WHAT TYPE OF LONELY ARE YOU

Tagged by @ereneda

loneliness born of anger

you learned from a young age you are not like others, and others hate you for it. you've been mocked and tormented your whole life, and it birthed a violence in your heart. you yell at your younger siblings when they slip up. you don't want them to suffer the same fate you did. at once, you are both miles above and miles below your peers. you are not polite. people no longer dislike you because of you, but for your biting words. it's better this way, after all. at least now you know it's your own fault.

🐝  *  ―  𝑬𝑿𝑬𝑺 𝑻𝑶 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑺 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.  (  as requested, another entry for the trope memes.  feel free to adjust to better fit your muses.  )

❛  i never once stopped loving you.  ❜ ❛  let’s forget about all the pain and heartbreak and start fresh again.  ❜ ❛  i’m so glad to have you back.  ❜ ❛  you’re still my only one.  ❜ ❛  i’m scared of losing you again.  ❜ ❛  will we ever be able to go back to what we were before?  ❜ ❛  i’m just not sure if i can fully forgive you yet. but for you i’m willing to try.  ❜ ❛  i’ve been so lonely without you by my side.  ❜ ❛  why did we ever break up?  ❜ ❛  and i realize now, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  ❜ ❛  you won’t be able to get rid of me so easily again.  ❜ ❛  it’s nice getting to know this new you.  ❜ ❛  you haven’t changed a bit.  ❜ ❛  please don’t ever leave me again.  ❜ ❛  losing you once was enough. i don’t ever want to go through that again.  ❜ ❛  promise me we won’t do the same mistakes as last time.  ❜ ❛  letting you go was the biggest mistake i’ve ever made.  ❜ ❛  good thing we already know about each others quirks.  ❜ ❛  are you sure you want to try this again?  ❜ ❛  we both still had some growing up to do before we could make this work.  ❜ ❛  i want nothing more than having you back in my arms. to hold you, kiss you, and call you mine again.  ❜ ❛  what do i have to do for you to take me back?  ❜ ❛  you still remember? it’s been years!  ❜ ❛  you were always on my mind and in my heart.  ❜ ❛  i know now that we needed to spend some time apart so we can grow stronger together.  ❜ ❛  are you saying that you want to try this again?  ❜ ❛  you look as good as i remember.  ❜ ❛  you’re everything i’ve ever wanted.  ❜ ❛  please don’t break my heart again.  ❜ ❛  with you, i finally feel whole again.  ❜ ❛  remember all the good times we used to have?  ❜ ❛  i still remember both the good and the bad times.  ❜ ❛  have you ever stopped loving me?  ❜ ❛  we can only hope to learn from this experience.  ❜ ❛  you think you can just waltz back into my life like that?!  ❜ ❛  why did you never tell me you still had feelings for me?  ❜ ❛  you’re still the love of my life.  ❜ ❛  no matter what, somehow we always find our way back to each other.  ❜ ❛  do you really think we can make it work this time?  ❜ ❛  i’m never letting you go again.  ❜

🐝  *  ―  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒  𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.   (  all  of  these  are  taken  from  the  movie  ‘the  princess  bride’  released  in  1987.  feel  free  to  adjust  to  better  fit  your  muses.  )

