My heart

thesis breaks my heart

stress ><

seeking help :(

i don’t know what to do next 

helpless

i hate it when someone rejecting me especially my proposals its like hey we need you :( 

I SHOULD NOT BE SAD

i should not be sad nor feel forsaken but i feel it from head to foot but i had to endure everything i have this thesis of mine but sometimes i can’t usually understand myself is this really a depression i don’t really but i can’t stop on my habit on being sad without reason ?? i really don’t know, I hope and pray that this would stop as in stop 

people asked me why

they asked me why i just could’t explain everything to everyone auko na i just could not live I’m breathing but not living 

feeling like my old self again

I don’t know today i don’t feel like giving up i feel like fighting again all hopes are reviving again and i hope it will last long .. I’m not that happy but somehow i can move not like before that depression’s eat me up its just i can’t explain please stay as much as i want please your the only light that i needed your not a human but this hope please not be vanished asap i miss my old self and its getting back again anyways it helps looking forward for a new me a new beginning though i feel pressured but i hope it won’t be the reason of giving up again.

PRESSURED

sometimes its happiness sometimes its much more on expectations, this thoughts came out of the blue when someone asked me to make dad’s book but how i cant tell that i cant find his real graduated school or his identity more on confusions came up to my mind things needed to have proofs and evidence before writing everything in a book a or a piece of paper fuck depression its kinda addictive but my best friend has her own demons also that’s what i worrying about things will get into place i know it will and Thank God for giving me signs that i really but the answer is where will i should start? tell me

blog post day 1

had so much happiness and anger alam mo yun halo halo >< maswerte pa din pero naiignore pumunta pala ako sa manila art ang hirap >.< pero worth it naman di nman ito ung una akong mag isa na pumunta sa art exhibit usually ako lang talaga naiinis lang ako sa sarili ko kasi anak ako ng artist pero anlaki ng pag kukulang ko sa sarili ko i do have so many connections pero di ko magamit ng maayos kasi im doomed terribly depressed i don’t know what to do i want to make it happen pero ako mismo hirap na hirap, well thesis ngayon dapat gumagawa ako ng thesis i mean gingawa ko nman naka dalawa na nga tatlo na madami pa kauwi ko lang din kasi mga 11:30 na din so ayun depressed nga ako e wala ganto nman di naman ako nag sulat para makahanap attensyon parang masaya ako at the same time malungkot the question is how will i survive with so much expections i asked myself bkit ako pinalaki ng mgulang ko sa sarap yet i feel poor i can’t do whatever i want to i can’t just paint at all dami kong takot ang dami kong demonyo sa katawan ang daming fear nilalamon ako nito at di ako makakawala nilalabanan ko pero paano ba? tintry ko araw araw para ngang the struggle is real pero i found light knina ang mahal din ng tickets sa manila art thanks to dad nkikinig sya when i prayed lalo na tama yung alam ng Diyos ung di mo pa hinihiling binibigay na pinapasok ako because of my ninong luckily i tried elite foods which nakakain nman ako ng via mare nung bata pako pero God maswerte ako ngayon kahit nahihirapan ako my hope pa din ang dindasal ko nalng na kahit sobrang hirap ako sana my natitira pa ding pag asa sa puso ko ayoko mamatay pero minsan gusto ewan kasi naisip ko pag ako nag suicide baka atakihin si mommy ayoko ayoko lahat ng hirap ko mawala hirap ng magulang ko sa lupa ng lolo at lola tayag ko ayoko... masakit pero lalaban ako ... pipilitin ko kasi mag mamasterals pako hahaha taas pangarap e ..un lamang ausin ko muna ung bibliography hiyang hiya nko sa partner ko hirap mag time management sa thesis huuhuhu buti nlng Goodmornight!