zealoussoulsandwich
Ur...MOM
25
nsfw!
minors dni!!!!!
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whenever breaking dawn is brought up in conversations I can't help but think about how absolutely overpowered and dangerous renesmee is going to be.
she is the trustfundiest trust fund kid ever to trust fund, she has literally unlimited money and resources.
she can eat human food but she prefers (???) blood.
She can transfer any idea into your head via touch, presumably even lie to you that way, and the sensation is overwhelming for even a vampire, let alone a human with a more limited mental capacity.
Everyone is obsessed with her at first glance for some unknowable reason.
She's just as beautiful as a vampire, with 0 of the creepiness factor via cold skin, no heartbeat, no blinking, no breathing, palor, etc.
Her dad can read her every thought, and is incapable of giving her privacy.
Her endlessly devoted werewolf uncle is trying to groom her from birth to be his forever bride.
She will look and act like a grown adult by the time she is 7 years old.
She literally murdered her mother in childbirth.
Her name is so profoundly stupid.
This girl is going to grow up unhinged, angry, and on a power trip the likes of which the world has never seen. Her cult is going to be next level. Someone is going to have to take her out before she takes over the world.
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beel would stand over mc at like 4am in the mom i threw up pose, only to tell them he accidentally ate the snack they'd put away in the fridge. bros a full sleep paralysis demon.
"beel are you crying?"
"i'm really sorry mc i didn't see your name on the container and i ate it." there are actual tears because he feels bad, he pinky promised not to eat it and he did. "please don't be mad."
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Mc: Hey, dumb slut, get over here.
Mammon, sighing: Okay-
Asmo: I'm coming!
Mammon, confused: I thought... I was dumb slut...
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This is not an art blog but I'm proud of this one(?)
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Mammon: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.
Satan: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.
Belphie: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!
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i can't believe im doing this, but im really in the need for some friends. i have my boyfriend, but he has a life and i can't be up his ass all the time. i have friends but they all live far away.
more about me:
-25
-have a cat named luigi
-i like playing video games, fashion, makeup, etc.
-use they/them pronouns
would love friends that are above 18. preferably drinking age as I don't feel morally okay with making friends with people who are 5+ years younger than me.
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Vines I think MC references regularly and when they use them:
"Welcome to bible study. We're all children of Jesus. Kumbaya my Lord." - Whenever demons do some fucked up shit.
"Wouldn't you like to know weather magic boy." - When Solomon asks them a question.
"What are those!?" - Whenever they see Mephistopheles, and no, they don't explain it.
"When will you learn that your actions have consequences?!" - When the brothers do something to piss them off and then act like MC should be chill with it.
"Look at all those chickens." - Whenever Mammon's crows roll up. (He gets defensive every time.)
"Can I PLEASE get a waffle?" - When Levi and Mammon get into a fight.
"Wtf is this allowed? Is this allowed?" - When Asmo starts whoring it up.
"He needs some milk!"- When Satan flips a lid.
"I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me." - When a demon could absolutely kill them.
"What's better than this? Guys being dudes." - At every one of Beel's Fangol game.
"You're not my dad! Ugly ass f*cking noodle head." - After Satan yells at Lucifer.
"So, no head?" - When Lucifer dismisses them.
"I want to see my little boy!" - After entering Purgatory Hall, looking for Luke.
"We have to get out of here. I can't. I feel unsafe." - If Solomon brings a dish he made.
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Imagine Satan running up to you in a panic, hiding something under his shirt. Then he just says "RUN AND DON'T STOP RUNNING UNTIL YOU KNOW IT'S SAFE AGAIN." And he pulls out a cat from under his shirt, and shoves it under your shirt without warning. Then you hear Lucifer yelling out Satan's name in the most demonic tone ever. Which Satan panics more from and starts shoving you out of the nearest window while saying "RUN!!!"
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Mc: *laying on a pool chair, unconscious*
Levi, panicking: They're not breathing!
Solomon: I'll give them mouth-to-mouth!
Mc: *opens one eye,* Ew no! Let Mammon do it! *Closes eye*
Lucifer:
Beel:
Solomon:
Satan:
Levi:
Belphie:...
Mammon: GET OUT OF THE WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!
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“I’ll just rest my eyes” is the biggest lie you’re going straight to snorkmimimi land
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The brothers doing normal shit around the Devildom but sheep Mc is in a baby carrier on whoever's chest.
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"i cant wait to get home from work so i can do all that stuff i wanted to do"
when i get home from work:
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