bekahbomb
Fuck Yeahh.Bekahh☆★
✿✿ 26 . artist🎨 a cat person😸, and a stoner. Pisces♓. Makeup enthusiast 💋👄💅🏼💄 Passions are art🎨 Growing marijuana & Tattoos. I have 5 tattoos & tons of ideas for more.
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tried falling asleep on 8 grams of shrooms and felt everything so intensely I obviously couldn't fall asleep. I was feeling every bit of stomach discomfort from eating them but that's normal for me. I couldn't concentrate on breathing because you obviously need to regulate it to fall asleep, so my nose was runny and I kept forgetting to breathe out of it. It was the only way to keep my nose clear so I was mouth breathing, annoyingly and just so caught up in my thoughts. There was way too much going on in the come up so I just tried to relax. Because every time I rolled over and wanted to roll over again, (tossing and turning)I could feel my blood flowing from one side of my body to the other Everytime I was doing that. So,the breathing would regulate , then I would get that under control,and then my stomach would hurt so I felt the need to roll over, when actually just relaxing would have felt better and not caused more discomfort. & then actually being able to feel my blood in my veins was trippy & I was giving up on sleeping so I laid there with my eyes closed for a while just kinda seeing the closed eye visuals faintly but when I opened my eyes it was like I saw the fabric of reality split open or something. it was the window but distorted like crazy and i was seeing it move but also my vision was shaky.
So I had myself convinced that I was dying because I had myself convinced that the mushrooms were wrong or something, but in reality I was just tripping my ass off and I was just feeling the stomach discomfort more than usual and this was only about an hour in. So when you think you're dying your instinct is to fight for your life and maybe that's what I felt like I was doing during the stomach discomfort. Sleep is the farthest thing away from the experience Im going through right now this is crazy.
While I'm laying there thinking im dying, I'm seeing everyone in my life and family and living in moments through them and then I imagined how they would feel if I truly died right here right now. And then it was scary thinking back because I was okay with it. I told myself if I'm dying right now and the mushrooms were wrong then everything is going to be okay. Then the thought came to me that I'm exactly where I need to be and what I'm experiencing is part of something greater so I became okay with dying. And then when I became okay with dying,I told myself right there that I need to be okay with everything bad that's happened to me up until this point and that I need to be okay with anything that I go through in the future. The thought came to me that the only way I'm going to survive in this life is becoming okay with it, including dying.
Me and Zach were both quiet for a while but when we started talking again, I connected with him better and I could swear in those moments where I was fighting to fall asleep for no reason,that me and him were both one soul. Once the stomach discomfort passed it was purely enlightening & every thought I had made sense,and had a perfect answer. & everything felt as if it was coming full circle, and everything that was happening in my universe is exactly what is supposed to be happening. & it was all connected and I was feeling like one with the universe, and I remember thinking no matter what happens will be okay. That mushroom trip was so powerful and I came out so euphoric and one with the universe. This trip was probably more impactful than when I ate 11 grams even though this one was less.
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love randomly finding time to take a pic of myself at work but most of the time I'm just focused on finishing the job lol. I don't know why, & I can't explain this, but I 100% have an unhealthy obsession with the hotel I work at. 😂 it just feels like this dreamy place I go and where my work is appreciated. I had a different job and hated it so the fact I can go to this hotel and clean so many rooms and faster than everybody else is just wild to me I guess. and then they gave me a higher position & a raise so I never want to let this job go now. it's pretty funny to think about. also they randomly scheduled me 9 days in a row and I just did it even though I need days off. normally I don't work 9 in a row, I'm used to maybe doing 6 or 7 but 9 was a lot. but then thinking back I remember working 10 days straight there before. I don't have an issue with that but I always get so worn out when I do that. I just tell myself keep pushing 😊
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picture taken close to harvest time this year 😁😁 not the best picture of them though. Runtz muffin and runtz 13. I don't give the weed enough credit omg. also I put so much love into the plants that they come out amazing every time, i love them so much. sometimes feel like I don't want to cut them down because they're so beautiful.
