can you die from lack of affection? Asking for myself

What's a personal experience you've never told anyone !? Whether it is traumatic of just something you've just decided not to share ( development thingie !!! )

☁️    ask jules a character development question!!!

          Being  able  to  hide  something  that  Jules  didn’t  want  to  remember  was  always  done  with  an  innocent  objective  in  mind,  to  try  to  separate  from  it  for  the  better  of  her  inner  peace  ( even if it did not always work out that way and instead the trauma lingers and watches behind a wall until it sneaks it’s way back into her consciousness ).  She keeps it buried.  Allowing the sun she puts out into the universe to outshine her bad thoughts, even if that only worked surface deep, was a coping mechanism she had.  Jules overwhelmed herself with happy things and put her attention on anything else that made her feel something.  Whether it was sex with strangers,  or a bike ride in the pouring rain.  Dying her hair.  Fun makeup.  Binge-watching an entire anime in one night.  In hopes that she will always feel happy;  that life could be sweet.  Jules just wanted to pretend that she didn’t come with so many tainted memories—   but she did.  Of course she did.  Jules was mentally abused by her mom for years and grew up feeling like who she was in her brain was wrong.  

After that,  it gets hard to feel good about who you are,  believe it or not.  On top of this,  there were other things.  Her specific fears,  like her fear that she would stop breathing in her slumber,  which kept her from sleep sometimes.  Or her fear of finding out she was a ghost that had been dead for years and was invisible to everyone around her.  Her struggle with self-harm.  It all added up and made her exhausted at times. It had become a goal of hers to start to look at her past and processing what had happened to her instead of hiding it behind rose tinted glasses.  “After I hurt myself in the hospital—”  Being at the mental facility and hurting herself was something she had told Rue about.  But she never liked to talk about her experience in solitary confinement after she lost her privileges because it was a period of time that traumatized her and broke down her sense of reality.  Reflecting on it just wasn’t fun. 

There is a discomfort in her throat, voice soft.  “—-I felt so bad about doing it. I didn’t really understand at the time that I was hurting myself mostly.  I was terrified about the fact that what I did could’ve affected someone else negatively.  I had to be put in solitude for–  I don’t really know how long it was.  It was suffocating.  When I would finally fall asleep I would have these vivid nightmares..  which made it hard to sleep.  So I didn’t.  I started to feel like I wasn’t real anymore. I would get to eat,  under supervision,  and then I was alone again.  It’s just really scary being left alone with nothing but your thoughts.  I started to believe that I would be there forever.  I literally thought that was going to be my life forever.”  Withholding her body’s urge to start tearing up, Jules’ voice came out shaky.  “I just really hurt knowing that there’s kids in that same exact position right now and all they want to do is be loved.” 

Hunter Schafer for Marc Jacobs Beauty.

a catfish episode where rue calls nev and max because jules is clearly being catfished by shyguy118 but is in denial.

wrcngbitch‌:

[ mssg ➔ jules ] i wish… you know it’s not that simple [ mssg ➔ jules ] we will soon, i promise [ mssg ➔ jules ] haha don’t worry if the other guys on this app are the standard then i’m good [ mssg ➔ jules ] do you promise you’re not a creep catfishing as the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen?

     [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ]  stop itttt      [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ]  you’re so cute :,)       [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ]  i'm me i promise

luckystartm‌:

[ text ➔ Jules 🦄🌈✨] Bitch what even?

[ text ➔ Jules 🦄🌈✨] Can you like stop talking in circles and just say whatever the fuck it is you need to say 

[ text ➔ Jules 🦄🌈✨] what does Nate have to do with anything other than him protecting his dad? 

