whatchareadingnow - Tumblr blog

whatchareadingnow · 2 months

Text

This is going to hurt so good! 🤧

i know who you are | 1. the beginning

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: A head injury on patrol causes you to lose your memories of the outbreak and the people you have grown to know and love over the last ten years.

Chapter Warnings: language, descriptions of blood and wounds, vomiting, angst, amnesia

WC: 7.6K

A/N: I shortened the timeline a bit - all of the events from the first game have happened, but this takes place ten years after the outbreak instead of twenty.

Series Masterlist

Pain.

That was all you could recognize at first. The back of your head throbbed so badly, you couldn't even open your eyes. There were sounds, but they were unidentifiable through the searing, red hot pain radiating across the back of your skull. Tenderly, you reached your hand back to press against the source. You recoiled instantly, the pain too much to bear. A thick and sticky wetness coated your fingers.

Then you smelled it.

The smell of metal. Coppery, familiar. Then... did you smell fireworks? Was it the Fourth of July? A few years back, your older brother was messing around with fireworks and nearly blew off his hand, ending the night in the emergency room. Your parents never let him forget it. Is that what happened? Did he make some stupid bet with you? A game of chicken wasn't out of the realm of possibility. He always brought out your competitive side.

You forced your eyes open just a crack, the sun immediately causing you to close them again. It was too bright and your brain was vibrating like it was trying to escape from the confines of your skull.

You were outside. It wasn't dark, fireworks wouldn't make sense. What was going on?

Then you heard your name. Someone shouting it, over and over, panic stricken.

You tried to hold up your hand, wave them off, tell them to stop being so loud, but you could barely lift your hand before the nausea hit. Unable to stop yourself, you rolled onto your side, your head screaming and punishing you for the sudden movement as you heaved, emptying the contents of your stomach into the grass. The force of it made your head hurt even more, if that was even possible.

The smell of acid mixed with the smell of metal, now.

Maybe you were dying.

Someone's hands were on your shoulders, pushing you onto your back, yelling your name over and over.

"Stop," you pleaded weakly, tears springing into your eyes. The pain was too much.

"Jesse! Get her water!"

You groaned and covered your face with your palms. The sunlight was so fucking bright that you could even see it through your eyelids, a red glow everywhere you looked. You needed darkness. You needed quiet.

"Here, drink," you heard a man's voice say, then the hard plastic pressed against your lower lip. You whimpered and tried to pull away, the thought of anything in your stomach making you feel sick again.

"Shit, Joel's gonna fucking freak," you heard another male voice say from behind your head.

Against your better judgement, you forced your eyes open. Blinking rapidly, you locked eyes with the first person you saw. A man with dark, curly hair that went past his ears, with patchy facial hair and soft, brown eyes. Your eyes drifted down to his dirty, denim jacket, and then you saw his hands. Fear shot through you when you saw the drying blood, fist still clutching a gun, and as you tried to scramble away, you bumped into someone behind you, causing you to panic.

Why were they surrounding you? Who were these people? It wasn't fireworks, it was gunpowder.

"Get the fuck away from me!" you screeched, but the dark haired man inched forward, his free hand reaching out to you, telling you to calm down, it's okay, sugar, but you continued to crawl backwards, ignoring the pain throbbing behind your eyes. What did these people do to you?

"Whoa, it's alright," the other man said. A younger man, also darker hair, but shorter.

Your chest heaved as you gasped for air, panic seizing you from head to toe. Your eyes flicked around the forest, the huge tree trunks making it impossible to figure out where you were.

"W-where am I? Where's my mom?"

The man holding the gun frowned and exchanged concerned glances with the other man.

"She's gone," he said gently, as if it were obvious. A strangled noise got caught in the back of your throat when you looked at the man's gun again.

"What did you do to her?" you asked, voice wavering. The man's eyes dropped to the gun in his hand and he quickly holstered it.

"I didn't do anythin' to her, sugar," he said, and again looked at the younger man before continuing. "She died the first day."

"What?" you asked, lip trembling. What the fuck was going on?!

"First day of what?"

"You don't remember?" he asked, and you could see the worry in his face. His eyes wide and his hand a little shaky.

"No, I don't fucking remember! What the fuck are you trying to pull?" you exclaimed, your voice rising the angrier you got.

"Sugar, do you know who I am?" he asked, sneakily taking the handgun that laid abandoned by your side in the dirt and tucking it into the back of his pants.

"No," you spat, then winced and clutched the back of your head again. When you pulled your hand back, you saw fresh blood coating your fingers. Your heart began slamming in your chest and you were finding it difficult to bring in enough air to keep you level.

"Jesse, get a rag," the man ordered. Jesse jumped up and jogged over to a backpack discarded on the ground. Old, worn, faded, with splashes of blood.

Then you saw the bodies.

Well, you supposed they could be considered bodies, but they didn't look like people. Not anymore. Their skin was sagging and grey. Clothes, torn and dirty. Mangy hair ripped out in handfuls at the scalp. Their mouths were agape, revealing yellowed teeth and stinking of rot.

"What the fuck?" you whispered as your vision narrowed. You faintly realized Jesse was pressing a rag against the back of your head, trying to stop the bleeding and had you not been so scared and confused, you might have shoved him away.

"Tommy, what do we do?" Jesse asked, and you could hear the fear in his voice now. His hand shook against your shoulder as he tried to keep you still.

"We gotta get her back home, have Nick take a look at her," he said, and you looked back and forth between them, flabbergasted. Talking about you as if you weren't right there.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," you told them. You tried to stand up, but fell to your knees. Tommy knelt down next to you, his arm circling around your shoulders, but you shrugged him off.

"C'mon, sugar. We ain't gonna hurt you, you just hit your head and you need to see a doctor," Tommy said. "Jesse, grab me my first aid kit."

"I gotta go home," you mumbled, and forced yourself to stand again. You couldn't see straight. Everything around you was spinning even though you were fairly certain you were standing still. "I need to see my dad... my brother."

"Shit," you heard Jesse mutter under his breath as he hustled over with a small, leather bag.

"Okay, why don't we take you to a doctor first, then we can talk about your family, alright?" Tommy asked gently. "I'm just gonna patch you up til we get back," he added, reaching into the bag for some medical tape. You watched as Tommy instructed Jesse to hold the rag against your head while he ran the medical tape around, holding the cloth in place.

You didn't have much choice. As you looked around, you were becoming more and more aware you had absolutely no idea where you were or what was happening. You definitely weren't home. There weren't trees like this back home.

So, begrudgingly, you agreed to follow them. Tommy stuck two fingers into his mouth and whistled, a sharp, piercing noise that made you wince. You were confused until you heard the soft pattering of hooves approaching, and through the trees, three tacked up horses emerged. A pale yellow one slowed and stopped a few feet away from you, snorting loudly and stomping its foot. You watched as Tommy and Jesse grabbed their backpacks and mounted their horses. Then Tommy seemed to realize the problem and quickly slid back down to the ground.

"I'll give you a boost," he said, crouching next to the yellow horse and lacing his fingers together. Slowly, you walked forward, eyeing the horse wearily before gripping the saddle and stepping one foot into Tommy's hands. He hoisted you up as you tossed your leg over the side of the horse and you bent forward, momentarily burying your face in its mane while you tried to stop the world from spinning. Fuck, your head was going to explode.

You followed Tommy's horse while Jesse took up the rear, all of you maneuvering around the rotting corpses littering the ground.

"What is this?" you asked, utterly confused. "Did I faint when we found a bunch of dead bodies or something? We have to go to the police," you told them, panic rising once again.

"We will," Tommy said, and you took a deep breath. Okay, things were making sense. You hit your head. Maybe you fell off your horse and knocked yourself out. You don't remember meeting these men before, but they seemed to know you, and they didn't appear to be threatening. If they were, they wouldn't give you your own horse, right?

"How far away are we from your home?" you asked after about ten minutes.

"Not far. Maybe another half hour or so. You holdin' up okay?" Tommy asked, twisting around in his saddle to look at you, his eyes briefly glancing over your shoulder at Jesse.

"Yeah, I think so. My head really hurts, though," you said, blinking slowly. "Do you have a farm or a ranch or something?"

"A what?" Tommy asked, confused until he looked down at the horses. "Oh, right. No, but we do got a barn."

"Oh, okay," you said uncertainly. You looked around at the trees as your horse obediently followed Tommy's. It was so quiet. You must have been deep into the woods because you couldn't hear any road noise at all. Looking up, you didn't even see or hear any planes. You had never known quiet like this before. It was almost... peaceful.

You looked back over your shoulder, making eye contact with Jesse, who gave you a nervous smile.

"Is he your dad?" you asked, and Jesse snorted.

"No," he chuckled, then cleared his throat and wiped the smile off his face, becoming serious again. "No, Tommy's just my friend. Our friend," he added, and you slowly nodded before turning back around.

You loosely held the reins in your hands as you made your way through the forest, the only sounds coming from your horses and the birds singing in the branches above your heads. When you crossed a small stream, Tommy called over his shoulder not much further now.

At the end of the forest was a clearing. You could see it already. A huge gate and reinforced walls surrounding what you assumed was home to these men, but it looked like a fortress in the middle of nowhere. There were even guards with guns strolling along the top of the fences.

This didn't seem right.

"Stop," you told your horse, but of course it kept walking.

"Stop!" you shouted, and it pinned its ears back. You looked up at Tommy, who had now turned around in his saddle.

"How - I don't know what I'm doing, tell it to stop! I want to stop!" you told him as the panic rose from your chest and squeezed your throat.

"Pull on the reins," Tommy said, and you quickly tugged them, making the horse come to a sudden halt.

"Where are we? What is this?" you demanded, narrowing your eyes at him. By now you had made it just outside the gates, and the guards on top were looking at Tommy questioningly.

"This is Jackson," Tommy said calmly, then slid down from his horse to approach you. "This is where we live. We got a doctor here who can take a look at that head wound."

