Here’s a sad little scene from @museaway ‘s fic “Yuki”! Don’t fret though, because the story is much more sun than it is dark clouds! 🌸❤️💙

Please give the story some much deserved love!!

I’m very excited to share my illustration for @dragon-of-timeless-blue ‘s fic “Reunions and Sunrises”!! Please give it some much deserved love!

Special thank you to Dragon for being so patient with this post! I hope it was worth the wait! ❤️💙✨

GTKM

“Get to Know Me” Ask Game

Tagged by @partrin ! I've never been asked to do one of these before, so I'm excited to try! Thanks for the tag! :)

RULES: Bold the ones that are true and tag someone you’d like to know.

APPEARANCE

Blonde hair* // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I draw sometimes // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIPS

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // My parents are together // I have dated a best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me** // I have (had) a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend*** // I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETIC

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside //The sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colours// I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of Sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

ASTERISKS

*I was blonde when I was younger, but age (and years of not going outside much) has turned my hair mostly brown.

**I've dated someone I had a crush on at the time, but that relationship was short-lived. That was a long time ago and I haven't had my feelings requited since.

***I'm not sure how well you have to know someone online to consider them a friend, but I would be happy to consider any of my moots friends...or is that too presumptuous? That said, if anyone reads this far and wants to participate, please do so I can stare at your answers!

Cannonball!

Sometime during the creation period, I looked through the Make a Splash! prompts on AO3 to see what kinds of stories I’d have to look forward to. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on who you ask), one stuck out to me: what happened in Budapest after Rin and Haru met at the railway crossing. It was something I wondered, too. I even used @thenightpool 's “missing scene” prompt as an excuse to draw Rin asking Haru out in the form of a short comic back in May. After two consecutive nights of staying up way too late typing what would hypothetically happen in a not entirely hypothetical fanfiction where Haru gives Rin an answer, I said, "fuck it, I’ll take the prompt, and if I chickened out, so what?"

I’ve never written fanfiction before. Sure, I’ve done my fair share of daydreaming about how imaginary scenarios may play out between characters, (they’re great as bedtime stories to tell myself as well!), but I’ve never tried to write any of them down. Maybe it was because I had already mulled it over so many times in my head (giving me particular beats in the story that I knew I wanted to hit), but I found the writing process surprisingly smooth. I had no set goal for a word count or anything, and I probably could’ve ended the story at a couple of earlier points, but…ah, I was having too much fun! 6k words seems like a lot, but it certainly went by quick for me!

I didn’t expect to enjoy writing this as much as I did! Granted, I did struggle trying to find the words to describe scenes involving, y’know…physical intimacy. (Even writing about writing about it makes me feel so clumsy!) There were times I had to give myself a proverbial kick in the ass and just go for it. The story isn’t even explicit, and there I was feeling shy about it!

Anyway, if you give it a read, know that I appreciate it very much. Thank you to @museaway for the prompt! It couldn’t have been, but it felt like it was made for me!

P.S. If you know me in real life, no you don’t. <3

Leaving Teeth Marks

Here at BadPosture studio, it’s always Rinharu propaganda hour. And by "propaganda," I mean reading canon material as plain proof that Rin and Haru are stupid about each other. While the content of the mooks are dreams the characters have, (which take place within the Future Fish AU), they’re nevertheless revealing of their feelings towards each other in the main story. All but the final mook can be read in sequence, which is to say they could reasonably follow the same chronology. The Rin/Haru story is reflective of kid Rin’s perspective, whereas the rest of the mooks depict him in a way closer to his behaviour as a teenager. Despite the disparity between Rin’s attitude towards Haru in mooks 4 and 5, one thing remains the same: Rin wants a bite of Haru.

So…what does this mean? A literal reading is obvious. I mean, really, how much more intimate can a person get than acquainting their mouth with the crook of someone else’s neck? To gain half-fish powers in mook 5, Rin could have drawn blood from virtually anywhere on Haru’s body, but he opts to stick his head in between the bars of the cell to bite down on Haru’s neck. In mook 4, when Nagisa asks Rin what he’d do if he were to catch Haru, he says he’d have “a taste.” Then he elaborates, saying, “That merman is my prey. One of these days, I’ll catch him by his tail and make him mine.”

…Half-fish or not…saying you want to make a person yours? Seriously, if Rin didn’t mean it that way, then why does he say it so sexy? …I’m losing focus here!

The emotional climax of mook 5 is when Haru asks Rin why he’s so determined to show him sights he’s never seen before, and Rin tells him it’s because he wants to share the things he loves with someone else—perhaps because half-fish Haru likely never had those experiences before, or perhaps because Rin didn’t want Haru to resign to simply existing and nothing more. By the end of the story, these feelings are obviously reciprocated, with Haru promising to share sights of his own. Rin likely recruited Haru for their elementary school relay with the same goal in mind—here was someone amazing he wanted to share experiences with. So, whether we read the biting thematically or literally, Rin wants to leave his mark on Haru. In both the main story and mook 5, it was love at first sight for Rin, which is to say that he’s been Haru’s since the day they met.

Taking Haru by the tail and making him his is not unlike Rin initiating the kabedon in season 1 and telling Haru to swim for him. The operative words “mine” and “for” are decidedly much more proprietary than swimming/sharing a dream with Haru. And this is because Rin’s fixation on Haru was perverted into something much more desperate and selfish as he got older. After all, he didn’t quit swimming as a kid because he lost to Haru after being abroad for a year, he quit because despite their separation Haru was able to move on and continue improving while Rin wasn’t. Believing that the effect Haru had on him was one-sided—that Haru didn’t need him and faired no better or worse whether he was around or not—made Rin want to take away the power Haru had over him and use it against him instead.

Of course, Rin had it right the first time. Haru does feel the same way and would, in fact, welcome Rin to make himself at home in the crook of his neck. Incidentally, every time they’ve hugged it out, Rin has propped his chin on the same shoulder he dreamt of sinking his teeth into. Maybe it isn’t such unfamiliar territory after all. Maybe it’s exactly where he belongs.

Message in a Bottle II

For anon, who asked my thoughts about the character arcs of the primary characters in Free!

My first impression of Rin was not good. I remember thinking, “Who the hell does this guy think he is?” But by the end of the first season, I found out exactly who he is, and I adored him (and still do). Much like how he swims, Rin tends to strike out boldly but loses steam the longer he goes. This is to say that the guy has a hard time pacing himself—he expects too much too soon and becomes disappointed when his abilities fall short of his ambition. Rin’s skill is mostly the result of hard work and dedication as opposed to natural talent, and as he got older, he became increasingly aware of his own shortcomings despite always giving his best. This dampened his carefree spirit and left bitterness and anger in its place—anger at himself for failing to meet his own expectations, followed by anger for being so angry in the first place. I think that Rin internalized the notion that he had to do it all alone, lest he prove himself unworthy of sharing a dream with his father. If his childhood rival could still beat him despite not training and despite being away from him, then he thought he must just not be good enough. The turning point for Rin was being reminded by Haru that they’re stronger together—a truth Rin imparted to Haru back in middle school.