     [  text ➔ maddy 🌹  ]  im sorry i’m just really overwhelmed      [  text ➔ maddy 🌹  ]  i just        [  text ➔ maddy 🌹  ]  nate threatened me and it wasn’t about his dad      [  text ➔ maddy 🌹  ]  he has pictures of me because he catfished me

INTERVIEW MEME

——— character question sheet

▌REAL NAME: jules eleanor vaughn ▌SINGLE OR TAKEN: verse dependent, but on a neutral level.. single but also v affectionate and kind of a thing w/ rue as we see in the canon storyline of s1 ▌ABILITIES OR POWERS:  being adorable lbr, being an actual fairy ▌EYE COLOR: light blue w/ a dark blue rim around it ▌HAIR COLOR:  usually white-ish blonde with varying added colors depending on her vibe atm ▌FAMILY MEMBERS: dad (who she adores). mom (who isn’t in the picture anymore). her grandparents on her dad’s side, her pets (dog, cat, lizard) ▌SOMETHING THEY DON’T LIKE: violence, bigotry, letting others down, someone being mad at her, loneliness, bland things, lack of color, math, mean hearted people  ▌HOBBIES / ACTIVITIES: fashion, makeup, astrology, meeting new people, having fun, watching film/foreign film/tv/anime, observing various cultures, exploring, crystals, caring for her pets/plants, mythology, drawing/art ▌EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE:  i mean yes but never ever with purpose  ▌EVER KILLED ANYONE BEFORE: UM NO not this baby ▌WORST HABITS: acting on impulse, putting herself in unsafe situations, self-harm (of several sorts), being too much of a people pleaser ▌ROLE MODELS: every magical girl in every anime ever i guess ▌SEXUAL ORIENTATION: jules just goes with the flow of what she’s feelin lulz ▌THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE/KIDS: marriage? one day probs but kids ehhhh  ▌FEARS: ... i’ll just do the main ones. being stuck in a nightmare, choking on something, being dead/a ghost and not knowing, being abandoned, the dark if shes alone (shhhhh)   ▌STYLE PREFERENCES: harajuku reference, “kawaii” jfashion reference, 90s and early 2000s reference, very light lolita reference, goth reference, grunge reference, bright colors, pastels, fun textures, faux fir, mix of patterns, short skirts, chunky boots/sneakers, flowers, cutesy 

▌SOMEONE THEY LOVE:  RUE BENNETT!!!! ▌APPROACH TO FRIENDSHIPS: she just loves to fill them with love!!! super lovey right off the bat and is ride or die for the true ones. she loves to compliment and show little tokens of appreciation and send cute texts! she’s the friend who would do something crazy w/ u  ▌THOUGHTS ON PIE: SOUR CHERRY!!!!!! PUMPKIN!!!!!!!!!! ▌FAVORITE DRINK:  honeydew bubble tea ▌FAVORITE PLACE TO SPEND TIME AT: on her bike finding new places she likes, her room, antique shops, forests ▌SWIM IN THE LAKE OR IN THE OCEAN: either! but prefers ocean  ▌THEIR TYPE: no specific type but she likes guys her age up to much older.. brunette masc more filled out figured guys that make her feel xtra delicate and cute hahah. tall!!!! muscles!! with girls??? she just likes all the pretty girls idk she loves all girls. she likes someone who likes to pull the reigns and be someone who can teach her something in life persay.. someone with a soft side and an appreciation for art and at least a moderate concern for social issues. someone who she can talk about random topics and deep subjects with (like aliens, astrology, past lives, conspiracy theories, art meaning, spirituality, film), someone who is gentle with animals, someone protective but who will still let her be her free authentic self  ▌CAMPING OR INDOORS: both!!!!! she loves outdoors and indoors 

TAGGED BY: @kitkween TAGGING: anybody who wants to do it!!! i don’t wanna leave anyone out 

wrcngbitch‌:

@atomicjules didn’t ask but i wanted to

HE’S STILL, STOIC.     watching her as she experiences a night unthreatened by his known presence. it amused ( & in a way inspired ) nate, to know she went so far to escape him. it made him feel powerful to know his actions caused her such emotional distress. she cared about him, whether or not she’d admit it once she discovered who he really was. & maybe he cared about her too, in a way much more complicated & twisted than the way he cared for maddy. there was one common trait between the two however. nate wanted full control of both.

that’s why he came here. while maddy was loyal & returned to him no matter what he put her through, jules wasn’t quite as trustworthy. she hadn’t offered him the same reliability that maddy did. she didn’t even talk to him anymore, except when he so demanded it. that wasn’t a connection you could rely on. that wasn’t enough to keep him satisfied. so he followed her. if anything just to see what she’d do under the impression that she was FREE. & what that happened to be was a whole lot of escapism. she couldn’t be more desperate to clear her mind of him if she wanted to be.