"Why don't you live in a normal house? A normal town? I don't understand," you said, and the tears began to well up in your eyes. You were so frustrated and everything was so confusing and all you wanted to do was go to bed and forget this ever happened.

"I'll explain everythin', I promise, but first we gotta get you to the doc, alright?" he asked as your tears began to fall. Tommy glanced up at the top of the fence and nodded. You watched as a handful of men began to crank open the gate, revealing the beginnings of a quaint -looking town.

"Can you get down? Go slow, I'll catch you if you fall," he said, and when you looked into his eyes, you could see affection there. You did as you were told. Swinging one leg over, you slowly and carefully lowered yourself to the ground, Tommy's hands reassuringly hovering above your shoulders until you were standing on your own two feet.

"Are we... together?" you asked him.

Tommy and Jesse both laughed heartily and then he quickly shook his head.

"No, sugar," he said, a smile still etched across his face. He looked over at the open gate and his smile slowly began to fade. "But we oughta get you to the doc right away."

You sat on the edge of an exam table, head tilted down, chin against your chest as the doctor Tommy introduced as Nick stitched up the laceration on your scalp. He had numbed the area pretty good with something from a very large needle that sent you spiraling into a frenzy until Nick and Tommy managed to calm you down and convinced you they were not in fact trying to drug you and sell you into sex trafficking, like you had accused them of trying to do.

Once the doctor started to work on your injury, Tommy excused himself, mumbling something about needing to talk to someone and that he would be back as soon as possible.

Nick said he had to cut away some of your hair, that you would have a small bald spot for a while, but the rest of your hair would be able to hide it effectively.

After he took care of the cut, he began to examine you further. He flashed a bright light into your eyes, making you wince and recoil. He asked you strange questions that you were confident you didn't answer correctly based on the expression on his face.

"Cordy- what?"

"Cordyceps," he repeated.

"No, I have no idea what that is. Is it a band?" you guessed, and he shook his head.

"Well, you certainly have a concussion, and I'm afraid you have some memory loss," he said, sitting down on the small stool across from you.

"How much is 'some'?"

"Uh, difficult to say, but ten years? Give or take?" he said, and you balked.

"Ten years?!"

He nodded.

"I'm afraid so. Can you tell me the last day you do remember?"

"Well," you began, relaxing your shoulders as you thought. "I remember it was fall, but it was still hot out. I had a long day at work - I'm a banker," you told Nick, and he nodded. "My feet were killing me, I had barely sat down all day. It was family dinner night at my parents' house. Me and my brother go over there every Friday. My dad made ribs out on the grill so he wouldn't heat up the house with the oven. My mom was wearing this new, green dress that I thought looked hideous but I lied and told her it was cute. And my brother was telling us about a girl he had met the weekend before."

Nick looked at you to continue, but when it became clear you were done, he sighed.

"That's the last day you remember?"

"Yeah," you said slowly, finally picking up on the concerned look he was giving you. "Was that really ten years ago?" you asked, softly this time. Nick pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and nodded.

"Oh my god," you breathed, looking around the sparse, run down room. What happened in ten years to make the world look like this? You were about to ask when you heard shouting coming from the lobby of the infirmary.

Nick jumped up and opened the door, then turned back to you.

"I'll be right back," he said, then shut the door quickly behind him.

You sat on the edge of the bed, legs lightly swinging as you tried to piece together what you knew.

Ten years.

Ten whole years, just... gone.

What memories did you make in that time? Your mom is dead, but what about the rest of your family? Is there anybody in this town that you might actually remember? You looked down at your body. You thought you looked the same, maybe a little thinner, but otherwise the same. Did you ever get married? Have kids?

The shouting got louder and pulled you out of your reverie. It was a man's voice, and it was growing closer. He sounded angry. Livid, even.

You could now hear him opening up the other exam room doors and calling your name, ignoring the voices of Tommy and Nick urging him to stop, and a jolt of fear shot through you. Glancing around the room, you looked for something, anything that might protect you or reinforce the door, but it was too late.

The door swung open and you jumped off the table. If this man was going to hurt you, you wouldn't go down without a fight.

He paused in the doorway, his eyes raking up and down your body, assessing you silently while you did the same. He was tall. Broad shoulders strained underneath a black T-shirt. A blue flannel was clutched in his fist. You could see his muscles twitching under his tanned skin, and when your gaze finally met his, you felt something else other than fear. Something you couldn't quite identify. You knew this man, but you didn't know how.

His hair was dark and had loose curls, similar to Tommy's but shorter and a little lighter. The beard surrounding plush looking lips had a dusting of white at the corners of his jaw, but it was his eyes that drew your attention the most. A deep, beautiful brown that told a whole story in just one moment.

Nick and Tommy stood behind the strange man, looking back and forth between the two of you. Dragging your gaze off of him, you looked at Tommy, hoping he would explain.

Then the man said your name softly and your eyes flicked back to him.

"What?" you finally said with an edge to your voice, growing annoyed with how nobody felt compelled to say anything. They just kept looking at you, waiting for you to acknowledge him as if you'd known him your whole life.

"You remember Joel. Right, sugar?" Tommy asked, and your eyes drifted back to him. All three men stared at you, the room so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Slowly, you shook your head, and Joel's face fell.

"Is it permanent?" Joel asked, turning to Nick.

Nick paused, his mouth opening and closing as he considered his answer before clearing his throat.

"It's too soon to say-"

"The fuck d'you mean?!" Joel roared, grabbing Nick by his collar and shoving him up against the door. You stumbled backwards in surprise.

"Joel!" Tommy yelled, yanking on his shoulder, trying to loosen his grip on the poor doctor but Joel just shrugged him off.

"Fix her!" Joel yelled, redness creeping up his neck as he slammed Nick up against the door again.

"I-I can't just fix her! What do you think this is? Look around!" Nick stammered, his fingers clawing at the backs of Joel's hands.

You gasped and felt your knees give out from underneath you. Slowly, you sunk down to the floor, crippled in fear. You huddled against the side of the bed, your hands clamped over your mouth as you rocked back and forth, trying and failing to keep your tears at bay.

"Joel! Let 'em go, you're scarin' her!" Tommy yelled, and that finally seemed to snap Joel out of it.

His grip instantly loosened and his head swiveled towards you, his eyes softening when he saw you curled up on the floor. He rushed forward but you held out a hand to stop him.

"Don't come near me."

He froze and stared down at you, hurt written all over his face.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, and you flinched. Baby?

"Maybe we should give you two a minute," Tommy said. Your eyes widened and you shook your head.

"N-no! What do you mean? No!" you cried out. You clawed at the table, pulling yourself up as the tears dried on your face. Joel took a few steps back and stood against the wall, crossing his arms and dropping his head, hiding his face.

"It's just Joel, he ain't gonna hurt you," Tommy said softly, but you still shook your head.

"Look what he just did!" you exclaimed, not even caring anymore if you were hurting his feelings. "How can you say that?"

"Because he loves you!" Tommy said, sounding exasperated.

The room fell silent, the only sound coming from you as you struggled to catch your breath. You glanced over at Joel but his chin was still tucked against his chest.

"Is that true?" you asked him. He nodded, but still didn't look up from the spot on the floor.

You sighed and rubbed your palms roughly over face.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? There's just a lot happening right now and I'm very confused," you said, suddenly feeling guilty.

"I get it," Tommy said, looking back and forth between you and Joel, but Joel still appeared to be fixated on the floor. "Why don't you go home and rest. Can she, doc? Maybe some sleep will help?"

Tommy raised his eyebrows at Nick, trying to get him to agree and play along. Say yes. Don't piss off Joel.

"Yeah, perhaps it's a good idea if you went home. There's some evidence to suggest being around a familiar setting might trigger your memory to return," Nick said, and Joel finally looked up from the floor.

"What else can we do?" he asked as your fingers fidgeted at your sides. You really didn't like the idea of going home with this man. He clearly had a short temper and that set you on edge.

"Are there any personal effects that she holds some sentimental value to?"

Your gaze bounced back and forth between the men as they all talked about you like you were some science project.

"Yeah," Joel said with a nod.

"Alright. Start with that. Anything since you've known each other would work best, see if it jogs her memory. A necklace or a trinket-"

"Yeah, I get it," Joel said, finally chancing a look in your direction. You quickly dropped your gaze from him and looked back at Tommy.

"Can I talk to you?" you asked Tommy, who looked at Joel. Joel didn't say anything, he just stared right back at Tommy, his jaw clenched and his shoulders rising and falling slowly, as if he were trying very hard to control his breathing. You looked back and forth between them, waiting for the silent standoff to end.

"I'll be outside," Joel finally muttered, then stalked out of the exam room with Nick in his wake, leaving just you and Tommy.

"I don't want to go home with him."

Tommy sighed and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees as he rubbed his eyes.

"It's your home, too," he said.

"He scares me," you replied, crossing your arms. "He's a loose cannon. I-I don't feel like I know anyone here and everyone seems to know me. Do you know how that feels? Do you know how scary that is?"

Tommy dropped his hands and looked up at you.

"No, I don't. And I'm sorry, but I promise you nothin' bad's gonna happen. Joel's always had a short fuse but he would never, ever lay a hand on you. He's been head over heels since the moment he met you, and you love him back, sugar."

You looked around the room, needing a break from eye contact for just a minute while you gathered your thoughts.

"How long have I known him?" you asked.

"Five years."

You nodded and chewed on your lower lip.

"And how long have you known him?"

"All my life."

Your eyes darted over to his in surprise and he gave you a small smile.

"He's my older brother," Tommy explained, leaning back in his chair.

"Oh," was all you said, suddenly feeling like shit for saying such things about his family.

"Listen. Why don't you give it a chance, hm? One day. See how it goes, and if you're still uncomfortable, we'll figure somethin' else out," Tommy offered. You considered it for a moment before reluctantly nodding your head. Aside from just walking out of Jackson, you didn't see much of a choice.

To say the walk to Joel's house was awkward would be putting it mildly.

