourself. You can't.
You try to cut out food. You can't.
You try to be skinny. Well, you can't.
Just accept it. You will always be a pathetic, useless, unworthy, fat, gross animal, and any attempt to become more than that will inevitably fail.
So sure. Eat some more, little pig, it's not like you were trying to improve, anyway.
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having a “favorite person” is so glorified and sounds lovely until you uncover the horrendous attachment issues and instability
i wish people could understand how painful of a curse it is
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I don’t know how many “just make it through today”s I’ve got left.
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remaking
watercolor & ink // ko-fi
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only lovers left alive (2013)
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From twitter, might be useful
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"If you keep cutting yourself like that you're gonna leave your body all scarred"
YEAH NO SHIT SHERLOCK
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I wish i could cut anywhere in my body without having to hide it
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