this was the best joke of the whole show tbh

Hey mother nature i love you and shit but like….what the fuck my good bitch

I hope one day that history looks back on ronald reagan as one of the 20th century’s most vile and disgusting serial killers

I was hanging around at my boyfriend’s place (in hindsight he was probably Satan) and we were just chilling, doing normal things, when a long, sleek, black car pulled up outside of his house. My boyfriend, suddenly very nervous and twitchy, told me to go and hide in the closet. When I asked him what was up, he just told me it was a “work associate” so I went and did as he said. I peeked a little bit out of the closet to see who this person was. I wanted to see who could possibly get my boyfriend, the actual Devil, to tremble in fear. And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz.

When you work in retail, you really get a good feel for how…”infantile” might be too extreme, but hey, if the shoe fits….men are. You ask them if they have a membership card with the store and nearly every time one of the following happens:

They call for their wife and stand there awkwardly until she comes

They do not know their own phone number

They panic and make you try every phone number they know hoping to get lucky

They say no and then are mystified they aren’t getting the sales being advertised

They say no, finish the transaction, leave, and come back later saying their wife got upset with them for not getting the sales

And those are the good ones, since there are also those wise guys who think it’s funny to give me a hard time about doing my job. This one last week went fucking apeshit on me, calling the mere concept of having an account with a store “Orwellian” as if he just emerged from some fucking survivalist bunker for the first time in a decade. The bottom line is that far too many grown, often middle-aged men do not have their shit together where sometimes I might as well be talking to a child. It’s disgraceful. There’s like, no bar for our behavior. Baby boomers will call millenials overgrown children who can’t do Real Adult Things and then go to a store and be borderline incapable of making their purchase, with a risk of throwing a temper tantrum on top of it.

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

Oh btw Yzma is a golden example of a likeable non sympathetic villain. The audience knows she is totally evil and pretty much un redeemable but the writers and character designers did such an excellent job of making her so likeable and visually appealing A fucking plus

i dropped off my resume at this place at 1:15 and got called for an interview at 1:45 holy dang

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

I swear I don’t mean this in like a condescending way although maybe I do but the fact that the big controversy on tumblr rn is “do writers put symbolism into their writing or did english teachers make that up” is really bringing home for me the fact that you guys really are all in 10th grade

Now that i think about it, if avengers and the mcu took place in the 90s who would eddie murphy play? like there is no way he’d play a supporting character esp to a white guy in the 90s….hmmm he’d probably audition and try hard for t’challa, but they’d probably give him blue marvel…but that character didn’t exist in the 90s…and there is no way he’d play Hiemdall lmao.

The soccer gender pay gap is ridiculous

if yondu were still alive then that battle in wakanda would’ve ended in five minutes tops while no diggity played in the background

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

i'm just gonna say...

there’s a right way to do unexpected villans

and a wrong way

the difference being subtle hints 

smash that mf reblog if u hate pedophiles

I saw the best thing on twitter today and no one else is freaking? Ok Can I just pretend this is canon?? Because YES to this headcanon.

Source/art - https://twitter.com/_paul_briggs_

Director at Disney Animation ｡.:*•* ｡. *•*:*｡.:*•* Story Supervisor of Frozen & Big Hero 6* ｡.:*•

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