You weren't sure if he overheard your conversation with Tommy, or maybe he just could sense how you felt about going home with him, but ever since you forced yourself to leave the exam room to find him waiting for you in the lobby, he had been very quiet.

His feelings were hurt, that much was obvious, but what could you do? It wasn't like you set out to intentionally hurt him. You had no idea who he was at the time.

You still weren't sure who he was.

You tried to subtly admire his profile as you walked side by side. He had a strong jaw, a sharp nose and a full head of hair, although you could tell he was older than you. By how much, you weren't sure.

You tried to see underneath the gruff exterior, wondering what on earth made you fall in love with him, but it was so hard to see past your first impression.

Well, second first impression.

Then he turned his head to look down at you. Your eyes met and you thought you felt a small flutter in your chest, but you couldn't tell if it was nerves or fear or something else but his eyes were absolutely beautiful. There was something so sincere about them and you found it oddly funny that they seemed to betray the rest of his hardened expression.

"Anythin' lookin' familiar?" he asked you. You blinked and looked around.

The street he was leading you down was filled with people. Children laughing and playing, adults chatting and smiling. If it wasn't for the setting being so strange, it would feel normal. You squinted at some of the faces as you walked by, hoping you would recognize somebody, but you didn't.

"No," you said with a shake of your head, and you thought you saw his shoulders slump next to you but you didn't want to get caught staring at him again, so you focused on looking straight ahead.

The two of you remained silent the rest of the walk, although you could feel the energy radiating off him and for the first time, you began to realize this must be just as hard for him as it was for you.

You were examining the huge watch towers that surrounded the town and wondering what on earth would require such firepower when you realized Joel was no longer at your side. You swiveled your head around, suddenly lost in a sea of people that were smiling at you as they strolled on by but you didn't see a single recognizable face. You felt the panic begin to build again until you heard your name and a gentle hand on your elbow. You looked up and actually felt relief when you saw Joel.

"Sorry, thought you were still with me," he said, then tilted his head towards a side street he must have began to walk down without you.

"We live down here," he added. You heard someone call out both your names as you walked down the street. Joel waved to an older gentleman on his porch and after a brief delay, you waved as well.

"This is so weird," you muttered, shaking your head as you looked around.

"Yeah, I reckon it is."

Joel stopped short in front of a small, two-story house with a large front porch. You looked up at it, taking in every detail. The shutters, the rocking chairs, the small garden out front surrounded by a white picket fence, hoping something would click but you still felt nothing.

"This is your house?" you asked him. He watched you carefully as you continued to look around, wishing he would see something in your eye that would give him a shred of hope.

"Our house, yeah," he corrected you. You glanced up at him and quickly looked away, feeling too guilty when you saw the look on his face.

"Sorry," you whispered.

"Don't be sorry," he told you, but he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and glanced around. "D'you wanna look inside?"

You nodded and followed him past the gate and up the little stone path that led to his - your - porch steps. A flash of yellow in the garden caught your eye and for the first time, a small smile played upon your lips.

"Oh, I love black-eyed susans," you said dreamily, your hand instinctually reaching out to touch the delicate petals.

"Yeah, I know. You told me your mom planted 'em every year," he said, stopping at the top of the steps to look down at you.

"That's right," you said with a smile. "Although it drove her crazy because-"

"The bunnies kept destroyin' 'em," he finished for you.

You stared into each other's eyes for a moment: him, waiting for you to remember, and you, wondering how you could forget.

"Yeah," you finally said, then dropped your gaze and cleared your throat, giving the flowers one last look before ascending the stairs to the front door.

Joel unlocked the door, pushing it open all the way and stepping aside so you could go in first. You peered inside for a moment before taking a step forward.

The first thing you noticed was it smelled faintly like firewood and coffee. The kitchen was to your left, living room to your right, and a staircase was in front of you next to a small hallway that appeared to lead to a back door of the house.

Joel stepped inside behind you and shut the door quietly, allowing you to take your time and process everything at your own speed. He desperately wanted to drag you around the house and show you things you should remember, but he refrained. Instead, his eyes followed where yours went. When you looked at the kitchen table, he thought remember when we had breakfast there this morning? When you looked at the fireplace, he thought remember on our anniversary when we couldn't make it up the stairs quickly enough so we made love in front of the fire? When you noticed the board games, boxes all frayed and worn, sitting on a bookshelf behind the couch, he thought remember when you beat Ellie in Scrabble and she flipped the board over?

But of course, you didn't remember any of those things.

You looked around blankly, and he could tell you were trying to remember but not a single shred of recognition flickered across your face. Your eyes landed on the kitchen counter and you took a step forward.

"We had coffee together today, didn't we?"

Joel's heart fluttered excitedly in his chest.

"Yeah, you remember that?" he asked, quickly joining you at your side. You looked up at him and he could immediately tell what your answer would be.

"No, I'm sorry, it's just-" you pointed to the two mugs still sitting together on the counter and he nodded solemnly.

"Oh, right," he said, then walked over to pick them up and rinse them off in the sink. He turned around and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms as he watched you slowly navigate the kitchen. Opening and closing drawers and cupboards, picking up a recipe book and flipping through it, then looking at the paintings on the walls.

"Did you or I draw this?" you asked, stepping towards a portrait that was clearly of him.

"Neither. Ellie did it," he told you, and you looked at him curiously.

"Ellie?"

He nodded and just as he was about to open his mouth to explain, the front door whipped open, startling you.

"Is it true?" a young girl with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail asked as she barged into the kitchen. When her eyes landed on you, she dropped her book bag and stepped forward, peering at you as if you were under a microscope.

"Ellie-" Joel began, pushing off the counter, but she cut him off.

"People are saying you lost your memory or something, is that true?" she asked again, and you nodded slowly.

"Holy shit!" she sputtered, and Joel repeated her name again, but harsher this time.

"Sorry," she mumbled, then pulled out a stool that was tucked under the kitchen island and plopped herself down. "Are you, like, okay? How's your head?"

"Uh, better now. The doctor gave me some medicine and it finally stopped hurting so much, but I got a pretty bad cut," you reached back and touched the bald spot with your fingertips. "He had to stitch it up."

"Can I see?" she asked, and you couldn't help but laugh a little, completely missing the way Joel perked up when he heard it.

"Sure," you said, turning around and lifting up your hair. "Can you see it?"

"Yeah, fucking gross, dude," she said with a shudder. You dropped your hair and turned back around.

"Is she your daughter?" you asked Joel, and Ellie burst out laughing.

"No way," she said, and he just rolled his eyes.

"I don't understand," you said with a frown. "Where are your parents?"

"They're dead," she told you so casually it almost gave you whiplash.

"Oh, my god! I'm so sorry," you said, feeling terrible, but she just gave you a look like you were crazy. Maybe you were.

"It's cool," she said, looking back and forth between you and Joel. "So she really doesn't remember anything?" Ellie asked him.

"Only stuff from... before," he said, narrowing his eyes at Ellie as if trying to silently communicate with her.

"Oh," she said, nodding slowly as if she understood. "Shit."

"Before what?" you pressed, but they both ignored your question.

"Why don't you give her some time to settle in," Joel told Ellie. "Meet us later for dinner at the Bison."

"Yeah, okay," Ellie said, sliding off the stool and picking up her abandoned backpack.

"You don't live here?" you asked her.

"Sorta. I live in the garage, see?" she said, pointing out the window to a building out back with a large window in the front and a small light next to the door.

"In the garage?" you repeated, appalled, but she just laughed.

"It used to be a garage. Joel helped me fix it up and it's more like a guest house now. Right, Joel?"

"Yeah," he said, walking deeper into the kitchen so he could look through the window with you. "You helped her paint it," he said quietly.

"I did?" you asked, and they both nodded.

It looked like they were both waiting for you to say something further, waiting for you to maybe recall the color or the weather that day, but nothing was ringing a bell. You looked at them hopelessly and Joel averted his gaze.

"Go on, Ellie. I'm sure you got schoolwork," he said, and she rolled her eyes as she turned and headed towards the door.

You watched her walk through the backyard and unlock the garage, catching a brief glimpse of the inside before she shut it softly behind her.

"You wanna go lay down for a bit?" Joel asked after he noticed you yawn, and you nodded. You followed him up the creaky staircase, your eyes drifting over everything you could find, hoping something would jump out at you along the way. When he got to the top of the stairs, he stopped suddenly between two bedroom doors and you gave him a confused look.

"What's wrong?" you asked, the look on his face beginning to worry you.

"Nothin', I just realized..." he trailed off and took a deep breath, still staring at the two doors. "We share a room and I just realized tonight'll be the first time in years we sleep apart."

You looked away, feeling uncomfortable. You could see the anguish all over his face. His jaw ticked to the side and he was blinking faster than usual and the guilt was burning a hole in your stomach.

"I'll stay in the spare room," you said, breaking the tension. "Can you just show me where I keep my stuff and I'll-"

"No," Joel said, shaking his head. "I'll go in the spare room. You stay in our room. Maybe it'll help... it should be more familiar to you in there."

You decided not to argue with him. He finally stepped towards the door on the right and pushed it open, leading you into a master suite with a queen sized bed in the middle of the room. There was a quilt on top that appeared to be handmade in various shades of greys and purples. You ran your hand over the material thoughtfully while Joel opened a few dresser drawers and pulled out some spare clothes for himself.

"This is pretty," you said, and he turned around to look at the quilt.

"Becky a few doors down makes 'em," he said, turning back to the dresser. "You really wanted purple and I fought you on it, but you always win," he said with a chuckle. You smiled to yourself as you continued to look around the room while Joel collected a few more belongings. You noticed a pair of reading glasses on top of an old western book on one end table. The other end table had a few loose hair ties, a homemade lip balm, and a black, leather bound book with a pen on top. Without even thinking, you walked forward and picked it up, flipping through the pages one by one. It appeared to be a journal, and it looked like it was your handwriting.

Joel stepped out of the bathroom attached to your room and saw you holding the book. He swallowed and watched your face closely, looking for any sign that what you were reading made sense.

