A Day At The Museum

My first ever visit to a museum. I was really hoping to have The Louvre to be my first, but that surely sounds ridiculous.

In my whole existence, I have never visited a museum, not even as a kid. We are not the kind of family that goes to the mall, or beach, or at the park on Sundays, most of our memorable time revolves around watching movies. ∆ At school, from elementary to high school days, me and my siblings didn't have the chance to even join the field trip cause we simply don't have the money to. So, that explains it.

(∆ Maybe, this is why I'm so in love with movies. I'm gonna talk about it next time.)

Spoliarium is just one of the greatest masterpieces ever made. Painted by Juan Luna and was submitted in Madrid in 1884 which depicts dying gladiators. It garnered the first gold medal from Expocisión Nacional de Bellas Artes. Truly, majestic and spectacular. Having a picture of it is already a bonus, but what really you can get is the feels of staring at it. Your eyes are like being filled with stories, and when you stare at it long enough, you would think it's moving and you can hear the screams and cry begging for their life.

My most favorite part was not taking pictures, but really looked into the deep meaning of arts, learn history, and be amazed how the world was so full of values and passion. The importance of impressionism, and that everything and everyone was into writing and painting. I have wished I could be in the old days even for a day.

Now that I have visited one, I feel like wanting to go to all of them. But again, impossible. Still hoping and praying that five years from now, I get to see Mona Lisa and imagine "The Vitruvian Man" lying under it.

Crossing my fingers.

The Last Five Years

This is my very first entry to this blog, which I was only convinced to create to get through the next five years. If I ever will make it. A lot has happened in the last five years, I can't even remember some, or my mind was just trained to forget about them. I really don't know, I think that's okay.

To start off, I ended an 8-year friendship and it was one of the best decisions I made. She was my best friend, but I was never one to her. Funny how I was naive and innocent to be used and lied to. Getting a toxic person out of my life was relieving. Feeling like drinking coke float under the sun. Now, imagine that.

My dad died.

Losing someone you love, someone who has been there all your life, from your first cry to graduating college, is a pain you can never heal to. You're just gonna live with the pain. The most hurtful thing? It will come and go. Like I was mourning again, then I was fine, and I am not. I miss his face and it's sad to accept the fact that it is slowly fading in my memory. I guess, that's just how it is.

I am a breadwinner.

Who would've thought that I got this sense of responsibility in me. I have always seen myself as the child who will do absolutely everything to get what she wants, even if it means a long, irritating sermon from Mama, Papa, and my Lolas. But yes, here I am. Family is the top priority, and I have learned to make myself the last item from the list of important things to care about. Sometimes, it's okay as long as my family is getting all their needs. But it is not always fine. I got to the point that I have decided not to have children or at least a family of my own, because of the responsibility it carries. I have accepted that I'm going to be alone, forever. You know what? I feel fine thinking about it. And because I am the sole provider, I am afraid to have a family because I might not be able to do the things I dreamed for myself. That's a real bummer.

I was the dark and twisty.

Depression is real. I love calling myself that, this is everytime I'm having an emotional breakdown or emotions are unstable. I got close to death, it was a friend to me. Everything sure feels like going down. Toxic work environment, the pandemic, the bills to pay, I got sick, and everything in between. I am so close to ending it, but there was a Cloud. She is my college best friend, and she helped me get through that. I really owe it to the Lord, for giving me such an extraordinary person. My person. From being the dark and twisty, here I am being bright and shiny. ✨

Cheers to the next five!

I have this "Life Goals List." Before I graduate, I heard a story that after graduation, and you're about to begin your life, make a list of the things you want to achieve. I got 20 items on my list, and only 2 of them are 'checked.' I have this item that before or on my 30th year as someone alive, I should go to Paris, France. My dream country. The sole purpose of this blog is walking, running, sprinting, crawling to my path in achieving that.

Hopefully, this would all make sense in the end. If you're reading this line, well, thanks for your time.

🧡