beware-bittercoffee
Life is great! Like a rotten tomato.…
Update: it’s less of a rotten tomato and more like an overipe blackened banana nowadays. Update #2: still an overipe banana but I’m starting the process of making banana bread with it. Sideblog so I dont have to annoy people on main. this is where my depression, self harm thoughts, and general misery goes, though I am trying to have it also be a space that tries to remind you there is hope. Btw, hope is not a flower, hope is not a thing you find. Hope is bloody knuckles and scraped knees and not letting go. Hope is refusing to surrender to the darkness no matter how bleak it is
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EILEEN
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That moment you realize you’re actually a badass for having gone through what you did and come out the other side.
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I cannot believe there's absolutely no way to watch free shows and movies anymore, there are too many paid streaming platforms and pirating websites have viruses and ads preventing you from watching it uninterrupted((.)) id rather follow the rules and purchase media moving forward because it is too inconvenient. Seriously, free and no ads or viruses with 1080p streaming is DEAD.
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Sometimes life is actually pretty good
Spent literally three hours just wondering around outside today after work. I followed a railroad track for a few miles, I saw lots of animals, walked around a residential area for a bit in an attempt to get to actual nature and then walked along a river, saw a deer like, really close, and just over all had a great time walking in the woods by the river. At one point I tried crossing but that idea was eventually abandoned in favor of not potentially destroying my phone by it falling in the river. I got dirty and muddy, randomly started bleeding and eventually found the source to be my finger which I somehow hurt and then didn’t notice???? (This was when I was walking through subarbia so like what)
And the whole time I listened to Citizen Soldier and Icon For Hire. It was one of the best days I’ve had this year, and just yeah. Nature is cool, and listening to angsty rock music while wandering around with no real plan for the immediate future was fun. I felt pretty darn free. It was awesome.
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Okay, so, looks like Google Docs might actually start implementing their rule about not sharing explicit content. (This includes writing.) How in the ever loving fuck am I supposed to back up 1,000+ stories that equate to 3 million+ words into fucking Microsoft Word????? And efficiently, for that matter?! HELP.
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some of y'all need to learn how to accept hospitality. stop assuming people are only offering to look after you out of twisted obligation that they don't actually want to do. when you assume that, you are often denying someone the opportunity to genuinely show a friend or stranger love. even if you don't really care about what they're offering, it's respectful of their desire to be kind to accept it anyways.
i had a bunch of girls i've never met over for a women's group. every single one of them denied my offer to make them tea (despite already making myself a mug anyways), get them water, a scone, etc.
i can tell when people refuse to let me be a good host because they "don't want to be a bother". like no!! please be a bother!!! i want to serve you and make you comfortable in my home!
not to be like "we live in a society" but really do live in a modern culture than emphasizes individualism to the point where people will reflexively deny any help or kindness from others for fear of treading on their independence. newsflash: dependence on each other is what makes a community. next time someone offers you kindness, accept it instead of making excuses for why you don't need it. otherwise you've robbed both yourself of being loved and someone else from showing love.
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sometimes the moral of the story really is just "you cannot go back and what happened to you is going to be with you for the rest of your life. but it's still going to be okay" huh
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yknow i never noticed the sheer rareness of images having ids or alt text on this website until i started adding alt text to my art (and trying to remember to add it to any images i post in general, especially text screenshots) and that makes me kinda sad
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If you're struggling with the cost of living right now (reasonable), this is your PSA to...
Google universities/colleges near you.
If you can't get out to more than one, look up which one has the highest tuition.
Look-up when the graduate date is
Drive neighborhoods near the university the week before graduation
So much stuff gets left out on the curb. Wealthy college students tend to prioritize convenience over money, so instead of carefully reselling their perfectly good stuff, they frequently give it away or put it out with the trash because that's easier than moving, reselling, or donating. Take advantage of this.
I furnished pretty much my entire apartment from college giveaways and yardsales.
What I got for free:
Mattress and box springs
2 10 ft area rugs
The massive 9-drawer chest (that has a label on the back that it was custom-made and shipped across the country) that my TV sits on.
Two 13 x 2 ft raised garden beds
My desk - just sanded it down and refinished it.
Three short stools
An organizer rack
Watering can
Tommy Bahama outdoor cooler (retails for $350)
Chairs
Shelves
What I got for cheap:
Two futons for $50
Custom coffee table with storage for $25
Three tall stools for $30
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You guys just have to trust me on this one and click here okay?