          It had been uneasy for the past two weeks or so. Jules had been living in a haze of harsh nightclub lighting and a tingly yet intrusive suffocation within seas of people that were trying to stay on a high just as much as she had been.  On a night like tonight,  where she had decided to go out and fall in love with faces--  male and female--  she’s never seen, while dancing in a slow motion art piece for one night only and do it all over again.  With different faces and different rhythms each night.  A routine that was a bit reckless,  but perhaps a coping mechanism of some sort for Jules to distance herself from the paranoia that whispered in her ear whenever it pleased.  The Nate stuff was getting to her,  and she was so displeased with herself to admit that.  He had tripped her into a trap of lies and deceit that she refused to stay locked inside of.  Jules would not play these games with him and had power in this too considering she had flack on Nate’s dad,  but that didn’t stop her from her fears and constantly having that feeling that a pair of eyes are watching you  (the one you get when you walk alone at night and it makes you pick up your step). Fuck Nate Jacobs,  but yet she was nervous. 

Nate had blackmailed her,  lied to her,  deceived her,  played with her emotions,  threatened her,  touched her in ways both physically and emotionally that made her skin crawl.  Nate’s objective made her hurt too,  because she couldn’t quite pin why he had done this.  Was it because she was trans? Lashing out because he can’t accept he’s been questioning his sexuality? Or because of the fact he had known about his dad and Jules? Or even because of the way Jules made her first impression at his party in the kitchen? Nate was trying to make her feel dirty and guilty,  when he was the dirtiest of them all.  The buried feeling as if she was deranged from when her mother admitted her into a mental hospital for sexually perverted boys as a child was being mirrored here in a way,  with him threatening to put her on an offenders list for the pictures.  All she knew was that things had been almost too quiet for awhile.  Jules wanted to be the epitome of strong feminine power but she felt vulnerable still--  which is why it was impressive she was able to even enjoy herself tonight within her high even a little.  

Eyes scanned around the club through slits and gaps of bodies clearing the way and dancing to the music,  watching the room like she was a soul that could move through time and space.  A pair of eyes.  The moment she sees much too familiar eyes staring her throat constricts itself and Jules’ heartbeat speeds up--  now faster than the beat of the club music.  Nate Jacobs.  Her high is making it hard for frustration to overcome her vulnerability,  so fear is taking the trophy.  It feels like there is a moment of paralysis,  freezing up as their eyes lock.  His look dark and voyeuristic,  why in the hell does he look so calm??  That stupid fucking smirk.  Why is he here and how did he know where she was?  Jules starts to slide through bodies in a hurry, making her way back towards the bathroom and away from Nate.  Tucking herself quickly into the hallway,  her heart pounds in reminder of her fight or flight. Isolating herself from the mass of people was probably the dumbest idea but the substance in her system dimmed the alarming nature of that.  Instead,  she just had to get away from the way his stare preyed on her. 

This blog is accepting development anons!

Bug my character about their past! Ask them about the things you wonder about! Give them scenarios to get their brain going! Today is all about bringing out the growth hiding within my character.

wrcngbitch‌:

[ mssg ➔ jules ] honestly? kind of [ mssg ➔ jules ] i want to meet u 2 [ mssg ➔ jules ] it’s just complicated. u know with my family and everything. maybe i can sneak out at night some time. when they’re too distracted to notice i’m gone.

[ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ] you could be back before anybody notices [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ] pleaseeee <33 we could meet anywhere u want [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ] as long as you promise you’re not secretly a creep [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ] jk lol

explanations // 3.6.2019

luckystartm‌:

[ text ➔ Jules 🦄🌈✨] I don’t need you to be a witness to anything. What happened between me and nate is done. There’s no going back. We fucked up someone else’s life and there’s no going back 

[ text ➔ Jules 🦄🌈✨]  Hurt you? 

[ text ➔ Jules 🦄🌈✨] How would that hurt you? You slept with him but he’s the sick fuck who sleeps with kids. 

[ text ➔ maddy 🌹 ] i haven’t told you everything about the situation [ text ➔ maddy 🌹 ] and i want to but i’m just scared of how you’ll react and what could happen if other people found out that i told you. especially nate. 

suitcdbaby‌:

@atomicjules  gets a  euphoria  starter 

      eyes   are  alight  in  a  childish  way  ,  a  bright  smile  upon  her  face  as  she  watched  the  girl .  she  was  so  colorful  .  it  made  her  uncomfortably giddy.  “  you  remind  me  of  one of my  close  friends. ”  a  small  twitch  of  sadness  glistens  in  eyes  before  it’s  replaced  once  more  with  childish  glee. 

    “  we  called  her  pinkie-pie ,  from  my little pony. ”  she scrunched  her  nose up  at  the  memory  of  yukio .  she  shook   her  head.  she  wiped  a  hand  down  her  face  .  “ sorry  ,  I’m  huge  fucking  sap .”  she  smiled  again.  putting  her  hands  in  her  jean jacket pockets and tilting her head. 

     “  you  also  kinda  remind  me  of  bubbles  from  the  powerpuff  girls. it’s  honestly  ,  really  refreshing  from  the  emos  I  use  to  hang  with.”  she  shrugged. 

      she  gave  another  smile  .  maybe  ,  she  could  give  it  a  shot  .  having  friends  .  her  silent  protest  at  home  could  possibly  end  tonight. “ I’m  cher  ,  named  after  my  dad’s  favorite  singer.”   

          One thing that Jules could make absolutely clear already was that this girl’s energy was a good one. It was almost like both their eyes matched in that twinkly way, where your stare sparkles because you know you’ve just met someone who in some way makes you excited to get to know them. Whether it be the way Jules already knows they both like to reminisce, like this girl reminiscing about her friend ‘pinkie-pie’, or the way that they both have that excitable way of speaking with each other. Jules always had trouble making friends up until she felt more free to express herself after her transition began, but there were a few from her old high school before she moved here that she missed dearly. 

Giving a smile back to the girl who she now knew to be Cher, grip remained around her backpack straps that rested upon her shoulders, looking down to the ground briefly as the grin lingered in delight. “Oh my gosh--- thank you so much, that’s so sweet. Becoming Bubbles was definitely my childhood goal. It still is.” Jules laughs. It felt so warm to hear she reminded Cher of one of her close friends. She certainly took that as a compliment. “I’m Jules. It’s nice to meet you. Your hair is really pretty.. and Cher is definitely one of the most iconic women in pop culture.” The blonde reaches her hand out for a handshake excitedly. 

Leaf Xia RTW Spring ‘19

wrcngbitch‌:

[ mssg ➔ jules ] haha i hope i’m better than a talking dick [ mssg ➔ jules ] well then i must be lucky. sometimes it feels like the people on here don’t even have one. and i just so happened to find the girl with the biggest heart of all. [ mssg ➔ jules ] of course you can

[ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ] are you nervous to meet??  [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ] i want to meet you so bad [ mssg ➔ shyguy118 ] but a part of me feels like you’re too good to be true

queerness is infinite 

i love this description of transitioning, from a trans character played by a trans actress. its so rare to see something like this on tv, and its not described as traumatic and awful as many characters have described it in media previously, there’s no trauma porn here. she’s surrounded and comforted by queer women. she’s leveling up. thats so beautiful.