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xoxoariellove · 19 days
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She is a wrecking ball
Building momentum
She can feel the need
To catapult into something
Smashing it into pieces
Will your love be able to
Still her internal battle
Or will you be
What she smashes into?
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xoxoariellove · 21 days
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Some days all she does inside is weep
Only now she knows it isn’t her
It is the little girl
Screaming inside
Who is finally ready to be free.
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xoxoariellove · 29 days
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We are talking about something simple
Winking and moving ear lobes
And you say “didn’t you sit and try to move them?
You know spend time in front of a mirror
Just curious about your own body?”
And a voice inside my head screamed
“No don’t you understand
I spent the majority of my childhood
Begging to be anywhere
But inside my body
In fact I remember so little of it
Having spent so much of it
Dissociated to get by”
Instead, I look at you
With a cool and vacant expression
“Hmm I’m not sure I did
I think, perhaps,
I was busy trying to collect toads
Or some other sort of thing”
And you laughed
And said “of course you were”
As though the conversation were simple
As though I wasn’t falling
Into a volcano of sorts
My entire body on fire
With unwanted memories
Flooding my system
I smiled. You smiled
And then I tried to wink.
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xoxoariellove · 1 month
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I felt the lioness in me roar
And I was reminded
That no one, not even you,
Would be above my young
On the hierarchy
Of love within my heart.
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xoxoariellove · 1 month
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If under the moon
You think of my skin
Turn over in your sleep
Wrap yourself around me
And I’ll be yours
Yet again.
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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Drinking has always been a challenge for her
When her feelings feel too big
She gulps down some form of venom liquid
With the intention of either everything becoming loud
Or perhaps, as numbing goes, everything becoming quiet
Only neither of these things happen
Oh no, she becomes the noise
As she creates war and battles around her
A girl who awakes the next morning
A sword in her hand
And all the remnants of connections around her
Reminding her that yet again
Her role is to grieve-
Whether at the hands of life
Or her own drunken hands
Wielding her sword of trauma.
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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Dear You-
Tonight I thought of you. It has been a long time since I have written one of these letters, in fact I have not allowed myself to even think of it. Tonight I miss the way you made me feel alive. It had been many years before you since I had felt alive, you sparked me, and as time continues away from you I feel myself dimming.
I don’t know how you did it, reignited me somehow. I don’t know where or how to find it again. Lately I feel content, safe, but I do not feel on fire. It’s very confusing this feeling. This sensation of wanting but not feeling a need to move.
I avoid thinking of you most days, but tonight I cannot. Tonight I think back to Fire and Water. To sensation and freedom. To the escapism of falling into a deep and wondrous cavern of something I cannot describe.
For now I am safe. I am content. I am warm and dry and fed. But I do not even know which direction I’m going in. There is no momentum, no fuel to burn.
And you? I get the feeling you, also, are a similar occurrence. Planting a simple garden at a simple house in a simple neighborhood dreaming of the days you once explored the worldly wonders of a woman whose soul you once loved so well.
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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Haven’t been in this mood in a real long time 💕🤷🏼‍♀️
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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Reading through old poems
I’m wondering where
The hungry girl went
She used to be insatiable
And now it’s as though
She has no need for nourishment
Is it that she is so satiated
Or that she has forgotten how to want?
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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“I cannot sleep”
She whispers into the dark
Where a voice used to answer.
Now there’s silence
As the night grows in darkness.
There is no one there,
Offering her a lamp,
Much as Big Bear
Did for Little Bear
For all of her years…
No, after all this time
She realizes a difference now-
Childhood had granted her
A very sweet misunderstanding.
For in her youth she had been
Brave enough to believe
That Big Bear
Could be real.
- Inspiration from Can’t You Sleep Little Bear, my favorite childhood bedtime story
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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In the sleepiest moments of the night
When all is quiet, yet I am awake
These are the times my mind is most wild
Full of all the things that could be
Or perhaps were not but could’ve been
Like whispers they speak into my soul
Of brighter days I may never know
And so I wait until the morrow.
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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I remember the days when the world was magic
And your lips could undo me with a kiss
Now there’s just a blank canvas
And a bunch of unused colors
I don’t allow myself to miss.
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xoxoariellove · 2 months
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She is trantrumming inside
Wanting attention
When this has happened in the past
She has found a way
To get the needed affection
From affirming words
From people who were just around
Not really attached
We’ll call them supply
Now she is intentional
Aiming to do things differently
Even while wanting attention
So she sits and waits
Potentially pouts
Pulling further and further from her lover
Perhaps looking for a way out
So she can “do things differently”
But still get the attention she craves
What if her intention…. Is just to look like the good guy?
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xoxoariellove · 3 months
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The smallest things
A WhatsApp call
You see my face fall
“Triggered I see”
And you offer to call the number back
You try to let me see
“Look if it’ll help love”
And all I can feel
Is the wall building
Around my heart
Oh no, I will not look
The wars inside my head
Are so much more familiar.
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xoxoariellove · 3 months
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“You’re an introvert”
“I am not! I am an introverted extrovert”
“Oh no babe, you’re an introvert, just a special kind”
“Ugh I don’t want to be an introvert”
“Why not? There’s nothing wrong with being introverted, all the most interesting people are.”
She bites her lip, in a silent internal war
“My love there is no benefit to being envious of extroverts, as much as it seems appealing they seem to grow tired more quickly in life and miss out on the most important attachments”
“Well being an introvert is exhausting, I am constantly at war with myself. Always in some sort of battle”
“Well let me go to war with you. We’ll fight together”
“Okay” she whispered… the tiniest voice in a sea of emotion, allowing her body to nestle in closer to his
Please don’t let me down- the words she could never say.
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xoxoariellove · 3 months
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When I pour my heart out to you
And you say “I think you already told me that”
I reply “perhaps my words did, but my heart did not”
And in that space I feel you breathe me in
Trying so very hard to understand
How a girl with so much light
Can spend so much time alone
In the dark.
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xoxoariellove · 4 months
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It’s been awhile since she’s in the mood for attention
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