There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

“Oh boo hoo you shouldn’t ask your friends for favors we’re all adults”

I just spent three hours pulling up carpet and staples for a friend’s home renovation and we all did nothing but chat and joke and have wonderful conversation the whole time.

Helping somebody move or renovate or giving them a ride to the airport is functionally the same as going mini-golfing or playing a board game: it’s an activity that you do that is made more fun by having good company, and which provides something to talk about when the conversation lulls.

Oh boy this is a good PSA. I also want to add a little thing, coming from an artist who's been taking requests and commissions for over 10 years. I can't stress enough for those of you who do take request work and more- don't feel pressured to say no especially with ensuring your boundaries are respected. Remember, those who get upset that you set boundaries are those who benefited from you having none. I know being afraid of letting someone down, or them harassing you for saying no is something to be afraid of but tbh, if someone were to do that for you saying no honestly it's a huge sign that they were looking to use you in the first place. Always be open about your boundaries, and if someone comes to you requesting something like this and you have some bad vibes about it- say no. Seriously, I used to be someone who would always draw anything and everything folks wanted and back in the day I was in that position of discomfort often and was used to draw unintentional fetish art unknowingly. I was so afraid of upsetting or putting someone down, and would self-sacrifice to people-please due to little to no following ( tbh due to my lack of uploading and trying to avoid AI ridden websites I don't have much of a following anymore either and my only activity is through Discord but I digress )

This person should just be honest about this being specified niche fetish of theirs instead of trying to skate around and take advantage of folks who are in that space of the fear of setting boundaries which tbh it's predatory behavior towards the poor artist.. but also the artists need to also be able to set a healthy boundary and say no as well. I can't stress enough the importance of declining something, especially if it's a request. Your time, life, and energy matters so much and you never want to put yourself in a position to hurt yourself just because there's the unknown fear of saying no. Like, I've gotten a lot of shit for saying no but honestly also wound up surrounded by folks who do respect me saying no now these days. Be safe out there, all of you alright? It really pains me to see some decent folks being in a position I used to put myself in until I started setting boundaries. I can't stress enough that if you don't start setting boundaries now, and openly communicating about your discomfort especially directly to the person who made you uncomfortable, you're going to start surrounding yourself with people who will take advantage of you. It took me so many years until I finally started to put my foot down, and because I surrounded myself with people around me who saw I don't say no and I suffer in silence to a few friends instead of being open and honest about "hey no I'm sorry but this you requested of me makes me uncomfortable and I'm not going to draw this." Which that should have been established 100% by the individual. Voice your discomfort especially to the person who caused the issue, if they try to argue with you and don't respect your boundary then block them because tbh they're trying to take advantage of you, waste your time, waste everyone else's time, and hurt you. I can't stress enough this importance of communication and upfront honesty by both sides of the party and where if you don't set healthy boundaries you will get legitimately hurt especially by weirdos. It took me getting covid, having a stroke and heart attack and laying a month in the hospital recovering to really reflect on my life to finally go "enough is enough" and start saying no's and being brutally honest about no this is my comfort, these are my levels of no, and if it's not respected then fuck off. It's really given me way better positive shit in the outcome and less stress and worry. You will get bitter folks, like I have a couple stalkers who are mad I said no and blocked them; but you'll get way better people who are in your circle who rock around you who like what makes you happy- not what you make to make others happy. Anyway, apologies for the ramble just this should be really freiken important to add as well from someone who has this as a personal experience.

WOY FANDOM PSA: protect yourself from possible fetish mining

Familiarize yourself with what fetish mining is so you can recognize the warning signs and avoid being exploited by people who do this. If you ever feel uncomfortable with something, trust your gut and know that you're never obligated to go along with anything you don't really want to, especially if anything about it feels "off."

This is stuff everybody should be aware about, but I'm making this PSA specifically for the woy fandom because we've had an ongoing problem with somebody in the fandom who very much appears to be fetish mining. This user is VERY active & outgoing in the fandom and they constantly send people fanart—and try to get people to draw them the same kind of fanart—that has the recurring theme of tentacles/bondage, yandere, & characters sweating/shaking in fear.

This is not to shame people for having weird interests or even fetishes. The issue with behavior like this, if the fixation is a fetish, is leading people into creating or engaging with fetish content without their informed consent, which is exploitative (and can even count as sexual harassment, if not worse.)

