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Lucifer: MC hasn’t stopped staring through the window since the storm started
Lucifer: I suppose I should let them in
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✨ STUPID HEADCANON ✨
MC gets kidnapped by a cult that worships the brothers, and while the cult leader is monologuing about how MC is going to be sacrificed to the great seven lords of Hell, this poor human is just sitting there like “Damn this is gonna be hella awkward once I summon the brothers during the most dramatic moment”.
Cult Leader: We call upon our seven demonic princes of the Devildom to accept this sacrifice-
MC: Princes? Ugh, I almost forget those bastards are royalty. Though, it does explain why Mammon is always so iffy about doing his own laundry.
Cult Leader: What-
MC: Nononono, don’t mind me, continue on. Sorry for the interruption.
Cult Leader: …ahem. We call upon Belphegor, the Avatar of Sloth.
MC: Pfft, sleepy brat probably isn’t even listening right now.
Cult Leader (getting annoyed): We call upon Beelzebub, the feared Avatar of Gluttony-
MC: Oh, shit, you might not wanna call upon Beel, if he finds out you’re bothering me you all might end up as second breakfast.
Cult Leader: AND WITHOUT FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS. We ask Asmodeus, the Avatar of Lust to-
MC: You’re not even going to give Asmo an extra compliment? At least call him the “divinely beautiful” Avatar of Lust.
Cult Leader: WE SUMMON THE VERY VERY SCARY AVATAR OF WRATH AS WELL.
MC (remembering how the last time they hung out with Satan he started spontaneously weeping because he remembered the sad ending of a book he read): …yeah. Hella scary, that one.
Cult Leader: And the Avatar of Envy, the master strategist, Leviathan!
MC: Master strategist? You know what? I’ll give you that, that one checks out.
Cult Leader: And the Avatar of Greed Mammon-
MC: My first man :D
Mammon: Hell yeah, human! Up top!
The cult: …AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
MC: Wow, they didn’t even get to Lucifer. How’d you get here so fast, Mam?
Mammon: Oh, I just heard you refer to me as your first man, as ya should, obviously, and I was so happy I decided to pop in and give ya some positive reinforcement. Now where’s my high five?
MC: I’m tied to this alter thing.
Mammon: Oh shit, ya are-
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"WHAT?!"
"MC, how the FUCK do you have that many blessings?" Solomon yelled, quickly glancing at you before looking around frantically for a book he'd left on his desk.
The Purgatory Hall bros had been looking into your spiritual energy for "educational purposes" when Solomon had discovered something very alarming.
"Solomon, language." Simeon warned. "MC, have you been in contact with anyone from the Celestial Realm recently?"
"Uhhhh no...?" You stared at the two, unable to grasp the gravity of the situation. Growing slightly frustrated, you whined, "If it's not that big of a deal, can we hurry up? I'm going to go to Ristorante Six with Lucifer after this and I don't want to be late."
"Simeon, I think we have a problem here...
The angel walked over to the sorcerer and peered into the page the latter had been skimming through. Simeon was silent for a while, before the corners of his lips twitched upwards.
"Yes, I see how that would potentially be counterproductive, but..." Simeon shared a look with Solomon.
"But that's not really a problem for us...is it, Simeon?" Solomon mirrored Simeon's slight smile.
"Actually, you're right. Never mind MC, false alarm. You can go back to the HOL now, make sure you let Luke know about your dinner plans!"
"Huh? Oh, okay! See you guys tomorrow then!" You slid off the table and made your way back to the House of Lamentation. You were nearing the gates leading to the entrance when you spotted a young angel holding several boxes of what presumably held cake. "Luke! Hi, need a helping hand?"
Luke's face lit up when he spotted you approaching him, and he set down the stack of boxes to give you a tight hug. "You're coming back from Purgatory Hall already? I was just on my way to give these to you!"
"Awww that's so sweet of you!" This little angel boy was really the only light in the Devildom, wasn't he? You pulled from the hug only for a strong gust of wind to almost blow you away. "Whoa, guess the weather's getting a little dicey, huh? You better head back now, Luke."
"I will!" Luke glanced at his boxes, contemplating whether to pick them up or not. He turned back to you and grabbed your hand, before cryptically whispering, "You better get home safely too, MC. It's not always safe around here."
Suddenly, a little string a light twirled itself around your ring finger. If you hadn't been paying more attention, you would've missed it. The slightly sinking feeling in your stomach disappeared altogether and you felt...more energized. You watched Luke skip away with his boxes, chuckling at how comically large the stack was for his size.
You walked past the gates and into the HoL foyer, heading straight for your room. You got changed immediately, and went back down to find Lucifer waiting in the living room. "Ah, MC. Good, you're right on time. I was just about to call Simeon and ask-"
Before he could finish his sentence, Lucifer's eyes widened. He took a few steps back, cringing, and held up a shaky finger to point at a spot behind you. "W-what in the Devildom? Why is that there?"
"Huh?" You asked, confused. You looked over your shoulder to find nothing and glanced back at the eldest brother. "Is there something behind me?"
Lucifer swallowed nervously. "Wait, don't move." He stormed out of the room, sticking as close to the walls as possible. You blinked, not sure what had him in such a twist. You could hear an array of voices chiming in disbelief outside the room, before the door slammed open. Lucifer stood with Mammon and Levi in tow, standing in the doorway. "Look for yourselves."
Mammon practically yelped before hiding behind Lucifer, while Levi shrunk back, fear evident on his face. "L-lucifer...why is there an angel aura around MC?" Levi could barely get the words out.
"A what?" You asked, feeling very out of the loop. You watched as Mammon and Levi continued to peer at you from behind Lucifer, who was furiously dialing up Simeon.