❛  your vote of confidence is overwhelming.  ❜ ❛  are you trying to trick me ?  ❜ ❛  what if something happens to you ?  ❜ ❛  i will never love again.  ❜ ❛  am i going mad, or did the word ‘think’ escape your lips ?  ❜ ❛  you are sure nobody’s following us ?  ❜ ❛  out of curiosity, why do you ask ?  ❜ ❛  i suppose you think you’re brave, don’t you ?  ❜ ❛  i do not accept excuses.  ❜ ❛  did i make it clear that your job is at stake ?  ❜ ❛  i do not think it means what you think it means.  ❜ ❛  i don’t mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks.  ❜ ❛  i’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me.  ❜ ❛  you are better than i am.  ❜ ❛  please understand, i hold you in the highest respect.  ❜ ❛  i just want you to feel you are doing well.  ❜ ❛  we must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.  ❜ ❛  could this be a trap ?  ❜ ❛  if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.  ❜ ❛  i could have sworn i saw something.  ❜ ❛  you only think i guessed wrong.  ❜ ❛  i was giving you a chance.  ❜ ❛  you think your dearest love will save you ?  ❜ ❛  what can i do or you ?  ❜ ❛  nothing you can say will upset me.  ❜ ❛  you can die too, for all i care !  ❜ ❛  i told you i would always come for you.  ❜ ❛  why didn’t you wait for me ?  ❜ ❛  death cannot stop true love. all it can do is delay it for a while.  ❜ ❛  is everything clear to you ?  ❜ ❛  you mean you wish to surrender to me ?  ❜ ❛  don’t make yourself a fool.  ❜ ❛  we can live there quite happily for some time so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.  ❜ ❛  i thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. i could not bear it if you died again, not when i could save you.  ❜ ❛  who says life is fair ?  ❜ ❛  life isn’t always fair.  ❜ ❛  i’m telling you, you’re messing up the story !  ❜ ❛  i’m sure you’ve discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain.  ❜ ❛  this is where i am, and this is where i’ll stay.  ❜ ❛  you don’t look so good.  ❜ ❛  i just hope it’s enough to buy a miracle, that’s all.  ❜ ❛  there’s a big diference between mostly dead and all dead.  ❜ ❛  all your worst nightmares are about to come true.  ❜ ❛  have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now ?  ❜ ❛  i think that’s the worst thing i’ve ever heard.  ❜ ❛  you’ve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. it’s going to get you in trouble someday.  ❜ ❛  what hideous sin have you committed lately ?  ❜ ❛  if you didn’t say it, you didn’t do it.  ❜ ❛  i have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over i don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.  ❜

Allana paused, frowning at her mother. She sounded desperate and wounded enough to be telling the truth. But why wouldn't they have told her? She had so many resources that could have been used to find her. Her jaw clenched, rage surging higher.

"These are the people you gave me to." She snapped, standing in the middle of the room as a scent of ozone like just before a storm began to fill the space around her. She had no training, no control when her emotions got the better of her like this.

"You could have kept me here, with you. Kept me safe. But you handed me off to a couple who had already fucked up every child they raised." These words came out in a snarl. She did remember good times with her grandparents, she remembered their love. But her rage overcame all of that and turned every memory bitter.

@ereneda

continued from here

@ereneda

continued from here

"I don't know." Jacen sighed, walking to stand a few feet away to her side and look out the window as well.

"I'm just feeling kind of blind-sided here Tenel Ka. No one told me, not even when we decided to come here and visit you. Your grandmother's aid dropped the bomb like ten minutes ago, and I couldn't just ignore it." He paused and glanced over at her, expression softening.

"You know it doesn't change anything right? You're still my best friend."

Indie RP blog for Jacen Solo and an AU Allana Djo-Solo, open to Legends and Disney canon. OC friendly. Come say hi!

Check out basic info for Jacen here

Check out basic info for Allana here

Rules:

I just go with the basics. Don't be an ass, don't get bent out of shape if I turn you down for rp, I can be a slow replier when life gets busy, and while I'm over 21 I'm not gonna be a jerk to younger rpers cause I remember when I was just starting out. (won't be doing smut on here with anyone most likely)

Like, reply, or reblog for a starter! Just let me know if you want Jacen or Allana and which verse you're interested in.

ereneda‌:

  Tenel Ka listened to Jacen speak, snapping out of her trance and focusing her eyes on him. Nodding slowly, she mentally ran through the possibilities.

  “Jaina would be ideal, but I agree – we may have to wait on her,” she said. “Kyp is a fair suggestion… or Zekk, maybe.”

  With a slight tilt of his head, Gadell pulled the yacht up and docked it, jumping out and offering his hand to the Queen Mother. She brushed her skirt away from her feet and then took his hand, stepping up onto the dock. Tenel Ka could have easily gotten herself up if she had wanted to, or even thought about it – but her mind was other places, she was on royal auto-pilot ( a favorite thing of hers for meetings ).

  A smirk seized Gadell’s lips and he lowered his hand to Jacen. “Sir?”

Jacen watched as she accepted Gadell’s aid without seeming to even think twice about it, remembering the days when she’d have been insulted by anyone offering their hand in such a way and wondering at all the changes the time between then and now had wrought.  The sound of the other man’s snarky voice shook him out of his thoughts and he gave him a grin.