I believe that anger and passion are sisters—the difference between them is their connotation. Anger denotes negativity while passion denotes positivity, but both are indicative of strong feelings either way. Rin is made up entirely of strong feelings. They manifest in the form of goading words, toothy grins, volatile outbursts, and hot tears—all marvellous and all quintessentially Rin. At the end of the day, his biggest hurdle is himself. In his own words, “In competitions, my weakness comes out. I have to win against myself first.” He tends to bite off more than he can chew, and he ends up choking. And yet, the same desire to want to bite down in the first place is what compels him to keep trying and what pushes him to achieve his ambitions. Rin is as dynamic as they come, contradictions abound. It’s contagious.

~~~~

Out of everyone, I’ve taken perhaps the most care and consideration when writing about Haru. Maybe because he’s unconventional and a bit odd, it felt especially important to try to understand him on his own terms. While Haru gives the impression that he’s unfeeling and uninterested, he has a complex inner world that he struggles to articulate to others. He understands the weight of a statement like “I only swim free,” and isn’t the type to say more than he needs to. The problem is that the whole meaning of what he says, while obvious to him, is often lost on others. As a result, Haru often feels misunderstood because he assumes the people around him know how he feels without explicitly being told, when, in reality, they don’t and can’t.

Throughout the entire series, Haru has grappled with being vulnerable, both to the people around him and privately to himself. He’s never said so aloud, but I think Haru spent a good part of his adolescence feeling really lonely. His sense of normalcy involved being unsure that the people who exited his life would actually come back. Maybe admitting to loneliness aloud would just make his feelings all the more real, and he prides himself on being strong and self-sufficient, so acknowledging that feeling wasn’t something he could afford to do. By the time he was a teenager, Haru looked largely numb to the world around him. He went through the motions simply so that he could go home and wish his life away from the bathtub. Once bitten, twice shy, Haru was afraid to let people in because he knew it could hurt both ways. He wasn’t aloof because he didn’t care, it was because he cared so much that it scared him.

Why does he swim and what is it that he swims for? The short answer is love. Haru comes alive when he swims. He’s fully present. It’s the place he goes to hide from himself and it’s the place he’s laid bare and exposed completely. I can’t think of little Haru crying without tearing up myself. He’s got all this love in him, but he doesn’t know how to name it, let alone how to convey it to other people.

It’s incredibly hard not to feel proud of Haru and how he’s grown up. The moments where he’s brave and he vocalizes his gratitude, his fears, and his desires are some of the best moments of the series. The simplest way to plot Haruka’s growth is his willingness to swim in different roles—from soloing in free to being the anchor in the medley to doing all the strokes in university. Throughout it all, Haru is Haru—and he’s pretty damn special.  

~~~~

It’s hard to explain why I like Makoto the least out of the main five. His arc centres around his own cowardice or a general lack of self-confidence, but many of his fears are so circumstantial that they won’t follow him around everywhere. He has a fear of bugs, ghosts, the ocean…big deal. Those aren’t things he has to confront on a daily basis. The big one was the fear of water, or of some unknown evil lurking within. This fear never really stopped Makoto from doing anything though, it just meant Haru had to come along too. In the second volume of the Starting Days light novel, there’s a poignant scene where Makoto leaves the house and goes to a place “where Haru isn’t”—the beach. When Haru finds him and asks what he’s doing there, Makoto says, “I wanted to make sure that I would be alright, even if you weren’t here… Would you be alright even if I weren’t here?” In this instance, Makoto is asking whether or not he can stand on his own two feet because he wonders, without Haru, would all he be is fear?

The answer, of course, is no—fear is not Makoto’s defining characteristic. Although he may be unsure of himself at times, the proof is in the proverbial pudding. He can cope with Haru being away and he has the chops to coach others. Makoto’s self-doubt has never held him back from achieving success—save for being unable to be the one to save Rei from drowning out in the ocean, I guess? Still, he was supportive of others while he was afraid, and he was supportive of others when he wasn’t.      

Perhaps because I never saw much fight in Makoto (as there was no internal conflict that caused him external grief or affected his relationships), I don’t feel like he developed as a character at all. You know exactly what you’re gonna get when it comes to Makoto. That predictability, while comfortable to some, is boring and frustrating to others. The only glimpse of a different side of Makoto I saw that wasn’t his usual upturned eyebrows was during the water gun fight at Samezuka’s cultural festival. Only for a moment did Makoto seem competitive and unnerving…but it was only for a game.

~~~~

Although he seemed quite cold at the outset, Rei revealed himself to be highly emotive and flamboyant. Rationality and the sublime are usually treated as polar opposites, but Rei embodies both simultaneously. Indeed, he employs theory and calculation explicitly in the pursuit of beauty. His arc deals with self-acceptance and celebrating the things that others perceive as a deficit—his neuroticism, his need to check and double check, and to overprepare. In learning to swim the butterfly, Rei came into his own. Not even he can articulate why, but it was initially the only stroke he could do. The closest thing to an explanation I can think of was that in being taught by the other guys, Rei was trying too hard to live up to the way they swim. Since he had no preconceptions about what the butterfly was supposed to be, he was able to claim ownership over the stroke and do it his own way. Oftentimes, the most precious things are the ones a person struggles to explain.

I think out of everyone, Rei’s admiration of Haru is the purest, because he doesn’t admire his ability to swim, per se. The thing he admires is Haru’s authenticity. Rei knows what it’s worth to live in a way that’s true to oneself because that’s the thing he’s been apprehensive to do since he was a little kid. Essentially, Rei is a spectacled dork. He’s theatrics as much as he is analytical, and the coalescence of these things is beautiful.

~~~

Nagisa’s problems lived in the background where nobody else could really see them. He’s cheeky and his positivity is infallible, but he struggled with finding a (school) work/life balance and preferred to run away from it, hoping that the issue would resolve itself naturally. This wasn’t to be. The short of it was that academics made him miserable. He scored fine in middle school, but all he did was study and so he developed an aversion to it by the time he got to high school. This is to say that Nagisa’s problem is excess, or an inability to do things in moderation. Since he was the one to promote a “come as you are” attitude to Rei before he joined the swim club, it was only natural he return the favour and remind Nagisa that his weaknesses can also be his strengths. The same dedication and tenacity Nagisa applied to the swim club’s recruitment can be applied to standing up for himself to his parents and for finding a way to make schoolwork manageable without sacrificing his happiness in the process.