"Simeon? We have a situation here. Hm? What do you mean you- did you anticipate this?" Lucifer hastily hung up the phone, and glared at you- no, the mystical white light "surrounding" you.
In about twenty minutes, Simeon, Solomon, Luke, Diavolo, Barbatos and all the demon brothers were assembled at the doorway. You wondered why they were so hesitant to enter, until Simeon, Solomon and Luke stepped in without any difficulty.
"Luke...would you like to explain what you did?" Simeon asked Luke gently, shoulders shaking from barely suppressed laughter.
"Huh?! The chihuahua did this?" Mammon exclaimed, glaring at the young angel, who looked slightly guilty.
"Excuse me, but could you explain what's going on here, Simeon? Solomon?" Diavolo chimed, from the doorway.
"Luke, did you, by any chance bless MC today?" Solomon asked.
"Yes, on the way back from HoL!"
"Aw crap, now we can't hang around MC for the next few weeks!" the brothers grumbled and complained.
"Oh, what a shame. I planned on inviting them over for tea today!" Lord Diavolo looked like a kicked puppy, and you wanted nothing more than to give him a hug, but you weren't sure if that was the best idea with...an angel's blessing? On your shoulders?
"Wait, let me get this right. What happens if I get blessed by an angel?" you asked.
"It essentially acts as demon-repellant. None of us, nor Lord Diavolo and Barbatos can get within three meters of you." Satan provided, looking miserable at the revelation.
"But we can." Solomon added, trying not to look smug.
"Do you give MC blessings often?" Simeon pressed, his smile starting to grow into a grin.
"I might've...given MC a few blessings here and there..."
"A few, Luke?" Solomon could barely hold in his laughter. Lucifer glared at the sorcerer, who took much amusement in the situation.
"Luke...you just gave MC their 666th blessing today."
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Horny texts/memes you can expect from your favourite Obey Me! boys~
Lucifer:
Mammon:
Leviathan:
Satan:
Asmodeus:
Beelzebub:
Belphie, Diavolo:
Barbatos:
Simeon:
(he didn't mean to send this to you oopsie~)
Solomon:
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May 17 2020
"When you tell a tiny Levi he can't watch a new episode of "The Magical Ruri Hanai: Demon Girl"."
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MC: Why did you disapprove the jumping rope competition?
Lucifer: Because it's silly and inappropriate.
MC: I— How can it be inappropriate?!
Lucifer: Diavolo's chest.
MC: ...
MC: Oh. Right. They'll start bouncing for sure the moment he jumps.
MC: Damn tiddies.
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Lucifer: ...
Lucifer: So you've brought... a FUCKING ZOMBIE in the house.
Mammon: Hey! They're not a zombie! They're just undead!
Levi: That's the same lol.
Lucifer: And you, *pointing at MC*, go back to your grave.
MC: ...
MC: How could I do that when your brother sealed it shut?
Lucifer: ...
Lucifer: Mammoooooooon!!!!
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Barbatos: Young master, may I ask to leave early now that my work is finished?
Diavolo: ...
Diavolo: Why, of course.
Diavolo: But it's quite surprising to hear that from you.
Barbatos: *smiles* I have something important to do. Now if you'll excuse me.
Barbatos: *has put on his night clothes*
Barbatos: *sitting on his bed*
Barbatos: I apologize for being a bit late— *gasped*
Barbatos: *felt a warm sensation on the crook of his neck*
Barbatos: Wait...
*the invisible existence stops*
Barbatos: We've been indulging ourselves. However, you haven't made a move to introduce yourself yet.
Barbatos: *feels their hand gliding onto his back, laying him down*
Barbatos: *closes his eyes* *waiting expectantly*
*he's being kissed tenderly, first on the lips then on his cheeks, and lastly on his collarbone*
Barbatos: Would you... like to undress me?
Barbatos: *felt them snuggles against his palm*
Barbatos: I understand. I'm not rushing you.
Barbatos: But please, I want to see you soon.
MC: *who's sweating and trembling a little*
MC: *cups their face with their hands*
MC: I should find a way as soon as possible.
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Simeon: *sigh* I miss MC. *shatters the light bulb*
Solomon and Luke: ...
Solomon: Why did you do that?
Simeon: *calls MC*
Simeon: MC... The light bulb's broken. Can you help me to replace it?
MC: I'll be on my way!
Simeon: *smiles* Thanks. I'll be waiting for you. *then hangs up*
Solomon and Luke: ...
Luke: Should I help you to bust the other light bulbs?
Simeon: Yes. That will make them to stay much longer.
Solomon: Um. I don't know. We have this thing called "request". Haven't heard of that?
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MC: You know what's scarier than an angry Riddle?
Ace: What?
MC: Riddle who can't answer a riddle.
Ace: ...
MC: ...
Ace: What the hell did you do?
MC: *laughs*
Trey: Riddle... Just ask them what's the answer.
Riddle: No! And I will not embarrass myself!
Trey: *sigh*
“I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid and normal people look like celebrities. I turn your pancakes brown, and I make your champagne bubble. If you squeeze me, I’ll pop. If you’ll look at me, you’ll pop. Can you guess the riddle?”
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Chubby MC: *tries the dress they bought online*
Chubby MC: What do you think, Barb? Does it look pretty?
Barbatos: Oh. I don't really know about the dress.
Barbatos: 'Cause my eyes are too focused on you. *smiles*
Chubby MC: *blushes*
Chubby MC: But I need to write a review about this...
Barbatos: Hmm... Maybe I can give you a better judgment if you allow me to take that dress off and kiss your beautiful body?
Chubby MC: ...
Chubby MC: Your comments won't be related to the dress...
Barbatos: Comments on the dress, love and praises for you, my beloved.
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