aurumastrum
*~Stars of Gold
I draw stuff sometimes.
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Dr. V. AMAR, Metabolic & Bariatric Surgeon
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“So is [an abuser] lying when he says he loves you? No, usually not. Most of my clients do feel a powerful sensation inside that they call love. For many of them it is the only kind of feeling toward a female partner that they have ever had, so they have no way of knowing that it isn’t love. When an abusive man feels the powerful stirring inside that other people call love, he is probably feeling:
The desire to have you devote your life to keeping him happy with no outside interference
The desire to have sexual access
The desire to impress others by having you be his partner
The desire to possess and control you
These desires are important aspects of what romantic love means to him. He may well be capable of feeling genuine love for you, but first he will have to dramatically reorient his outlook in order to separate abusive and possessive desires from true caring, and become able to really see you.
The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by the depths of their loving feelings. The news media regrettably often accepts the aggressors’ view of these acts, describing them as “crimes of passion.” But what could more thoroughly prove that a man did not love his partner? If a mother were to kill one of her children, would we ever accept the claim that she did it because she was overwhelmed by how much she cared? Not for an instant. Nor should we.
Genuine love means respecting the humanity of the other person, wanting what is best for him or her, and supporting the other person’s self-esteem and independence. This kind of love is incompatible with abuse and coercion.”
- Lundy Bancroft, “Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men.”
[The Shrink would like to take a moment to say that not all abusers are men, and not all victims/survivors of abuse are women.]
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“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”
— Lundy Bancroft
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Saw that bullshit quote out of When Harry Met Sally about how men and women can’t be friends and it made me mad enough to do this:
You realise of course that we could never be friends.
Why not?
What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on
in any way, shape or form -
is that men and women can’t be friends
because the sex part always gets in the way.
That’s not true.
I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
No you don’t.
Yes I do.
No you don’t.
Yes I do.
You only think you do.
You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
They do not.
Do too.
They do not.
Do too.
How do you know?
Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.
He always wants to have sex with her.
So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too.
What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there
so the friendship is ultimately doomed
and that is the end of the story.
Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
I guess not.
Shout out to all the amazing m/f friendships in media, this is just a small handful of some of my favourites.
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elizabeth swan and will turner are actually SO romance in the first movie and not enough people acknowledged this because the early 2000s were the age of the edgelords who only valued jack sparrow’s moral ambiguity and that is the TRUTH
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Witch Bunny
#fuck this is gorgeous#i have a deep fear of rabbits#but this is too smooth#too pretty to not be rebloged#i am full of envy and awe in the best way#too cute
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My skin.
Watercolour.
Patreon • FB • Twitter • IG • Etsy • Society6
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ngl people coming w u so they can keep talking to u while ur running errands or just chillin in ur room while ur cleaning… love that kind of love
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And speaking of pronouns, flat-out my favorite part of the LOTR Appendices is when it’s revealed that the Gondorian dialect of the Common Speech differentiates between formal and informal second-person pronouns but the distinction’s been lost in the Hobbit’s dialect, so Pippin’s blithely been using familiar terms of address with the Lord of the City, and thus helps to explain both why the Gondorians are so ready to assume he’s a prince and why Denethor finds him so amusing to have around.
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