Nagisa brings his dreams and schemes to life, and he has the uncanny ability to thaw the hearts of those prone to stoicism. He’s just so cute you can’t help but want to look after him!

~~~~

As for which character arc I think is my favourite…it’s hard to say. The most obvious and dramatic was the change I saw in Rin. My feelings toward him did a complete 180, making him my obvious favourite character overall. Anyone who can invoke the full range of emotions is someone really special. I think the person who grew the most, however, is Haru. Comparatively speaking, Haru’s growth was subtle and quiet—it swelled. When I think of him, I feel proud. His hesitancy to be vulnerable is going to be a lifelong struggle for him. He’s going to be misunderstood and he’s going to have to be brave in order to be heard and seen properly. I understand why Haru has so many admirers. It’s bigger than just swimming—a sentiment that governs the whole series and is precisely what has kept me invested in it after all this time. It’s all a big allegory for being true to yourself and authentic with others, I’m telling you! And maybe I’m reading too much into a sports anime and ought to drop the red string and take down the corkboard, but this is who I am, damn it!

First of all, I'd just like to say I'm so glad I found this account. The Free! fandom has been feeling kind of stale as of late; which I guess makes sense since it's over now (still not over it). So to find someone who does detailed essay-like posts about their thoughts on the series with this level of detail is a blessing. And you get it!! Goodness, you've put into words exactly what I've been feeling for the last 7 years, especially in regards to Rin and Haru's meaningful and extraordinary relationship. Oh your takes on it are spot on. I would love to ramble about it, but I don't want to clutter your ask inbox with long paragraphs on things you've already said so eloquently. I really enjoy your posts and takes on this show. Thanks for sharing them! I look forward to anything else you might share.

Anyway, now that you've shared your thoughts on the secondary characters, I'd like to know what you think about the main cast and their arcs. Who would you say is your favorite?

Anon, you’re too sweet! I’m honoured I was able to help keep the spark of interest in Free! alive. It’s been a decade for me and I’m not over it either! In a subsequent post, I’ll gladly go over the main five. Thank you for taking the time to give my thoughts a read and for inquiring further! It means a lot to me!

And by the way, I love rambling! It’s all I do on this blog, so please don’t be shy to ramble away! :)

i 100% agree about your ikuya post. it felt really repetitive because its similar to the rin storyline in S1 but it didn't have the same emotional impact because haru didnt really care about ikuya as much nor did they have a special connection so ikuya having this tantrum in S3 was really baffling. i hated hiyori too, a waste of space and a weirdo. i hate how everyone just let him harass and be rude to haru, no one stood up to him. AND it was also childish because they were in college and upset over what happened in middle school.. i wanted to see actual college storylines and they wasted it on old drama.

Amen, anon. Amen.

It felt like somebody in the studio went, “Quick, how can we implicate Haru in more petty drama? Have Asahi 'forget' how to swim the front crawl again? No, that didn’t make sense the first time. Have Kisumi kidnap Haru to sell him on the half-fish black market? No, that was a dream Rin had once. Well, how about this? Haru once said he’d race Ikuya in free, but it never happens. We’ll make Ikuya so riddled with angst that he almost drowns himself in a pool shallow enough to stand in—twice! And then we'll have Hiyori say the cruellest shit imaginable to Haru despite none of it actually being his fault!” And that’s what they went with!

Then I guess by episode 8, they figured people would start tuning out. So they bring back characters we actually give a shit about, introduced Albert as something of an antagonist, and then threw Kinjou in too—because letting Rin and Haru compete in the same event at Sydney together would’ve meant they'd take the gold right then and there. Or something.  

Message in a Bottle (pt. 2)

For anon, who asked my thoughts about secondary characters in Free! (continued).

I like Natsuya, I really do, but the guy needs to smarten up! While it’s totally understandable that he wanted his little brother to step out from his shadow and become his own person, I think it’s unwise to just throw Ikuya in the proverbial deep end, watch him almost drown himself, and refuse to help him. It’s obvious that Natsuya cares a lot about Ikuya, but he seems to struggle with actually being there for him. I don’t know why as an older brother, knowing your baby brother is shy, you wouldn’t try and introduce him to other kids or offer to do things together. It sounds like he just stopped showing up for Ikuya and didn’t explain to him why. Now, it isn’t Natsuya’s fault that Ikuya became a moody son-of-a-bitch as he got older, but he made it so that Ikuya didn’t feel comfortable confiding in him anymore. There would be no need to strap Hiyori with the responsibility of looking out for Ikuya and giving him updates about how he’s doing if Natsuya would just show up. Then again, it wasn’t until recently that Natsuya even considered showing up for himself and thinking seriously about what he wants to do with his life…maybe he thinks commitment is scary, hm?

I don’t think Natsuya purposely withheld love/affirmation from his brother. Maybe he just underestimated how badly he needed it or felt too awkward to say how proud of him he was. How all of this became Haru’s fault of all people is beyond me, and maybe that’s why seeing the Kirishimas actually reconcile and start to communicate felt…just meh. I’m not sure Natsuya understood the gravity of what he did, nor do I think Ikuya directed his hurt at the right person. They’re in a much better place than they were, but I’m not sure either brother fully owned up to anything, does that make sense?

Which segways to Ikuya himself. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that some of my frustrations with this kid may simply be due to projection. I too was once a moody son-of-a-bitch, so I get it, I do. And because I get it, I know that at a certain point, you gotta own up to it. You gotta say, “My attitude is shit. Yeah, people have let me down, and I feel lonely and angry, but I can’t keep holding onto all this shit and being miserable. I have to do something about it.”

In Dive to the Future, Ikuya expressed wanting to be a hero like Haru: “Not a hero that fights evil and stuff, but the kind that everyone looks up to. The kind that helps out whenever someone is lost or stuck.” But the only “heroic” thing Ikuya seemed to have done since smiling at another kid in kindergarten was convincing his university team captain to put Hiyori on the relay team with him at regionals—which they should have been doing together the whole time anyway! Then in the Final Stroke, Ikuya tells Rin, “Back then, I looked at the stars with Haru like this…as I made a wish to be able to swim faster.” So, was he just saying that “hero” stuff to look good? Or does he think that people admire Haru simply because he is a fast swimmer?! See, here I go getting pissed off again!

This is perhaps a bit off-topic, but something that both frustrated and interested me was Ikuya’s curiosity about the nature of Haru’s relationship with Rin. He’s straightforward in asking Rin if he’s happy to see Haru win or finds it frustrating, he tags along with them to see the venue in Sydney despite being “well aware…that this is an important place to you [two],” and asks Rin if he was okay not being in the room with Haru after he collapsed for the nth time. It seems as though the primary reason Ikuya wanted to start spending time with Rin was to try and sus out why he’s so important to Haru. On the one hand, it feels like he’s intruding and being nosy. But on the other hand, the more he pries, the more Rin talks about how much he adores Haru and the more it’s made plain that Haru feels the same way…and as a member of the Rinharu propaganda department, I hoard those moments like treasure! 

Ikuya certainly pisses me off, but he’s not a bad person, y’know? Just dramatic! But so am I for getting so worked up over his shenanigans!!

For someone who has always been “mature for his age,” Hiyori has a really warped understanding of how friendships work. Ikuya was patient and reached out to Hiyori when nobody else seemed to give him the time of day and from thenceforth, he became this glorified hero figure in Hiyori’s eyes that he wanted to hoard for himself. He actively chased away people who tried to get close to Ikuya, dubbing them unworthy of being his friend, even though those people would probably become his friends too if he wasn’t such a territorial weirdo. Even after Ikuya reconciles with his old relay team (despite Hiyori’s attempts at preventing this), Hiyori remains weirdly possessive over Ikuya. When Sousuke compliments Ikuya’s strength as a swimmer in light of Sydney’s prelims, Hiyori thanks him. Sousuke, reasonably enough, wonders why he’s saying thank you. I don’t think it was because Hiyori was trying to take credit for Ikuya’s strength or to thank Sousuke on his behalf, but more likely that he means to say thanks for complimenting his Ikuya. Hiyori seriously gives me the heebie-jeebies!