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I came to the realization that the cow farmers either don't know I'm coming out to those fields, or they know but they don't care, or they just know their pastures are on a public road and they know they can't do anything about it. regardless, I think it would be cool to meet them one day and I think they would honestly give me full permission to come out there to pick shrooms whenever I want. I honestly think they don't care.
but for now I'm going to keep going to their spot because the mushrooms are in abundance & fresh & beautiful. and I know they're not going to be growing there anymore at the end of summer. 🙁 that's going to be okay too though. the shrooms are teaching me so much and I'm coming to so many realizations about life, and everything seems like it makes sense. I didn't get to be myself for the last 6 or 7 years, & the mushrooms make me feel like I can be so I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.🙂🩷
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I took 11 grams of shrooms trip report °~
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the Alabama cow pastures
the day was 3 days ago on 5/20 (Saturday) and it was our day off together. we woke up & the manager at the hotel was calling at like 10:00 in the morning so we couldn't sleep in on our day off. we got in the car and drove to the store for drinks or cigarettes I guess. we passed a truck that was wrecked in a ditch. we kept driving passed soooo many damn yard mushrooms and I was seeing them all over the side of the road.
I got the gut feeling that I should go by the spot that the universe has been giving me signs to go to, just to see if any could be there. the cow pastures in Alabama are so rich and they can produce magic mushrooms that I've been wanting to try all year. noted, I've never gone picking for mushrooms on someone's cow pasture before. Saturday I became one of those people you hear stories about trespassing on cow farmers to get their psychedelic mushrooms. I'll just say that it's totally the fate of the universe because there were an abundance of them there! exactly where my gut feeling told me they were. I'm seriously talking about beautiful, fresh, totally perfect cubensis mushrooms. I also got lucky & got some psycilocibe caerulescens growing beside the cubensis ones. the magic of this day was dreamy and unreal and absolutely out of this world. I'm going to keep going back to describing it as out of this world because that's the only words that comes close.
and the natural outcome of that is we ended up picking them and eating them & tripping all weekend. these are the words I'm going to try to use to describe the experience:
-------Day 1 trip------- (Saturday, 5/20/2023)
the dream and the VHS tape
the day we found them. I started myself off with eating one of the cubes pins, but this pin was super big and probably weighed 2 grams or something. I felt it coming pretty fast in my stomach mainly at first, and then my vision became really distorted and everything was waving. there were tracers everywhere on everything like the tree branches and every single leaf.
everything had movement behind every movement like shadowing almost. mom left to go to work and I went to the trampoline to lay down because my stomach needed me to. I watched all the branches and leaves for awhile with Zach. I couldn't stop looking at him and thinking he's so beautiful. then I noticed in my vision that it was like a 90's VHS tape. kind of like an old camera flickering in my vision. I would laugh and then I wouldn't be able to stop. & then he was talking about Friday (night before all of this) and it played back in my head like a 90's VHS tape. and I remember him standing by the car at the hotel and it was like an old movie. like watching and remembering an old movie. for some odd reason I couldn't get that out of my head.
that's when things started getting super trippy for me because I was imagining me & him at the hotel in a dreamy way that didn't seem real but it was a VHS tape movie. the VHS movie is a reuccuring theme throughout all of this experience for some reason I don't know how to explain. that's the only way I can explain how it felt. it was a dreamy place and the honda was a dreamy car. especially when I imagined or saw him standing in front of it. it was really trippy seeing him in such a dreamy way & the car is the object that solidifies him being real and incredibly dreamy at the same time.
but yea, we were basically just having deep conversations and silly ones & laughing a lot. that was the strongest 2 grams I ever ate. we had to go inside because it started sprinkling rain. I was thinking so many cool things that I can't even remember. oh yea and every time I would yawn, tears would out come behind it and my eyes were watering really bad. I kept having to assure Zach that I'm not crying or sad and I was okay.
day one was really intense and amazing! Day 2 was just insane madness and I'll write about it too. the next time I take that many shrooms I definitely don't need to be around that many people, preferably just with Zach when we can be completely alone.
------------Day 2 trip (05/21/2023)-------
him, the car, and the hotel
day 2 was the wildest ride ever because I started off eating 2 kinda big but small mushrooms, nothing too crazy. Morgan came over and Zach was putting a blue hood latch on the honda. I could feel them kicking in when I was sitting in the back of Morgan's van and before that when he first got there. he set a blanket in the back of it to make it comfortable for me.
then I decided to eat 2 more when I was sitting in his van just to see what would happen. let me just say, not much time had passed; maybe 35 or 45 minutes had passed, since I had already eaten the first 2. so I ate 2 fresh ones , and then 2 more cracker dry ones. no exact measurements on the grams, I'm guessing around 5 or something. after that, I smoked a bong & it launched me straight into a full blown psychede trip. it felt like my inner child came out and I could just let go and giggle at every little silly thing or thought I had. then the same thing repeated, the same thing from before when I was sitting in the back of the van; and I could see Zach standing in front of the car, in front of me in the driveway, then I imagined him standing in front of it at the hotel. & he was telling the story about Friday night (before all of this even happened) and he was talking about the guys at the hotel that disrespected him. & it was a the same dreamy feeling from before and it was really tripping me out. it was the feeling of him, the car, and the hotel, and it was just a dream and a VHS memory, and unbelievable. it felt unreal in those moments. still have no idea what any of it means. anyways, basically my inner child came out for 4 hours and it was a super cool experience.
