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vvincian
𝜗𝜚 EVERLASTING - DEVOTEES .
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Passionate About Desing & Technolgy
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no bc i firmly and stubbornly believe that had marlene woke ellie up and took joel to see her, and given her a chance to actually say what she wanted, joel would have let her go through with it (even if he probably would have pushed back and argued with her, i think he would have relented). because he cares about her and as much as he wouldn’t want her to die, i don’t think he would rob that choice from her.
on the other hand, if marlene had given ellie a chance to consent and she had said no, i think marlene would have killed her anyway. that’s the difference between her and joel.
"joel took away ellie's choice"- damn it's almost like he knew they were both gonna just end up killed.. it's almost like he had no choice either and the fireflies were always gonna kill her with or without her knowledge. it's almost like ellie is a child who does not deserve the weight of the world on her shoulders like this. it's almost like her survivors guilt and unresolved trauma is what drives her to feel as if her entire life needs to end to compensate for those she's lost; it's almost like joel indulging ellie's martyrdom is a far worse thing than saving her on the chance she doesn't want to die. it's almost like she genuinely was never in the right conditions to consent to begin with and was never going to have the chance to regardless. idk
#i cannot stress this enough!!!!!!!#this this this this this this this this#she was not able to consent#ellie is literally s*icidal#so she would've said yes because of that!#and that ain't right!!#she is 14 she cannot consent to that!#trauma aside she is a child?
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cowboy advice
be rootin
be tootin
and by god be shootin
but most of all
be kind
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Friendly reminder that the reason you feel so much better is because of your meds, don’t stop taking them unless you talk to your doctor first, you really do need them, I promise.
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Relationships can be hard sometimes. It can take forever to find someone you have a connection with, and when you finally start dating someone it can be a struggle to communicate effectively and keep the spark alive for years down the road. Everyone has a different personal style when it comes to being in a relationship. What’s yours?
Take the following tests below and see how far you are and how far you’ll go in the name of love:
These ‘Would You Rather’ questions will reveal how you are in a relationship
These questions about love will determine your current relationship status
Who should your Disney husband be?
What does your significant other love most about you?
Ace this Love Language Test!
Where will you meet your soulmate?
What zodiac sign is your true love?
What kind of lover are you?
How much of a relationship expert are you?
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i’m allergic to mangos
self care is eating mangos
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Defining yourself by your romantic relationships is so unhealthy like what if he dies sis what then
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Like if you’re a #ben gross fan, reblog if you’re a #benvi fan.
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Okay but my favorite part about Ben and Devi is they see the other person for who they are?? Like they don’t fantasize/put the other person on a pedestal. Ben thinks about Devi frequently and loves hanging out with her but he’s not afraid to hold her accountable for the shitty things she does (rumor about Aneesa, cheating on him) Devi thinks Ben can be tedious and irritating but sees that he’s smart and pushes her to be her best self and is kind because he cares about her. IDK like most relationships on TV they just ignore each other’s flaws but Ben and Devi don’t. They acknowledge them but still love each other in spite of them. It’s the most realistic portrayal I’ve seen of a teen relationship on TV and I love it.
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“Ben is so vindictive and awful this season. Paxton was so much better”
Yeah, I can’t believe that the 16 boy with abandonment issues got upset about someone cheating on him and not ever bothering to talk to him about it. He “forced” her to get a nose piercing that she was going to get anyways to impress Aneesa, and he iced her out. What a terrible person. I mean not like Paxton who made Devi do his homework for him, humiliated her in front of his friends multiple times, blamed her for not being able to go to college, and acted embarrassed of her. I mean when you compare the two it’s so obvious that Paxton is better, I mean he showed up at the dance. What did Ben do? Hold her accountable for her actions? Comfort her when she was sad? Like come on? Clearly Ben is the worst.
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Dream a Little Dream of Me : A Never Have I Ever Fanfic
Summary: Devi and Paxton go on a triple-date with Ben, Aneesa, Trent, and Eleanor. Chaos ensues and Devi has an important realization about her relationship and the dreams she’s left behind in the pursuit of it.
Note: This fic doesn’t really have any actual romantic pairings, but it definitely has Benvi Big Soulmate Energy undertones. Also, any disjointedness stems from the fact that this was based off a Tumblr text post I made the other day. I was challenging myself to include everything from that post.
You can find this fic on Ao3 or read it under the cut!