Also, I still can’t believe he got away without so much as a bloody nose after telling Haru that “everyone who swims with you ends up suffering somehow, huh?” The sheer audacity is baffling!

Ryuuji, much like Haru, has unorthodox methods and is a bit of a weirdo, so I think he’s a good fit as his coach. However, I also think he’s sometimes too hard on Haru and his advice that he should “throw things away” to become a better swimmer is fucking awful. I won’t go as far as saying that Haru’s falling out with Rin after Sydney is Ryuuji’s fault, and I don’t think he was wrong to tell Rin that he needed to fix things himself, but Ryuuji was the one to tell Haru that “the only ones who make it are the ones who don’t waver an inch, even if something happens to someone they care about.” Or in other words, one shouldn’t let things in their personal life affect their swimming, no matter how dear or important. This logic operates under the assumption that swimming is (and should be) completely divorced from everything and everyone else, which is directly contrarian to how Haru swims! It’s literally what sets Haru apart from someone like Albert! Moreover, if your athlete calls you in the middle of the night out in the pouring rain and tells you he’s ready to sacrifice everything to improve despite explicitly saying previously that he won’t do that, you’d probably think something must’ve happened, right? Then you watch him over-exert himself because he’s in a hurry against his own anatomy and your solution is to shove Rin against a wall and tell him that it’s his responsibility to fix things with Haru?

I’ve never been in sports myself, so I can’t say for sure to what degree a good coach should be involved in their athlete’s personal life when it’s clearly affecting how they perform. Still, I don’t know how realistic it is to expect Haru to just forget everything while he swims—because on the one hand, it’s important to focus on himself as he is instead of pushing himself too hard in order to surpass others, but on the other, distancing himself from the people that he cares about so he can spend all his time and energy training is counterintuitive because his bonds are where he draws his strength from. I suppose this is why the expression “don’t mix business and pleasure” exists because swimming simply isn’t “just a job” for Haru, nor is it separate from everything else he cares about. This is his life we’re talking about here! I hate the idea that life is supposed to stop just because a person has a job to do!

And hell, maybe I’m misinterpreting things and Ryuuji’s stupid advice to Haru had no impact on his decision to throw himself into a self-destructive spiral. But if Ryuuji wants Haru to avoid the mistakes he once made, I think it's unwise to advise him to stop concerning himself with people he cares about. Y’know that shit Ryuuji told Rin? That he needs to “grab on to what’s important” to him “and not let it go”? That’s the advice he needs to give Haru too. He doesn’t need to give up anything—all he’s ever had to be is himself. Wait, shut up. Just as I’m typing this out, I realized that Rin pulling Haru into an embrace in the night pool is literally grabbing on to what’s important and not letting go. Oh! I’m gonna make myself cry! GOD, I LOVE RINHARU! Much like Haru’s personal life being intertwined with swimming, BadPosture’s Free!meta is never without Rinharu!

Kinjou is an arrogant son-of-a-bitch with a history with Ikuya and Hiyori that I am completely oblivious to. I’m seriously wondering if there was another movie or something that I missed because I don’t know what’s going on with them. He shows up for the first time at the end of Road to the World to tell Hiyori that he thinks he’s worse off being friends with Ikuya and to call him “Hiyori Crybaby.” I don’t remember Hiyori’s character ever being established as a crybaby, so I’m not sure where this nickname came from. Then in the first part of the Final Stroke, we see that Hiyori and Kinjou met as kids, but something else must’ve happened between then and university because kid-Hiyori moving away suddenly doesn’t explain Kinjou’s animosity towards Ikuya.

At the prelims, Kinjou calls Ikuya “Mermaid Princess Hero,” which means he’s probably heard Ikuya’s claim that he “gave up his heart in order to get stronger,” but “couldn’t become human.” Who’s to say if he knows anything about Haru? Anyway, he also brought over another breaststroke swimmer named Kotetsu Sudou to intimidate Ikuya, saying, “You might always be pushing Hiyori and your brother around…but don’t get full of yourself.” So…Kinjou bullies Ikuya because he doesn’t want him going around thinking he’s hot shit? I was gonna say that this is pretty unnecessary, but I just remembered the whole “Bullying Ikuya For Sport” thing, so I guess I’m not one to talk… Anyway, he goes on to say something rather curious about Ikuya’s performance at prelims: “Don’t show me such mediocre swimming. There’s too big of a gap between you and Sudou…even though there’s someone rooting for you.” Does he think that Ikuya’s performance should be enhanced knowing that he has Hiyori back home rooting for him? While that’s an awfully romantic statement, it’s not exactly realistic! Then later, Kinjou confides to Hiyori that he’s jealous of Ikuya because he’s “blessed” …presumedly in the form of cheerleaders Natsuya and Hiyori. Perhaps knowing that Ikuya takes his support system for granted is what makes Kinjou dislike him. (And perhaps he and I have more in common than I thought!) Then again, in the second part of the Final Stroke, Kinjou apologizes to Ikuya for “always lashing out” at him and Hiyori, effectively resolving the matter less than two minutes into the movie. So…that’s that?  

Then there’s the business with Kinjou’s cousin, Kiyo. What the hell happened to him? Is he even still alive? Because I know next to nothing about this mystery relative, Kinjou’s conversation with Ryuuji about him “going through a lot” is really confusing! And then in the next movie, Ryuuji says to Kinjou, “I’ll save you someday, too!” LIKE I’M SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. (And in case you forgot, Ryuuji, your only charge ends up in rehab after one season of you coaching him! You aren’t in any position to be saving anybody, bitch!!) Anyway, it’s obvious that Kinjou’s arrogance is his way of overcompensating for the fact that he’s a lot more sensitive and cares more than he wants to let on. He’s something of a tsundere whose actions run contrarian to his words—because while he keeps saying that he’s only swimming for himself, he joins the Haru protection squad and swims to give Haru a chance at competing in the final. So, in short, I think Kinjou is alright, but I haven’t spent enough time with him to get to know him, y’know?

Albert is something of an enigma, but mostly because I have no idea what his motivations are. He’s an ominous figure in the world of swimming, with the nickname “Odin” instead of the usual animal motif. Mikhail cautions Rin that his swimming is “out of this world” and Isuzu says there are rumours that anyone who swims with him “feels their mind being torn apart.” But when he meets Haru, he seems…nice? He’s not arrogant like Kinjou and he actually seemed to be kind of free-spirited. We see that he’s an exceptionally quick learner and he acknowledges Haru as a swimmer. Nevertheless, competing against Albert disrupted Haru’s subconsciousness (in that the answer to the big “why do you swim” question gets fuzzy in his mind) …but I’m not exactly sure why. Mind you, Albert’s interactions with Haru after they met are just downright bizarre. He says such cryptic shit like, “The water favours you, I can tell,” but he seemed so genuinely pleased that I can’t get a proper read on him at all!

It’s my understanding that Albert’s team manager is living vicariously through him, and so Albert has been strapped with the expectations and dreams of someone else. I can understand why he’s a clinical swimmer because the only things that matter to his team are his appearances and results. With that all said, I wonder if Albert chose to miss the finals in Sydney partly as an act of defiance against his manager and partly to fuck with the psyche of other swimmers—especially after dismissing Kinjou completely before the semi-finals and telling Haru that he’s “not swimming for fun today. I’m just going out there to do my job.”

Feeling as though he had to take on Albert alone is what made Haru “throw everything away” (in the form of a dissociative episode where he breaks things off with Rin), and then launch himself into self-destructive training under Ryuuji. The second part of the Final Stroke is all about Haru recanting that idea and accepting the support of others. Meanwhile, Albert is hardly in this movie at all! I think my biggest question is whether or not Albert likes or wants to break the spirits of other swimmers. I honestly don’t think he does, so I can’t help but feel bad for him. Still, his general cadence is so fucking weird! I have no clue what he’s thinking at all!

Message in a Bottle (pt. 1)

For anon, who asked my thoughts about secondary characters in Free!

