alleybats-cat
don't belong to nooooobody
currently trying to not get hit in the head by literally anything. I attract dodgeballs and dumbasses.
[the batman (2022) oc blog, she/they, early 20s.]
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traditional yelling-and-hitting abusive parent bruce wayne is SO boring to me okay. give me a man who is doing his best and his best isn't good enough. the harder he tries the worse it becomes. he wants to do right by them. he is constitutionally incapable of doing right by himself. he cannot begin to comprehend what it does to a person to see a person they care for, who has cared for them, destroy himself. you are the child and you thought he was the adult but he's never been the adult. he locked himself in stasis so he could hold his trauma forever and he'll never accept that he's allowed to let it go. he's hurting himself and he's always been hurting himself and you can never let on that it hurts you because he won't stop, he'll just put more distance between you, enough that he thinks you won't notice anymore. you thought he was going to save you but he was drowning before you even got here. you love him and you hate him for making you love him and for making you watch him stagger under the weight of all his masks. but as long as there's a crisis, as long as there's someone else to save, it's fine. it can be fine. you can save someone, somewhere. you can do it together and it can feel like helping. you have all these feelings and nowhere to put them because you can never tell anyone. because that wouldn't be fair to him. they wouldn't understand. he's doing his best.
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battinson would be the most embarrassing dad ever. when i picture him looking after little dick grayson i see him in an mcr shirt wearing sunglasses while at a parent teacher conference. he can't make eye contact with any of the teachers, parents or even the kids who stare at him when he comes to collect dick from the schoolyard.
meanwhile dick doesn't see what's so embarrassing about him (everyone else does, even alfred) and instead asks bruce if they can have matching shirts because he wants to look like him and battinson tears up when dick shows him a mini mcr shirt wearing shades that are far too big for his tiny face and goes "ok"
just imagine battinson dressed like that. and by his side is a 9 yr old dick wearing the same outfit trying to mimic bruce's stoic expression. adorable.
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Thinking about the idea of the justice league reading gossip articles about Bruce after they find out he’s Batman and I’m losing it.
“Bruce Wayne makes a splash Friday night, drunkenly takes swim in fountain”
“Bruce Wayne third rendezvous this week??”
“Another messy night escapade for Bruce Wayne”
“Tipsy Bruce Wayne takes spill into cake, wears it well”
This is the guy that redefined fear?
It gets even better thinking about after Bruce starts adopting, cause now that entire family is in the headlines. Somehow the league has to align the mental image of the Wayne’s with the Batfamily.
“Dick Grayson, eldest Wayne boy, sails through air on chandelier at charity benefit” this guy filled in as Batman on numerous occasions
“Jason Todd caught leaving ‘kick me’ sticky notes on a drunken Bruce Wayne’s back at Saturday’s Wayne gala” like, that’s the red hood??
“Bruce Wayne’s boy Tim Drake asleep in salad next to partying billionaire” the dude who hacked the watch tower last Tuesday?
“Youngest Wayne, Damian, and sister Cass seen mimicking stumbling father as loyal butler intervenes” …The league are still terrified of these two
Like, how are they supposed to wrap their heads around the fact that these guys are somehow the scourges of the underworld who haunt Gotham.
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Battinson being a funky little gadget junky who makes incredible technology like eye contacts that can transmit and record live detailed footage and an eco friendly booster engine for his high speed race car but he also puts bat ears on his motorcycle and calls his basement the batcave cuz he‘s a dramatic babygirl who’s committed to the bit and probably whsipers “nanananananananana Batman” to himself during a high speed car chase cuz he’s a little do-gooder but most of all he’s a fucking nerd. I love him
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You guys have seen Bruce dosent know his kids are the birds au, but I present to you:
The birds dont know their adoptive dad is actually Batman au. Secret Batman.
Bruce all knows his kids are vigilanties. He cares for all of them with his experience from his medical and technological studies. Hes super proud of all of them for helping Gotham, as reluctant as he is to let them out at night. He cant control when they go out for patrol, except when theyre injured.
Now, think about this. The birds thinking they have one dad, and another batdad. But, they dont know dad is actually batdad. Cmon, sure, Bruce is huge, but there is no way he can be Batman. Bruce is terrified of fighting, and hes so soft and theres no way hed willingly beat up someone. Right..?
At the end of it its like the lego movie style "MY TWO DADS ARE ONE DAD?£?£_?" and now Bruce has to deal with his kids nagging about him normally, but also as Batman. And now Bruce has to upgrade the batmobile to fit 10 kids. Imagine being able to take the batmobile the one time your vigilantie mentor father lets you, then finding out you can ride the fucking batmobile every week.