“Why thank you good sir, you’re such a gentleman.”  He exclaimed, taking the offered hand while holding his borrowed cloak out in a half-curtsy.  Stepping up out of the boat he let the joking rebuild the only mask he’d ever worn.  That of a harmless jester just out to make others smile.  It was a little rusty after so long on his own, and he hadn’t bothered with it i his cell beneath the Palace.  But now it was back, all crooked smiles and sparkling eyes with his brows raised as he waited to see where Gadell took the joke next.  

Part of him felt he might have met his match in some ways, and he was actually a little excited to see who would break first.  Besides, he hoped to distract from whatever thoughts Tenel Ka was so clearly dwelling on.  They obviously weren’t happy ones, and he hoped to not be another weight on her already overburdened shoulders.

Jacen's Verses

General Verses

A Long Time Ago - Jacen’s fifteen or sixteen with his whole life spread out in front of him but no idea what to do with it.  (No Vong unless specifically stated otherwise)

Death Doesn’t Discriminate - Jacen’s reaching adulthood in the midst of a war that could be the end of the galaxy as he knows it, fighting alongside his family and friends for survival and their way of life against an enemy like none he’d ever faced before. (Vong War Verse)

After the Storm - After the war things are slowly trying to return to normal, Coruscant is rebuilt and the Jedi try to find their footing.  Jacen is helping, as best he can, while still healing from his experiences during the war.

Awoken - TFA verse, Ben/Kylo Ren is Jacen’s older brother and Jacen has been active in the Resistance as a scout while hiding the training he had as a Jedi though he hadn’t yet reached the rank of Knight when Ben turned and the Academy was destroyed.  But upon feeling his father’s brush with death he’s returned to the Resistance base to be with his family while Han is in bacta and critical condition, reconnecting with his twin sister who left with their father all those years back.

Teen Rebel - Pre-Movies TFA verse; Han and Jaina have left, Anakin is presumed dead, and Jacen is growing up on a series of resistance bases with Leia.

Of Royalty - Leia stepped up as Queen of New Alderaan after the New Republic was up and running, with Han as her Consort.  Jaina is her heir and Jacen is about to step up as Senator for the New Alderaanian people.  Though all three children trained at their uncle’s academy under their father’s name to protect their identities only Anakin continued on to become a Jedi, as the twins felt their other duties necessitated them dropping out shortly before they would have been knighted.

Wanderer - Takes place during his post-Vong journey of self-discovery.  Jacen’s wandering the Outer Rim, searching for peace and trying to reconnect with the kind of Jedi he’d been before the war.

A Knight’s Tale - After returning from his years of wandering Jacen dedicates himself to the Order once again, traveling as needed to serve the people of the Alliance.  He remains a knight, turning down the offer of a promotion to Master as he doesn’t feel he’s ready for that title just yet.

Earth Born - Modern/Earth AU where Jacen is a wildlife photographer and zoology student, son of UN Ambassador Leia Organa, who attended a fancy international high school with his sister and friends as a teenager.

Muse-Specific Verses:

Tryptich - The Solo Twins are the Solo Triplets.  Jaina, Jacen, and Julian Solo are all on the Myrkr mission when Julian is lost in the destruction of the Voxyn Queen.

Lost and Found - Jacen disappeared in the Vong war and was never actually seen again, the Jacen Solo who returned and became Caedus was a clone created by Vergere so that she could hide the original at a secret home of hers in Wild Space.  Eventually he finds his way back, only to discover that his face is reviled and someone committed heinous crimes in his name

Knight Follows Queen - After the war Jacen spent a single night with the Queen Mother of Hapes, a culmination of the feelings they’d been forced to put on the back burner by circumstances, before leaving to try and figure out who he was to become in the aftermath of such a devastating conflict.  He essentially fell off the radar and completely out of contact with everyone he had known, thus never learning of the daughter he and Tenel Ka shared.  But when said daughter is kidnapped he senses Tenel Ka’s uncharacteristic rage and rushes back to discover what went wrong and how he can help.

Sideways - A freak hyperspace accident launches Jacen into a parallel world, one in which the local version of him was consumed by darkness and became the Sith Lord Darth Caedus.

Aldera - Fantasy AU!  Jacen has been sent to the courts of the Hapan Empire to gain their protection for the shattered remnants of the kingdom of Aldera.  The nobles back home hope he will marry the Empress, Tenel Ka, but he’s content to simply negotiate a protectorate status for his people.  Unless love so happens to bloom on its own.

