JON BERNTHAL in THE PUNISHER (2017-2019)

✭ ─── Someone important? His face scrunched a bit, disgusted by the idea that someone close to her had been what landed her in that prison. That he had been about to do the same thing to her before getting a chance to talk to her, give her a chance. It seemed to him, from both her words and her file alike, that she'd never been given much of one before, either. No, even with her privileged, sheltered upbringing with her father, she'd been through the ringer more than some soldiers he'd met. His mind was brought back to that thick manilla folder, one he'd skimmed. Maybe it was invasive, but he wished he'd read it more carefully, now. He wanted to know more, and it was clear to him that she wasn't giving him any answers. In all of those documents, he remembered two of them; one from a police report where an unknown offender tried to drown her, and a kidnapping with the same thing. He guessed that was Verlice's doing; he was covering up for whoever had brought her to him.

Nausea settling in, he leaned back and took a breath. "Evan..." He sighed, searching every corner of his mind for something to say to her to make it okay. It would never be okay, but he wanted to take it all away from her. It was a tragedy that she'd been there in the first place, but he could only imagine what a betrayal must feel like on top of that. He could see it in everything she was doing.

All of this was eating her alive.

But she was alive, and she was free. He'd make sure it stayed that way for the rest of his life if that's what it came down to, he was realizing. He couldn't let her wallow in her past forever. Now wasn't the time to coddle her. She'd had enough of that, and it hadn't gotten her anywhere good. "Look. I know you're stubborn, so you can try to argue all night. I get it. But I'll argue, too." He stared at her, gaze unwavering the whole time as he searched those deep emerald hues for more answers. But there weren't any. She probably had just as many questions as he did. "Anyone who would put a kid in a place like that deserves to be in the ground." Anyone who would put her in a place like that deserved to be the in ground.

"What are you trying to do? Be good enough for someone that hates you?" He ached at the physical reaction she gave to the questions; pain twisted her features, and he watched her curl into herself a bit more, turn away from him and face out the windshield. She was. That was exactly what she was trying to do. He felt his jaw drop and fixed it quickly.

"That's never going to work, Evan," he said quietly, shaking his head. Had anyone ever told her this? Did anyone else know? "You're killing yourself for whoever that was, and I'm not going to sit around and watch."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ— How did she get her monstrosity across to him without him wanting to take her back all over again? More than anything, she wanted to be saved, wanted to be free, but could she allow herself to lie to him to achieve those things? Would that be okay? Could she be allowed to live her life, whatever was left of it, at that price? She didn't want to lie to him. The idea was repulsive to her, taking his kindness and repaying it with something lie that... It wasn't right. Still, the words were stuck in her throat as she held his gaze in her own. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't let herself, not when he was doing so much for her. Not when it was what he wanted from her at the moment. She had so much to repay him for.

Opening her mouth to speak, no words came through, but a short, painful sob did. There weren't any tears to go along with it, thank everything good for that, but it was still something she wanted to keep under control. Taking a small, shallow breath that she'd meant to be a deep one, she finally shook her head, "I... Someone important brought me there, Atlas. Someone who should have... Someone who would have loved me if I deserved that. But I-I... I don't. Not yet. I'm still trying," she whimpered, "I promise I'm still trying."

Because even if she couldn't be perfect, she could keep aiming for good. Maybe she might never know when she got there, or if she ever even would, but she couldn't let that stop her. Not with the stakes so high; it was succeed or never feel her mother's love, it was succeed or die.

There was a brief thought that she was giving away too much too soon, that wanted to keep her secrets to herself behind all of her walls, but she couldn't do it. Not with him, not when he was helping her when he shouldn't be. It felt wrong to hold back, even if she couldn't make herself give specifics.

Howdy folks! I hate to do this, but I think I'm putting all my blogs on hiatus for the time being. Between moving and the holiday season and recertification, my head's a mess. I think once we know what our living situation is going to be, it's going to be a lot easier, but with everything up in the air.... It's just been a lot for my lil brain boy to process. I might come on here and there to do things as I get inspiration, but I also can't promise that that'll happen, either. Thanks for your understanding and patience, I appreciate you guys!

Good morning folks! I'm gonna try to get some writing done when I finally wake up, probably starting with Atlas and Evan's thread to get warmed up. I struggled yesterday with focusing on reading, so I might also just take today to chill and play Coral Island and give my brain a bit of a break so I don't get burnout from trying to force it. We'll see! Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the US, have a good holiday and talk about politics at the table for me 💚

Posted something along the lines of this a little bit earlier over on Evan's blog, but I wanted to just give a heads up that I may not be around much today and maybe tomorrow. Life got busy out of nowhere and now Thanksgiving too? Please. If you wanna add me on discord ( .maxtopher ) to hang out and maybe write, I'll be more active over there and would highly prefer it <3 Thank you!

Thinking about how even though he's killed... So many people he's technically the weaker one in my shipping him with Evan. It's so fucking cute to me don't look at me

“No one in their right mind” well thankfully for you I’m in my wrong mind

Howdy folks! May or may not be on at some point today. Last night was amazing but also super overstimulating so I might need a bit to stop the aaaaaaaa. My fiancee did so well and I'm so proud of her.