"I was gonna show you that tomorrow. Thought it would be too much today," he said after a few minutes.

"I kept a journal?"

"Yeah. You don't write it in often, but sometimes if somethin' special happened, or you just felt the urge, you would write it down," he said, putting his toiletries next to his clothes on the bed.

You closed the book and placed it back on the table, staring at the old cover, lost in thought. You had a million questions and you had to start somewhere.

"Joel... what happened?" you asked him. He frowned, not following at first until you clarified. "In the world, I mean. What happened? Because all of this," you waved your hands around the room and gestured out through the window. "This doesn't seem right. Did I join a cult or something?"

Joel shook his head and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't wanna overwhelm you," he began. You sat down as well, making sure to put plenty of distance between you.

"I'm already overwhelmed. Just please... tell me what's going on."

He sighed and looked at the clock on the wall.

"The world ended," he said bluntly, glancing in your direction. You stiffened but you waited for him to elaborate. "It was quick. Happened on a Friday, everythin' was gone by Monday. There's this fungus called cordyceps-"

"Nick asked me about that," you said, and he nodded.

"Well, best guess is the fungus mutated and got into the food supply. It, uh, it infects the brain. It grows and takes over, but it doesn't kill you. Well, not technically." He could see the confusion on your face. He wasn't explaining this right. "The fungus wants to spread, you see? That's it's basic function. If it killed the host, it wouldn't be able to spread. So, the host remains alive, but they're no longer... them."

"And the hosts are... people?" you guessed, and Joel nodded.

"Yeah. Spread like wildfire. One person would get bit-"

"Bit?" you repeated, eyes wide.

"Yeah, it's how the fungus spreads. Through blood. One person would get bit and they turn within hours."

"And there's no cure?"

Joel paused and took a deep breath, his gaze darting nervously around the room.

"No, there's no cure," he finally said.

You sat back on the bed and thought about what Joel just told you. Suddenly, things were starting to make sense. She died the first day.

"And my family?" you asked softly, closing your eyes as you waited for the answer. Joel looked at you, his heart breaking that he had to deliver the news.

"They didn't make it," he said, and one tear slowly escaped and slid down your cheek. "It was a miracle you even made it. That any of us made it," he added, hoping to take the sting out of it.

"A miracle?" you scoffed, opening your eyes now. "How do you figure, Joel? What's the fucking point in living like this?" you asked him angrily, standing up from the bed and pacing around the room.

"Don't say that," he said sadly, rising to his feet. "Believe me, I thought the same thing," he said, unconsciously scratching at the scar on his cheek. "But it turns out there's plenty to live for. It ain't so bad."

"Oh, yeah? Like what?" you challenged, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "What is there to live for? Because I have to be honest, I'm not seeing it."

Joel swallowed as he watched you angrily move around the room.

"Love," he said quietly, and you stopped. You stood with your back to him, your shoulders rising and falling as anger and frustration coursed through you.

Finally, you turned to look at him, tears silently falling.

"But everyone I loved is dead," you sobbed, burying your face in your hands. "My family is dead! Everyone I know is gone! What do I have left?" You dropped your hands and looked at him, tears steadily falling as you waited, completely forgetting the obvious answer.

"You have me," he said, his voice cracking. "And I know that don't mean much now, but I promise you, it will."

Your head fell forward, chin tucking into your chest with your hands on your hips.

"I'm so sorry," you whispered, still looking down. "That was so rude, I didn't mean to say it like that."

"This is hard for me, too," he said, taking a few steps towards you, then stopped. He wanted to pull you into his arms and hold you close, tell you everything was going to be okay, but he had to remind himself that he was essentially a stranger to you.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizin' for somethin' that ain't your fault," he told you sternly. You dragged your eyes back up to him, your shoulders slumped forward, eyes puffy and red.

"What if my memory never comes back?" you whispered. It was a question Joel didn't want to ask out loud but knew eventually it would be brought up. He took a deep breath and looked you square in the eye.

"Then I'll have to make you fall in love with me all over again," he said with a small shrug, and you let out a huff of laughter at that.

"You sound pretty confident," you replied.

"I did it once before, I can do it again," he told you, his gaze never wavering. "I'll never stop tryin'. What we have together, it's... it's rare. And it might sound stupid, but we're meant to be together. If you let me, I'll prove it to you."

Something in his eye made you feel calmer the longer you looked at him. He wasn't smiling. He wasn't joking. He meant every word. You tore your gaze away from him and looked around the room again. The room you shared with him. The room where you held each other, kissed each other, made love together. Years of memories etched into the floorboards. Countless secrets whispered into the pillows. Laughter and tears echoed against the walls. Your eyes found him again just to realize he never looked away. He stood tall and firm in the middle of the room, patiently waiting for you. And you had to assume if he felt this strongly about what you had, then it must be worth fighting for.

"Okay."

Follow @punkshort-notifs for fic updates ❤️

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #tlou #the last of us hbo #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us

1K notes · View notes

whatchareadingnow · 1 year

Note

So damn good!!

Hi! Love your fics 🥰 would love if you’d consider writing my request. Im requesting a hurt/comfort get-together sort of fic with 616!strange and female!reader. Reader and Stephen are close to confessing to each other when reader get kidnapped or or some other traumatizing event. Stephen rescues her and helps her recover. Cue lots of comfort fluff and get together-y goodness~ maybe some smut too if you’d like?

The Sun Rises

Pairing: Doctor Strange x Fem!Avenger!Reader

Warnings: Angst, hurt, ends in comfort! Explicit language, kidnapping, torture, graphic description of physical injury, sexual assault (brief allusion in the third section, more serious conversation in the fourth section), mentions of mental/psychosomatic manipulation, canon does not exist. SMUT in the final section!! PinV, maybe kinda’ sorta’ possessive Stephen, but from a place of love and not jealousy for once.

Word Count: 16,415

Reading time: LITERALLY AN HOUR I'M SO SORRY LMAO

A/N: you said trauma? i think i delivered trauma. this was super heart-wrenching to write. i got way too into it and this might have been a bit overboard judging by the word count, but i expect nothing less of myself at this point. but the plot was just *chef’s kiss* we love watching Stephen try his best.

Stephen was pacing the floor back and forth in front of the live video showing you, Natasha Romanov, James Barnes, and Clint Barton. It was going well, all things considered. As well as one could hope for infiltrating a HYDRA base. There had been relatively low sightings of HYDRA operatives, and the floor plans that Sam Wilson had mapped out with Red Wing in the months prior were perfectly accurate. Tony, Bruce, and Steve were sitting at the desk watching the screen intently, doing their best to ignore the Doctor’s pacing, but as time dwindled so did their patience.

“Hey, Doc Holiday? Take a seat, you keep walking through our feed.” Tony huffs

Stephen let out a grunt and pulled out a chair, very ungracefully falling back into it. He crossed his legs and brought a hand to his mouth, running it over his goatee. He did his best not to look at the screen at all. He would have preferred to be nowhere near this live feed. He was just here for a quick escape if need be. He hadn’t wanted you anywhere near this mission in the first place— anywhere near HYDRA.

You were a combination of Natasha’s training and experience in the Red Room and Bucky’s history under HYDRA’s thumb. Taken at a young age while war waged on in your country; never seen again, never thought twice about, no one left alive who cared enough to find you. And HYDRA hadn’t turned you into a super soldier, no. They’d given up on that long ago, realizing no serum would ever truly compete with whatever the hell Howard Stark had done to Steve Rogers. But they never stopped training… assassins, spies, and confidantes. You had been an assassin. The perfect vessel for death, really. Timid looking, shy, unassuming.

He tried not to think about the number of lives you must have taken unwillingly.

His sweet girl.

Two little Russian words and you were nothing more than a puppet for them.

Solntse vstayet.

The sun rises.

And maybe that was the reason he didn’t want to be here. He was too afraid to face the reality of who you were. It was the one thing stopping him from finally revealing to you how hard he’d fallen for you over the last year. He didn’t want someone who was in this life, part of this world— his world. He wanted someone normal and level-headed and carefree.

How fucking hypocritical could he be?

He was enamored with you. Sweet and delicate, but capable. You really didn’t look it, but you had quite the mouth on you. Ten pounds of dynamite in a five-pound bag. You were kind, but you didn’t take anyone’s shit. You’d spent too long stripped of your own free will to just roll with whatever anyone said now. You had a voice, ideas, plans, ambitions… you still had hope— the one thing Barnes and Romanov lacked after their years in the field— and Stephen had started thinking recently that maybe, just maybe, he could be the one to give it to you. To be the one you laid your dreams and ambitions on. He’d support you, whatever the hell they were, as long as you supported him in return.

It’d been so long since he looked for anyone’s support he didn’t even know where to begin.

But he knew he liked your hair when it was curled. He knew he preferred you sans makeup. He knew his favorite outfit of yours was a pair of spandex running shorts and a giant tee with Steve Rogers face on it that you’d bought to match with James... with the explicit purpose to annoy Steve. He knew you couldn’t beat him in a five-meter dash no matter how many times you tried, but you could do more reps than he could with the squat bar based on pure spite alone. He knew you made the most amazing smoothies and your favorite color. He knew you liked when he was in his robes and when he flirted with you when you were in a bad mood. He knew a lot of little things about you that he hadn’t cared to learn about anyone in a long time.

He knew his heart fluttered when you were around. Every time you walked into a team meeting, he could feel his cheeks flush pink. He— a nearly forty-year-old man— blushing like a little girl with her first crush. He had to look to the floor or ceiling or out the windows— anywhere but you for fear he wouldn’t stop looking once he started. He knew he cared about you a lot. And he just knew you felt the same. Not a word had been traded on the matter, but the team talked. And they all teased you for your crush on him a lot more than they teased him for his crush on you. He always heard and saw it, but he just smiled to himself and kept about his business. You would talk about it eventually.

Sooner rather than later at this point, he hoped.

