Abusers delight

It’s a pretty sweet deal for narcissist / abusers.  They get a steady stream of victims in the world they can manipulate and twist around for their own pleasure and service.  I cant even imagine such a heaven.  Here they are thinking the world of themselves, and the world delivers them endless people ready to line up and sing their praises, kiss the ring, and do their bidding.  What an amazing life!  Meanwhile the poor sucker abuse victim runs around foolishly trying to please the unpleasable , to fill the hole which can not be ever filled.  This task is of course performed in a level of unconscious misery and unease.  Is it not true that the narcissist parent or “friend” is never pleased?  Never satisfied?  Never happy by your actions?  They never have true kind words for you.  They never truly praise you for your endless months of labor for them.  The abuse victim has been raised this way for years by their narcissist parents.  Trained to be always uneasy.  Trained to perform and serve a narcissist abuser.  And abuse victims will naturally continuously seek out abusers because it is normal to be drawn to people like your parents.

NMom and Christmas

Thinking of getting nmom nothing for Christmas this year.  Last year I got everyone bluetooth speakers , including her.  Really Im just not good at thinking of things to get people so I sometimes get everyone variations of the same item.  Her and the husband often entertain on the patio and never have any music playing but they always have music inside.  So it occurred to me they might like a speaker for outside.  Got them a pretty nice one and I think it was water resistant.  Also had 360 degree sound so its “always facing the right away”.   Few months after xmas nmom tells me she actually has another bluetooth speaker from the same company and she cant get them to pair together, she not so subtly hints that my present to her isnt working out.  Keep in mind - using both speakers together is not needed.  Fast forward a few weeks/months - she straight up tells me she has no use for my present and wants to give it back to me.  Who has ever heard of something like this - giving back xmas gifts?  Even by her insane standards Im kind of thrown for a loop and just kinda stand there soaking it all up.  I dont say anything and leave without taking the speaker back.  I assume she is in some special mood and we will just let this pass.  She has been losing her marbles over the years and I assumed this was part of that process.  I foolishly thought she’d reflect on her actions and see her error then never mention it again. A few weeks / months later Im visiting again and she says “oh you forgot to take the speaker last time” and goes to get it.  So here we are - nmom has told me over and over she has no need for my xmas present and insist on giving it back.  Maybe she’s insulted that I got her and everyone the same thing (but hers was way nicer than the others).  Maybe she thinks she deserved something special and this is her way of getting back at me.  Either way - none of this is normal, it’s all psycho.   A normal person would put the speaker in a closet and never say a word.  And by the way, they still dont have music outside on their patio - where they regularly entertain people at.  Hell - a normal person would just use the fucking speaker.  Their house is huge with multiple patios and spots they entertain and hang out - they could EASILY use this speaker.  But in her insanity, she must return it to me and reject it and me.   So like a dolt I took the speaker back and used it for some time.  It really was pretty loud, too loud for indoor apt, but perfect for noisy outdoor use.  After a bit I realized using / looking at this speaker every day was a constant reminder of her and her insanity.  So I threw away the nice expensive speaker and got a cheap replacement. I should have thrown it away on the way back from her house the day she returned it.  I guess it’s a sign of my bad boundaries and sickness that I not only kept it, but then used it too.  Playing along with her fantasies, again.