whatismypoint
I Really Don’t Know
Depressed, Stressed, and a MessShe/Her
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A thigh gap would solve half my problems
#anxi4ty#deprressed#self h@rm#self deprecation#cvutting#what am i doin with my life#tw s3lf harm#deppresion#deppresive#tw ed vent#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#tw ed mention#tw ed stuff#tw ana thoughts#anar3xia#ana stuff#ana trigger
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God I love feeling good about myself just to be thrown down and beaten up over and over again in one day
#anxi4ty#deprressed#self h@rm#tw ed vent#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#tw ana thoughts#self deprecation#tw cvtting#tw cvts#cvutting#self harrrm#self h4rm#eating disoder thoughts#tw ed mention#tw ed stuff#self destruction
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Oh God I gained weight
#anxi4ty#deprressed#self h@rm#tw cvts#tw cvtting#what am i doin with my life#tw s3lf harm#self deprecation#deppresion#deppresive#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#tw ed related#tw ed vent#tw ed stuff#tw ana thoughts#anar3xia#ana stuff
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The worst thing is when you realize
The world does not stop for you
You cry, feel like shit, scream with tears running down your face
And your parents still eat dinner
They hold conversations
They laugh
They live on
And you are still alone
Stuck destroyed forever.
#self h@rm#anxi4ty#deprressed#tw cvts#tw cvtting#what am i doin with my life#tw s3lf harm#self deprecation#deppresion#deppresive#cvutting#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#tw ana thoughts#ana stuff#anar3xia
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The only thing consistent about my life is my depression.
#what am i doin with my life#deprressed#self h@rm#sewer slide#tw cvtting#cvutting#tw ana thoughts#anxi4ty#tw ed thoughts#sorry for being depressing#self h4rm#deppresive#self deprecation
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Everything seems to trigger me more now, the longer I’m clean
Seeing a box cutter, a razor blade
Hearing “I cut myself”
Or “I hurt myself”
Putting away a knife in the kitchen
Straight scars on other people
Cutting myself accidentally while shaving
Shaking as I watch the blood bead and drip down
Wanting so badly to dig a blade into my arm to replicate that pattern
Trigger
Trigger
Trigger
Everything triggers me.
#what am i doin with my life#anxi4ty#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#tw ed mention#tw ana thoughts#anar3xia#self h@rm#self harrrm#self h4rm#tw cvtting#cvutting#tw cvts#deprressed#deppresive#sorry for being depressing
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The one thing I hate
Is politics
Spewing from my fathers mouth
I love him otherwise
It’s just politics
Vile corrupt words he doesn’t fully understand himself
I tell him to shut up out of anger
He says
“Don’t tell me to shut up”
And he continues
His face blank
Tone changed
As he spews politics
Vile corrupt words
Politics
#what am i doin with my life#self h@rm#sewer slide#self harrrm#family#politics#deprressed#self deprecation#sorry for being depressing#tw ana thoughts#anxitey#anar3xia#anxi4ty#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#tw ed related
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I hate everything I do now
I’ve faked my success
I’ve faked my improvement
I’m nothing more than grades and body weight
I’m nothing more than the scars on my body
I’m nothing more than nothing
I’m nothing
#anxi4ty#deprressed#self h@rm#tw cvts#tw cvtting#what am i doin with my life#tw s3lf harm#self deprecation#deppresion#deppresive#tw ana thoughts#anar3xia#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#tw ed mention#tw ed stuff#anarec1a#sorry for being depressing#I’m okay I just don’t feel okay right now
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I made it
Sixteen birthday candles on my cake
The last I was supposed to see was fifteen
Sixteen was a number I was never supposed to say
And now I’m here
Alive
With sixteen birthday candles on my cake
I did it
I can breathe
Breathe.
#anxi4ty#deprressed#self h@rm#tw cvts#tw cvtting#what am i doin with my life#tw s3lf harm#self deprecation#deppresion#deppresive#sewer slide#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#tw ana thoughts#anar3xia
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Four months clean
Gone
In an instant
All my effort
Gone
Replaced by a
Single
Red line.
#what am i doin with my life#self h@rm#self harrrm#tw cvtting#tw cvts#cvutting#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#tw ed mention#tw ed stuff#deprressed#deppresive#sorry for being depressing#self deprecation#anxi4ty#anxitey
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I want to fall back into a destructive spiral
I want to cut again
I know it’s bad
But it feels so fucking good
Slices against my thigh
Against my wrist
Oh god
I want to fall again.
#what am i doin with my life#tw cvts#cvutting#tw cvtting#self harrrm#self h4rm#deprressed#deppresive#anar3xia#anxi4ty#anxitey#sorry for being depressing#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#self h@rm#sewer slide
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A jumbled mess inside my head
I stumble I fall
I trip on my own feet
My heart beats loudly for no reason
It beats and beats and beats
I cannot breathe anymore
Air suffocates me
Life suffocates me
I cannot breathe
I cannot see
I’m dying too soon
I’m dying by me.
#what am i doin with my life#self harrrm#self h4rm#anar3xia#anxi4ty#deprressed#deppresive#tw cvts#tw cvtting#tw s3lf harm#self h@rm#self deprecation#cvutting#sorry for being depressing#sewer slide
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I have been doing good for a while
I have been doing fantastic in fact
It’s just when I shave my legs
And I get a cut
And I watch the blood seep out
I freeze
My body shakes
And I imagine so clearly
Sliding a blade down my arm
Watching blood drip from the open wound
But yeah I’m doing good,
I’m doing fantastic in fact.
#anxi4ty#deprressed#self h@rm#tw cvts#tw cvtting#what am i doin with my life#i want to be a skeleton#tw s3lf harm#self deprecation#deppresion#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related
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I want to be wanted at all times
I want to be first pick in a room full of people
I want to be loved as scars line my body
I want to be cared for as I bleed from my arms
I want to be nurtured as I hurt myself
I want to be fed as I refuse to eat
I want to be okay in the eyes of other people
I want to be okay for myself
I want to be okay.
#what am i doin with my life#self h@rm#self harrrm#tw cvts#tw cvtting#cvutting#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#anar3xia#anxi4ty#anxitey#deprressed#deppresive#im sorry#sorry for being depressing
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Minor inconvenience and I fall
Running to my blades
Restricting my food
All to punish myself
For a minor inconvenience
I couldn’t control.
#what am i doin with my life#self h@rm#self harrrm#tw cvtting#tw cvts#cvutting#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related#tw ana thoughts#anar3xia#deprressed#deppresive#sorry for being depressing#anxi4ty
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Summer now is broken promises
Conscious isolation
Meaningless existence
Cutting to feel anything
The same thing day after day
Wanting it to end but afraid of the end
Never losing those 10 pounds
Gaining 5 from boredom binges
Summer is not the same it was back then.
#what am i doin with my life#self h@rm#self harrrm#anxi4ty#tw ana thoughts#tw cvtting#tw cvts#cvutting#deprressed#deppresive#self deprecation#sorry for being depressing#sewerslidal#sewer slide
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“How’s summer going?”
It’s been good! I’ve fully dived into spending money on unnecessary things just so I can have something to look forward to so I can tell myself “well you can’t stop now you gotta wait til the package arrives next week” and I use that solely as my reason to keep continuing life rn
How’s your summer going?
#anxi4ty#deprressed#self h@rm#tw cvts#tw cvtting#i want to be a skeleton#tw s3lf harm#what am i doin with my life#self deprecation#deppresion#tw ed thoughts#tw ed related
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