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Tim: good cop
Damian: bad cop
Dick: you better fucking be interrogated by my brothers
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some emergency alert operator just gave me a three minute taste of being an indie horror game protagonist jesus fuckin christ
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I see many people spreading the "Battinson is our little meow meow we must protect" all over the Tumblr. But they focus on Bruce.
Because when it comes to Battinson's Batman- this man made goons sleep with lights on. He yoinked so many bones he could make two skeletons and put them in Gotham Academy for biology lessons.
He doesn't spread fear. He is fear.
Justice League would look upon him and be like "I'm so glad this man is on our side". Pure respect for his persona. Even slight fear. Until...
Batman: It took me half a night but I solved this case.
Justice League *in awe*: Right.
Batman: I have analysed the threat, discovered their real identities and estimated where they will next strike.
Justice League: Nice.
Emergency phone: *ringing*
Batman: Excuse me.
Batman: What's wrong, chum?
Batman: what do you mean batcave is on fire
Batman: but i left u food
Batman: you ate a full bowl of blueberries??
Batman: wdym Alf isn't home. where would he go?
Batman: Alfred will kill me :(
Batman: ... how 'bout Mr. Freeze gun. you can use it, right?
Batman: ... Alright, chum. Text me if it worked. I gotta go.
Batman *back to his Batman voice*: So. As I was saying. Their next target will be-
Justice League: ...????
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for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits
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When they say Dick Grayson family move was the Quadruple flip they mean this trick:
(Video from Cirque du Soleil's instagram)
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(Red Hood and Red Robin sitting on a rooftop while on patrol)
*silence*
Red Hood: Wanna fake a fight to make B think I'm turning back into a supervillain?
Red Robin: Oh, definitely.
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Superman, trying to befriend Batman: If not friend, why friend shaped?
Literally everyone else, looking at Batman's costume, designed to be menacing and incite fear: He is NOT friend shaped!!
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Bruce: Commissioner Gordon, I wasn’t expecting a visit this late.
Gordon: My apologies, Bruce, there are some things that I need to talk to you about regarding the Wilson case.
Bruce: No apologies needed, Commissioner. Please, have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea?
Gordon: Tea would be-
Bruce: ?
Gordon:
Bruce: Commissioner?
Gordon:
Bruce: Commissioner Gordon, is everything all right?
Gordon: Bruce, there’s a- there’s a ghost floating down your hallway…
Bruce: [turns to see a sleeping Clark floating horizontally out of his bedroom, wrapped up in his blanket]
Bruce: Oh, that’s just my great-great-granduncle Tom. He’s always haunting this hallway on Thursdays. It’s his weekly chess game, and he never got over that one loss. Poor Uncle Tom…
Gordon:
Bruce: Alfred, why don’t you go and see if Uncle Tom can be persuaded to haunt another hallway instead?
Alfred: Right away, Master Bruce.
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Playing social deduction games with the batfam must be HELL.
Bet Tim is banned.
Jason: I'm telling you I'm not the mafia!
Tim: How can I be so sure? 'Cause you're acting pretty suspicious.
Jason: I LITERALLY DIED IN THE LAST ROUND!
Tim: YOU DID THAT TO THROW ME OFF YOUR TRAIL, ADMIT IT!
Jason: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!
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The Batkids stances on murder:
Dick: murder is wrong. Except when it’s the joker
Jason: murder is ok
Cass: murder is wrong
Damian: murder is wrong
Duke: murder is wrong
Steph: murder is wrong
Tim: murder would make Bruce upset
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Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.
Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.
He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.
Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.
But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.
Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.
Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.
So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?
Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.
Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.
Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.
Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.
Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.
Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.
But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?
Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.
Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.
So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.
Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.
At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.
The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.
Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.
All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.
But by GOD is he trying.
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LMAOO
DC: You guys like Dick and Damian? Here. *Blasts the Tim Drakeification Beam*
#fuck you dc#look how they massacred my boys#dc stop making your characters look like each other#specifically stop making them look like tim#dick grayson#damian wayne#<<< prev tags#dc
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*slams the door open*
It's time to talk about
MERRY LITTLE BATMAN
#damian wayne#batman#bruce wayne#robin#dc#IT WAS SO GOOFY#but ENJOYABLE#I KNOW THE TARGET AUDIENCE IS SMALL CHILDREN#BUT I DON'T CARE#IT WAS FUN TO WATCH
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SO
Damian: Top left, both in second row , third row on the right, fourth row on the right and fifth row
Tim: Top right
Jason: third row on the left
Dick: fourth row on the left
the batboys being small🫶
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DC January 2024 Solicitations - Comics Featuring Damian! 🦇
BATMAN AND ROBIN #5 1/9/24
Written by Joshua Williamson
Art and Cover by Simone Di Meo
Variant Covers: Kael Ngu (+B/W 1:50), Jorge Molina, Pete Woods (1:25)
Batman and Robin have been separated! Batman works with White Rabbit to track down the new femme fatale Shush while his son, Damian, hunts down the criminal mastermind who is targeting his father! But Damian won't like who he finds! Don't miss out on the shocking ending!
BATMAN AND ROBIN ANNUAL 2024 1/30/24
Written by Joshua Williamson
Art and Cover by Howard Porter
Variant Covers: Dustin Nguyen, David Nakayama, Gleb Melnikov (1:25)
FATHER-AND-SON ROAD TRIP! Batman and Robin have gone through hell the last few months, so Bruce decides to take Damian on a camping trip to bond. But as they try to enjoy the great outdoors, they find a different kind of hunting ground..one that hunts the most dangerous game! Trapped and cut off from their weapons and backup, Batman and Robin must use their surroundings to hold off and take down some of DC's deadliest mercenaries!
NIGHTWING #110 1/16/24
Written by Tom Taylor
Art and Cover by Sami Basri
Variant Covers: Dan Mora, Travis Moore, Ethan Young (1:25)
Nightwing, Batgirl and the Titans are doing all they can to save a world overrun by Beasts. Heroes have become threats, and one of the biggest threats now stalks the streets of Bludhaven. Where once there was a Robin, now there is a cat. Can Jon Kent and Nightwing save the city from Damian Wayne? Or will the Super Sons be torn apart forever?
TRINITY SPECIAL #1 1/16/24
Written by Tom King
Art by Belén Ortega and Daniel Sampere
Variant Covers: Belén Ortega, Jorge Jimenez, Mitch Gerads (1:25), Evan "Doc" Shaner (1:50)
Featuring DC's brightest new star, Trinity! Discover Lizzie's earliest adventures as she takes the world of heroes by storm! Reprinting the character's first appearance alongside hilarious tales of the little Amazon and her Super Son babysitters, this special will be an instant classic for fans old and new. Plus, a brand-new story from the all-star creative team behind Wonder Woman that will tease the future of Diana's daughter!
WONDER WOMAN #5 1/30/24
Written by Tom King
Art and Cover by Daniel Sampere and Tomeu Morey
Variant Covers: Leirix, Julian Totino Tedesco, Cris Delara (1:25), Daniel Sampere (+B/W 1:50)
If the U.S. government can't stop her, then who can?! As Sargent Steel retreats to gather deadlier forces, the Wonder Girls call on Diana, begging her to lay down her lasso. Will she see the truth before it's too late? Plus, Trinity invites the sons of Batman and Superman to Themvscira for a contest thev'll never forget!
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