✭ ─── He was patient in waiting for her to respond, listening to the quiet radio as he tried to figure out what he said to provoke her silence. While he was still just getting to know her, it was clear she was damaged by all she'd been through at that lab, and he didn't always do so well with fragile things. He was severely unqualified for the job he'd taken on, taking care of her, but he was doing his best to get through to her. Maybe he just wasn't doing it in a way she understood? What could he do to be better about bringing her to life, waking her up? He didn't know her well, but it was clear to him, now, that she was lying dormant beneath the surface. There was anger beneath that sweet exterior, and she needed to tap into it to get anywhere. Maybe all of her was hidden beneath that beautiful face.

When she finally spoke up, the way her voice cracked made him look over at her again. The desperation in those emerald hues made something tighten in his chest, and he pulled over on the side of the highway so he could get a better look at her, really get her to listen to him. Black eyes were focused on her, now, "hey. Eyes on me for a minute, okay?" He requested, though it came out more as a demand. When her eyes refocused on his, he moved a strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. He needed her to hear him on this.

"You didn't do shit wrong, okay? How old were you in that picture, fucking twelve or some shit? You were a sheltered public school kid. There was nothing you did to deserve one of those labs, especially Verlice's," he said, tone deadly serious. When she opened her mouth, probably to argue, he shook his head, "I'm not done yet. Listen to me. There was nothing you could have done to deserve whatever happened to you in that place. Whatever it was that made you like this? You were a victim. Maybe you could have stopped it, maybe you couldn't have. I don't know. But that's the way it is."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ— Evan was quiet for a good five minutes as she processed his words. They made sense, and she didn't want them to. She didn't want to believe that her anger was righteous, didn't want to admit to herself that she didn't deserve the things that had been done to her. All these years later, no matter what her therapist tried with her to get her to acknowledge that bad things happen to good people, and that included her, nothing was getting through to her because she didn't want it to. She didn't want to be a victim even more than she didn't want to be The Monster. If she wasn't inherently awful for what she was, then it had to be something else she'd done wrong. She hadn't been being good, she hadn't been trying hard enough.

Finally, though, she raised her head from her knees once more, looking over at him with tears in her eyes and a desperate look on her face that she couldn't quite control. "No, I.... I'm not angry," she said, her voice breaking as she fought against her tears, "I deserved it. I did. I wasn't good enough."

Spiraling where she sat, she tried thinking of a reason he couldn't argue with, because she'd gotten to know him well enough to know that he probably had one at the ready. "I... I just needed to be better. I wasn't good. I have to be... I have to be good."

She didn't care about their little argument, or his compromise anymore. Her mind was a mess of guilt and desperation, and she was having a hard time pulling herself out of it. She refused to cry again, though. She had to keep it in, didn't want to keep freaking out in front of him. Making him feel obligated to comfort her was the opposite of what she wanted.

Describe your muse on anon and my muse will say if they would date them or not.

Bonus: Include the basic details: gender, age, height, likes, dislikes, hair/eye color, race, and anything else my character should know.

✭ ─── "Isn't that the point of rage in the first place?" He questioned her, curious about how she felt about her anger. She'd admitted that she carried it, but what exactly was stopping her from using it? "Anger's there to protect us, if you ask me. You use it to know when someone's doing something fucked up, or to protect yourself. Maybe others. It's nothin' to be afraid of, Angel. You can't run from something that's there to protect you. It's stupid, and I don't think that's what you are."

The information that Jasper had dug up on her told him that much. She'd gotten through school at the top of her class, high school and college included. Sure, he had, too, but Jasper was the one that got him through it all on the academic side of things. The two of them were Alton's best and brightest respectively. Yeah, Jazz had always been the smart one, which was probably why he was in this situation in the first place. His brother would have been able to talk someone like her into going, and he was glad that he'd sent Atlas instead, now, even if he was being a fucking idiot. The very idea of Jasper coming for her made him want to hit him. But that wasn't what was happening, and he had to remind himself of that.

"As for hurting people, it's not so bad. Not when they deserve it," something he didn't exactly have experience with. He knew he'd killed a lot of good people. People in the wrong place at the wrong time, people doing good things for the world that the good ol' USA didn't approve of. He could own that, as much as he hated that part of himself. How much he hated that he still longed for the chaos of his time in service, despite how much it weighed on him. "And that's why I'm here. I'll teach you how to make sure you don't hurt anyone you don't need to. But people like Verlice? Don't you deserve to get him back? I don't know what all he did to you, but I know it was bad, Ev. You don't need to save people like that. You shouldn't even have to be afraid of people like that. You have the strength to stand on your own, and I'm not leaving until you see that."