Without Gou working her magic in the background, none of the conflict of season one could have been resolved. She became the Iwatobi swim club’s manager (primarily) because she wanted to reunite her brother with his old friends and hoped that in doing so, he’d start smiling and opening up again. Despite having no sports background and never having put a training regimen together before, Gou improvised with the resources she could find and did the proper fieldwork. All this is to say that she took her managerial responsibilities seriously for Iwatobi’s sake as well as for Rin. She’s earnest and hardworking (albeit a wee bit too ambitious where muscles are concerned) and made a great coach despite her inexperience. She’s a great sister to Rin who she never stopped reaching out to even when he neglects to answer. I do really wish we got to learn what Gou’s secret plans for the future were though! How’re you just going to tease a secret and then not tell me?!

Kisumi serves an interesting function in the series because he doesn’t swim and yet he’s in the loop about what virtually everyone else is up to. He’s a bit of a smartass, often trying to get a rise out of Asahi (by making fun of him) and Haru (by being in the vicinity), but he’s a good guy as well as a reliable source of information. As something of an outsider, Kisumi has also said things I was thinking while watching the show in real-time. For example, in Dive to the Future when Makoto is to race Hiyori for the “right” to be Ikuya’s friend, Kisumi says, “Is there really a point to this? Isn’t it kinda childish to bet things in contests like this? I don’t get it.” Indeed, although Kisumi is right that it’s really fucking juvenile to race for the “right” to be someone’s friend, swimming is like its own language to these guys, so Makoto will learn something important about Hiyori if they compete—and frankly, so will we, so I’m glad Kisumi asked!

I wasn’t terribly fond of Sousuke at first because of his hostility towards Haru and his bad attitude more generally. Instead of using the word “reminiscing” when thinking about his childhood in season two, he says he’s recalling “phantoms of the past.” Like, you wanna lighten up a little there? Sheesh! You could almost see the dark cloud hanging over his head! And while I can totally understand wanting to protect his friend, it still isn’t his place to tell Haru to stay out of Rin’s way or to say having Rin participate in Iwatobi’s disqualifying relay in season one was “idiotic.” Over time, however, we see Sousuke soften up in his interactions with others. He comes to appreciate the value of swimming together instead of soloing and he spends a good deal of time mentoring his juniors. It was lovely to see his recovery over the course of the series and how he came to accept that although his timeline may look different than others, there’s nothing wrong with doing things at his own pace.

My first notes about Ai were that he was “an insecure first-year,” and that I didn’t know for sure what stroke he swam. He reminded me of a remora with the way he followed Rin around. Of course, I couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor kid because his encouragement fell on deaf ears and most of his attempts to reach out were dismissed—what with Rin often refusing to dignify him with any answers to his questions. It was good to see Ai gain confidence in himself over time though! Leadership looks good on him. I also appreciate that despite his ability to plan itineraries down to the minute, his living space is in a constant state of disarray. (Though, I still can’t fathom what would compel a person to bring their umbilical cord with them to boarding school…or anywhere for that matter!) He’s a bit of a disaster, and maybe a bit too earnest for his own good, but he’s a nice kid through and through.

Momo is a joy. He may not be the smartest and may not have much of an attention span, but his enthusiasm is unmatched. The kid scores a 7 on a test and instead of thinking anything remotely negative or self-deprecating, he instead believes the number is a sign of good luck. What a joyful way to move about the world! He’s equally unapologetic about the things he likes (which include but are not limited to stag beetles, capibaras, Gou, hot springs, and Dangerous Ookuchin Hosoeson-kun, among other things), and remains a good sport in the face of defeat. I don’t think there’s a negative bone in his body. He’s “joie de vivre” incarnate!  

Much like his little brother, Seijuuro is boisterous and kind of dumb, but he has a heart of gold. Initially, he maintained a pretty cutthroat swimming culture at Samezuka, saying that “the past doesn’t matter. Performance is what counts here. The fastest swimmer wins. That’s all there is to it.” But by the time he enters university, he says instead that “there are many ways to get stronger! Past teammates and friendships can contribute to your strength in the present. There are lots of things that are important besides just practising.” For a meathead, he can be awfully wise, huh? He also doesn’t use a swim cap at all for some reason…but to be fair, most (if not all) of the other characters that do use one wear the damn thing incorrectly anyway. And I’m sure it’s to help us at home distinguish who’s who more easily, but that’s why you give them all different jammers and goggles tinted in different colours!

Isuzu is undoubtedly the coolest of her siblings, though I would have liked to see more of her to get to know her better! She compliments Haru on his triceps the first time they meet, which were what Gou had described as his charm point in high school—meaning that Isuzu and Gou are something of muscle-fanatic soulmates. The two of them proceed to induct Ayumu into the muscle cult and I’m frankly left sitting here waiting for my invite! Sure, I can’t confidently identify biceps from triceps or quadriceps from…hamstrings(?), but I promise I have the spirit!  

Nao is refreshingly no-nonsense and calls it as he sees it. Wise beyond his years, Nao’s advice is always astute and pertinent. He’s someone I’d look up to if I ever got to meet him. I just think he’s really cool! His adeptness at observation made him a hell of a coach even back in middle school and he’s only gotten better at it as he’s gotten older. And maybe I’m a wee bit biased because he’s said some of the things I’d like to say to other characters, but that’s neither here nor there.

Asahi is another goofball. He likes to show off and talk about how great he is, he’s highly reactive, and also an idiot. It’s quite easy to get under his skin and get him riled up if he feels like he’s being made fun of, hence his need to boast. His plight in Starting Days was one of the most baffling in the entire series: he “forgot” how to swim the front crawl. I’m not sure that’s something a person can forget to do, but that’s probably because it wasn’t that he actually forgot, he just lacked the courage to try out of a fear of looking silly/not being the best. Frankly, that’s something a lot of people can relate to, me included! His willingness to look inward (instead of continuing to blame Haru) is perhaps what I appreciate the most about Asahi. He took accountability and was able to grow as a character. It was also really sweet to see that as a young adult, he still says positive words of affirmation to himself in the mirror! While it may feel silly, it’s important to treat oneself with kindness regardless of if one feels they’re actually the best or not!

Mikhail, while a bit out of the loop concerning whatever’s cool with the youth these days, is a delight. He gives helpful advice (saying cute things like “having a lot of baggage is what makes life richer! [Even if] sometimes that baggage weighs you down too,”) and understands that sometimes what a person needs isn’t to be told what they did wrong and could instead benefit from some time to hurt. Meanwhile, Ryuuji tears into Rin and Ikuya’s performances at Sydney’s prelims to Haru—deliberately singling out the people he knows are important to him even though they swim different strokes—dismisses hard work that doesn’t yield the desired results, and then he sends Haru to bed saying, “all that matters is how you do in free tomorrow.” I’m not even supposed to be talking about Ryuuji yet and here I am getting pissed off at him in advance! Mikhail, in contrast, is kind in that he gives Rin the space to figure things out for himself while offering his support in the meantime. I also find it incredibly amusing to imagine Ai and Mikhail corresponding back and forth about how well-built Rin is—they couldn’t not have, right?

I’ve enjoyed reading you essays so far!

You mentioned you’ve got a fat load of Free! stuff written down so I was wondering what your thoughts are on characters who aren’t the main 5.

Hello, anon! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading my thoughts so far! I’m sorry for taking so long to respond. To answer your question, I’ve gone through my notes and condensed them into a way that offers more of a short(ish) overview of each character instead of summarizing events and then looking at their interactions with each other. I also didn’t want to include things I’ve written down that would simply be considered “trivia.” For example, I could tell you that Gou hates green peas in shumai and that her best friend’s name is Hana, but that’s hardly revealing of my opinion about her as a character, hm?

