Ihmsm

Sitting here at 6 o’clock in the morning, the sun has yet to rise & I can barely even move, crying my eyes out over someone who isn’t even fazed. I feel so dumb, heartbroken, and ran over. And I keep thinking that I’m not good enough. I’ve only given my heart twice and both times trampled. This time I promised myself that I would make it work but it’s impossible for a relationship to work if both parties aren’t on the same page. I gave my all even when I had nothing. I have no friends and right now no family I made this person my entire life. I moved to an entirely different state alone and my family turned on me in so many ways. And now THIS? How can someone who claimed to have loved you do everything in their power to bring you down even more? They know the situation, they know how you’re feeling, and they know that you need emotional support at the least. I can’t help but to blame myself, I’ve been seeing the signs for years and hoping that if I stayed things would change. And obviously they never did and it’s only because there was no attempt, no effort. I keep telling myself that I hate myself so much for being so loyal, for being patient, for making this person my confidant, for imagining a better life with them, for wasting time trying to be best for them... when those are the things you should be loved for. I’ve disregarded so many things people have said because I thought that I was the problem. But when someone is constantly pointing out your wrongs while never seeing their own, constantly flipping the issue, and making you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, THEY ARE THE PROBLEM. I am an entire wreck right now, I’m weak, I’m still crying like crazy, and I have so much to do. I’m praying for strength emotionally and spiritually and about to start clearing my chakras. I hope that anyone who is having doubts about their relationship or knows that it is toxic reads this and finally realize that it will never change. I had so many opportunities to leave and I would be on a much healthier path right now but I set myself back by holding on.

Ihmsm

Sitting here at 6 o’clock in the morning, the sun has yet to rise & I can barely even move, crying my eyes out over someone who isn’t even fazed. I feel so dumb, heartbroken, and ran over. And I keep thinking that I’m not good enough. I’ve only given my heart twice and both times trampled. This time I promised myself that I would make it work but it’s impossible for a relationship to work if both parties aren’t on the same page. I gave my all even when I had nothing. I have no friends and right now no family I made this person my entire life. I moved to an entirely different state alone and my family turned on me in so many ways. And now THIS? How can someone who claimed to have loved you do everything in their power to bring you down even more? They know the situation, they know how you’re feeling, and they know that you need emotional support at the least. I can’t help but to blame myself, I’ve been seeing the signs for years and hoping that if I stayed things would change. And obviously they never did and it’s only because there was no attempt, no effort. I keep telling myself that I hate myself so much for being so loyal, for being patient, for making this person my confidant, for imagining a better life with them, for wasting time trying to be best for them... when those are the things you should be loved for. I’ve disregarded so many things people have said because I thought that I was the problem. But when someone is constantly pointing out your wrongs while never seeing their own, constantly flipping the issue, and making you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, THEY ARE THE PROBLEM. I am an entire wreck right now, I’m weak, I’m still crying like crazy, and I have so much to do. I’m praying for strength emotionally and spiritually and about to start clearing my chakras. I hope that anyone who is having doubts about their relationship or knows that it is toxic reads this and finally realize that it will never change. I had so many opportunities to leave and I would be on a much healthier path right now but I set myself back by holding on.