I haven't felt since you scorned me. Maybe it's because my nerves are dead. Maybe I haven't found someone with enough electricity to energize them.. maybe I'm paralyzed in fear of a repeat performance.

The more I look for myself, the more I realize that I’m nowhere to be found. I left bits and pieces of myself inside of empty hopes and dreams. Haven’t we all? Nowadays I’m just here piecing myself back together, I think I’m almost home. I think I’m almost there. It’s like a maze. You’re turning every corner and wondering when you’ll see the exit. Darling, there is no escaping yourself. It takes time.

Note to self 2k17 (via everylittlepieceofyou)

December passed by like it did last year this time I brought you with me this time you’re more gone than I am January has been here and half a month in I still don’t know where the time went I still don’t know where I went February will be here soon I wonder if you’ve ever had a valentine I wonder if you’ve ever gotten your first kiss March will be quick about it this time it’s not about me this time it’s not about words The months will leave an aftertaste in my mouth have you ever been in love with anyone? have you ever been destroyed by someone? As the months go by I promise that you’re not missing much I promise that if you are I’ll make my mistakes for you I’ll make my future for you And if that’s not enough, No. It will be enough. I’ll do this for you. No structure, no metaphors I’ll build a stairway to heaven and give you a forehead kiss I’ll build a tower so tall clouds will cry upside down just to grow roses near your favorite stars you can name them anything. they’re all yours.

People always have choice no matter what they say…You may believe you have no option left but know that there is always a new door waiting to be opened…Unless you believe it exists and open it, no one can help you…Learn to take blame upon yourself once a while rather than taking the easy way out and blaming destiny… -M

#HiddenOne (via hiddenonemakhfi)

Sweet Dreams my Love

sleep sweet my dear while i remain here laying quietly awake not a noise will i make of what do you dream i’m simply torn at the seams my curiosity peaks while you gracefully sleep is it madness or bliss of death or a kiss i’m desperate to know as my intensity grows for in that beautiful mind are hidden treasures to find what is it you see set all your thoughts free that i might grasp each before out of my reach oh please darling love send them all up above only the sweetest i’ll take and from them i’ll make every dream come true in my future with you

-Brie

You will always fall in love with a monster and it will always be like having your throat slashed that fast, that bloody, that brilliant shade of red that will seep into every aspect of your being.

the poet’s downfall || O.L. (via poetbitesback)

Always love his art

So I ask her about love and she tells me about the bits of us that we give away. You’ll never get them back. When you’re this empty you’ll try anything to cover up the void. So I ask her about her favorite color and if it has anything to do with passion. We feel more pain than we’d care to mention– so we draw, paint and write just to have a little more self-expression. So I ask her if she hands away so much of herself, who is she by the time it’s all over? You don’t really know someone until they walk away. You don’t really love someone until it’s too late. You don’t know a damn thing until it’s all said and done. So I ask about her smile. Are you happy when we’re talking? Do you enjoy this as much as I do? So I ask if she does late afternoon runs to run from herself or to find something. Do you chase ghosts too? Inside those halls, you’re trapped in photographs. Inside that soul, you’ve burnt the whole house down. Inside that heart, you’re still looking for love. So I ask about us and if she sees hope. She points to the smile that they used to love. She points to the scars and sketches a constellation of promises on my skin. So I ask if she’s a sucker for love poems and honesty. So I ask if she’s ever been hurt before. What do you do when it’s just you? Does the anxiety rip you inside out? You can write until you’re all out of words. You can love until your heart is a grain of sand. You can be angry until your fist bruises the night. So I ask her about love and if it’s ever worth it. Do you really see us together? Isn’t it weird? Two strangers. Before meeting– you didn’t exist to one another. Now? You’re routine. Now? You choose to stay. I can ask if she really means it all. I can ask if she believes me. I’m always in my head picking myself apart. I’m always in my heart sorting out feelings. The complexity of something as simple as saying I love you to someone bothers everyone who stays up really fucking late. We all have a past that won’t sleep. We all have a present worth living. The future? I don’t know if it holds us, but I’m here until the last page.

The Longing

I long for someone to make me feel seen. Invisibility is the only embrace I've grown comfortable with, for when I speak I'm met by hollow responses. A.I.s surround me, enveloped in the blind comfort that's been engraved into their brains. Glazed eyes meet my gaze as I adventure through the unknown landscapes and traverse the everlasting beauty surrounding me. I long for someone who's alive, glistening with the perplexity of the universe. An untamable wave who's presence exacerbates my breath to the point of darkness. I long to be discovered, for I am lost. A treasure buried in the see of the unseen, Living amongst the ordinary creatures who softly flow throughout life as a river flows through a valley. I long to understand how people may have heart beats, take breaths, take in knowledge, experience heartbreak, achieve success, yet never truly live. Never truly experience the kiss of beauty served by only the rarest of moments. Fleeting, that's the only word I can pick out of an ocean of such words to describe the experience known as "Life". I may be young, especially when compared to the souls of those tortured by the memories of a century here on earth, however I can see with a vision some never receive. I am graced by feelings most know to be extinct. I have been perplexed by events unseen to those who chose to sleep. I remain awake, seeking any signs of life, true life, not the imbecilic concept everyone seems to think they posses, but a pure, ever expanding, constant flow of alertness possessed by only a few.

All Trans-Men are sexy

Chubby trans men are sexy. Short trans men are sexy. Feminine trans men are sexy. Non-passing trans men are sexy.

1 week pre-hrt vs 1-week into. No real visual changes (obviously), but! It’s the same lighting and I was noticing a slightly different tone in my face. Maybe I’m imagining, but I’m having fun all the same😁

Day 4 Before and After •He/Him•

good morning from my pillow fort (They/them)

Nov 2014 -> Jan 2017 Forever proud of the man I’m becoming, both inside and out👊🏼👨🏼

your smile has closed windows on traction we imposed between popular discharge - breathing happens outside these walls & though my thoughts turn today into yesterday & yesterday into last week, my fingers cut every bedridden moment, I’ll never forgive myself for all the things I did to make you happy - but I got out of bed today, &

that’s a start