Funniest thing is Bruce hiding the entire batcave from his kids. Like, theyve walked past every entrance thousands of times. Alfred knows. Alfred has been keeping this secret forever. We love Alfred. However Bruce hides all his injuries is a miracle.
Its gonna be even fucking worse for the villians though. Imagine avoiding both the birds and the bat, because now theyre patrols leave no fucking gap.
#thought you wrote 'bruce hides all his secrets and injuries in a miracle' and i was hit by a truck w that.#but yeah#anywho
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i'm still half-asleep and just made myself laugh out loud thinking about alfred figuring out how to raise bruce
like i'm sure however happy his childhood was before, there's no way he was an easy kid to deal with. not a BAD kid and he was probably a sweetheart in his brucie little way, but i'm sure a lot of why his parents' death broke his brain so bad he grew up to be the batman is that through hard work, great care, and possibly a level of understanding by having the same flavor of neurodivergence, thomas and martha provided a crucial support system for him. obviously, this isn't the part that made me laugh out loud. actually writing this paragraph has made me very sad
HOWEVER, i take the paragraph above as a given. no, what cracked me up was. okay. so i'm tossing out the mi6 background because i simply don't want alfred to have that kind of blood on his hands. he became the waynes' butler when his father died and he left behind his london stage career to fill in for this family his dad cared about. idk how old bruce would have been at the time, maybe 4 or 5. i'm just weaving a yarn here doesn't matter what was canon just stick with me
alfred generally knows bruce as a strange but ultimately sweet and happy little kid for the next few years. he has the odd meltdown, but his parents have reached a really good equilibrium with him and bruce is his little buddy who keeps him company and talks his ear off about dinosaurs and shit while he works. it's cute, it's chill, and it works for alfred because he doesn't have to wrap his repressed british mind around any messy child emotions since his parents are there
then it's just the two of them and his sweet little buddy is Not okay and alfred's at a loss for what to do and he's at the end of his rope so he asks this grieving 8-year-old he's now responsible for, "please, master bruce, there must be SOMETHING that will help! anything at all, just tell me"
and bruce (future father of damian wayne) gets this dark, distant look in his eyes and mutters, "vengeance."
and alfred, being a good shakespearean and again a VERY british man who is NOT good with emotions or frankly all that experienced with children in general, absorbs what bruce has just said, processes it through his own admittedly deeply fucking weird understanding of the world, and says, "i don't know that vengeance is something i can provide, young sir, but if you fetch two sticks i can teach you stage combat to start you on your quest"
and there's no one there to tell alfred not to validate the grieving child's revenge quest or teach him how to use a sword and that's why alfred and bruce are Like That
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number one gotham rogue who should get to become a consistent good guy is killer croc. i am not taking feedback at this time.
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Tim wouldn't get into the same bullshit he does if he and Tam hung out regularly. He would get into different, worse bullshit and they'd bond over the shared trauma. They both get shit done which is a useful skill because that means they can generally get themselves out of the horrific bullshit they tend to get themselves into.
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id imagine bruce imposes a no social media rule with the robins, batgirls, etc, everyone but red hood. he thinks jason understood why its a bad idea when he explained it to him when jason was robin, but the only thing jason remembers is make sure no one is able to track you and never reveal your identity.
this leads to red hood making an official twitter account where he tells the world actual facts about batman and co or he says outlandish lies.
realRedHood: batman clones his kids and says he kidnapped them to not have the government after him.
realRedHood: one of the robins used to eat people
realRedHood: i think i saw batman talking to god last night. damn, missed that guy but once again bats had to ruin it.
realRedHood: woke up this morning to a clean apartment and groceries on my table with a note that said: "your cabinets looked empty." NO SHIT i was MOVING!
the other bat associates ask to use his twitter account but he refuses so they hack it to post dumb memes and stuff. jason always replies to the tweets with an insult or something and deletes it. it looks like hes fighting with himself cause no one ever says who posted it.
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Considering the city's DA died in The Batman, I imagine Harvey Dent will be in the second Reeves Batman movie.
