awkwardly-ace-blog1
Tired and Angry
just my corner of the internet to scream into the void
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I’m tired of losing friendships to mistakes i dont understand. why does it hurt to see that they dont tag me anymore when already accepted i dont belong with them? i miss the relationships, not the people. its hard enough for me to maintain my relationship with my family. much less finding new people who’re supposed to put up with all my faults.
Im terrified for the day those last precious few send their last message. how do i keep friends when im too scared to open up? i never learned how to have friends as a kid and now im supposed to figure it out on my own as an adult?
I was recently told that its weird im not sentimental, that i dont have a picture of my family in my wallet while traveling. I am sentimental, i just refuse to share that part of me so it doesnt get hurt. A blanket matching that of a friend across the country, a ring gifted to make me smile, the top song on my playlists reminding me of a red van and honeysuckle.
Am i ment to be alone? i try to keep friends but can go so long between messages, do they think im ignoring them while i try to work up the courage to tell myself that saying hi isnt bothering them or causing a burden?
I try so hard to shove myself into the corner, to push down everything i like about myself, just so im not alone at the table. is the real me that bad? is not being alone worth smothering myself? I try so hard. how much more until my best is enough?
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paper and pen is more satisfying. but my parents wont find this. and it makes me feel better fooling myself into thinking people might be listening.
someone gave me this corner of the internet for the fandoms and memes (Thanks Kos). But for now im gonna use it as a place to scream
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Alright shitstains listen up because I just found god in a bottle.
If you’re a nerd like me your body’s probably riddled with a few nerd tattoos yeah? Some of ‘em in some pretty obvious places? Maybe you work in a professional environment that frowns upon body ink? Maybe you’re a cosplayer and you have some revealing outfits that you need to cover up for, yeah? Tattoos that you can’t afford that $30 Kat Von D Tattoo cover up because you’re a cheap broke shit?
Story of my life bud.
Now I have a pretty obvious Squad 11 tattoo, because I’m a Bleach nerd and Zaraki Kenpachi is my husband, and honestly it’s difficult to hide it in some of my cosplays because it’s bright and black and right smack dab on my shoulder. Poor planning on my part but hey, squad represent.
You see that glorious miracle up there? That’s Mehron Tattoo Cover. You see those pictures underneath it? Tattoo? What fucking tattoo?! It’s gone!!!! Vamoosed!!! Like I never got the ink in the first place!!!!
This shit is durable, and I mean durable. It’s completely waterproof and that first picture of my tattoo is actually what it looked like after scrubbing at it with two makeup wipes. TWO. It’s not going anywhere
And the best part?
IT COMES IN DIFFERENT SKINTONES. BAM. WHAT.
I mean it’s not phenomenal but hey at least it’s not just “pale as fuck”.
And you wanna know the second best part?
It’s only 12 bucks on Amazon
Yeah. $12. Not $30. Because $12 is much more reasonable than $30.
As for size reference, that’s how big it is in that third picture right there. It’s honestly the best investment I could have made and everybody should know about it.
Go forth and conquer with your newfound knowledge. You’re all welcome.
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Ok, so theres like 14 tugboats working on the Ever Given now and the tide is coming in. They MIGHT be able to refloat her today.
As a hilarious side note, THIS apparently happened on a highway in china this morning, which SEEMS like a joke but is apparently real:
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One day i will not have to justify myself. I will not have to defend my identity to people who think I'm just looking for attention. I am tired and angry.
Tired of stuttering and stumbling my way through explaining myself to every person who feels it is their right to question my life. Tired of the burden of questions that invade and pry. Of trying to describe the absence of something that I've never felt. Tired of hoping that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.
I am angry at those who try to smash my boundaries like paper. Those that tell me i am wrong, that i will settle down. Angry at all the men who tell me that they can change me. i just haven't met the right person, that they can ‘fix me’.
I am not broken. I am not a robot. or a plant. or making it up. I am human, my experiences are real. I am allowed to be something you don't understand.
One day there will be no invasive questions. No judgment. No fear of being told i don't exist. My family wont cringe when i make jokes about playing cards.
But for now I will laugh at memes about cake and bread, look towards the future, and fight. To be happy, for myself, for other Ace’s, and everyone else on this rock we call a home.
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[ID: The Monsters Inc meme. Sulley and Roz, labelled “aces and aros thinking about the unique difficulties they face that allos never acknowledge”, look weirdly at Mike, who is labelled “allos saying how much easier it must be to be ace or aro and not have relationship drama”. End ID]
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Wild when you start opening up to someone and find out your traumas match
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I love when people intentionally typo words to get across the instinctual reaction as something similar to a feeling?
Like “i want to Tuch”
“Tumby”
“Creeture”
“Flufy”
“Packige”
Idk i just. Feel it.
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elizabeth swan and will turner are actually SO romance in the first movie and not enough people acknowledged this because the early 2000s were the age of the edgelords who only valued jack sparrow’s moral ambiguity and that is the TRUTH
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When Spook is under the influence of “Kelsier” (Ruin) in Hero of Ages/Secret History:
Photos/original source credit The Lego Batman Movie
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[ID: In the first panel, Dipper Pines from Gravity Falls looks at “allo people’s reasons for doubting that aces are really ace” and says “Woah”. In the second panel, he says “This is worthless!“. End ID]
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