dnd jokes that will always be funny no matter what your dm tells you

"jesus christ" "who's that"

"this is just like (tv show/movie)" "that's my favorite play"

referring to famous musicians or actors from the real world as "bards"

adding the word "fantasy" in front of modern things (i pull out my Fantasy iPhone and open Fantasy Tinder)

"how hurt are you" "on a scale of one to twenty-eight i'd say i'm at about a nine."

feel free to add more

just asked my professor if he wants to feature on a song LMFAO

For the purposes of this poll, "stealing money" refers to directly taking money, e.g. taking cash from their wallet or money out of their bank account.

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sunshiney characters who adore the mean grumpy character, platonically or romantically, but not DESPITE them being mean as if that isn’t who the other “really” is deep down. they love it. they think the other is the funniest cleverest most delightful person alive

generally opposed to any new line of 'self care' that involves isolating yourself and disregarding the needs of others because like do we really need more of that in our society. i'm holding a gun to your head and forcing you to listen to your friend's traumatic backstory

I see lots of "let people enjoy things" in fandom but no "it's not the end of the world if people don't like this thing you like, chill out" which is a shame I think fandom could benefit a lot more from the latter than the former

I think the whole ‘gen alpha is absolutely ruined. These 10 year olds don’t know how to read’ feel kind of exaggerated. Like I’m pretty sure it’s mostly specific to certain parts of the USA (which is still bad obvs) but I realistically don’t see illiteracy as a threat to affluent countries/cities.

There should definitely be more resources for illiterate adults, outside of just just teaching them how to read, and the world should be more accessible for those who can’t read

it has to do with location of course, but from what I see at work? a lot of young parents are in poverty and don't have enough time and energy to raise kids "properly". they're always working and tired. they do the best they can regardless and their kids are typically happy, but are struggling nonetheless. if you are busy with work and can't afford something like daycare or a nanny it's a lot easier to distract your kid with tv or whatever technology. childcare being more communal and affordable would have a positive impact.

also I think the pandemic had an impact on children's behavior. children born during it grew up used to being isolated from other kids. when they switch to a busy school environment, it's overwhelming and overstimulating. this could explain some behavioral problems.

overall everyone has been rushed into work, rushed into school, cost of living is bad, etc.

Due to stagnant wages, little social support, and artificially inflated costs of "living" theft has increased in grocery stores. That's why we here at Loblaws are proud to announce our $10 billion automated turret system that will gun you down in the parking lot if you try to steal luxury items like food and baby formula. This has the added bonus of creating jobs because we need to hire some staff to drag the corpses away on the corpse wagons and yeah it does pay a competitive $15 an hour

what that tongue game like?

weak. same goes for dick.

girl i got that good…that good for nothing

lea me alone

What if they all killed him

when a new media comes out and i have to navigate tumblrs shit ui to add the tag to my blacklist

i keep seeing posts to the effect of "period blood isn't special or different than other blood" and in spirit that's true but i keep on having the autistic objection of "wait, I went through sex ed, it's not actually the same thing as blood, it's a mix of blood, enometrial tissue, and discharge/mucus"

you are enough

June 1969 // landscape // Pacific Northwest