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The user being discussed in this post is wanderfan2000. I am NOT naming her to get her shamed/harassed - if you send any hate and harassment her way, you're an absolute dirtball. I am only naming her because there are serious & credible allegations of inappropriate behavior (suspected fetish mining) on her part, so I want for people to be able to exercise caution around her!

For additional background: wanderfan2000 is known for constantly talking to people about her obsession with The Lonely Planet, and for being fixated with Wander being wrapped up in Planet Janet's vines or in any situation that makes him visibly anxious/terrified (e.g. she also has a thing for depictions of Wander being hunted by the Phantomines from The Heebie Jeebies.) She also goes to people who she knows are underage to ask them to discuss or draw these things for her...

A minor she's interacted with in this way sent me the following messages & screenshots and asked that I share them under the condition that I keep their account name censored for their protection. This person is underage and was still approached by wanderfan2000 to draw what we're afraid was a thinly-veiled request for fetish art. Here are the testimonies I've been asked to share:

(The context behind me getting this ask is that I made a post the other day talking about how scared I was that a certain "somebody" - I was nervous to name her at the time because part of me still wanted to give benefit of the doubt - was an active fetish miner in the fandom. After seeing my post, they came into my inbox to share their experience with wanderfan2000 and the disconcerting interactions they've had with her.)

Their interactions with wanderfan2000:

TW for suspected fetish mining / sexual harassment of a minor in the next screenshot:

I don't have any other screenshots because, quite frankly, I don't have the stomach to hunt down additional evidence, but I've also witnessed wanderfan2000 hitting up fans of all ages to engage in roleplays with her, which, even if she keeps her roleplays on here 100% G-rated, is a huge red flag in and of itself bc she likes to RP stuff about Wander and Janet/yanderes, which are the very things she's suspected of fetish mining for. Either way, it's evident that she doesn't establish boundaries for interacting with underage fans bc she discusses & requests the same things from them that she does with adults, which is not safe.

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The only person who can know for a fact whether or not wanderfan2000 was fetish mining people for her own gratification is wanderfan2000 herself. (Once again, DO NOT HARASS WANDERFAN2000 OVER THIS.) Sometimes it's easy to figure out whether or not this is going on, and sometimes, due to the nature of it relying entirely on plausible deniability, it can be incredibly hard to tell if someone is fetish mining. I can't speak for her intentions, but I will say that wanderfan2000's art posts and patterns of behavior show major signs of her having a fetish. So on that note, if you feel that wanderfan2000 or anyone else is fetish mining people, DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM. DO NOT SEND THEM HATE MAIL OR OTHERWISE HARASS THEM. SIMPLY BLOCK/IGNORE THEM. Warn anyone you think they might be taking advantage of, if need be, and leave it at that. Don't be afraid to block or say no to somebody who's making you feel uncomfortable online - and I don't just mean in these types of contexts. Again, your safety should always come first, and if you ever get a bad feeling about someone or about a situation, you have no obligation to tough it out if your gut is telling you something's wrong! It's always okay to disengage. You ALWAYS have the right to say you're uncomfortable with something.

---

wanderfan2000's response:

Wanderfan2000 made a post in response to the original PSA warning about her behavior, and we talked about what the problem was in the post replies. I didn't get any screenshots of her individual replies to me on there because she kept deleting and rewriting them each time I added a new point, but there is another post, here, where we talked some more in the notes; you can look there for more of her comments. I'm sharing this because I think it's important for people to know that she's acknowledged the allegations, shared her side, and promised to fix her behavior so she doesn't cause people harm. The decision to believe her side of the story and trust that she'll be mindful of others going forward is up to each of you, and the choice to accept her apology is solely up to the people she's hurt.

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Apologies for how long this post has gotten, but hopefully this can help people inform themselves on how to stay safe from fetish mining and other forms of explotative behavior online. Maybe this can even bring awareness to people who might be engaging in similar behaviors so they can self-reflect and stop themselves from potentially victimizing anybody, too. Remember that being mindful of other people's comfort and consent is ALWAYS important.

Stay safe, everybody.

Fun History Fact: The overwhelming majority of cowboys in the U.S. were Indigenous, Black, and/or Mexican persons. The omnipresent white cowboy is a Hollywood studio concoction meant to uphold the mythology of white masculinity.

People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.

For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.

The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.