Rolling his eyes as he drove, he shook his head and sighed. She was going to be the death of him, wasn't she? "Because you're stubborn as a fucking bull and you don't want me to pay for shit the whole time, do you?" He pushed her, trying to bring the fight in her alive. Everyone had it to some extent. She just had to let it fly. "And trust me, sweetheart, it takes more than a shorty like you to really hurt me. I just need you to get me on the ground, and you win. We square, or do you want to argue more? Because I can go all night."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ— She'd really been hoping that she could really pay him back, could do him that favor, but she didn't know how. Sure, there was a layer of anger beneath everything she did, but it wasn't like she could let it out. It wasn't right, she had to be good if she couldn't be perfect. Sure, he was right, her fear was killing her, slowly, from the inside out. But what other option was there? Give into The Monster? Hurt people? That wasn't right. She couldn't do it. No matter who it was, she told herself that their life was more important to her than her own, no matter how much she loved living. She wasn't worth it.

Her features took on a deep sadness, replacing the stubborn look she had just moments before. "I'm not... That wouldn't be fair. I'm... Atlas, I'm too... If I got angry, I'd hurt people. Even if I wasn't trying to," she sighed, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on top of them as she stared out the windshield at the road ahead of them. "I don't want to hurt anyone," she whimpered.

She remembered when Emmanuel told her about what she was, how cruel she had been to him, the freaking earthquake she'd caused. Doing that all over again wasn't an option for her, she didn't want to be that kind of person. She wanted to be bright, and gentle, and kind. All things she'd been told she embodied in the past, by different people, but she couldn't believe them. The one person she wanted to see her that way never would, and she knew it was stupid to hold onto hope the way she still did. She was trying to let go, but it was like there was super glue on her hands. It was painful, ripping and tearing at her as she struggled to release her hope.

As for his compromise on paying for things, she leaned her face into her knees for just a few moments before looking back at him, "I don't want to fight you, though," she complained sadly, "you're doing something kind for me, why would I want to hurt you?" She had enough on her mind at the moment without the guilt of being taken care of that way, why couldn't he see that? If she hurt him by accident, or on purpose like he seemed to want her to do, she would be eaten alive by it.

Song that makes me think about him and Ev <3

@welcometothevale asked; 🐈 (myra lmao)

✭ ─── "You know, I might be more pissed off if you weren't reaching, and my feet weren't still on the ground, small stuff."

Today's the day, folks! My fiancee is opening for Off With Their Heads! We have some other errands to run at some point, but I'm going to try and get some stuff done while I'm home. Just gotta wake up first.

THCMCNSTCR;; An independent semi-selective fandomless oc

A study in: Living with the fear, a boiling rage beneath the surface of a sweet smile, perfection and its tempting impossibility, loving life despite its cruelty, not being sure of exactly who or what you are, and the haunting feeling of constantly looking over your shoulder

✭ ─── Her arms were still pretty bad? What kind of experiments was this guy doing? He remembered how young she looked in the photo he was given, how scared and exhausted she had looked. In a way, she almost looked the same to him, like those feelings had followed her her whole life. And he understood; she was a gentle person, someone who wasn't meant for the things that happened to her there. Atlas? He was built to carry the burden of all the things that he'd experienced, everything he'd done. He may not have been through what she did, but he got where she was coming from. He could see it.

But that didn't mean she had to stay that way. He wouldn't let her, not as long as he was around.

"You don't gotta thank me. But you can do me a favor," he suggested, glancing over at her again, "get fucking mad. All this fear? I just met you and I can tell it's fucking killing you. Yeah, what you've been through? Can't begin to understand that part. But you're cowering when you need to be biting back." Because if she was as strong as Verlice had warned them, then she had the ability. She just needed to unlock the rage that he knew had to be brewing beneath all that terror. She may be gentle, she may be kind, she may be selfless, but even the best people were entitled to having a limit.

As for her paying for things, he felt a grin land on his features. He knew how to solve this little dilemma of theirs. "How about this. I'll pay for everything on the trip, up until you can beat me in a fight. You take me down, you can pay me back. But until then, consider me your bank account."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ— He didn't seem to understand the severity of the way her body had been abused, but she didn't make any effort to enlighten him. It was comforting to know he would go for her wrist, but it wasn't like that was any better. Her scars even touched her hands, though those were luckily less severe. The only thing that saved her was the embarrassment of exposing all of her textured skin. "I-it still works. Um... Thank you, for, uh, being so understanding. My, um... My arms are still pretty bad, but um... It'll be okay."

As for her not paying for anything, that made her sit up, scrunch her face up a little at him. Sure, she still felt awful and wanted to curl up into a ball so tight that she disappeared all together, but she could always argue about people doing nice things for her. Normally she tried not to, but financially helping her? Off the table. "No, I can do it," she complained, "really, I... I don't do well with people paying for me." She could take care of others all day, but when someone tried to return the favor, it almost hurt. She didn't deserve it. The fact that he was even willing to pay for her to have her own room felt like a wound all its own.

The only thing that was really a comfort to her was the fact that they were going to be sleeping in separate rooms. It meant that the sleeping part was still optional, could keep her sleeping habits the same. Sure, just as always, she had to sleep sometimes, but she could keep waiting as long as she could between rests.