#he should be played by christian and not become two-face until movie 3 btw#i think it would be neat to have a whole movie w Harvey Dent and not have him become two-face until the next movie :)#harvey dent deserves to be a good man and want to change gotham for the better and be pals w the waynes and understand batmans mission#i want to see badass lawyer harvey dent who helps mayor bella real to show real change in gotham#it would be sweet (well. it would be terrible really but) to see two-face kinda destroying his own progress. i mean . wait no bc tbats.#well. narratively? you feel me? but i suppose what i really eant too is reeves to have the audacity to let characters chanfe#if we see harley ever i want her to be herself. dr harleen quinzel. and by herself i mean unaffected by the joker#a good therapist who also helps the city and is trusted by bruce AND batman.#i really just wanna see harley and bruce being friends#also!!!! single dad bruce!!!!!#sigh. i have lots of wants for the next movie and probably none will happen.#matt reeves of anyone on the team for this movie uh if you see this and use it can i uh get $100 and credit and uuuuh a ticket to the#premiere please. thanks :)#maybe more than $100 but . n... we can talk about that later.#lol anywho#harvey dent#two face#no really i dont know much about harvey but please for the love of god let people be good and acheive their goals and then crash n burn#yanno? ok. im done now
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I know we all talk about Jason finding out Dick killed the Joker from Tim or one of the other batfam members, but what if:
One day he’s searching for blackmail material on a member just for fun and knows Damian keeps a list of all of them so he backs into the files and realised the folder with the heaviest inscription to unlock is one labelled “Contingencies”.
He opens it to find every single person in their family is on there and starts surfing through them. When he sees Tim’s he freezes, mentally filing away some horrific details for checking up on him later, Jason’s list is impressive but not much he didn’t expect…still concerned how he got the evidence though.
His fingers hesitate over Batman’s, and after thinking screw it what the hell clicks on it just to realise most of them are psychological, and had to do with Jason. One video showed Bruce as Jason remembered him from his robin days. He was pacing furiously in the Manor, tugging on his pocket square which for him was a high level of distress, before he went upstairs - to Jason’s room when he stayed there - and looked in. The change was sudden, Bruce’s shoulders sagged and his face grew into one of fondness, one he’d rarely seen before.
“I cant help it Alfred.. Scarecrow’s toxin.. I KNOW it isn’t real but.. I can’t stop thinking about it. What if -“ and Jason can’t really believe his ears, that was a fucking quiver in his voice- “What if one day it comes true?” “What was your worst fear Master Bruce?”.
“Jason..” and Jason flinches. “I.. I saw him die, and I was powerless. I cant lose him Alfred. I just cant.”
The recording ends, and it takes a while for Jason to realise he can’t breathe. He sends the file to himself and laughs bitterly, remembering what the fear toxin had shown him. Lucifer. It had shown him falling from Bruce’s grace, being his greatest disappointment. “Guess we both failed each other didnt we old man?”
After what feels like forever, when he can feel his fingers stop shaking his eyes drift over to Dicks.
Damian sure does adore him, wonder what the brats got in store for him.
Most of them were things he was sure Dick could handle, until a glitched file appeared which read “for EXTREME situations only.”
When he heard Joker laugh, Jason could’ve sworn he was in the cave. “Hello there old friend! Aww why the long face?”
Dick wasn’t facing the camera, but the sheer aura of destruction radiating off of him was enough for Jason to know Joker was in danger. Judging by his outfit and well- hair- this must’ve been years ago.
“Didn’t you like my..ah.. gift? It was quite the blast I hear!”
Dicks fists clenched. His usual smile was gone, replaced by a hatred so vile it could’ve rivalled batman’s glare. It was so odd.. seeing him so pissed.
“Well that’s what happens.. when birds get hit. They never see what’s right in front of them and then BAM!”
As his laughter rang out Jason heard Dick whisper something. It was so soft, quieter than he’d ever heard him and he found himself leaning forward.
“What’s that? How long he lasted? Well I counted everytime he screamed when I broke his bones so-“
“SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!”
Jason stumbled back, nearly falling to the floor himself. Dicks voice was thundering, echoing across the cave.
What the hell had happened? Why was Dick so mad? Why wasn’t he smiling?
“You..killed him.”
And that’s when it hit Jason. Oh. This was after he’d died.
The joker was trying to say something, but Jason couldn’t hear him. All he could focus on was how Dick was behaving, how he was walking upto Joker. Jason had seen that before.
The intent to kill.
SLAM
The fight was brutal, and blood flew everywhere, mixed with the laughter and cries of the Joker while Dick yelled, YELLED so loudly he could’ve sworn the cave was shaking before the sound of a wet snap ricocheted and Dick went limp.
No.. no no no no.
He watched in horror as Dick stood up, drenched in blood and heaving. Dick had gone- no BEATEN- the joker for Jason.