So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.

every so often im struck by the memory of one of my college professors getting very angry with our class (art history of pompeii 250) because when she excitedly detailed the ingenious roman invention of heated floors in bathhouses via hearths in small crawlspaces, we asked who was tending the fires. she said "oh, slaves i suppose. but that isnt the point". and we said that it actually very much was the point. she had just told us that in roman society there were dozens of people, maybe hundreds, who spent every day of their enslaved lives crawling in cramped, hot, smoky tunnels to light fires to warm pools of water (which they were not allowed to swim in). how could that not be the point?

she wanted us to focus on the art, on the innovation of heated plumbing, on the tiles and decorations of the bathhouses, and all we wanted to do was learn more about the people under the floors. and she didn't know anything more about that. in fact, she said she thought we were focusing too much on superfluous details.

it feels almost hokey to put too fine a point on the idea im getting at here but i will anyway: There are a lot of people who are still under the floors. all these beautiful, convenient, brilliant innovations of modern society (think fast fashion, chatgpt, uber, doordash) are still powered by people working in inhumane, untenable conditions.

the people who run these systems want you to focus on the good - who doesnt love warm water? - but if anything is going to improve or change in our lifetimes, you need to examine these things with an attentive, critical, and empathetic eye. and for fucks sake stop ordering from amazon

It's gonna be such a funny mess when Donald Trump dies of a stroke on April 1st, 2024.

Naturally everybody will think it's fake because of the date only to lose their minds (both positively and negatively based on their opinion of trump) when realizing it's real

There will be massive celebrations in the streets and on social media and lots of predictable "don't speak ill of the dead" discourse about those celebrations

Weird evangelicals will pull some weird number trick talking about how Jesus was conceived on April 1st and that makes Trump a sort of messiah and people will make fun of that

The Republicans (after they're done with the faux-sadness and faux-outrage) will stomp over each other to be his successor but none of them will succeed. They'll tear each other apart and have no single nominee for the November elections.

There will be discourse about if Biden and the living former presidents should go to his funeral (they won't, he was a traitor insurrectionist)

The Ukraine-Russia War immediately goes in favor of Ukraine as morale in the Kremlin is reduced. China similarly backs off from its threats on Taiwan.

Ten thousand new memes are made, some sticking around for years to come.

Not a month later a bunch of unofficial biographies of Trump hit the bookshelves, many with new details about just how awful he was.

i cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have gossipy bitchy littl pirvate group chats or discord servers with like 4 people in them whose stated purpose is posting “new kind of guy” or “this reddit post is so fuckin dumb” or “i got into a fight on twitter today look at this idiot’s reply” so your homies can still see it and laugh and back you up but more importantly, so you are not tempted to post these kind of things on main

Keep reading

there's something I find really instructive about the whole thing with the columnist who was scammed into handing over her savings in a shoebox, that I haven't seen many people talk about.

plenty of people have justifiably laughed at her credulity for just accepting that she was dealing with the cia and doing whatever they said, and she mentions herself in the article the sense of crushing mortification that she was so ready to bow to any perceived authority. other people have discussed the value of the piece being its "it could happen to anyone" message, coming from a financial analyst who has written about avoiding scams, which is fine and does have value.

but what I find fascinating is the way it illustrates the secret power of a good scam artist or charismatic leader: they don't have to look or sound convincing to 99% of observers. they just have to be talented at picking up on the specific cues that work on one person. this is why they move so quickly to isolate their targets from everyone around them, and maintain intense pressure with ticking clocks and regular check-ins. the scam is not designed to hold up under even 5 minutes of close scrutiny, it's designed to bypass scrutiny by hitting emotional buttons on a specific individual. the stupider you feel after you cool off, the better they've done their job.

anyone interested in charismatic manipulation, whether scams, cults, or abusive relationships, has heard people say "I'd never fall for something like that". and every victim, in retrospect, says "I never thought I'd fall for something like that". there is no special pattern of stupidity, intelligence, vulnerability or confidence. the pattern is that the perpetrator recognises a thought or behaviour characteristic they can take advantage of. they're the ones selecting you. and that's why teaching people the underlying social mechanics of charismatic abuse is more effective than telling them about lists of individual scams to watch out for. the thing that works on you won't look like anything you've scoffed at, by nature. survival bias plane dot jpeg.

There really is such a softness in knowing that you look up at some of the same stars as people who lived 5000 years ago did.

Ok but like. What the fuck is there to do on the internet anymore?

Idk when I was younger, you could just go and go and find exciting new websites full of whatever cool things you wanted to explore. An overabundance of ways to occupy your time online.

Now, it's just... Social media. That's it. Social media and news sites. And I'm tired of social media and I'm tired of the news.