when Morgan left, I felt his energy leave because we're twins, and he may have been part of the reason for the inner child. I had a nice talk with Zach when they left to go to the store too. the trip came down though.
a few hours later and after eating a few slices of pizza, later that night, me and Zach scaled out 11 grams each and it was so hard to eat all of them but I got them down and held them down the entire time, I didn't vomit. they were actually measured exactly this time. oh & when I was looking at Zach holding 2 shroom caps, they looked wicked, i got that dreamy feeling again seeing that, and it seems to me now, that I have seen shrooms before in a past life or dream life or something. it seemed familiar in an unreal, dream like way. a VHS tape played in my head of Zach and mushrooms like that.
anyways, it's 9:00 at night and I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to write about the most remarkable things quickly. So I got the shrooms down and I held them down the entire time. I started tripping so hard that moving became more difficult and it was hard to even form a thought or form a sentence, let alone have any kind of conversation. I felt like I reverted back to a child like mindset somehow and I couldn't get myself out of it but i was ok with it so I didn't think too much about it. I told myself that it would be okay if I felt like this forever and that being a child felt so good.
at one point, I opened my eyes and every single thing was bright orange. everything, the walls, it all had like a glowing orange filter over it; and it stayed like that for a couple of minutes at least. i was literally looking through my vision as an old orange filter on a VHS tape. then it was like I blinked it back to normal because I paid too much attention to it, because it didn't happen again after that.
that was super wild to me, the whole room glowing, and seeing everything orange, and seeing Zach himself glowing through this orange VHS filter through my eyes. but Zach was telling me that its because of the orange light, but to me I think, that it's only a slight orange hue; everything glowed orange for a few minutes, and I blinked it off my eyes. my eyes and my mind were totally playing tricks on me. I mean, I definitely realized then that everything wasn't truly orange as I was seeing it but I definitely, truly was seeing it that way.
and Zach told me to turn the light off, and that was ok because I had light from my phone. it was dark and my phone's radiant light was glowing and bright and I was seeing color normally again, I think. Definitely still more vibrant color but it wasn't the orange VHS tape anymore.
note that I can't truly find the right words to actually explain the entire experience I was having, because it was out of this world, and there are no words.
I took a heroic dose of mushrooms and no words I ever have can describe my experience. I can only put certain things into words.
mushrooms are totally different from acid in the way you see things and the distortion of your vision is similar sometimes, but mushrooms are way more out of your control.
I'm remembering now that during one point in the night on this heroic dose, I could move but I didn't want to, and I just stayed still for so long. and I thought about stories people have told about the strongest strain of psychedelic mushroom; (psycilocibe azurescens) and how they told stories about feeling paralyzed by this mushroom on their trip.
------(continuing) 05/24/2023
and then I thought about how I was being so still and realizing that it's very possible to get paralyzed on your trip. I had never eaten that many mushrooms before and it was a heroic dose that I probably went overboard doing because I'm like 100 pounds. at moments it really could've seemed like I was paralyzed but I could move. I just told myself that if I feel paralyzed, I can relax & accept it, & accept that it would be over soon and I was going to be okay.
something else remarkable that happened was that i couldnt really say a comprehendable sentence, just random words and giggles for a while. and my voice went super soft and it felt like it would take too much strength to speak up or talk louder. I wanted quiet and peace. also on day 1's trip, I saw the rocks on the ground as an old movie. and my shirt was bright orange and all I could see was myself in the orange shirt in my reflection on the dream car. it was the perfect color shirt for me to be wearing that day. it's funny to think about that and then the orange VHS film on my vision on day 2. seeing myself in the reflections felt truly unreal, as if my sense of self was not with me.
it took me 2 days to write this and it's still not even half of the experience I had that night. the experience I had was unworldly, and dreamy, and truly psychedelic. I spoke like a totally different person and I loved feeling like a child again.