Keep reading
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you ever think you made a banger post bc you’re getting a lot of notifications for it and then you actually check them and it’s just all porn blogs
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There’s gonna be THAT person that comes along when you aren’t expecting anything and they treat you right and everything’s healthy and they’re gonna make you feel all kinds of shit you didn’t know you could feel bitch do not let that go I’m telling you
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every time i see someone say real ass people are queerbaiting i feel like folding in on myself
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I heard this on a podcast, and thought it might be really helpful for my writing fam:
“Writer’s block is life block. Writing mirrors what’s going on in our bodies and our brains. If you can’t think of what to say, this is diagnostic, it’s telling you something. If you can’t think of what to say on the page, usually it’s because there’s something you want to say or do in your life that you feel you cannot.” -Allison Fallon
I was having major block this week, and it got much better when I addressed some personal shit. ❤️
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Constantly torn between “my sexuality is none of your business” and “lmao I hope they don’t think I’m straight god forbid”
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Some words to use when writing things:
winking
clenching
pulsing
fluttering
contracting
twitching
sucking
quivering
pulsating
throbbing
beating
thumping
thudding
pounding
humming
palpitate
vibrate
grinding
crushing
hammering
lashing
knocking
driving
thrusting
pushing
force
injecting
filling
dilate
stretching
lingering
expanding
bouncing
reaming
elongate
enlarge
unfolding
yielding
sternly
firmly
tightly
harshly
thoroughly
consistently
precision
accuracy
carefully
demanding
strictly
restriction
meticulously
scrupulously
rigorously
rim
edge
lip
circle
band
encircling
enclosing
surrounding
piercing
curl
lock
twist
coil
spiral
whorl
dip
wet
soak
madly
wildly
noisily
rowdily
rambunctiously
decadent
degenerate
immoral
indulgent
accept
take
invite
nook
indentation
niche
depression
indent
depress
delay
tossing
writhing
flailing
squirming
rolling
wriggling
wiggling
thrashing
struggling
grappling
striving
straining
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Denying That Trauma Can Affect Sexuality Is Ableist
Tw for mentions of rape and consequentially ableism as well as slight nsfw talk inherent with talking in depth with sexuality and exploration
But yes, I’m specifically addressing this issue from the perspective of an asexual and somewhere on the arospec as well as someone who’s faced very early childhood trauma, which is to say that there are going to be people who have had radically different experiences from me who still come to the same conclusion. I don’t wish to erase or deny though people, but I understand my own lived experience the best and feel most comfortable speaking for myself. So if anyone would like to come forward and add to this little impromptu analysis I’d absolutely love to see this issue through another lens.
and of course I don’t expect everyone who has gone through similar things that I have in similar ways that I have to all have been affected the same way I have. we’re all just trying to find our place on a rock hurling through the empty void of space. how we go about it doing so is our own business.
all that said, I’ve noticed a particular problem in progressive queer spaces that tend to alienate some of the more vulnerable members of the lgbtq+ community (which, I’m sure you can guess what that issue is by this point :b).
we’ve all heard the “””joke””“ offered by bigots that someone’s sexuality not aligning with that bigot’s expectations or wants must have been caused by trauma, with the implication being that the person can be “fixed” (typically by a cis straight white man’s apparently magic little caesar).
It’s one of the first things that I ever recognized as overt homophobia when I was a kid. and of course the knee jerk reaction is to deny it, which isn’t wrong in and of itself, but the ignorant reaction that I and many others developed was to deny it as a possibility at all.
To cut to the point. the implication when it is outright denied as a possibility in service of homophobes (of biphobes, of aphobes, etc), is that you believe that the effects of trauma, of mental illness, in relation to someone’s sexuality can always be fixed. and more importantly that it should be, that it’s inevitable.
you’ve bought into a stereotype that seeks to harm not only you personally, but seeks to harm mentally ill people as a whole.
a stereotype that exists to strip people of their agency and force them into a role, into a situation that they don’t want to be in.
it’s taking the logic provided by bigots at face value and telling them that they’re right to think the way that they do about mental illness, but that it doesn’t affect you.
Simply put, I have a certain repulsion to sexual desire expressed by other people towards me, and I’ve been unpacking that reality for myself for as long as other people have included me this wonderfully awkward stage of life that is adolescent exploration of sexuality.
