Rosie and Alastor are married for Hell's equivalent of tax benefits. They never told anyone they were technically married since it was in no way romantic, but it proved extremely useful against Vox, who got the bright idea to try and get Alastor drunk enough to elope with the help of love potions. Rosie was able to storm in, throw her drugged husband over her shoulder, and spell out that they're married and Vox can't do shit about it. Once Alastor starts getting too many suitors, they can counteract them all through the power of announcing the marriage.

canon

Lucifer develops a crush on Alastor and loses his ability to function but Alastor misinterprets all the signs as Lucifer planning to kill him.

canon

Alastor: Susan, please calm down. I don't want to marry Lucifer.

Lucifer: Yeah, we're not even-

Lucifer: [Processes. Then turns to Alastor.]

Lucifer: What do you mean you don't want to marry me?

Alastor: Do you really want to have this conversation? Right now?

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Crack theory: Husk killed Alastor. He was drinking to celebrate the end of prohibition, made some bad choices, and next thing he knew there was a man dead. Husk wasn't from town, so once he was sure there was no saving this man, he got the hell out of Louisiana and went back to Vegas and tried not to think about it.

Alastor remembered the man who killed him. He didn't see him, the bullet left him blind, but he heard the man's voice. Alastor was in agony for he didn't even know how long, and he vowed he would find that bastard in hell and make him pay. When he went to the casino owned by the new overlord decades later, he recognized the owner's voice instantly.

Husk had no idea who Alastor was either in life or death, he had no idea this was the man he killed, and that was fine by Alastor. He was going to make him suffer regardless, and just tearing his soul apart and broadcasting his screams didn't feel like enough.

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The RadioApple ask of Alastor meeting or at least witnessing Lucifer when he was still alive, surrounded by his worshippers.

The two start to tolerate each other while living at the hotel, but eventually begin to form a friendship. Lucifer was the one who begins to form feelings as he gets to know Alastor, while Alastor catches himself from forming attachments.

Alastor only has to remind himself that his mother was used as a sacrifice for Lucifer and that Lucifer is the same one living in the hotel with him.

Things get worse when the topic of Lucifer summonings are brought up. Lucifer, despite being repulsed by sinners, admits he enjoyed the praises he received from humans who summoned him. Alastor asked about the sacrificed humans, where did their souls go?

Lucifer just shrugged and said something of the lines, maybe they went to Heaven or they’re just gone, as in they no longer exist. He noticed the aghast expression on Alastor. Lucifer unknowingly told the most heartbreaking possible fate of Alastor’s mother.

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Lucifer likes to watch Alastor sleep

Alastor: What are you doing in my room?

Lucifer: Watching you sleep

Alastor: …leave. now.

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The Vees start a discord server and people start ban speedrunning a la YandereDev. The hotel members who knew about Alastor's feud with Vox practically begged Alastor to get in on this somehow to see what happens.

Alastor did not get involved with the discord ban speedruns directly. But soon, old embarrassing photos of Vox would be found for runners to use in their quest for world record.

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Everyone in the hotel except Charlie has killed a man. If Charlie ever left them alone at the bar one night, she 100% came back to them all singing a personalized rendition of the Cell Block Tango.

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AU in which Alastor goes to heaven after he died. Not because he deserves to be there, but because heaven realized something is weird about him and he is going to be extremely powerful. Sera is willing to advocate for genocide if it means keeping hell from having the power to revolt, so she is willing to keep this one sinner close to her if it means making sure he isn't on hell's side. He takes the role of Emily, his skills as a radio host bringing joy to the people of heaven, and he is constantly told he belongs there. Sera is initially cold to him as he is supposed to be a sinner, but eventually finds out what he actually did (killing vile people) and starts seeing him as a younger brother.

Except Alastor knows something is super weird about him being in heaven. He doesn't even like being in heaven, he just enjoys being a radio host and the whole being a powerful seraphim thing is an added bonus. So he doesn't complain, but he does question what it is that Sera is keeping from him.

He finds out when Princess Charlotte first steps into heaven. Alastor is tasked with welcoming her, and he gets to know her over the course of her time there. The council meeting is when he learns of the exterminations Sera allowed. Sera thought given what Alastor did while alive that he would understand, but he is disgusted by her and denounces everything she had done (who would've thought, the mixed man from the 30s might have some opinions on genocide). Because yes they were vile and Alastor didn't believe in redemption, but they were already in hell and upon closer inspection, Alastor found there had been no traces of any kind of rebellion until Sera's exterminations. Even those ones had been mostly led by Lilith, and completely stopped once Lilith went to her beach.

Sera tried the threat of him falling for disobedience, but Alastor didn't care about that, not to mention he had a feeling it was a bluff. He followed Charlie to help her fight against the angels, and because he was curious both about hell and about the princess.

