hypothesis: the salt & pepper diner experiment can no longer be conducted as it stands, because everyone is now fully attuned to the opening bars of tom jones’ “what’s new pussycat?”, classically conditioned into a fight-or-flight response. however, this experience can be replicated using 21 back-to-back plays of lou bega’s 1999 hit song “mambo no. 5″, as the general response to “mambo no. 5″ being played twice in a row is not, “hey someone’s playing “mambo no. 5″ again,” but rather, “hey, lou bega’s 1999 hit song “mambo no. 5″ is a lot longer than i first thought.”
129K notes
·
View notes
mailman: *tries to put mail in my doors mail slot*
me: *shoves my sword through and goes for the knees*
427K notes
·
View notes
what she says: i'm fine
what she means: so i was sitting there in the bar and this guy came up to me and he said, "my life stinks", and i saw his gold credit card and i saw the way that he was looking at people across the room, and i looked at his face and, you know, quite a good looking face, and i just said, "dude, your perspective on life sucks."
742 notes
·
View notes
Bohemian Rhapsody, a Summary:
Literally everyone: Freddie no
Freddie: Freddie Y E S
6K notes
·
View notes
mama
191K notes
·
View notes
So I was taught a lesson in how to get rid of a migraine in 30 seconds and omfg listen my migraines don’t go away ever but I was shown what part of my body to touch and like???????????????
It’s witchcraft????????? Like I would be burned at the stake if I lived in ye olde days knowing that information?????
What the fuck??????
338K notes
·
View notes
Source
270K notes
·
View notes
Avengers Infinity War 2: Thanos Uploads an Apology Video To Youtube
“I’m really sorry that you interpreted what I did as wrong.”
109K notes
·
View notes
what she says: i'm fine
what she means: so i was sitting there in the bar and this guy came up to me and he said, "my life stinks", and i saw his gold credit card and i saw the way that he was looking at people across the room, and i looked at his face and, you know, quite a good looking face, and i just said, "dude, your perspective on life sucks."
742 notes
·
View notes
avengers 4: carol danvers uses tony stark as a baseball bat and beats the fuck out of thanos
104K notes
·
View notes
character: *exists*
me:
40K notes
·
View notes
men ⊂_ヽ
\\ ain’t
\( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> ⌒ヽ
/ へ\
/ / \\shit
レ ノ ヽ_つ
/ /
/ /|
( (ヽ
| |、\
| 丿 \⌒)
| | ) /
ノ ) Lノ
(_/
984 notes
·
View notes