diary entry 1

hm diary entry before I eat any more;;

today was the first day of me counting my calories again;;; it feels, surreal to be back here really. the last time my ed was this bad it was like a blur,,, I dont remember anything. but here I am today again! its because I've started school again, and that gives me means to starve myself again. since, people will finally be seeing me again. since school ended in March, I've gained around 10lbs, but it's been an influx of around 20lbs I keep loosing and gaining. actually, my self hatred was really high as of late, but a guy asked me for my social media today! which made me feel a little better, especially given that he was really cute. adorable even hehe.. I just hm hehe$&$;... I had my eyes on him already so knowing he reciprocated it made me feel a lot better about myself! I know it won't go anywhere, but I felt attractive today :). well, anyways. I didnt eat breakfast this morning, which fucked up the rest of my day;;; because I didnt get my metabolism started. but when I did eat, I had a 370cal lunch, which was honey nut cheerios, a piece of garlic bread, and some crackers lol. school lunches are quite odd. I got picked up after school though; and without thinking I had the slurpee my mom had bought me. I realized and only drank around half, but that was still 160cal;;;; but afterwards I had an apple (70cal) and brought myself down a couple of notches. I stayed hungry til dinner, and since I was in a rush I got a little more than I should have;; but nevertheless I didnt go for seconds. all in all, I believe I had **around** 1000cal for today, which is a great start I think!!!!

250cal lunch blegh I forgot this feeling ;,,, I feel like shit even if it's just 250cal

do I wait and weigh myself on Friday for more satisfaction or do I just weigh myself every moment of the day like a crazy person hm

arryggh I should have eaten an apple this morning;; I need to get my metabolism going I'm afraid this starving will be for nothing 😭

Ahh hello :) I'm not new to edtwt; but new to this acct. I'll be updating and logging on here for my personal benefit.