Ok I might have misjudged...

Hi, for those of you who don't know please retort back a few posts to my one called 'To lose a best friend' then read my next post then your pretty much here also, I'm perfect mess and this is a watered down description of my whole life for anyone anywhere to read. For those of you who do know, hi. Well.... After my last post I bet you supposed my posts on T-Pig are over unless they involve best friend gooey stuff. Well your wrong. I'm whining again over her. She is like an annoying little sister. Bossy, cute, spoilt, cocky,weird,annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying. That sums up them I think. But the thing is, when they are around you want them gone. But when your wish comes true, you need them back more than anything in the world and its more annoying than them. Well she's gone again. Its like a knife going through my heart and getting twisted and twisted. But then it magically goes and its worse. I haven't said anything to drive her away but to be truthful I haven't said anything at all. I've out grown her or has she out grown me? She's different now. She was once this shy little girl who cared only for her cat, family and it felt like me. I am the kid of person to plan. Everything. I planned our lives with such detail I'm sure tumbler won't allow me to write that much on one post. Long story short, we were going o travel the world. I had money and collage and even accommodation. But she doesn't believe it will happen any more. Which stops me believing. When you grow up things just get really complicated. Money, kids,marriage,jobs,work,school,cleaning, health, safety. All of that on top of their personality just making things harder. I have always stood by the fact that every grown up loses their wisdom. Kids are the ones you seek help from. They can make you laugh and cry all at once but adults only see that as a distraction now because they have too much to keep in top of. They just change. I hate change. I always will. I wish I could just fly to Neverland and forget everything and never grow up. But that changes you. You can't help who you are or what is to be. But when its someone you love the way I love T-Pig then you are screwed as an adult because you don't know how to take that pain of them changing on top of everything else. So if I'm empty and depressed your not gonna make it. Its a cruel world and you chose the money and marriage and kids and stuff. You chose the cruel world so now you can never love without getting hurt and dying your gonna die if you love because you can't carry anymore. Asking for help will break you but its you who's in pain and can't lose or help it. Sorry for the bombshell but it had to come from a kid like me. Or it will feel worse. I'm going to go and my last text to T-Pig will be telling her my profile name. Then I cut contact. Perfect mess.... Needs to tidy up.

Rules Of Best-Friendship

Hi, to those of you who don't know, I'm a perfect mess. Also if you don't know, check out my post, 'To lose a best friend' before reading this. To those of you who do know, hi. So guys, remember my last post? Ye? Well, I am talking to one of my best friends again. And I am going to nickname her (for anonymity) T-Pig. That nickname is just an inside joke. So basically what happened was we ended up walking home together last night. We were both freaking over our school concert thingy which was you know, that night... We were in the choir and we were made to stand next to each other because of our height similarities. I thought it was awkward as hell until I realized, she hadn't brought up my whole mental break down thing and for the first time I've seen, she stuck up for me. I have no idea if I have permission to say this but hell I'm not typing this all up again. So basically we compared our music and all that stuff and when we were one act away from you know, being on stage, she had a 'PA' which is our code for panic attack... So basically at the beginning of our friendship, she explained that sometime she has these weird things were she just freaks out and starts crying. To which I researched for her cos damm I ain't gonna let that girl get hurt its my life or hers and your damm right its mine. So, as I saw it happening, I ran as fast as my hairy legs could run to a teacher. I handed T-Pig over to my possible-soon-to-be-step-cousin and even though there was an act on stage, I walked right up the door and pounded my fists on it as loud as I could. Ok so I might have gotten told of but that didn't faze me. The teacher took T-Pig outside and I was about to run after her but an older girl grabbed me and wouldn't let me go to her. I was nearly crying. I needed to know she was Ok. She told me I could go if I calmed down so I started tearing at her armand said these exact words 'I can't calm down or be happy unless I know she is happy and Ok' at which point she let go of me and I ran to T-Pig and hugged her and hugged her tight. Now as I'm typing this I have some advice for you guys. _________ Advice. _________ Guys, if you fall out with someone its Ok. Falling out with someone makes you stronger. You are amazing,handsome/beautiful and god dam it if your best friend don't tell you that then they are your best friend. Because a best friend don't tell you. They show you. And that's what they God dam are for. So when you fall out ye its gonna hurt. But don't ignore the pain cos your not focusing on making it right. That girl means everything to me and I work my bum of to make sure she knows it. So guys. If you don't have the feeling that you would risk your life for your best friend love them harder. I'm going to go now so tell me your big reuniting with best friend story. And also tell me if you need advice on stuff like this. Perfect Mess....Needs to tidy up xx