Now Sera is in a race against the clock to get Alastor back. She was bluffing about making Alastor fall, because under no circumstances can she allow him to find out not only his true power if he fell, but the fact he was meant to be a powerful sinner in the first place. He was starting to side with hell, and she had to get him back before he could truly join the battle.

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I feel like Alastor would be genuinely annoyed with Heaven trying to downplay or excuse his actions in a lot of these scenarios we've come up with. He knows he's an awful, unrepentant sinner and he's proud of the fact! He's proud that he's earned himself a place in Hell! Sure, he doesn't kill people without some sort of reason - how valid that reason may be is up for debate - but he does still kill them and take sadistic enjoyment in their suffering. I imagine some angel trying to argue to his face that he was some kind of holy crusader only for Alastor to snap back that he would kill them (the angel) given half the chance for that insult.

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Lucifer is a prideful little man, it makes sense since he’s the son of pride. So when a deer man is trying to take his place as a father and constantly disrespecting him to his face; Lucifer only thinks of making Alastor his bitch.

Alastor: Not even in your dreams short king

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We've all had our fun imagining Lucifer vs Vox fighting over Alastor in various scenarios...

But what if it's Lucifer vs Vox... fighting over the position of Alastor's best (male) friend?

Because we all know his eternal BFF is Rosie.

'Cause Lucifer hasn't had a buddy to hang out with in so long and Charlie's so proud of him for making 'friends' with the Radio Demon even if their 'friendship' mainly consists of blasting each other with champagne jets and dropping giant instruments on each other. And honestly, it's kind of refreshing to have someone around who isn't trying to suck up to him or get on his good side. As sneaky and sinister as Alastor is, he's pretty open about the fact that he's sneaky and sinister and Lucifer oddly appreciates that.

So they start spending more and more time together, hanging out one on one even without Charlie's insistence, and then suddenly as they're out one day enjoying some live music a weird TV-headed man pops in out of nowhere and starts screaming at Alastor that this was supposed to be 'their' place and how dare he bring this baby-faced little clown to 'their' place!?

Lucifer is confused, annoyed, and mostly confused. And his natural pettiness rises up as he instantly throws out a backhanded comment while pretending to mistake Vox for a waiter or something.

And like that, the war is on.

Alastor is thrilled for the free entertainment.

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Lucifer instantly has the hots for Alastor the second they meet whether Alastor is a man or a woman. The only difference is if Alastor's a woman then Lucifer is aware of it.

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imagine in my boyfriend au, God has enough of his children's bickering and decideds 'you know what, if you can't share a toy, nether of you can have it' and kicks alastor and his kid out of hell and heaven. He has him reincarnated on earth. He states that if alastor and the kid goes to heaven in this life, Michal will have his hand in marriage. But if they go to hell, Lucifer will marry him. Both brothers decided that they should be able to 'monitor' them, but in reality they just trying to put him on the path to heaven/hell, roping there friends and family into it

As for Alastor, he is prity muched placed on earth in his human form without his memorys and is found by some hunters in the swamp with a child in his arms. When the hunters get him to a hospital they diagnosed him with amnesia. Only remembering his name and that the child is his, alastor starts his own life. Thanks to a charity he was given enough money to buy a small house in a town that 'seemingly appeared overnight'. It has a small school (it teaches frinch) for his kid to go to and he finds work as a musician for the local bar.

Alastor is happy with his life but can't help but feel like somethings off. Perhaps its the murdereres impulses he feels now and then, or how he seems to know thousands of recipes without knowing where he learned them. Maybe its how the local preacher, Michal Morning, seems to be insistant on how a good man and father he is, to the point it could be considered strange. Or perhaps it's how the owner of the local toy shop and bar (his boss) Lucy Star, seemed to know about his murderous thoughts, and even encourage them? Not to mention that weird box headed monster he swares he sees on some nights. Ether way alastor feels like all eyes are on him and his child.

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Charlie, Vaggie, and Alastor have that WonderPets dynamic going on. You think it's a trio using teamwork to get the job done but if you actually look at the relationships, it's two duos that got mushed together by their mutual friend, and the other two people fucking hate each other and work together against their will. Running gag in WonderPets involved this being stated plain as day.

Alastor tried to do something by himself and got in trouble? Vaggie will make a remark to Charlie how everything is so nice without Al, and Charlie needs to remind her they will be saving Al. Vaggie will be very disappointed.

Vaggie ended up in trouble? Alastor remarks how much better it is without Vaggie and has to be reminded they're saving her. Alastor is very disappointed.

Charlie has to take a sick day and sends Vaggie and Alastor on a mission together? Vaggie and Alastor just stand there awkwardly wishing they were anywhere else and with anyone else.

The only thing Vaggie and Alastor can agree on is mutual hatred of the one guy who keeps trying to insert himself into the team and fucking everything up every time (Vox).

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The first ever tv that Lucifer saw was a voxtech tv showing one his hypnotic commercials and went nope never watching that again and hence the “tv scrambles the brain”

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