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Good morning, you have to be the thing that saves you
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[ID: A Tumblr notification saying "jubs SENT YOU AN EVIL BOOP" with a black button that says "Revenge" /end ID]
Evil boop???
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Just a quick not friendly reminder: someone who has apologized for past mistakes, made amends for past actions, and clearly no longer holds past beliefs, is a far better person than one who digs up old dirt and uses a person's past that no longer exists against them.
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poem, “there’s laundry to do and a genocide to stop,” by vinay krishnan (x). transcription in alt text
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A break from the world would be really fucking great right about now.
#actually what I need is to get the fuck out of here and be in an environment that doesn’t fuck me up so thouroughly#like maybe it’s my fault for being effected#(Nevermind that’s stupid as fuck. it is not my fault this place stifles and suffocates me and makes me wish I were just dead instead)#but yeah I got back from my trip two days ago now#and I start up work again tomorrow and I just have all the anxiety about going that#cause it’s a seasonal place and it’s been a while#and I won’t know really any of my coworkers cause the two people I worked with the most left for other jobs#I’m stressed out#and depressed and demoralized#and I fucking hate being stuck in this goddamn place#it’s draining the life out of me#and I am very seriously considering not fatal but slightly grievous bodily injury#just because I’m curious what it would be like#but that’s a bad idea because my plan for assisted suicide since I was roughly 15 was to admit myself into an inpatient facility#knowing that the people there would probably fuck me up enough I’d make damn sure I offed myself the moment I got out simply out of spite
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I just want to remind everyone how affordable buying food from indigenous tribes is. I live in a major city and I was able to purchase and ship (15) pounds of fish from back home to myself for cheaper than I could buy it from a grocery store here in the city. Yeah, shipping has its own environmental factors but I was able to support an indigenous owned business while also getting my groceries at a lesser cost. (Buying in bulk is always a good idea if you’re planning on having something shipped to you)
Some tribal owned grocers that ship:
Bow and Arrow (Ute Mountain)
Native Harvest (White Earth)
Red Lake Fishery (Red Lake)
Wozupi (Mdewakanton Dakota)
Ramona Farms (Gila River)
Tanka Bars (Oglala)
Indian Pueblo Store (Pueblos)
Twisted Cedar Wine (Cedar Paiutes)
Ute Bison (Ute)
Seka Hills Olive Oil and Vinegars (Yocha Dehe Wintun)
She Nah Nam Seafood (Nisqually)
Sakari Botanicals (Inupiaq)
Honor the Earth (? Anishinaabe)
Nett Lake Wild Rice (Boise Forte Anishinaabe)
Passamaquoddy maple (Passamaquoddy)
BONUS: coffee :)
Yeego Coffee (Navajo)
Spirit Mountain Roasting (Yuma Quechan)
Birchbark Coffee (Anishinaabe)
Thunder Island Coffee (Shinnecock)
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There are those who say sick people “don’t do anything besides lying in bed”. Don’t listen to them. They don’t understand how some illnesses and disabilities are a full-time job. You see, trained caregivers have a job for providing care for a patient.
Sometimes, you are your own caregiver. Isn’t that a job even when you are the one doing it? When people can’t pay someone else to do it, they have to be their own caregivers, providers, emotional support, all in one, all while feeling sick, on your own.
Being sick and trying to heal, trying to care for your body and keep yourself alive when you already are in pain and exhausted… that is hard work.
People who are sick or disabled are not useless. They are working so hard just to get out of bed. We could use some compassion. Our worth is not measured by work. Our worth comes from the fact that we are all human, no matter how we look, how we feel, if we’re healthy or sick, none of this diminishes your humanity, your human rights - and every human being deserves equal treatment.
Remember this: you are not lazy, you are sick. You are not useless; you are in recovery. You are not unproductive; you are trying your best to live your life while dealing with your health all the time. See the effort it takes to be you. And appreciate the things you do for yourself, be proud of you because you are still going. You are still here, still alive, and those ableist people don’t want to see any value in people unless they are making money. See your own worth. Don’t let some ableist person who knows nothing about your life determine your own self-worth. Your self-worth should come from within, and to start building it, try giving yourself credit for how much you try instead of being so critical of everything you do!
Go get your rest, go searching for recovery, try to heal, try to build your own life and your own sense of self. You have been battling these issues for so long, give yourself some credit for how much you overcame. For how much you fight. For how much you try. For the time you take to care for your health.
Appreciate how far you’ve come. Appreciate yourself just for trying, for showing up, for caring for your body and mind, for reaching out. Those achievements are not small at all. You are here. You are alive. That is already incredible. Let’s hold hands and keep going.
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