To lose a best friend

Hi in case you don't know, I'm Perfect Mess. For those of you who do know, sorry for the long time since I last posted. Basically, me and my best friend saw someone and we became strong friends quickly. Best friends. I of course had no problem with it. But it feels like my best friend doesn't like me anymore. We always had a promise that if one should be allowed a sleepover they invite the other. So I did. My first sleepover I was supposed to have yesterday. So naturally I invited best friend. She agreed but strangely didn't seem excited. I mean I know she's shy and might be worried bit it was strange. So yesterday day, the three of us were out and my best friend called her dad to double check if she was allowed. She isn't English so she speaks to her family in a different language. When she hung up she told me she wasn't allowed. I asked my other best friend instead and she said she wasn't allowed either. So obviously I was upset I was so excited for two weeks just to be let down. It hurt. Thus morning I finally found my phone charger and was welcomed into three texts from my best friend. They read, 'I'm allowed to stay at yours now but you don't have your charger so nevermind'. So obviously I'm devastated because she could have always called my mum. I text my other best friend and say hi. Instead of replying she just sent me a picture of my best friend asleep. In my other best friends house. Obviously my best friend didn't want to sleep at mine and she broke the promise. I tried to hide my pain. So I just said goodbye and left it at that. Later today I just started getting blanked or shouted at. And my best friend should know I'm insecure about doing things wrong and hate getting shouted at. But every time I was spoken to I was shouted at. So I went quiet to avoid doing something wrong. As I walked around with them my other best friend just kept looking at me, laughing and saying something to my best friend. I over heard them say. 'Let's leave her she's just deppressed' I am not diagnosed with depression but I feel depressed all the time. So in the end I just walk of. Because this is like the tenth time I've been ignored bye these people. On the way home I start crying. I've lost everything. I have no other friends and if I do they much rather prefer my best friend. And then there is Oscar. He's gone too. I seen him a few weeks ago and he's massive. Which I'm told is supposed to make me feel better because he's being looked after and he's healthy. But its just a constant reminder that I wasn't the one to watched him grow. And he's gone and so are my 'best friends'. Please tell me how you can help me because its killing me. Comment if you felt similar and how you got I've it. Comment if you can relate. Got to go bye x Perfect Mess needs to tidy up x

Hi...

I'm a perfect mess (anonymous) I have more drama than any one could imagine... Or so I tell myself.... I started this blog to find people who can relate and help me and for me to help them and for us all to help each other. I'm not your average girl. I mean I pout and use filters but I don't have that attitude or the popularity or full face of tarty make up. I'm kinda in the middle. Well today I'm asking a how to. How to get over giving away a puppy? Oscar is my old puppy who we sadly had to give away. The thing that killed me the most was him being gone and the rest of my family will carry on there ordinary lives while I'm stuck here in the middle crying and hugging his lead as the world spins with me stuck in time with no play button or escape and I'm trapped in an evil bubble that will eventually drive me crazy and eat my insides. Its been a few months since I last saw him. I mean I am lucky still. I get pictures and am allowed to visit him when Im in the area. But him not being here in my home, being my baby, my blanket, my world forces tears to form before I can tell myself he is still in my heart then I remember he is in my heart yes but in someone else's home were he is being held and cuddled and he's forgetting about me. The one who will love him more than Anyone ever has done and will. His mummy. And he's forgetting. I'm the one who held him for the first time and called him Oscar. I'm the one who carried him to my home from his siblings but gave him a new family. I'm his mother. Me. I fed him. I cuddled him. I loved him. But now he's gone and forgotten about me. I know for a fact that when I see him next he will not recognise me and will just think of me as another stranger walking into his home. Anyways I guess that's enough depression for now. So tell me ways to get over this. To escape. Can anyone relate? Does anyone need my help about this? Who just needs to get it off their chests in the comments? I'm speaking to my mum tomorrow I'll give you an update then. Perfect Mess needs to tidy up xx