As you’ve probably surmised, I write a lot, and I don’t want to leave anyone out! Thusly, I’ll be splitting my thoughts into two subsequent posts—one for those I have nice things to say about, and one for those I have questions about and/or would like to thwack upside the head with a pool noodle.

Thank you for reading and please feel free to reach out with any more questions or if you’d like me to elaborate on anything further!

Bullying Ikuya for Sport

I wrote this piece back when I watched season three of Free! for the first time. The short of it is that I thought the first two-thirds of the episodes were shit and it was all Ikuya Kirishima’s fault. Though I’ve had the time to chill out since, I’m still a bitter bitch, and will be publicly airing out my grievances anyway.

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The Inciting Incident

Just when Haru is finally starting to feel happy and optimistic about the future going into university, Ikuya shows up with his bottom lip stuck out to guilt Haru into believing that it’s his fault that he’s so damn miserable.

From the jump, Ikuya acted horribly selfishly towards Haru. He commodifies his swimming in an attempt to garner attention from his brother, isolates himself and then blames Haru for abandoning him, goes out of his way to avoid reconciling with Haru even though he tries multiple times to apologize and explain himself, and commits perhaps the greatest sin of all by making Haru’s falling out with Rin all about him.

Ikuya never bothered to consider that Haru may have actually had a valid reason for wanting to quit swimming competitively, let alone the fact that he obviously didn’t do it with the intention of hurting him. Has Ikuya seriously never stopped to consider that Haru might have been feeling incredibly lonely himself? He saw firsthand the state Haru was in after he quit the swim club—clearly, something was seriously wrong with him! But from the way Ikuya talks about Haru, even in hindsight, he believes that the boy sat alone at his desk hiding his face in his arms is the picture of strength. I don’t understand how it’s lost on Ikuya that Haru’s friends are a major source of his strength, and their absence took a massive toll on him.

What’s more, Ikuya was able to continue swimming regardless of whatever Haru was doing. Both Rin and Haru are so fucked up over what happened that they completely stop for a while and need to find their way back to each other in order to transition into adulthood. Ikuya is able to move to America with his darling older brother and continues to swim competitively. Then he has another near-drowning accident and because Haru wasn’t the one to save him, he thought “Haru is really gone.” From there he (somehow) concludes that he needs to stop relying on other people even though his brother and his best friend are right there to support him. Hiyori was the one to dive in to save Ikuya from drowning! Then as teenagers, Ikuya has the gall to make Hiyori listen to him say that no one was around to save him? Fucking huh? I don’t even like Hiyori, but I’m offended on his behalf! Would Ikuya have been perfectly content with continuing to rely exclusively on Haru if the middle school team never broke up? How does he justify feeling bad for having responsibilized the people around him to look after him, while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge that people (especially Hiyori) have been and still are around to save him?

Despite realising back in middle school that swimming alone makes Ikuya feel terribly lonely, he’s fallen back into believing that’s what he should be doing in university. He’s re-adopted the exact same unhelpful attitude he had as a kid—he fronts like he’s unbothered by everything when he’s actually miserable. He also thinks relying on others makes him weak and he ought to be strong enough to go at it alone. So, instead of reaching out to his many friends (like Nao suggested he do), Ikuya’s found himself someone who actively isolates him further from everyone else. Even when Ikuya’s teammates at university approach him asking him to join a medley relay, Hiyori pops up to help him decline the offer because Ikuya’s convinced himself that he “can’t swim his best in team events.” Notice that instead of encouraging Ikuya to make new friends and to try swimming with them, Hiyori helps prop up the deluded narrative Ikuya’s come up with for himself that people who compete as part of a team are weak. And this is what Ikuya wants him to do! He thinks that if he ignores the past for long enough, he’ll just get over it and then come out on the other side stronger for it!

While everyone around him has put in the work to grow up, reconcile with the past, make amends, and find a dream to hold on to, Ikuya regresses into an angsty pre-teen who thinks everyone else is a jerk while being the most self-centred and uncooperative of all! He actually accuses Hiyori of misunderstanding him when he challenges the idea that Ikuya isn’t weak and can become the kind of person he wants to be. How can Ikuya honestly be mad at Hiyori for pointing out how fucking inconsistent he is? If he honestly believes that focusing solely on himself is the only way to be strong, then why in the name of god is he letting himself pine over Haru so often? Why doesn’t he try not doing that? And if it’s because he finds he can’t stop himself from doing so, then maybe he needs to re-evaluate his thinking instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for himself. Stop romanticizing the misery you make for yourself like you’re a character in a fucking storybook! It’s unproductive, it’s juvenile, and it’s not reflective of the reality you live in!

You do this to yourself, Ikuya! I don’t feel bad for you at all! And you’re damned lucky you have such caring friends because you’ve got some nerve acting this way towards them!

Why be mad at Ikuya (in S3) and not Rin (in S1 and S2)?

I apologize for talking in excess about this, but the “conflict” of this season of Free! is nowhere near as compelling as it was in the first two seasons. Perhaps my qualms lie primarily with the writers because Ikuya wasn’t introduced to the story until after season two. Thusly, during those two seasons, we never heard anything about Ikuya at all. And in fact, during that time we saw firsthand the extent to which Rin and Haru radically impacted each other! The resolution to Ikuya’s arc doesn’t feel nearly as satisfying as watching Haru finally reconcile with Rin again. And how could it? Ikuya’s arc ends two-thirds of the way through the season!

What did Ikuya do for Haru in season three? How did reconciling with Ikuya help develop Haru’s character? And that’s not to say that friendships need to be made up of a series of transactions to be meaningful. Not at all! But because Rin and Haru left such a lasting impression on how the other developed, Ikuya’s relationship with Haru is doomed to never feel as impactful in comparison. 

One may argue that Haru went out of his way to change for Ikuya by practising and participating in an IM event. However, as soon as Haru makes amends with Ikuya, he goes back to only swimming freestyle again. If Haru had been steadfast this entire time that he only (and I mean only) swims free, then it would make his choice to learn the other strokes quite significant. But you’ll notice that throughout the series, Haru adjusts and becomes more flexible in what he’s comfortable doing. At the start of season one, he was only swimming free individually. In season two, he continues to swim free individually, but he also does medley relays as the anchor. In season three, he tells Asahi that he only swims free (both individually and in medley relays) when he’s competing, but he does all the other strokes during practice too. Knowing that Haru was already familiar with the other strokes before deciding to join the IM makes it that much less moving—especially knowing that Haru didn’t have a genuine interest in swimming any of the other strokes again in the future. Moreover, the thing that made Rin’s reconciliation with Haru possible was Rin realising how shitty it was of him to ever demand that Haru should swim differently simply for him—in recognizing that Haru is a person (and a swimmer) in his own right, and isn’t a measure of Rin’s success, he can realize what an injustice he did Haru as both his friend and as his rival. 

It’s no loss to Haru if he doesn’t place in the IM. When Iwatobi subbed in Rin for Rei, the team was disqualified. But they all felt it was well worth it. It was more important to break tournament rules and to swim freely if it meant being a team again. In doing so, they were able to stay true to who they were as individuals and were reminded why they fell in love in the first place. With Ikuya, Haru was made to stray from his convictions temporarily just so that he could get through to the other boy. Why doesn’t Ikuya feel bad about that? He made it so the only way Haru could even fucking talk to him was if he orchestrated a meeting that Ikuya couldn’t walk away from, and Hiyori couldn’t interrupt!

I felt that after episode 8, things essentially go back to “normal.” No lasting changes in any of the characters come about except for Ikuya and Hiyori. Thusly, Ikuya’s reconciliation with Haru seemed to have only taken place so that Ikuya and Hiyori could mature—it otherwise had very little to do with Haru himself! And you can see that just by looking at him. Haru is obviously relieved that Ikuya’s found himself again, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the way surprise gives way to absolute peace on Haru’s face when he realizes Rin’s wrapped him up in an embrace and that they’re okay again.