He glanced up to the monitor to find your foot in Bucky Barnes hand as he helped vault you up into the rafters with Natasha. The two of you would cross the room unseen in that manner while Barnes and Barton caused a distraction if need be. You just needed to get to the hard drive, just needed to get it to Stark, and then download the virus. And really, it was Natasha doing all that. You were backup if things got hairy for her or the boys.

“She’s doing great this time around.” Steve muses quietly from his chair

“It’s because she’s with her kind.” Tony jokes, “You know A-Quartic has it down.”

A-Quartic. A to the fourth. Four assassins.

‘Ha ha.’ Stephen thought to himself, rolling his eyes, watching as you looked around and reached down to grab Barnes’ hand, hauling him into the rafters

“What’re they doing? Why is Barnes getting up there?” Stephen asks

Tony speaks into his earpiece, “Yo, Manchurian Candidate? You’re on perimeter check, what the hell are you doing?”

The four men watch as Barnes looks directly into the camera in the corner of the warehouse they were in and shakes his head, pointing to his ear.

Steve’s eyes roll across the screen before he leans forward, “Because Barnes heard incoming soldiers.”

You and Bucky both reach down once more, pulling Clint upwards into the space with you. Natasha had already swung herself across to the other side and was laying flat on one of the support beams. Clint followed her lead and did the same, while Barnes got you behind him and backed the two of you into the wall, him in front of you like a human shield.

And Stephen knew he was an asshole for feeling jealous of the action, but you and Barnes were so close. And not just in this moment, not just physically. He was your self-proclaimed best friend. And it made sense that he would be given your histories, but it didn’t make the jealousy that radiated from Stephen any less palpable when he watched the two of you interact.

Romanov raises her hand to her ear and her voice rings out through the room in a low whisper, “Is Strange shooting daggers at Barnes through the screen? I can feel a chill in here.”

Stephen watches you send a glare to Natasha from across the room and the redhead just grins at you. Barnes tries and fails to hide a smirk on his face, while Clint just rolls his eyes and shushes the three of you.

“Yes, he is.” Tony says with a shit-eating grin

“Let me go get them before the soldiers get in.” Stephen says, trying to distract from the group teasing

“No.” Tony says, “The soldiers will be in and out, they aren’t in a rush, they just switched up sweep patterns.” Tony touches his ear and calls, “10-17 Falcon.”

“Whaddup Tin-Man?” Sam Wilsons’ voice rings through the room

“We’ve got a switch up in rotation. Anything looking fishy from where you’re flying?”

There’s a pause before Sam reassures, “Negative, we’re clear from up here. Everything looks the same as it has the last few weeks.”

“Alright, keep an eye out.”

“10-4.”

The room falls silent again, Steve and Stephen leaning into the screen to watch as four HYDRA operatives come traipsing through the warehouse doors you and the other three are in. Stephen watches as Clint notches an arrow, always prepared for the worst, but a small shake of Natasha’s head keeps him from drawing back the bow string.

“Friday, how much longer will these cameras be offline for HYDRA?”

“Seven minutes and counting, sir.”

“Can we up it to ten?” Bruce asks

“They’ve already been offline for five, they’ll get suspicious.”

“There are cameras in that warehouse?” Stephen asks

“Yes.” Steve replies

“No wonder they’ve set security on a new pathing.” Stephen huffs, “What would you do—“

“Please, don’t give them that much credit.” Tony scoffs

“Why did we need security interference? I could have just portaled us in and out, no problem—“

“HYDRA doesn’t take too kindly to magic wielders, Doctor.” Rogers interrupts, “They have radar for that kind of thing, you’d have been nailed in seconds. Trust me, this was the best option we had.”

“In and out.” Stephen repeats, slumping down in his chair

But the four HYDRA agents walked straight through the warehouse, not one of them sparing a glance upward. There was a minute without any movement from anyone before you and Natasha both started leaping from rafter to rafter, sure feet always landing exactly where they needed to. Clint stayed at his perch while Barnes took the plummet back down to the floor, slowly circling the perimeter of the room.

And then the feed went dead.

Tony sat forward and called, “Friday!”

“The stream has been overridden, sir.”

Steve immediately stood and began pacing the room, with his hands behind his back. Stephen stared at the screen, willing the connection to come to.

“Romanov, do you copy?” Tony asks, “Barton, Barnes?” Tony huffs and calls loudly, “Y/L/N!” No reply comes through the speakers and Tony runs a hand over his face, “Wilson, we might be in trouble.” He says, “Wilson, do you copy? 10-18!”

There’s a moment of silence before a static version of Sams’ voice replies, “34, I repeat, 10-34! There has been an explosion at the location of the target!”

“Explosion?” Bruce asks, “Explosion how?”

“My guess would be explosives of some sort.” Tony snaps, “Friday! Get my visual back up now!”

“I am working on it, sir.”

“Work faster!” Tony demands, “Wilson, do not engage! Do not engage until we have visual inside the building.”

Stephen stood and slipped on his sling, “I’m going in.”

“No you’re not.” Tony replies quickly, “We need to see what’s going on before we just charge into battle.”

“Since when do you believe that?”

“Since with your little doorway they can get to us just as easily as we can get to them. There are things in this building that HYDRA would have a field day with!”

“Oh, what? Now you’re worried about the damage the weapons of mass destruction you’ve been creating for centuries can cause?”

“Don’t act like you’re so high and mighty, Doctor. You know I’ve got a friend who could’ve really used a surgeon circa 2017 when someone had his head stuck too far up his own ass to give a damn what good he could actually—“

“Enough!” Steve slams his hands on the table, “Friday!”

“Thirty more seconds, Captain Rogers.”

Thirty seconds felt more like thirty minutes waiting for the feed to go live again. And when it did all any of them could see was fire. Stephen caught movement in the corner of one of the screens and watched as Barton launched himself from the rafters onto the back of a HYDRA operative, a blade driven into his neck. He bolted off in the direction of the fire and smoke and that was the last they saw of one of you.

Tony starts, “Sam, we’ve lost visuals on all—“

“Disengage!” Barton’s voice comes through the room, “Tony, get us the hell out of here, they were ready for us!”

“Shit…” Tony growls out, “Falcon, do you copy? Get to the jet and get my men out of there!”

“Roger that.” Sam replies through more static

“Let me go in!” Stephen yells

“Did you just hear Wilson? They’re waiting for us!”

“Doc, he has a point.” Bruce says meekly, “Sam will get them out, give him time.”

“She— they don’t have time!”

“Those are four of the top assassins in the world, Strange, they’ve got this.” Steve reassures, “Barnes won’t let anything happen to her.”

Stephen was tired of listening. All talk and no action, from these guys? Seriously? He raised his hand to open a portal, but just as quickly his sling was ripped from his fingers. He gave a hiss as the metal scrapped along his scars, contorting his fingers too quickly and shot a glare to Tony as the ring landed in his palm with a thunk.

“Give it back, Stark.” He demands lowly, “First and last warning.”

“Or what?” Tony prods, “Let Wilson do his job.”

So Stephen sat down, helpless to do anything but. He wasn’t going to start a physical fight with Tony in the conference room, certainly not with Rogers and Banner watching. He just sat and watched the feed for any signs of life. And the waiting took an eternity.

His heart stopped in his chest when James’ voice rang through the room, “They have…” Before he was cut off by static, “dark! The trigger… tried to… Clint!”

“Oh my God…” Bruce mutters

There was another fifteen minutes of radio silence, Tony trying to reconnect with anyone and everyone before Sam spoke again.

“Remaining team members have been extracted. Headed home.”

“Remaining team members?” Tony asked, “What the hell do you mean remaining team members?”

Natasha’s voice replies flatly, “They got Y/N… they had her trigger. She’s gone.”

“Her trigger? I thought we’d gotten her past that? What—“

“It’s like an override— a backup.” Bucky mumbles, “There was always a backup. I should have known…”

Silence fell over the room. Bruce dropped his head in his hands, Steve stared up at the ceiling at a loss. Tony dropped Stephen’s sling on the table and hung his head. And Stephen… Stephen just stood from his seat.

He looked around the room at the other three men who watched him carefully as he whispered quietly, “Find her. Now.”

But they didn’t find you that day. Not that day, or the next, or the day after that. Months. It took months. Seven months and six days to be exact. And Stephen had been restless all that time. He was in and out of the Compound more than ever, but when he was there he only went straight into the lab and returned straight to the Sanctum looking for a spell to track you down. He’d returned to the location of your kidnapping more than once in hopes of finding any clue to where you’d gone, but realized quickly that Rogers had been right about HYDRA tracking magic wielders in their vicinity. Nothing was working. Nothing was getting you back to him, no matter how hard he tried. But around day 210, Bucky Barnes approached him while he was deep in thought in his lab.

“Is there a spell you can use? To tell if someone is lying or not?”

“Why?” Is all Stephen asked in response, not sparing a glance to the super soldier

Tensions had been high between Stephen and everyone since your disappearance, but no one more than James Barnes. No one more than the man that had swore he would keep you safe on that mission.

“Because I may know where she is.” Bucky says carefully

That got Stephen’s attention. Enough for him to look up to Barnes and find the top half of his white shirt covered in blood, splatters on his face and dripping down his neck.

“How?” Stephen asked tightly, trying not to get his hopes up

“I’ve been doing research.”

“Right... does your research typically involve bathing in blood?”

“Yeah, that’s kinda’ my gig.” He sighs, “Can you help or not?”

Stephen gave him a once over again. He wasn’t sure how many days it’d been since Barnes had showered, but it was more than strictly appropriate. There were bags under his eyes so large he’d have to pay extra on a flight, and his skin was nearly absent of color as if he hadn’t seen the sun in weeks. Minus the blood, Stephen had been there too. So he stood slowly and gave a nod, following Barnes to the elevator and taking a very awkward, silent ride down to the deepest level of the compound.

