Tonight I thought of you. It has been a long time since I have written one of these letters, in fact I have not allowed myself to even think of it. Tonight I miss the way you made me feel alive. It had been many years before you since I had felt alive, you sparked me, and as time continues away from you I feel myself dimming.
I don’t know how you did it, reignited me somehow. I don’t know where or how to find it again. Lately I feel content, safe, but I do not feel on fire. It’s very confusing this feeling. This sensation of wanting but not feeling a need to move.
I avoid thinking of you most days, but tonight I cannot. Tonight I think back to Fire and Water. To sensation and freedom. To the escapism of falling into a deep and wondrous cavern of something I cannot describe.
For now I am safe. I am content. I am warm and dry and fed. But I do not even know which direction I’m going in. There is no momentum, no fuel to burn.
And you? I get the feeling you, also, are a similar occurrence. Planting a simple garden at a simple house in a simple neighborhood dreaming of the days you once explored the worldly wonders of a woman whose soul you once loved so well.
“Oh no babe, you’re an introvert, just a special kind”
“Ugh I don’t want to be an introvert”
“Why not? There’s nothing wrong with being introverted, all the most interesting people are.”
She bites her lip, in a silent internal war
“My love there is no benefit to being envious of extroverts, as much as it seems appealing they seem to grow tired more quickly in life and miss out on the most important attachments”
“Well being an introvert is exhausting, I am constantly at war with myself. Always in some sort of battle”
“Well let me go to war with you. We’ll fight together”
“Okay” she whispered… the tiniest voice in a sea of emotion, allowing her body to nestle in closer to his
Please don’t let me down- the words she could never say.