One instance was a little more impactful than the other, even to the characters in the show! And that’s not because friendship is a competition, it’s that each relationship is unique and means different things to each person. However, as a showrunner, I think it’s a bad move to make the protagonist focus all this energy and attention on someone he previously didn’t think about at all over the course of two seasons just for the sake of creating an incredibly stupid conflict to resolve! It’s no wonder why Haru wasn’t thinking about Ikuya in high school when he was still thinking about Rin. Ikuya wasn’t terribly likeable when he and Haru met, and his character post-reconciliation is barely any different than before!

The reason this season is the worst by far is how fucking forced it all felt compared to the previous ones. Rin and Haru’s feelings for each other are equal in depth and intensity. As a result, it’s glaringly obvious in contrast that Haru does not feel as strongly about Ikuya as he does about him. Ikuya propped Haru up as a hero who he wanted to emulate. Because of that, Haru became a glorified, mystified figure instead of being established as Ikuya’s equal. What’s worse is that Ikuya’s entire identity has always been the result of mimicking someone else. Rin and Haru already had personalities of their own before they met. Ikuya’s problem throughout the entire fucking series is his stunning lack of confidence in his own personhood. As a kid, he shadowed his brother and then collapsed in on himself when he didn’t have Natsuya to mirror after anymore. Then, he endeavours to copy Haru, and when he’s faced with the reality that Ikuya will have to exist as Ikuya without Haru, he recedes into having no confidence and is unable to entertain the idea that he is in control of the person he is or wants to be.

And Haru knows all this about Ikuya. He knows the kind of person he is. The first time they met, Haru gathered that Ikuya had an attitude problem because he watched him spend the better part of their first day in middle school glaring at Asahi. Then Ikuya makes a fuss over nobody taking swimming as seriously as him and joins the swim club only to start copying Haru before he finally confides in his teammates that he feels incredibly lonely swimming by himself. Compare that to the impression left by Rin. In comes this kid, all enthusiasm and toothy grins, taking Haru by the hand and promising to show him magic. He was extremely endearing, so it’s no wonder he left such a deep impression on the people he met as a kid. 

Most importantly, the reason Rin fell apart when he was abroad wasn’t that he invented problems to blame Haru for, it was because he went too long without a proper support system. Unlike Ikuya, Rin didn’t go to Australia with family or friends. In fact, he struggled to create relationships because of the language barrier. He once tried to describe a cherry blossom tree to his classmates and was given a mop. If that wasn’t bad enough, the one thing that was supposed to provide Rin with a sense of belonging, swimming, he massively struggled in. It was the whole reason he went abroad, right? Sure, he’d have to be on his own for a while, but he thought he could bear it if it meant he could become a stronger swimmer. He was forced to contend with his own shortcomings every single day and couldn’t even talk to anyone about it because they literally didn’t understand him. At least if he went home to Iwatobi, raced his childhood rival, and won, then maybe all that struggling would’ve been worth it. But it wasn’t. He hated himself for how useless he felt. If Rin couldn’t even prove to his childhood rival that he was worthy of his father’s dream, then how could he believe it himself?  

What makes Rin and Haru’s relationship so tragic is that after nestling himself deep into Haru’s bones, Rin departs suddenly and returns to Iwatobi almost unrecognizable years later. What makes their reconciliation so sweet is that the person Haru fell in love with finally comes home. Rin absolutely turned Haru’s world upside-down and introduced him, to risk sounding cheesy, to sights he’s never seen before! He broadened Haru’s world to the point where he started wanting things that he never cared about before and didn’t think he ever would. Rin brings out things in Haru that nobody else can—a competitive spirit, and a desire to put himself out there and experience new things. When Haru finds out that Rin was going to give up on all the beautiful things he showed him when they were kids of course he wanted to be the one to show Rin those sights again! In reconnecting, they were able not only to accept the past but to walk together towards the future. They’ve been spurring each other forward since the day they met! Rin makes Haru want to move forward, want to grow, want to change! He meets Rin to share a dream with him. And that’s, like, the most romantic thing I’ve ever fucking heard! 

So, you’ll have to forgive me for being unsympathetic towards Ikuya. He’s so far out of his fucking league here and he has no idea! He is seriously so self-important that he thinks he can force his way into Haru’s orbit and position himself in a place as special as the space occupied by Rin. Get with the fucking program, Ikuya! 

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P.S.

I would like to extend my sincerest thanks to everyone who liked my first post and for leaving such thoughtful comments. These mini-essays (for lack of a better term) are part of a purely self-indulgent project where I pen down my thoughts about the Free! series. Collectively, the entire project is a whopping two-hundred pages and counting—though most of it is in the form of bullet points. And while I could just dump the entire thing here, I don’t think it would be fair to ask anyone to read that much—especially all at once. That said, it can’t hurt to share some bite-sized excerpts at a time!  

Although I didn’t start writing about this series to share my thoughts with (virtually) anyone, I figure since I’ve already written the damn thing I might as well post some of it. If no one ultimately reads anything I write, then nothing lost nothing gained. But knowing that there are people out there interested in hearing what I have to say (wordy as I am) means the world to me. So, thank you again.

It Could Only Ever be Rinharu

Author’s Entry Angle

As of May of 2023, the Makoharu v. Rinharu debate is alive and well, albeit on a much smaller scale than in years prior. I’ve been on team Rinharu for almost a decade now. The earliest I expressed (purely personal) written support for them was back in late October 2014 and my first fanart of them (never shared publicly) was finished in early November of that year. Since then, my writing and art have improved dramatically, but my feelings about Rin and Haru have largely remained the same. Equally, the debate hasn’t changed that much either—at least from those outspoken about their dislike of the other side. Indeed, some variation of the word “toxic” has at one point or another been used to describe both pairings, with fans caricaturing the other side as being overly emotional and/or delusional when faced with content of the pairing they don’t like. It’s honestly quite funny to read!

For me, shipping has been a cheeky exercise in empathy and introspection about relationships more broadly. Rinharu is kind of like a first love. Not only were they the first coupling I would defend with my dying breath, but they were invaluable in contouring my understanding of romantic love in all its absurdities. Undoubtedly, my own experiences (limited as they are) and personality colour my preference, and I’ve spent the last 10 years trying to articulate what I love about these goobers so damn much. What does being a Rinharu truther say about me, if anything at all? I would like to explain my Rinharu-or-bust rationale precisely because this has been such a polarizing debate in the fandom. What is obvious to me is not obvious to others—there would be no debate if that were the case. After all this time, I don’t hate people who ship Makoharu. They have poor taste, of course, but that isn’t worth hating someone over. Heh, just kidding! I’m being an ass on purpose because it’s just so easy!

Being that Free! has recently celebrated its tenth anniversary, I understand that people have had a long time to formulate their opinions and dig their heels in either way. I don’t believe engaging in debate will change people’s minds, and that isn’t what I’m trying to do here anyway. This is purely for fun! Additionally, while I’m still relatively new to posting on social media, I’m pretty sure it’s too late to respond directly to some of the points I mention below. Moreover, I don’t want to impose myself onto other people’s conversations—even though they’re public and some are overtly anti-Rinharu and antagonistic towards its supporters. These folks are ultimately entitled to their wrong opinions.