Stephen was displeased by the scene laid out for him and immediately wondered if Stark or Rogers either one had any idea what Barnes had been using their basement for. His guess was a solid no. Currently, there was a man in one interrogation room tied to a chair with a front tooth missing, two black eyes— one swollen shut completely— his face looking pale and sunken in like he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in days, and a knife sunk into the muscle right above his knee cap.

Barnes strolled over to the man and kneeled down next to him saying, “I brought a friend with me. He’s gonna’ ask you the same thing I’ve been asking for weeks now. And if you tell him something different than what you told me, I’ll pop off your kneecap. If you tell him the same thing and it’s a lie, I’ll pop off your kneecap. If you tell him the same thing and it’s inconclusive— wanna’ take a guess at what I’ll do?” Barnes toys with the handle of the blade and nods, “That’s right… I’ll pop off your fucking kneecap. So let’s hope you didn’t lie to me, yeah?”

Bucky stood back up and came to stand by Stephen’s side, and Stephen suddenly understood why James and Tony didn’t seem to get along. Stephen doubted seeing this side of Barnes would have done their relationship any favors this early on. Stephen took a step forward and made a careful gesture with his hands, the empty Eye of Agamotto opening up, a dim lightt illuminating from the relic.

“Where is the girl you took seven months ago? Y/N Y/L/N, where is she?”

The man lifted his head enough to look him in the eye and muttered in a thick Russian accent, “Dresden. We have base in Dr-dresden.”

The eye remained open and Stephen gave a nod and turned to Barnes who stopped his assessment, “Not here.”

Stephen snapped his mouth shut and drew his eyes away from the man in the chair. He needed medical attention, immediately. But he didn’t suggest it, only following Barnes out and down the hall to a separate interrogation room. Stephen was shocked to find a woman in the room this time. He turned to Barnes with a look of horror on his face, but he just shook his head and sneered.

“Tell him what you told me. And it better have been the truth. If it wasn’t, now is the time to change your answer.”

A small mercy, but mercy all the same. Stephen wondered if this woman could hear the screams of her comrade down the hall? Did she know how much torture she’d escaped by comparison? Sure, she was strapped to the wall with what looked like vibranium shackles, but she was relatively unscathed. A single bruise against her cheek.

Stephen took a step forward and repeated the process to open the Eye and asked the woman, “Do you know where Y/N Y/L/N is being held?”

The woman’s eyes flitted between the two men before she whispered meekly, “Stuttgart. That’s wh-where she is.”

The Eye gave a hum and snapped shut, the room dimming with the loss of light and Stephen hung his head and let out a sigh. He turned on his heel and exited the room and Barnes followed.

“Will you tell me who they are first?”

“No.” James replied simply, “Because they’re both going to die anyway.” Stephens’ displeasure must have been written clearly across his face as the soldier sighed and promised, “They both deserve what’s coming. That man is one of the ones who took her specifically, and that woman is one of the ones in charge of girls like Y/N—“

“Girls like Y/N?”

“HYDRA’s fem assassins. She’s using one of their techniques, can’t you see? So small and helpless.” Bucky scoffs and looks Stephen dead in the eyes to inform him, “She could kill you with her bare hands.”

“But she’s not— she’s not programmed like Y/N?”

“No.” Barnes disagrees, “She’s just a normal human with a shitty moral compass.”

Stephen had a hard time believing that meant she needed to die, but he knew he wouldn’t change Barnes’s mind on the subject. And they couldn’t very well hand the two over to the authorities; that would raise more than a few questions, so he just nodded in agreement.

“She’s in Dresden, Germany.” Stephen says, “The Eye says so, I trust it with my life. The man told the truth.”

Barnes nods, “We’ll tell the team.”

“How do we tell them we found out?”

He shrugs, “The truth. They were taking too goddamn long, I think we can both agree on that?”

“Yes… we can.”

“Great. Go call everyone in for a meeting. I’ll be up momentarily.”

Stephen didn’t ask questions, he’d only get answers that were better left unknown. He just portaled himself into the lab and set out on his search for Tony. And promptly fifteen minutes later, every person living in the Compound and every Avenger otherwise was gathered in the conference room, staring at Stephen expectantly. He wrung his hands together and looked to the door, not so sure to start without Barnes there, but knowing that his audience’s patience was thin. So he cleared his throat and the room fell silent.

He wasted no time explaining, “We have Y/N’s location.” Every head in the room snapped up, every eye on him in a way they hadn’t been since he was a Doctor delivering keynote speeches, “We found out only a half hour ago now, but I am one hundred percent sure the location is accurate.”

“We?” Steve Rogers speaks, “Who is ‘we,’ Doctor?”

“Him and I.” Bucky says, pushing open the conference room door, still covered in blood, a few new fresh patches obvious, his body reeking of metal and grime, “I will say, I did most of the dirty work, but…”

Steve lets out a deep sigh, burying his face in his hands. Natasha steps forward, eyes wide at the sight of him. Tony— for once— is left totally speechless. Other faces range from frightened to concerned, all of them looking back and forth between Barnes and himself.

“She’s in Dresden, Germany at a HYDRA base.” Stephen continues

“We need a plan.” Bucky says, “Now.”

“I want her back within the week.” Stephen agrees quickly, “It’s been seven months and counting, who knows the state she’s in—“

“Exactly.” Clint says, “Who knows? The last time I saw her, I nearly had my neck snapped—“

“Are you suggesting that means we leave her?” Stephen’s temper flares

“I’m suggesting she may not come willingly, Doc.” Clint replies, looking to the ground and shaking his head, “Not if she still thinks the sun is up.”

Stephen watches as Tony stares out the window to the side and says levelly, “You want her back in a week? Fine. Give me six days. Three to develop the plan, two to prepare the team, one for us to act.” He meets Stephens’ gaze and promises, “We’ll get her back here, our Y/N or not.”

“I’ve come back from worse.” Bucky mumbles beside him

Stephen nods eagerly, “Okay… six days.”

Stephen paced the med bay floor listening to the other team members rambling with one another on comms. He’d wanted to be in the building, to be fighting his way through the people who’d taken you from him, but Stark had given him a different job.

“Once Natasha and Barnes have located her exact location, I want you to portal to her and get her out as quick as you can. If she’s non-compliant you have more power to make her compliant than the rest of us do. Your little magic chains or whatever. I know you won’t want to hurt or scare her— I’m not asking you to be a threat— I just need you to get her back on the jet. Barnes is certain she’ll be in need of medical attention.” Tony glances to him, “If she comes willingly, great. If not, you take her. We have to work fast if we’re using your magic.”

And so now he was waiting. He had everything prepared by the bed for when he got you back on the jet. Food, water, all the medical supplies necessary. Bruce had suggested they bring another medical professional, but Stephen relented to use magic to steady his hands for you. He wanted to be the one to care for you. It was the least he could do after all this time.

Currently, most of the team was at the front of the base causing a ruckus making it seem as if they’d come to collect you. Barnes was the only one who’d gone in a back way. Natasha had snuck in assuming the identity of the missing woman Barnes had taken to manage security and help locate your position.

“Strange, Barnes…” Her voice comes through comms, “I have a visual on Y/N’s holding. Block C, room 316.” There was a pause before she continued, “I see four armed guards in her corridor. Buck, you want to take them or should—“

“Are they grouped?” Bucky cuts her off

“Two directly outside her door, two at the end of the hall.”

“Is there a way for you to get to the two at her door?”

“Yes.”

“You take them, I’ll take the two at the end of the hall. Strange, as soon as they’re incapacitated, we’ll scan into the room with their ID. We need you there when—“

Stephen had already portaled into Block C. He walked past the rooms slowly, moving as quietly as possible trying to keep his boots against the tile from giving him away. He turned a corner and saw two guards standing at the end of the hallway and before either of them had a chance to move or speak portals opened beneath their feet and they fell through the floor. Stephen strutted down the hall and didn’t think twice when he waved his hand, throwing the other two guards against the ceiling and letting them fall back to the ground with a thud that echoed through the empty halls. He crouched down beside one and turned to look over his shoulder as he heard footsteps running toward him. Barnes and Ramonov came barreling around the corner and Stephen gave a little wave.

“Strange, what the hell?”

“I heard there were only four of them, I came.” Stephen mutters, snapping the ID badge from one of the guards’ pocket and scanning it at the door, “You two wait out here. When you hear me say let’s go, you better be in that room or I will leave you and you can find your way back to the jet alone.”

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Barnes offers, “In case she’s still dark?”

“No.” Stephen denies, “I have it under control.”

So he turned and walked through the door, entering a small room bathed in fluorescent lighting. He looked around and immediately spotted you curled up with your head resting against your knees, backed into the corner. He walked over to you quickly and crouched down, reaching out for you before thinking better of it.

“Y/N?” He calls softly, “Y/N, we’re here for you. We have to leave now.”

You didn’t respond, didn’t move a muscle, and a horrible fear coarsed through Stephens’ body. He reached out gently to tilt your head back and check your pulse. Your head immediately snapped up and you grabbed his arm. You let out a scream and started beating against his chest, and Stephen let you for a moment before using magic to steady his hands and grab your wrists.

“No!” You scream, “Fuck you, get the fuck off of m-me! D-don’t…” Your voice cracks, your yell turning into a whimper as tears start streaming down your face

Stephen’s heart breaks and he brings his hands up to your face, “Look Y/N… Y/N, Baby Girl. Look at me. It’s Stephen, it’s me.”

Your struggle stops and your eyes roam over his face, the force you’d been using to push him back lessening. Your hands come up to his own on your face and you let out a little sob.

“T-they…” You breathe out, “Stephen, please.” You beg

He turns and opens a portal into the jet’s med bay before refocusing his attention on you. Stephen stands and tries to pull you up with him, but your legs give out beneath you sending you crashing into his chest.

He scoops you up in his arms whispering, “I’ve got you, Sweet Girl. I’ve got you.”

Those words cause you to start sobbing. You clutch at the lapels of his robes and bury your face in his chest, holding onto him for dear life. You wouldn’t be able to see from all the tears in your eyes anyways. You can hear Stephen speaking, but you can’t make out what he’s saying through the static in your mind. You know he’s there, but you don’t know where you are. It’s all so hazy and far away, just like a dream. However long you’d been there— in that room— had been a nightmare. You stopped counting after the fourth week.