Am I just like completely inept at finding new things or has the internet just fallen apart that much with the problems of SEO and web 3.0 turning everything into a same-site prison?

“magic isnt real” — plants just grow out of the ground. for free. everywhere.

Mrs. Columbo picks up her husband’s freshly-pressed suit from the dry cleaner and then throws it on the ground and stomps on it, to get it just the way he likes it

people seem to have trouble understanding why i’m an anti-capitalist, so i’m going to try and put it into simple, real-life terms.

i work at a restaurant. i make $12 an hour, plus tips. minimum wage where i live is relatively high for my country - the national minimum wage is $7.25/hr, and has not been raised since 2009. before taxes, working full time, my yearly income is about $22,000 a year. ($25,000 if you count tips)

at my job, we sell various dishes, with an average price of about $10-$15. we get printouts every week detailing how much money we made that week; in one week, our restaurant makes about $30,000. (one of our other locations actually makes this much on a daily basis!)

i’m not going to go into details, but after the costs of production (payroll for employees, rent for the building, maintenance, and wholesale food purchasing) are accounted for, the restaurant makes an estimated profit of $20,000 per week.

this profit goes directly to the owner, who does not work at this location. the owner of my restaurant has actually been on vacation for a few months, but still profits from the restaurant, because they own it. i have met the owner exactly twice in my year of working here.

to put this into perspective, the owner of this restaurant earns in 2 days what they pay me in one year. and that’s just from this single location - the owner has several other restaurants, all of which make more money than the one i work at. this ends up resulting in the owner having an estimated net worth of tens of millions of dollars, even after accounting for the payroll for every single worker in their employ.

now, i have to ask you: does the owner of my restaurant deserve this income? did they earn it? did their labor result in this value being created?

the naive answer would be “yes”; the owner purchased the location and arranged for the raw ingredients to be delivered, did they not?

the actual answer is “no”. the owner may have used their initial capital to start the location, but the profit is a result of my labor, and the labor of my co-workers.

the owner purchases rice at a very low bulk price of about 25 cents a pound. i cook the rice, and within a few minutes, that pound of rice is suddenly worth about $30. the owner did not create this value, i did. the owner simply provided the initial capital investment required to start the process.

what needs to be understood here is that capitalists do not create value. they use the labor of their employees to create value, and then take the excess profit and keep it.

what needs to be understood is that capitalists accrue income by already HAVING money. the owner of my restaurant was only able to get this far because they started off, from the very beginning, with enough money to purchase a building, purchase food in bulk, and hire hundreds of employees.

that is to say: the rich get richer, and they do so by exploiting the labor of the poor.

the owner of my restaurant could afford to triple the income of every single person in their employee if they felt like it, but this would mean that they were generating less profit for themselves, so they do not.

the owner of my restaurant pays me the current minimum wage of my area, because to them, i am not a person. i am an investment. i am an asset. i am a means to create more money. 

when you are paid minimum wage, the message your boss is sending you is this: “legally, if i could pay you less, i would.”

every capitalist on the planet exploits their workers for their own gain. every capitalist, even the small business owners, forces people to stay in poverty so that the capitalist can profit.

I just want to remind everyone how affordable buying food from indigenous tribes is. I live in a major city and I was able to purchase and ship (15) pounds of fish from back home to myself for cheaper than I could buy it from a grocery store here in the city. Yeah, shipping has its own environmental factors but I was able to support an indigenous owned business while also getting my groceries at a lesser cost. (Buying in bulk is always a good idea if you’re planning on having something shipped to you)

Some tribal owned grocers that ship:

Bow and Arrow (Ute Mountain)

Native Harvest (White Earth)

Red Lake Fishery (Red Lake)

Wozupi (Mdewakanton Dakota)

Ramona Farms (Gila River)

Tanka Bars (Oglala)

Indian Pueblo Store (Pueblos)

Twisted Cedar Wine (Cedar Paiutes)

Ute Bison (Ute)

Seka Hills Olive Oil and Vinegars (Yocha Dehe Wintun)

She Nah Nam Seafood (Nisqually)

Sakari Botanicals (Inupiaq)

Honor the Earth (? Anishinaabe)

Nett Lake Wild Rice (Boise Forte Anishinaabe)

Passamaquoddy maple (Passamaquoddy)

BONUS: coffee :)

Yeego Coffee (Navajo)

Spirit Mountain Roasting (Yuma Quechan)

Birchbark Coffee (Anishinaabe)

Thunder Island Coffee (Shinnecock)