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its 2am. and for the no one knows how many time already-th in my life, i'm awake again questioning life choices.
when will this ever stop? no one can be sure enough to give answers. i know i'm pulling myself into this yet i hate it so much that i can't stop. i keep feeling guilty and mad, like i wanna take out my anger, but i have no one, literally no one to do it so i get angry at myself instead. but these days, it felt like i can't even accept anger from anyone, not even myself.
yet, i can't stop. feeling guilty over everything.
have you ever feel so desperate? like how the heck do you disappear off the face of earth? is that possible? why isn't it? i need it. i'm so desperate of disappering. it made me happy to think of it.
i wanna stop. please. i wanna stop everything. if possible, i wanna stop myself too.
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uh so hey yeah its me again.
yes, again.
i made an account like 6 years ago (omg indeed i was like 10 at that time zjjajaha) and looking back at it it makes me cringe so hard. so now i'm starting over. i still use my previous account up until before tumblr got banned here, and perhaps now i'll still use it but it's just ... too ... rusty ... ew. too much of a mess.
like my life.
but anyway.
i am a busy person (omg punch me i was being sarcastic djjahshs) so i won't be active much. but i'll try to get back to this. perhaps real soon. i'll write things down. because for the first time, after awhile, i finally have a dream to live again. a reason to keep going.
i sound like those dramatic ass poems lol im so sorry.
its been shaanifs. see you.
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