But the longer he looked, the more he felt the Lazarus pit burning inside him.
The joker wasn’t moving.
Dick walked away, and in the shadows, with bloody fists and face of hatred could not see him as the Dick he knew.
“Dead.”
He looked up to hear Dick whisper to the thundering sky outside.
“I killed him Jason. The joker is dead. Rest in peace little wing.”
Jason’s feet gave out under him, and he crashed to the ground gasping for breath.
Never in his wildest dreams had he thought he had been avenged.
Never did he even think that Dick had only killed once… and only for him.
#heeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#honestly yeah man oh my god.... w... wow.#the guys. dudes. bros even.#the . w. oh.#ouuuuoiuguhhhhhh ... im fine#this was. hmm. really wrll done.
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Jason: the Batfam member I see most as my brother is Tim
Dick: What!!! That's no fair, I should be your brotherly-ist brother!
Dick: No offense Timmy.
Dick, turning back to Jason: But I am the one who has been your brother longest, I helped you kill that druglord, I even gave you some of my cookie dough last week!
Bruce: uhhh, back to the druglord thing-
Steph: You shared your cookie dough with him!
Jason: Sorry Dick, but there is one thing that makes you brothers more than anything else, not blood, or time, but...
Jason and Tim at the same time: Contempt
Jason: I have contempt for Tim, like all siblings should. Really the only thing I love more than hating Tim is shit talking other people with Tim. That form of contempt is how siblings bond and I will just say, surprisingly I love bonding with Tim even more than I love terrorizing Tim
Tim: aww, I didn't know we were that close
Jason, panicking cause he doesn't wanna ruin their dynamic: *punches Tim in the gut and runs out*
Tim, shouting after him: You can't take it back now, you ass
Jason: *turns around while running to give Tim the middle finger*
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to keep up appearances, bruce asked the batkids to find reasons to excuse their various bumps and bruises:
dick was easy. gymnastics and acrobatics run deep within his veins and it’s always his “party trick”, so they just let the public come up with an answer themselves.
jason, mysterious as he is, never addressed his bumps and bruises. the public have settled on underground cage fighting.
tim’s was skateboarding and being “himself”. tim knows how he appears to the public, and as much as it pains his ego for people to see him in such a way, clumsiness fit his charming, dorky, public persona.
damian needs no excuse as he is a ‘rambunctious little ankle biter’, so bruce just lets damian straight up tell people shit like “i was engaged in battle with a duel wielding madman” and then says “kids and their wild imaginations, amiright?”.
steph insisted on fencing even though bruce argued that she would not realistically get many black eyes from fencing. she just tells people she’s very bad at it.
cass’ are from ballet duets.
duke just says “there was a spider” with no further context.
harper’s go to line is “you should see the other guy”.
and bruce is basically barbie so he comes up with a new sport each time he’s asked. and people believe it every goddamn time without question; because what else would a billionaire do with their time other than unicycle hockey and chess boxing?
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Bruce the type of parent to see the "one day your parents will set you down for the last time" and goes to pick up all of his children and carry em around
He's the type of parent to to work out just to be able to do so
Oh Jason is a big guy? You think Bruce won't just pick him up? As if
Bruce sees one of his children and immediately is hit by "baby" there is no escaping, trust, they all have tried
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Tim: Hey guys, I want you to meet my brother Jason.
Kon: Oh, cool. Which one was he, again?
Tim: He was the second Robin. He's the brother I'm closest with. He tried to kill me once. He inspired my hero name. He's done time in Arkham. We've been made to fight eachother to the death on multiple occasions. I used to follow him around at night. We sometimes eat breakfast together. He's a criminal named after the Joker. He likes classic literature.
Kon, Bart, and Cassie: ...
Jason: Hey nice to meet you.
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Dick is an acrobat, which means that, compared to the rest of the bats, he's one of the lighter ones. Additionally, since he was a trapeze artist, plus his years as Robin, this means he can always, ALWAYS, stick the landing. Jason, on the other hand, is the resident tank build, which means he's the heaviest with the most strength in the arms, rivalling that of Batman himself easily. With that in mind, I present my thesis. If Nightwing is annoying Red Hood, especially in front of Commissioner Gordon, Red Hood just throws Nightwing off of the building. While on the surface it seems cold hearted of Jason, he actually knows and trusts Dicks enough to know he'll be fine, and Dick could scurry away before Jason could grab him, but chooses not to. It's a way the brothers bond. Additionally, Jason sometimes does it around the manor, but only through open windows, because Alfred doesn't appreciate needing to replace them every week.
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