I didn’t really know where to post this without people getting offended or upset. I posted your obituary on twitter and got DM-Ed by a friend of yours saying “take your post down he did not die for you to tweet about it” and then I got a call twice by a girl who has been a bully towards me since day one saying it was disrespectful to mention your obituary. That girl then posted a snap about you and shared your obituary on Facebook. So first of all. Fuck off. The fact that I am not allowed to grieve over the loss of someone I loved so deeply is fucked. You are all fucked. Sam, you were my everything. You made me feel so happy in my heart. When we met, we instantly felt a spark. You introduced me to so many new things like Shrimp Ramen, Game of Thrones, & and how to love country music again. You and I were both broken souls. We loved making each other laugh, sleeping the day away, and getting coffee together. You made me feel so so so beautiful in my own skin. You made everyone feel heard and valued. You were a quiet man but once someone opened you up you were a happy, positive light. You were kind, poised, and oh so handsome. Your slight lisp and ball cap caught my eye the first time I met you. You and I were both so infatuated with each other. But I was stupid and couldn’t handle myself. I lost sight of who I was and all my morals flew out the window. I gave up on us and I’m sorry I broke your heart. It wasn’t easy for me. It never has and it never will be. When we tried to get back together I knew I was going to end up loosing you again. This time you were the one that came to the decision to split. The fire wasn’t there the second time around. Your friends all hated me (and still do) for breaking your heart the first time and I understand that. Why would they stop hating me? I’m a stupid, selfish bitch. You probably said that about me after we broke up both times. That’s probably why I can’t post anything about your death on any type of social media because since I’m an ex of yours, I shouldn’t feel anything for you leaving this earth. But I do. I found out you were gone at 6:10PM today. I ran around crying and drove home playing “Havana Veja” by Susto to remember you by. I remember going to see them with you. You didn’t know a lick of their music but once you heard them play you fell in love. It’s a bittersweet song. The whole album is a roller coaster. I’ve tried to wrap my head around this but I just can’t grasp it. I loved you. You were a part of my life. I know things ended between us but dammit you loved me and I loved you so damn much and even though we were not together when you passed I am grieving. I am in pain. I’m sorry you are not here. I’m sorry this life was too much for your sweet, steal heart. I wish I could have done more. I wish you didn’t see me as a bitch in your last months of being on this earth. I wish you thought fondly of me instead of negatively. I wish your friends would stop making me feel so unwelcomed just because we split. I wish I was there to say goodbye or tell you to stay a little longer. I wish we got closure. I wish I wish I wish. These photos have and always will be my all time favorite moments with you. I will remember you as a bright yellow star. A shiny light of love and emotion. Forever my spoopis.

Near Colchuck Lake in the Enchantments - WA

photo by: Ronald Hope [ Website | Tumblr | Facebook | Instagram ]

Source: justinbailie

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