HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT IN 4 EASY STEPS

I’ve spent the past year losing 80 lbs and getting in shape. A lot of people have been asking me how I did it; specifics like what diet I was on, how many times a week I worked out, etc etc. So I thought I’d just answer everyone’s questions by giving you guys step by step instructions on how you can achieve everything I have… IN JUST 4 EASY STEPS! Ready? Here we go!!!

1.) NO BEER This is a big one, and one that you’ve probably heard before. Every time you drink a beer, it’s like eating seven slices of bread. That’s a lot of bread!

2.) PORTION CONTROL This is especially true when you go out to eat at restaurants. A good trick to do is when your meal comes, cut it in half and right away ask for a takeout container, so that you can save the rest for later - and even better, if you start your meal out right by ordering lean meats and veggies, you’ll slim down in no time!

3.) HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN And not just broken; shattered. Into itsy bitsy tiny little pieces, by a girl who never loved you and never will. Join the gym at your work. Start going to the gym regularly, and even though you don’t know that much about exercise and you’re way too weak to do pretty much anything but lift 5 lb weights and use the elliptical machines with the old people, do it until your sweat makes a puddle on the floor. Then go home and go to bed early and the next day do it again. And then again. And then again.

Listen to stories of your ex-girlfriend fucking around with gross and terrible people, stories from your friends who think they are doing you a favor. Go to the gym and make more puddles of sweat. Buy books. Learn about different muscle groups and how they work together. Start eating healthy. Learn about nutrition. Plan out your week of meals. Try to forget her.

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you're late on that one man that ship has sailed. the train has left the station dude, that plane has hit the tower

don’t want to be a girl i want to be a single star in the night sky shining so bright all the way to lonely people who look up and hope to see a sign

The first rule of tragedy is to be yourself. The second of rule of tragedy is to be literally anyone else. The third rule is that however much you try, there is no escaping being yourself forever.

Are you sure ?

Believe you ?

no matter what age you are your life is only just beginning

hey sorry if i was offputting and strange and bizarre and weird as fuck last night i was just being myself

psst. hey

people who are legal adults who want their tubes tied or top surgery etc etc should be able to do so full stop.

"oh but what if they regret it for the rest of their lives"

okay. so what.

Adults make decisions about our lives, that's what being an adult is. We may decide to get a face tattoo, or quit a promising job, or join the army, or move to another country.

That's practically all we do as adults. We make decisions that effect the rest of our life, and then we live, or sometimes die, accordingly. Maybe i'll spend the rest of my life regretting telling my influential boss he doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, but, as an adult, that's the kind of life decision i am allowed to make for myself. And after all, it might be the best thing i ever did. It's my life, and i get to do all the fucking around and all the finding out i want to.

surgical transition, or sterilization, or whatever... is exactly the same. If you aren't going to let a legally adult person decide for themself about that stuff, then you can't let them get a tattoo or move to Florida either

I have worn one brown round neck sweater for 5 years and there is no sign of wear at all

this whole “never repeat outfits” shit is not working for me. i get attached to one oversized sweater and that’s all you’ll see me in for a week

F.U.D

Fear, uncertainty and doubt.

When D-Block Europe said "she cant take me home her dad is from Pakistan" yall thought it was joke … ?

“I’m attracted to the extreme light and the extreme dark. I’m interested in the human condition and what makes people tick. I’m interested in the things people try to hide.”

— Johnny Depp

Yes it's like admiring a craftsman workbench.

“beige flags” “trauma dump” “the ick” let me ask you this have you ever gone outside and marvelled at the beauty of the spider’s web

They should invent a career path that isn't soooooooo scary

How is she supposed to bench press d.va with noodle arms, blizzard better fix this, it's a crime

how am i seeing communists earnestly argue that the function of the university (in capitalist society!) is to educate people