assless-chapstick
Sad Cowboy Malone
Noble Malone. i wrote some horny cowboy fanfic and i made this blog to communicate with people about horny cowboys.
if you've enjoyed my work, please consider shootin' this cowpoke a few bucks on my ko-fi!
1034 posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
ghostgayys
lmao
c4tal1na
Catalina
ofthetutorials
Untitled
tifipants
WHY HELLO THERE
therealwylanvaneck
not really the real wylan van eck
Text
yk when you have an idea for a fic and you start writing it in your head and it's so like 馃敟馃敟馃敟 you're like hell yeah
and then you go to work and on your break you're like hell yeah I can't wait to read more of that great fic
that I haven't written yet and now have to write I guess... .... ........ .... .... .. . . .
#modern day morston fic with a low honour arthur who thinks hes high honour lol#based on an rp from back in the broke dick mountain days#listen when i summarize the plot it sounds really bad but i promise it'll be good i swear#itll be less problematic than BHMR#but way more problematic than kiyanaw lol
3 notes
路
View notes
Text
omg normal people dni actual PERVERTS and DEPRAVED WEIRDOS with GROSS ABNORMAL EROTIC FIXATIONS only
14K notes
路
View notes
Text
Part 1 for under 450
2K notes
路
View notes
Note
Hellooo! Just wanted to say I love you鈥檙e Fics. You鈥檙e writing is so damn good, along with the smut. (Very hard for me to write) is very impressive! Any more fics in the pimple line?
feller I'm so glad you enjoyed them!! I really enjoyed writing and sharing them and I'm tryna get that fire back !!
since my K卯yanaw series turned 4 this year, I was brainstorming some ideas and was thinking about another part...
like 8 years on Arthur and Charles have made good, they've got a herd of cattle now and have hired on a couple hands (the sons of the old spinsters what helped them get their start) and they ain't just homesteaders no more but real ranchers. They're comfortable - maybe Arthur has even seriously started working on illustrations of herbs and wildflowers, fixing to get them published as a field guide or something...
anyway they're comfy and happy and living a charmed life... the RCMP come around some times, and it still gets their hackles up, but they're ok.
And then one day they get a letter.
Charles had been at the post office, picking up some parcels, sending out one of Arthur's illustrations to the publisher maybe, making smalltalk with the postmaster. And the postmaster he goes like "hey you fellers employ drifters and the like up at your place, right? anyone pass through by the name of Tacitus Kilgore?"
and that's how they get word, a sneaky letter from Sadie, that she's alive. That John and Abigail and lil Jackie - who must be what, shit, fourteen? - are still alive.
and shit happens they head down there and Arthur and John have a super emotionally fraught reunion cuz like, John is so happy to see him but so fuckin angry because he thought Arthur had died, and then because he feels like Arthur abandoned him like, why didn't you look for me? You say up there on your fancy fuckin ranch for eight god damned years and you never thought to look for me?
And this is at the point when Abigail and Jack aren't around and John is tryna build that house... and just such a super low point so it's very emotional and hard on him and he's mad but only cuz that's how all his emotions present themselves djbdbdbd
and then Charles and Arthur help him build the house and there's one night, just one where John is drunk(er than usual) and lamenting the loss of his family and he turns to Arthur for comfort the same way he always has and then John is kissing on Arthur's neck by the light of the fire and Arthur's hands are on John's hips to push him away but he looks over John's shoulder at Charles and they communicate in that quiet, sacred way they do...
and Charles is a sex freak who loves to watch so he watches as Arthur fucks John in this way where it's like, this is a relationship that is so unnameable... it's not just friendship not just fraternity it's like there's this connection where Arthur is the only person in the world who knows John the way John knows Arthur... so he fucks him and Charles watches and then they all make out
and in the morning John pretends it never happened like "I'm gonna get my wife back... I'm just not the type to share. Sorry Charles" and like it was just this one time thing and it gives John the willpower to carry on and hustle for his family dhhfhf idk that's just my idea
and then I had an idea too for just a fun one shot of John/Arthur gunplay where Arthur takes the cold barrel of his revolver and runs it along the bony jut of John's hip bone where it peeks over the waistband of his pants.... and he calls John the ugliest sonofabitch he's ever seen and spits on his face even as he so gently gathers John's hair up in his hand so John can open his mouth so Arthur can gently gently fuck it with his gun and then maybe also his dick
idk mister I'm just in a fun goofy mood that's what's been on my mind lately!! thanks for asking!!
