A man wakes up in a hospital bed right next to his friend.

His friend says to him “We’re currently drowning in debt because the doctors just cured your amnesia!”

The friend then asks the other friend “Oh no! How are we going to ever pay the bills now?”

The first friend then has an idea.

“I know! Give me 100 dollars and I’ll buy a bat, then I’ll hit you on the head with it and we can claim your insurance.”

So the second friend gives the first friend 100 dollars and he leaves the room. After a while the first friend comes back with a bat and he hits his friend on the head.

A man wakes up in a hospital bed right next to his friend.

eldritch Anakin stuff is best when nobody remembers to explain the fact he's half-Force to Ahsoka

(ko-fi requests are open!)

just a reminder we are well and truly in the best timeline ☹️🥹🫶

OKAY series of polls about sock preferences because i'm a curious autistic fuck:

(if you don't wear socks don't answer any of the other questions)

Found a user I remember disliking and blocking on Wattpad many moons ago and they have really good stuff on AO3 now and I have zero recollection of why I didn't like them...

But now I'm grumpily reading all their stuff, so that's fun

Fanfic tiktok is wild... I see so many people saying shit like "I could never read anything below 60k!!", or "What story can you even tell in under 5k words?" or "A oneshot below 10k isn't even a story!" or "I always filter completed fics by 100k< only!"

And I'm like...

A) which fandoms are you reading fics for where you have this kind of offerings on the regular?

B) have you heard of short stories? If you truly think every story NEEDS to be longform to connect with people, I sincerely feel sorry for you.

C) Average novel length is between 50k to 100k. I'm sorry, but CONSISTENTLY demanding fic writers to push out fics of that length is insane. Just think about it: YOU DEMAND AUTHORS TO PUT OUT FICS THAT COMPARE TO COMMERCIAL NOVELS IN LENGTH (AND QUALITY) AS A BASELINE.

Yall are wilding.

dude my standards are quite literally "doesn't emotionally manipulate me into believing I'm the source of all your problems" this man exceeds all expectations for me. he looks like he knows how to carve a turkey and that's an added bonus right there

All my phones (one prior new phone and multiple old phones from family members) have lasted me 2+ years, and they've all been various Walmart or dollar general, yes, dollar general, cellphones. So honestly I'm a believer in phones being like that fridge you've had in your garage since the eighties: a little bulky and off brand but shockingly still alive, and will likely outlast you

To The Person Who Walked Past The Window - Jordan Bolton

My first book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ is now available to pre-order! Get it here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky

If you get this, answer w three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs. anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog!

(absolutely no pressure if you dont want to tho <3)

hehe lovely, thank you!

I work seasonally at a kids camp! highly recommend to anxious people who don't like typical coworker relationships because you're forced to be really close (physically and mentally lol) to everyone

I have emetophobia and trypophobia, so swiss cheese is my absolute nightmare (i'm kidding. kind of.)

My goals in life are very little, including but not limited to: learning to bake complex pastries; painting a piece of furniture yellow; owning a rocking chair; and singing a lot of ella fitzgerald songs

thanks so much for this! <3

cuddling doesn't have to be romantic

cuddling can be platonic.

cuddle your friends

cuddle your friends

cuddle your friends

cuddle your friends

A co-worker of mine was standing outside with me during a break from customers to share a cigarette with me, and told me about how he had lost his brother that he was close with some years ago. He told me about how they used to be in a band together with some friends, and how ever since he'd died, he hadn't played any music because he'd been too scared and anxious. I told him about how I'd lost my brother to suicide some years ago.

I went home and pulled out an old tiny wooden box my brother had given me before he'd died. I'd been using it to store guitar picks I'd collected over the years, including one guitar pick that used to be his. I haven't played the guitar since he'd died, my hands are too small to play some of the chords, so I play bass and piano instead.

I went to work the next day and gifted my brothers old guitar pick to my co-worker. I told him that it'd been sitting in a box for ten years unused, and would probably sit there for longer if I kept it there. Told him that I thought he deserved to have it, because I bet he could put it to better use than I ever would. Told him I didn't feel like it was coincidence that me and him would cross paths with each other in our lives, and that it seemed suiting that we had these similar experiences but split in two halves. That somehow, I felt like he was meant to have the guitar pick. I told him that I knew he'd not played guitar since his brother died, but that if he ever decided to play again one of these days, maybe he'd be able to honor both of our brothers by using that guitar pick.

He almost cried. He thanked me. Then he went home that night and for the first time in years he played the guitar.

I don't know what the meaning of life is or what my purpose is, but I do believe that love and human connection is one of the most important things in life. It's finding ways to tell strangers you love them and share experiences with others. I think it's all just about love.

You are a Saint

For the people who have unhinged desires to eat non food items:

Aquarium gravel: pop rocks

Sheetrock: meringues

Clay: I mean you can get edible clay but it tastes like the devil's day off, so uh mash up some saltines in your mouth until it feels like clay or also rice pudding is great

Oil paint: a thick mousse

Mushrooms you find in the forest: just go buy edible mushrooms my guy

Wet wood: stale sourdough bread

I'm sure I'll go find more soon because if there's one thing my unhinged neurodivergent brain needs it's to eat things I shouldn't eat