Long before I was aware of asexuality, or had even begun examining my own sexuality enough to understand that it didn’t align with what cisheteronormativity expected of me, or even that I had anxiety and depression, I was aware that being put in overtly romantic situations made me deeply uncomfortable in a way that I just couldn’t place.
this was an aversion rooted in deep pain that I didn’t, and could never, have the full context for to understand or empathize with.
I said yes to relationships anyways, and fought to maintain boundaries that even I couldn’t see the edges of. the fear and apprehension knotting my stomach and squeezing my chest. a downward spiral that I couldn’t understand or recognize.
this wasn’t a healthy way to live, and it didn’t lead to a particularly stellar love life.
with the introduction of asexuality I was finally able to breathe.
even before I fully came to recognize what my current identity is or even fully believed that I held this identity at all, examining my sexuality under this context at all gave me the leeway to put space between me and romance.
In the past I’d accepted people’s offers simply because they’d been made, because it was expected of me, because I had no reason to say no. this gave me a reason
in other words
I’m a csa survivor with diagnosed ptsd and probably c-ptsd.
My brain associated sex and physical intimacy with pain and fear and danger and internalized it before my concept of self was completely formed. this is a symptom that’s fundamentally tied to who I am, and has been for at least 17 years.
frankly speaking, I’ve spent years trying to come to terms with myself, trying to understand how I work and why. I will never truly have the full context of what happened, there will never be a version of myself that existed before. everything I understand about myself I’ve had to learn in reverse. it’s taken time, it’s taken pain, it’s taken open mindedness and understanding.
this trauma is the foundation that I have been built on, and it’s only in recognizing that that I’ve been able to start understanding how the machine works. knowing that doesn’t mean that I’ve failed, and it doesn’t mean that I’m sacrificing quality of life. it’s given me a chance to understand my needs in a way that I wasn’t able to as a child
that’s why I can say with confidence that I understand myself and what I need. yes, it’s possible that I still would have been asexual had I not gone through what I did, but that version of myself does not exist and the affect of what I’ve gone through can’t be denied.
looking at me and telling me that my trauma should just go away, that I’m just confused, and I just need to try harder, and if I really wanted to I could desensitize myself enough to disregard my own comfort in service of being “normal,” denies me the agency I’ve spent a decade of my life grasping for.
and for what? an easy answer to give to dickholes on the internet that don’t care about this community or you as a person either way? or as an excuse to bully questioning people our your spaces or into boxes you think they ought to fill instead?
if I were wrong I about myself, if I wake up in 10 years and decide that I’m ready to move past this whole asexual thing. all of my life up until that point would have still existed. I still found comfort in this identity. in this community. it offered a place that I felt safe in, that I felt happy in, and I could live comfortably in. and don’t I deserve that? don’t people that have been hurt deserve to live by their own terms?
everyone deserves to live life at their own pace, to discover themselves at their own pace. if they happen to find a stop along the road of life that isn’t quite there yet, but comfortable enough to rest for a little while, to stretch out their legs and just breathe, then that’s their business. and you don’t get to decide if they’re right about the conclusions they draw or not
personally? I can see myself entering a romantic relationship someday. not someday soon mind you, but eventually. I’m a fan of romance, and I think it’d be nice to have someone I could spend the rest of my life with, whether that relationship be platonic or not. though I also know that I’d take some time, some effort, and some understanding on both ends.
but I’m able to recognize this because I’ve examined sex repulsion enough to separate it out from my fear of relationships in general. and what it comes down to is, the pain associated with my sex repulsion is far greater than that associated with my romance repulsion. if I were to truly feel connected with someone, becoming comfortable with kissing them, with cuddling, with being vulnerable, would not literally throw me into a panic attack. forcing myself into sex would.
however, I am under no obligation to work on either of these things should I be happy with myself now. treating symptoms of mental illness should, above all else, be about improving quality of life. and besides the impossibility of just, picking out a new sexuality and gunning for it, there’s no reason for me to do so if I don’t personally believe it will make me happy.
and finally, mental illness doesn’t go away, how you cope with it is what changes. trauma changes how the brain works on a fundamental level. I will never not have ptsd, the hope is simply that I’ll find ways to cope to live on a functioning level.
there are people who go through trauma like this and embrace their sexuality, who take comfort in having agency and control in the situation. and there are people who simply can’t. the existence of one does not negate the existence of another, and neither is the “right” way to cope.
my sexuality is just as real as anyone else’s, the experiences surrounding that sexuality are just unique to my life and my personhood. and the insistence that I can’t exist is ignorant at best, and dehumanizing at worst
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