“Barnes, Romanov! Let’s go!” Stephen calls and the two assassins come barging into the room

The four of you walk through the portal and Stephen lays you gently on the bed before snapping the portal shut behind him and immediately coming to crouch by you on the bed. Natasha gets on comms and starts calling people back. As soon as the four of you got on the jet, Wilson fired up the engines and took off. Stephen started a general exam, allowing Barnes to leer behind him and watch the process. He caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye and was shocked to find the super soldiers eyes red.

Your face was sunken in, a lot of your weight had been lost— most likely deterioration of muscle more than fat— they hadn’t been feeding you, they were trying to keep you week. Your hands were dirty despite the pristine conditions Stephen had observed in your holding, and your nails were covered in dried blood. You had a severe gash on your cheek and another on your jugular where it looked like you’d been held at knife-point.

“Can you tell me your name?” Stephen asks calmly

“Y/N Y/L/N.” You say

“I’m going to give you three words, I need you to remember them, okay?” You nod weakly, “Cat, house, bird. Remember those three words for me. Do you remember how you ended up in that place?”

“W-we were on a mission. Files. Tony needed files and we needed to download a virus, but there was an explosion and then guards…” You shake your head, “I blacked after that and woke up in that room. I d-don’t know how long I was there for.” You give a choked little sob, “I stopped counting at day thirty-two.”

Stephen sighs and ducks his head to hide the tears welling in his own eyes, reaching for a small flashlight and continuing, “What would the number thirty-two be backwards?”

“Twenty-three.” You wince as the light shines in your eyes, but your pupils dilate normally

“What about four hundred and seventy-three?”

“Th-three hundred and seventy-four.”

“What about eleven?” He tries to joke

You turn your head to him and give a sad smile, “Eleven, asshole.”

“What three words did I ask you to remember?”

“Bird, house, and cat.”

“Not the right order, but that’s okay.” Stephen stands and asks, “Can I give you a physical?”

You wince a little and shake your head, “I’d rather… I think we should wait until we get back.”

“May I ask why?”

You let out a deep sigh and squeeze your eyes shut tight, more tears forcing their way down your face, “I’ll need a female doctor. I need a pelvic exam.”

A heavy silence settles over the room and Stephen hangs his head, watching in his peripheral as Barnes collapses into a seat with his head in his hands. Stephen had a good mind to return to the base they’d just come from and burn it to the ground. Barnes had been right. Those two he’d held in the Compounds basement deserved everything that was coming to them.

Doctor. He was a Doctor right now.

“Is there any chance you’re pregnant?”

“No.” You reply quickly, “I was sterilized when…” You trail off and reaffirm, “No.”

“Okay.” He whispers, an ache in his chest, “When was the last time you ate?”

“A few days ago now.”

“Will you eat something now? Something small. And drink some water?” He watches you deliberate and tacks on, “For me… please?” You swallow hard and nod, “Alright, just rest your eyes for a minute.”

Stephen walked away to go get something for you to pick at and a large water bottle. When he walked back toward the med room he peeked through the doorway and saw Barnes sitting at the foot of the bed, his hand on your leg as he spoke to you in a hushed tone.

“I let you down.”

“I let us down.” You reply shakily, “They got me, Buck. I thought I was better, I thought— they shouldn’t have been able to flip that switch.”

“You didn’t let anyone down, Mladshaya Sestra.” He denies, “We’ve been worried sick, but you didn’t let us down. We— Clint, Nat, and I— we failed you. We shouldn’t have left without you.” Bucky shakes his head, “But I swear, I spent every minute you were gone looking for you. I spent every day trying to get you back to us, we all did.”

Stephen watches your hand come over James’ and you give a small, “Thank you.” There’s a pause before you give a shaky, “I missed you so much.”

Bucky nods and pulls your hand to his mouth, holding it there and murmuring, “I was terrified I lost you. I haven’t been that scared since Steve...” He trails off

Stephen was equal parts furious and devastated. Were you and Barnes more than he’d thought? Were you and he… together? But then what about all the times you’d been with Stephen? The times you’d flirted and teased and given him your time? Was he just some sort of cover-up, some distraction when your lover wasn’t around to entertain you?

He took a deep breath and stepped into the room announcing, “Just… some crackers and water for now.” He did his damnedest not to look at your hand in Barnes’, settling to mask the hurt with indifference, “If you want something else when we get back, I’m sure Stark would be more than happy to arrange something.” He walked over and watched as Bucky helped you sit, leaning you back against the wall with his hand behind your head, “I don’t believe you’re currently concussed, but I’ll want to check again in a week or so. I’ll arrange to have a female doctor at the Compound when we arrive. No visitors for the rest of the day, you need your rest. Of course… we’ll have someone check on you every now and again, but you decide whether or not you want to see anyone after today.” He drops his eyes to the floor as he hands over the crackers and water, “But you’ll be out of the field… indefinitely. Stark is bringing your psych back in as well.”

You noticed that the care had gone from Stephens’ voice, his tone mechanical, gaze cast down. An awful feeling pulled in the pit of your stomach.

Trying to bring any bit of the warmth back, you reach out and take his hand in yours, “Thank you, Stephen.”

The Doctor simply gave a curt nod, pulling his hand from your own gently and turned to walk away, calling, “I’ll be in the cockpit if you need me.”

You watched him go, brows knit together, face full of hurt. Bucky gives your hand a gentle squeeze and nods to the crackers in your hand. You nod and open the pack, struggling a bit from the fatigue coursing through your system. You take a small bite and decide at that moment that saltines might be the best thing you’ve ever tasted. You tilt your head back and stare up at the ceiling, pushing away that awful twisted feeling in your gut brought by Stephen’s absence.

“He looked harder than any of us, you know?” Bucky asks softly, “If I spent every minute looking for you, he spent every second. He was… furious. Maybe terrified is a better word. He hasn’t been the same since we lost you. God, you should’ve seen his face when I told him I’d found your location.”

You’re quiet for a moment before mumbling, “He seems upset.”

“Sestra, you would be too if you found him like this.” Bucky reasons, “Just give him some time to recover. He’s probably in shock. And with what you just told us about… about what kind of medical attention you need, he’s probably afraid to come on too strong. He has a medical background, remember?”

You give a light scoff, “How could anyone forget? He reminds everyone at least twice a day.”

Bucky snorts, “Don’t pretend you don’t love it.”

You give a small smile and whisper, “I do.” You squeeze your eyes shut and sigh, “I thought— we were so close. I thought maybe we were getting somewhere, that things were going well. I felt like he was opening up— that I was opening up. I thought… maybe we…” You try to swallow and realize you can’t, grabbing your water bottle and taking a long sip as you collect your thoughts, news tears brimming in your eyes, “I thought about us every day I was in there, Bucky. Him and I. What I thought would have happened if I came back. What I thought would happen if you guys ever found me.” You roll your eyes and shake your head, “How stupid is that? All those years fighting for myself, fighting because fighting was the only way to survive. And now I survived for what? For a man?” You scoff and look back to him, “How pathetic is that?”

Bucky rolls his lips together and considers a moment before suggesting, “I think… I think it’s backwards for us. I think most people— normal people— are taught to fight for the people they love. That is their reason to survive. We never had that luxury. We were taught that fighting for someone else would make us weak, but…” He looks at you and smiles softly, “maybe what would make us stronger is learning to fight for something besides ourselves— someone besides ourselves.” He reaches up and brushes a tear off your cheek gently, “So, no. I don’t think that’s pathetic. I think that’s part of us learning to be strong. Really strong.” He squeezes your leg and continues, “But promise me something.”

“Hm?”

“Promise me you’ll take some time to heal from this before you start again with him. At least in that way. You both need to recalibrate, relearn what the other is like.” Bucky gives a sad sort of smile, “Because I’m not too sure the two of you are exactly the people you left behind. Not after this.”

You nod slowly and take another cracker from the pack, chewing it slowly. Pace yourself. but how were you supposed to pace yourself when all you wanted was to be safe in his arms? All you wanted was to be with him. To be held by him for hours. To hear about every day he’d had since you’d been gone. To hear about every day he’d have in the next year and every year that would follow.

You just wanted him.

It’d been five days. Five days since he’d seen you and it was killing him. You’d taken his advice seriously and not seen anyone on that first day, not even letting Barnes in your room. Stephen had peeked in a few times just to make sure you were okay, and you had been. You’d slept for two days straight, woke on the third, called for lunch, and hadn’t seen anyone then either. The fourth day you started calling team members in to speak. James, Nat, and Clint had been the first you spoke to and the three of them had exited your room teary-eyed and exhausted looking. Next had been Tony and Steve. Tony had told Stephen you were already looking much better, though Stephen seriously doubted it.

That day they also got the results back from your pelvic exam, and aside from some internal bruising you’d managed to evade any other diseases. And sure enough— as you’d told him— you’d been sterilized. Haphazardly and dangerously from the looks of it, but the Doctor you’d seen couldn’t convince you to have a more formal examination and a proper surgery done to at the very least ensure you were safe.

The fifth day you’d seen Bruce, Peter, Wanda, Bucky again… several times. Even Thor made a visit to Midguard to check on you. Stephen had stood in the hall and listened as you talked to the god, your sweet— if weak— laughter floating through the crack in the door. That sound forced a tight smile onto his face, his first in he couldn’t say how long now. Natasha had taken to bringing you your food, which she was happy to report you were eating almost all of. Your psych came in for the first time again that day and reported that you’d been very willing to talk, though you weren’t ready to disclose all that had happened in that white room.

It was day six and Stephen should have been at Kamar-Taj teaching a lesson to his beginner students, but instead, he was in the Compound’s lab looking over every file of yours available. Every lick of your medical history available to him, and with Stark’s technology, there was a lot to go through. It was day six and it came and went and you still hadn’t asked to see him. So he portaled back to his room in the Sanctum and passed out. It wasn’t good sleep, but it was better than it had been in a long time.