#thats why i started replaying the game#so i can get to the epilogue and remember the series of events so i dont contradict canon too much jsjjshs#cuz kiyanaw is nothing if not accurate!!!#tho idk if getting any of this written is a realistic goal#ill be real with you fellers im Kinda Disabled#and i been working full time for a couple months in order to train for a new position im taking at work#a better higher paying less demanding position#but idk when im working i get so burned out i just cant write the way i want#i cant make the words come out good#i wrote most of kiyanaw when i was at university and had a lot more community around me too#and wasnt so fuckin exhausted from social interaction all the time#ill do my best but i really can't promise ill ever write nothin#i was like a man possessed back then#its a shame tho cuz i really really enjoy writing and do legitimately want to do it#my brain just dont work right no more#red dead redemption 2#rdr2
7 notes
路
View notes
Text
look at my baby serving indigenous sailor moon
4 notes
路
View notes
Text
Whumpers!
I'm curious to see at what age y'all had your first whump thoughts, even if it was before you learned what whump even is. AKA your whump awakening. For me it was watching a show, getting a blorbo from it, and almost immediately after putting him in SituationsTM. It could be something like that, or coming up with random fantasies, or a dramatic drawing you did as a toddler. It could be anything, really, and from any age, as long as it can fall under the whump description in any way.
Note: It's not when you realized what whump is and that you're a whumper! It's how old you remember being when you first had whump thoughts!
#idk how old but#i remember laying in bed imagining i was the ant from A Bugs Life when hes all beat up and has the black eye#or the cat from Cats Dont Dance when he was beat up#lol idk why???#i just see a vulnerable physically compromised male i connect and project#idefk what it is
335 notes
路
View notes
Text
following weird horny furries who are into shit like pooltoys and transformation and stuff is enrichment. the vitamins and minerals of posting
71K notes
路
View notes
Text
self care is putting off the mission where u rescue micah from strawberry for as long as humanly possible
#i just want all my buddies to hang out with me at camp and we play cards and drink beer and no one gets hurt#and micah stays in jail forever
945 notes
路
View notes
Text
Karen and Mary are so beautiful like I understand 100% why Arthur will bend over backwards for her she's so beautiful and gentle and she's just such a perfect foil to Arthur tbh like a woman beholden to her father figure just like Arthur like
she's so pretty and also I love her she's a victim of her time and place
2 notes
路
View notes
Text
fic idea;
it's 8 years after highschool graduation, when Javi packed up and got the fuck outta Dodge and he has been back since. John left for a while but came back to their small-ish town and now he works tending bar at tryna make ends meet, just gettin by in his shitty basement studio apartment
So when Javi rolls into town, dressed all nice and slick like a fuckin model or something, he comes to the bar and John is all "oh shit, Javi? Javier Escuella? We went to highschool together, PlaceName High. You probably don't remember me."
Cuz nobody recognizes John from his highschool days cuz after highschool John moved to the city and transed his gender!! so when he came back maybe 6? years later yeah no one fuckin recognized him and he ain't about to share that info with much of anyone
but he and Javi had been friends in school and just drifted apart after highschool didn't stay in touch - partly on purpose cuz he stopped talking to anyone from town when he started his transition
but he moved back for reasons something something reasons
so anyway Javi doesn't recognize John but it's like "wow cool remember when Mrs Grimshaw threw that kid out a window for blah blah blah??" and they just spend the whole evening catching up!! and Javi even stays after closing and they drink together and reminisce and they get a little drunk as they're shooting the shit
and they laugh about how the queen of their senior prom was on The Bachelor and got sent home first and then there's a lull in the conversation and amicable quiet moment and then before John can stop himself he says
"God yeah... I had the biggest crush on you back then."
and he freezes cuz JESUS he just outed himself to some guy from his shitty home town who he doesn't know from Adam could be a raging homophobe??? and he's just like fuck fuck fuck in his head and Javier he just looks over all like
"Back then? What about now?" and he smiles all sexy and kinda leans in and John is like sweatin bullets
and then they fuckin pound on the pool table the end
#they end up making out leaned against the pool table#until javier is pressing john back into it pushing on his shoulders to get him lay down#and john is all i cant if i wreck the felt my boss will fuckin kill me#cuz yes arthur will kill him has threatened it many times#and javier is like dont worry ill be careful ill be gentle even#and then they fuckin go to god damn pound town no holds barred absolutrly fuck thst table UP
3 notes
路
View notes
Text
it Friday fellers which means tonight.... we stream 馃槇
1700 Central time... we got Sean back and now it's onward and upward to get some MONEY
1 note
路
View note
Text
tonight's headcanon is that after the wolf attack, John loses vision in his right eye. After he heals, he has about 40% vision in that eye with the peripherals being most affected - this is due to the trauma causing a partial detachment of his retina in that eye
he's able to maintain his depth perception and general vision and that lets him hide it - he tells no one about it, not even Abigail. But cuz he lost the peripheral vision on that side, maybe he's overly cautious about having folks on that side, or makes sure to take cover better on that side
and that's my headcanon
#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption#cowboy shitposting#arthur figures it out by throwing empty bottles at him
16 notes
路
View notes
Photo
AU that takes place in 1999 in which Dutch and Hosea make shitty western movies as tax write offs
3K notes
路
View notes
Text
Favourite self made Lenny's compilation :-))
2K notes
路
View notes