Allana's Verses

Mainverse: As laid out in her about post, Allana was abducted at the age of 12 and escaped but was never found by the Solo-Skywalker family.  Leading her to a life of piracy.

The Lost Heir: Similar to the mainverse but meant to pair with mine and @ereneda‘s dark!TK and Jacen verse, Allana’s abductors lost interest in her after the person who hired them to kidnap her was cut off from them.  So they simply abandoned her on the outer rim, where she was taken in by someone who taught her how to survive and fight.  Now the Hapan Consortium is looking like the next big threat to the GFFA, and she’s too curious about how that connects to her hazy memories of Hapan silk and copper hair to stay away.

TFA Verse: Allana’s parents are a royal princess of 64 planets and the son of the most famous family in the galaxy, but she’s never known them.  About two years after her birth Fountain Palace was attacked, killing her grandparents and leaving her mother to assume she was also dead.  Instead she’d simply been removed from the equation, enemies of the family wanting to stop that particular line in it’s tracks.  She was handed to a small-time pirate who was being paid very well not to ask where she came from and raised as her daughter and protege as Ana Dray.  Now she’s inherited her adoptive mother’s ship and is going it on her own.

Academy Verse: Allana stays with the family who had taken her in after she escaped her kidnappers, and a few years later a Jedi came by to test local children for Force sensitivity.  She was tested and offered a spot.  The bitterness over her supposed abandonment had still been growing, and her first instinct was to refuse it outright.  But then she thought about it, and realized she could use it to gather information about why they’d abandoned her.  So she went to the Jedi just as they were about to leave and agreed, getting a ride to Ossus and a twisted version of her old life.

Knight of Ren Verse: All of the things in the TFA verse stay the same, except that after being caught smuggling illegal goods by the First Order they discover she’s incredibly Force Sensitive and related to the Solos.  So they turn her over to Kylo Ren to either recruit or kill her, whatever keeps her out of the hands of the Resistance.

Can anybody save us?

Will anyone try?

- Help Is on the Way, Rise Against

About: Jacen

Born 9 ABY to Leia Organa-Solo and her husband Han, Jacen and his twin were known from even before their birth to be powerful in the Force. Their childhood was fraught with kidnapping attempts and slightly less harrowing misadventures. As preteens and young teens they attended their uncle's Jedi academy on Yavin IV, training their inate abilities and pursuing futures as Jedi Knights.

Jacen TAGS: FC Musings Verses Headcanons Aesthetics

About: Allana

The daughter of a war hero and the Queen of 64 planets, Allana lived her first six years of life with her mother on Hapes.  But as her father, Jacen Solo, spiralled into darkness, Tenel Ka Djo was forced to admit that Hapan politics were far too dangerous for the rearing of a child.  She had survived it, but she did not want her daughter to grow up as repressed and trapped as she had.  So when an assassination attempt allowed her to fake her daughter’s death, Tenel Ka handed the child to her paternal grandparents to raise under the cover of her being a war orphan named Amelia.  Her father, on the other hand, was struck down by his own sister to stop his dark reign.

Living with the Solo family for the next six years, Allana gained a pet Nexu and experienced the sort of childhood only her parents and aunt could relate to.  But at the age of twelve it all came crashing down.  Abducted by people frustrated with the sway the Solo family still had in the government despite holding no official positions in it, she was whisked far away from their home on Coruscant.  She managed to escape while they were stopped on a little-known outer rim world and put herself into hiding with the teaching she’d gotten from various members of the family.  She went by the name Mellie and ingratiated herself with a local business owner, gaining permission to sleep in their spare store room in exchange for working in their shop.  But time passed, and her family didn’t come.  It took almost two years for her to give up on being found and retrieved, at which point she set out on her own.  Renaming herself again she joined a smuggling crew, lying and telling them she was sixteen and her name was Ana.  She spent the next four years learning the ins and outs of galactic smuggling and piracy, but always the question itched at her.  Why did everyone abandon her?

(a very au idea for Allana Djo-Solo, angsty and dark but it should be fun!)

ALLANA TAGS: FC Musings Verses Headcanons Aesthetics

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed on my old account, so for the time being I'm moving Jacen and Allana here to make returning to tumblr rp feel a bit less like jumping into the deep end.