If you decide to indulge me and give my thoughts a read, I offer these disclaimers: I fully appreciate Makoto’s role in the Free! series more broadly and recognize that he is an important person in Haru’s life. Although I’ve never been a fan of Makoharu, I can appreciate where their supporters are coming from. I’m not writing in bad faith and do not wish to antagonize anyone. Equally, if I say anything you agree with, feel I’ve missed something, or think I’m completely out of line, please don’t be shy in letting me know! I’ve long wanted to engage in this conversation, but largely felt too shy to do so!

On Makoto Being “Boring”

Recently, I read a thread on Twitter where someone expressed indignation at the prospect of someone disliking Makoto for being “too nice.” Even after hearing at some point that people who aren’t his biggest fan find him boring, another commentator concluded that it’s “definitely something else.” What that “something else” could be…I’m not sure either! But I can certainly elaborate on the sentiment that Makoto is a boring character.

I, for one, don’t find him incredibly interesting. It isn’t that he’s “too nice,” but more so that his kindness is among the only characteristics I can think of to describe him. Frankly, I don’t know much about Makoto other than he’s kind, considerate, and supportive of others. His biggest flaws, if you could even call them that, are that he has a hard time being assertive and can be cowardly. He’s a nice guy, and how can you hate a nice guy without looking like a complete monster? By the same token, while I can’t hate him, I don’t feel particularly strong enough to like him that much either. I appreciated how Nao asks Makoto in Starting Days whether he likes swimming or simply that it’s something he can do with Haru because it addressed the problem I, (and likely others), had with Makoto’s character: Who is Makoto if Haru isn’t there? Aside from Haru, what does he like? What does he want to do purely for himself? By the movie’s end, I didn’t learn anything new about Makoto. He at least made peace with confirming that although he does like swimming in and of itself, he likes it better when it’s something he can do with his best friend. While completely unoffensive, it’s nothing to get excited about either.

On “Codependency” and “Toxicity”

Based on what we’ve covered so far, is it fair to say Makoto is overly dependent on Haru? Perhaps in some ways, but not to the degree of a complex. Growing up is hard, and being apart from someone you’ve spent virtually your whole life with is quite the adjustment to make. A better example of codependency would be Hiyori and Ikuya, with the former isolating the latter in order to hoard him privately to himself. (But that’s a story for another day).

On the flip side, Rinharu has been called toxic, presumably because they fight and have said hurtful things to each other. Oftentimes, these instances are the result of miscommunications, and while I wish they would be more honest with each other from the outset, they deserve grace too. Being vulnerable is not an easy thing to do—especially concerning someone one has strong feelings for. It may seem easier to push someone away or refuse to let them in to preserve a sense of pride or to protect oneself from the possibility of being hurt all over again. But for all the fighting Rin and Haru do, they have always reconciled and been able to express what having the other in their life means to them. They wouldn’t be able to affect each other as much as they have if they didn’t really care about each other, hm?

On Canonical Material

With translations of the FS Fanbook underway, some folks have suggested that being an “irreplaceable existence” is more significant than “destined to swim together,” but this depends entirely on how each statement is interpreted. Being that Makoto and Haru have known each other for basically their entire lives, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who could possibly know either of them better. They were firsthand witnesses to how the other grew up over the years because they did it together. Indeed, this relationship should in no way be underestimated or thought of as dispensable. Still, being a “destined pair” suggests to me that Rin and Haru’s connection is bigger than either one of them. Put another way, it is as if the universe itself declared that the two were on a crash course to meet and would ultimately share a future together. Now, depending on whether you see swimming as just a sport/shared interest or whether you believe, (like I do), that it’s an intrinsic part of who they are and how they express themselves and love toward others, then the implications of the statement “destined to swim together” are decidedly quite different.

I’ve never felt like Makoto and Haru were anything more than best friends. Between running the same “drop the chan already” routine and essentially being able to read each other’s minds, their relationship has settled into something undoubtedly solid. It’s clear that they understand each other very well and have an unspoken agreement to always support each other. If romantic love were a matter of practicality, Makoto would perhaps be the most reasonable candidate for Haru. It’s a safe choice. But the laws of attraction don’t adhere to whatever is most rational—it isn’t a matter of who knows you the best, has known you the longest, or fights with you the least. It’s about who moves you and makes you feel something. I don’t wish for Haru to make choices just because they’re familiar and easy or out of fear of possibility.

Likewise, Rin is special to Haru in a way different from any of his other friends—something that is acknowledged and talked about by other characters throughout the series. Nagisa remarks in season one that “Haru-chan says he doesn’t care about his times or winning races, but he’s motivated when he’s racing Rin-chan.” Why is that? What is it about Rin in particular that motivates Haru in a way no one else does? Even when they first met, Haru knew immediately that the other boy was going to be a prominent character in his life whether he wanted him to be or not. He tries to get ahead of it, even run away from it, but he decides instead to be brave and open up enough to let Rin, in all his fleeting glory, nestle inside his bones. We’re treated to Haru’s entire emotional range where Rin is concerned. (Frankly, he was the first person I think Haru allowed himself to be vulnerable with by agreeing to join the medley in elementary school). Despite only being in the same class for a couple of months, Rin left a deep and lasting impression on Haru to the point where he thinks about the other boy well into high school. Hell, feeling as though he hurt Rin caused Haru to quit (and later come back to) the sport he loves most. For someone who goes out of their way to avoid participating in, well, life, Rin sure does a hell of a job in moving Haru to actively engage with what goes on around him. In season two, Nagisa knowingly asks Makoto why he wanted to compete against Haru in the prefecturals. Makoto can’t give a definite answer, but says, “Maybe I was jealous of Rin.” If the audience were to understand Rin simply as Haru’s swimming rival and nothing more, Makoto’s words are incomprehensible. It isn’t just a rivalry with Haru that Rin has, but a mutual, intimate connection over the sport. In other words, Makoto’s feelings towards Haru are not reciprocated—and he knows it.

Indeed, while Makoto feels swimming is meaningless without Haru, Haru finds the greatest purpose in swimming with Rin. With Rin missing from his life, Haru was prepared to resign to being ordinary. In being able to swim together, he wants to be and experience more. And this isn’t necessarily to say that Makoto and Haru would have an unhappy life together, just that Rin offers Haru something no one else can—namely beautiful sights to be shared. Whereas Makoto has expressed the desire to be a part of Haru’s life no matter what he decides to do, Rin proposes to Haru that they share a life and a dream together. Haru can always be certain that Makoto will be there for him, but seeing all he and Rin can be is realized only if they move forward together. I think it goes without saying how much Rin adores Haru, what with him talking virtually everyone else’s ears off about him. Kisumi didn’t even swim, but he knew who Haru was because Rin (apparently) told all of his buddies at Sano about the guy with the “cool attitude and eyes clear as water.” The guy thinks of Haru in prose for god’s sake!

Rin and Haru’s relationship has undoubtedly gone through growing pains, but they’re getting better at communicating and being completely honest with each other (and, frankly, themselves). I admire their relationship because it’s so god damn dynamic—it’s playful, adorable, rife with tension, beautiful, devastating, frustrating, complicated, and innate all at once. Perhaps precisely because Makoto lacks dynamism I find the prospect of a romantic relationship between him and Haru to be, well…boring. It's not that their connection is non-existent or some flavour of the word toxic—they have a wonderful friendship—but I don’t get the sense that it will change much, let alone develop into anything more in the future. From my perspective, as soon as Rin entered the picture any chance for a romance between Makoto and Haru was soundly squashed. There was simply no going back to the ordinary time before Rin Matsuoka “coincidentally” ended up at Iwatobi Elementary School.