small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

me:

I thought the bag he was holding was a baby that he was standing up to the drive through window to give the money to the woman. I thought his hand was its head.

freaking Canadians

fucking incredible

research

False. True crust punks will go as far as to eating the end piece of bread that's all crust.

Lmfao you know what to do

That one episode where Jigglypuff tried to kill Team Rocket.

when ur son is about to run into a hedge

Me as a thief: Steals the US Constitution. Replaces it with a perfect forgery, except the Second Amendment has been edited from “the right to bear arms” to “the right to bare arms.” Breaking News the next day: Nation has been misreading the Constitution for over 200 years. Historians mortified. Politicians scramble to save face. Gun control laws go into effect nationwide. School principals trying to punish high school girls for wearing tank tops get slapped with a lawsuit for violating their Second Amendment right to bare arms. I fall asleep on a mountain of money in my mansion in the Bahamas. Suck it Nicolas Cage.