how do I feel now? (5/24/2023)
i feel those amazing after glow effects of the psycilocibyn mushroom. I went back to work after that weekend with more energy, a more positive attitude, and a new outlook on the hotel I work at. I always get such amazing clarity of mind after I trip on shrooms and I'm sober again, I'm in love with that so much💖😭
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One day soon I'm going to find the words to describe the experience of this day, but for now I'm going to be grateful that psychedelic therapy is this 🩷 enjoying the moment
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had the nightmare where all your teeth are falling out and broke one of my teeth in half, not a small chip just a clean break in half in my sleep. my real tooth that I gotta live with in my waking life. now tell me how in my nightmare it's happening & in reality I'm grinding my teeth so hard in my sleep that it's breaking them. and fucked up my real tooth. tell me that's not how fucked up in the head I am please
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19 degree weather killed all my plants
it normally doesn't get that cold in Alabama even in winter time, in fact I had a lot of plants do very well in winter last year & 2020. well not this year. this year in December this state had record breaking freezing cold for 2 days. it killed literally everything. there was nothing we could do about it except hope they survived and they couldn't. just way too cold for them☹️
that freeze also killed so many native outdoor plants as well, not just my cannabis crops. I was so heartbroken so devastated. I put so much love and energy into my plants that it's become like my second full time job. so when stuff like this happens it makes me sad. only thing I can do is try again & hope for better results. at least now there's no chance of them freezing to death, & plants die, it's a part of life. you just have to keep going.
this was Runtz 13 in the picture before they died. couldn't save any of it. Rip 💔
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first part is open eye visuals second part is closed eyes visuals. not exactly representative of what you see on shrooms but dmt for sure
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I had an anxiety attack driving
it's 8:30 on Friday morning & I'm driving my moms 1998 Blazer on curvy, bumpy, dangerous as hell County Road 29. I'm already having the normal stress driving that I always have, trying not to go around these curves too fast. trying to steer this old giant shit box Chevy that already needs another alignment & more power steering fluid. it's already making me feel stressed because I've drove nothing but a small 2-door since I was 15. I used to be so confident driving, I really did, & now all I can do is put every ounce of focus I have into driving this suv that feels like a boat. now it's just fear that I'm going to lose control over it, now it's just fear that every single car on the road that I encounter is going to hit me or get too close to me.
it's already stressful enough driving it. I can't even say it's only because it's a big vehicle because I started to feel these things even driving my small car when I got in my 20s, just not as extreme as this. I was afraid of being so small & I have honestly gotten scared even more times in that car than the Chevy funny enough. so it's at the point now that nothing matters. it doesn't matter if I'm driving or just riding, it doesn't matter if it's big or small, I can't relax in a vehicle that's moving and there's just no reason I can explain why, or put into words that will ever be valid enough.
so anyways, it's Friday & I'm driving on 29. it's going as smoothly as it can possibly go considering all the bumps and curves. out of nowhere, a vacuum hose line busts or explodes causing the intake to backfire so loudly that it literally sounded like a Shotgun firing underneath us. except in that moment I didn't know it was the intake so my mind just went straight into panic mode. it sounded absoltutely awful & the sudden loud noise caused my adrenaline to start pumping so hard & I couldn't stop thinking that it sounded like my brake lines busting or the ball joint falling out & making the tire fall off. just thinking of every possible thing wrong and thinking I was going to die at any second. just delusional from being so scared and startled.
we stop & Zach sees its the hose line so we can keep driving but it could start making the motor run like shit but I'm still trying to make it to the next town over. the whole time I'm still freaking out & there's a feeling in my chest that feels like something squeezing my heart & I start having trouble breathing. I'm still putting every ounce of focus I have into driving yet my thoughts are absolutely taking over. I get into traffic & there's a van in front of me, & a red light coming up. for no reason I can control at all, Im thinking I'm not going to be able to stop. when I did stop I'm not going to lie, I completely lost it. just full blown hyperventilating, crying, whimpering like a dog, just absolutely having a mental breakdown, panic attack, whatever the hell it was. my heart is pounding and my legs are shaking in the middle of traffic but I have to keep going. I can't just stay stopped at this light having an absolute breakdown. I start gasping for air then feeling like I was going to blackout so I just screamed to try to snap myself out of that. I didn't want to black out driving like that. my mom has anxiety too, & she was there with me but holding it together for my sake. I got the courage to finally make it to where I was going but crying because it was the shut down after the breakdown.
I did make it to where I was going, alive, which was good. I also made it home safe. and Zach drove back, he seriously helped me get through that so much & kept talking to me the entire time. I probably would've died if he wasn't there. I realize now that it's out of my control when I have an attack like that so I need to stop putting myself through so much stress and I'm learning but this is so hard every day
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