On day seven he woke up and rolled out of bed into the shower. Standing under the hot water he made up his mind to go see you. He’d said he’d come to repeat the concussion test again anyways. So he took extra time to do his hair, leaving the front strands falling over his forehead because you used to tease him and run your hands through his hair to try and push them back, smiling when they stubbornly fell back into his face. He wore only a touch of cologne… he knew you were sensitive to smell, but he also knew you liked his scent, you’d told him as much before. Despite your love for his robes, he decided casual dress would be for the best— normalcy. That’s what he wanted to offer. So a pair of jeans and a simple long-sleeved blue button-down was his choice. He looked himself over in the mirror… was a button-down too stuffy? Would a tee be better?

Jesus Christ, he felt like a high schooler trying to impress their crush.

Then again, that was exactly what he was trying to do.

He opened a portal into the Compound’s living area and found Nat, Bruce, and Steve sitting around watching the news. Stephen hated watching the news. He hated seeing the pain and damage and destruction in every corner of the world. That was the last thing he wanted to think about at the moment.

Steve sent a nod his direction, “Doctor.”

“Hey.” Stephen said, wringing his hands together nervously, “Is anyone up with Y/N right now? I need to give her a follow-up concussion test.”

“Buck went up there after training this morning. Not sure if he’s still there or not, but he wouldn’t mind the interruption, I’m sure.” The Captain informs him, “I’m certain she wouldn’t mind either.”

“Right… thanks.”

Stephen set off for your room, walking with hid head down, rehearsing everything he’d say in his head. Well, first he’d gauge your mental state and that would determine if he took avenue of conversation one or two. One, he would be there strictly for a physical. Two, he would be there as a friend, someone for you to lean on. As he was walking down the hall to your room he bumped into someone and was consequently steadied by their hands on his shoulders.

“Sorry, Doc. But I’m glad we ran into each other.” Barnes says, “I was just coming to find you or ask Tony to call you in. She wants to see you.”

Stephen’s heart beat wildly in his chest, his stomach filling with butterflies, “She asked for me?”

The super soldier’s eyes soften just a fraction as he nods, “Yeah, she did.”

Stephen let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and nodded, “Great, thanks. I’ll go right now.”

“She’d love that.”

Barnes clapped his shoulder and walked on by and Stephen had to force himself not to break into a full-on sprint down the hallway to get to you. A light jog sufficed. He paused at your door and stood up taller, straightening his shirt and running a hand through his hair. He raised his fist and knocked on the door twice.

“Come in!” You called

Stephen twisted the door knob and stepped into your room. It was the first time he’d ever been inside your personal space. It was cleaner than he’d have expected, though there was a small desk and a bulletin board littered with different papers, books, and manilla folders. There was a small sitting area near the two large windows, a little reading nook surrounded by bookshelves. Your bed was unmade, but it looked so comfy and inviting. The whole space smelled so distinctly of you and Stephen couldn’t help but pause to draw in a deep breath as he closed the door behind him softly.

You were currently sitting at a small antique vanity, situated in the corner of the room. He was struck by two things. One, you’d chopped off your hair sometime in the last seven days. And two, you were fresh out of the shower. You sat there running some product or another through your wet hair, the water having been absorbed by the oversized tee you wore, the fabric clinging to your neck and back revealing the notches of your spine and a frame considerably smaller than he’d ever seen it. He was glad you’d been eating well since you got back.

“You cut your hair.” He notes aloud

You turn and give him a small smile, “It was too matted to do anything else. It’s a miracle I managed to keep this much of it.”

He gives a nod and steps a pace further into the room and compliments, “I like it like this, actually. It suits you.”

“Thanks, Stephen.”

You turn back around and start rummaging through a basket at your side, pulling a small bottle of some serum or another out and placing a few drops in your hand before bringing it to your face and working it into your skin carefully. You watched Stephen observe the room in the reflection of the mirror and smiled seeing his eyes drawn to the bookcases against the wall.

A few moments of silence passed before he cleared his throat and asked, “I wanted to come repeat the concussion test. I seriously doubt we wouldn’t have noticed by now, but better safe than sorry.”

“Bird, house, cat.” You say without missing a beat, “My name is Y/N Y/L/N, I was taken in the middle of a mission after an explosion. HYDRA operatives used a backup trigger phrase to draw me into what we thought was a dormant mode of existence. I was there for seven months before you came to rescue me.” You pause for a moment, your eyes flitting back to Stephen’s, “Thirty-two backward is twenty-three.”

Stephen walks up to stand behind you, staring into your eyes through the mirror, “What about eleven?”

You roll your eyes and smile, “Still eleven, asshole.”

“Good.” He nods, “Will you turn and face me?”

You spin around on the little stool and look up at him expectantly. Stephen pulls out his cell phone and turns on the flashlight, squatting down in front of you.

He reaches up and thinks better of the action, pausing and asking, “Do you mind if I touch you?”

Your face softens and you give a nod, “I don’t mind.”

How could you when it was him?

Stephen reaches up and gently cups your jaw, holding your head still and instructing, “Head still, eyes follow the light.”

It was very hard to focus on the light with his proximity and touch at the forefront of your mind, but you managed and Stephen turned the light off with a satisfied nod. He didn’t stand and you didn’t turn back around. You both just sat there staring at each other. Neither of you knew who should be the first to speak, and for all of Stephen’s planning, he didn’t know what he would say if he were.

He was saved from the panic of his forgetfulness when you say, “You saved me. Thank you.”

Stephen gives his head a shake, “Wasn’t just me—“

“I know. But I also know how hard you worked to find me. They’ve all told me. That means… you don’t know how much to me.”

“I wish I’d have gotten to you before I did.” Stephen whispers, “I should have opened a portal to come get you as soon as we lost visuals, but—“ He swallows hard, not wanting to throw Tony under the bus, “The team decided it was for the best I didn’t.”

You give a little smirk, “The team? Or Tony?”

Stephen gives a breathy sort of laugh and ducks his head, glancing up at you through long, dark lashes. He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t have to. Tony had accepted full responsibility for the way things went down. He was big enough a man to admit when he made the wrong call. And he’d made the wrong call that time. He and Steve also told you how furious Stephen had been in the aftermath of the mission. How he’d tried to open a portal more than once and they’d shut him down every time. He’d been so worried for you.

“I need to ask you something.” Stephen announces, “I don’t— I don’t think this is the right time, but I’m selfish, I always have been. And I need to know… are you and James together?”

Your heart could have shattered from the waver in his voice, the way his brows tensed in concern, the hurt in his eyes. And neither of you mentioned the weight that that particular question held for the two of you, but you both knew.

“No.” You reply almost instantaneously, “James and I aren’t together. Buck is… he’s like my big brother, Stephen. I love him with everything in me, but not like… not like that. He’s just— he and Natasha are the only two who understand. You get that, right? And Nat is great, I love her too, but her trauma still looks so different from…” You shake your head and look away from Stephen, “Nat still had some control over who— what— she was. She had the option to walk away later in life, but Buck and I never got that. He and I are constantly at threat… apparently even when we think we’ve healed. Who knows how many triggers are hidden away in my mind?”

Stephen swallows hard and nods, one weight lifted from his chest but another replacing it, “How is therapy?”

“Therapy is good.” You say, “I’ve never minded it— the talking. I know that’s pretty abnormal under the circumstances, but it works for me.” You shrug and give a small smile, “The worst thing right now is the fatigue. I’m so weak… fragile. I feel breakable and I hate that.”

“Hm… maybe I could finally get in more squat reps than you?”

You scoff and shove his shoulder gently, “Really, dickhead? That’s what you’re concerned with?”

Stephen chuckles and holds up his hands in surrender, “Sorry, sorry.” He looks back and nods to your bed, “How’d you like to get comfortable and I’ll sit here and we can talk for a while? Or we can watch something, anything. I don’t mind I just…” A soft blush covers his cheeks, “it’s been too long. I’d like to be with you for a while.”

You nod, fighting back the tears threatening to spill from your eyes, “I’d like that a lot, Stephen.”

So Stephen stood and offered you his hands, helping pull you up from your seat. He walked you over to the bed and let you get situated, noting the bruises and fresh scars covering your legs before he pulled the covers over you snug. You smiled up at him, a real smile, the smile he knew, and watched as he turned to walk toward the desk.

“What’re you doing?” You ask

“Pulling over the chair.” He says as if it’s obvious

“Oh, Stephen don’t— just sit in the bed with me. There’s plenty of room.” You scoot over and pat the space next to you, “C’mon.”

Stephen looks at the bed hesitantly, “Are you sure—“

“Don’t do that. Don’t prove that I must look as fragile as I feel.” You plead

Stephen drops his hold on the chair and walks over to your bedside, running his hand over the comforter, “That’s not… I just wanted to be sure. I don’t know what they did to you. Who did what to you. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

You shake your head, “I’m not, Stephen. Not with you.”

He rolls his lips together but nods. He looks down at his outfit and with the snap of his fingers he’s in a pair of plaid pajama pants and an old band tee. Your lips quirk to the side and you pull back the comforter in offering, moving one of your pillows to his side of the bed. Stephen slides into the bed and decides it’s every bit as comfortable as it looked. You watch him as he settles and smile softly to yourself as his scent washes over you. Warm and rich… you’d missed that smell. You’d missed his silly little magic tricks and his abysmal attitude. You’d missed the gray streaks in his hair and the little strands that always curled against his forehead. As Stephen rolled over to face you, you reached up and gently ran a hand through his hair. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, an audible exhale leaving his lips. Your hand stayed at the back of his head and Stephen opened his eyes to find you staring at him, eyes filled with tears.

His brows tensed together in worry, “Are you sure this is okay?”

You rolled closer to him and buried your face in his chest, “This is all I have wanted since the moment I got back.” You whisper

Stephen immediately brought his arms around you and pulled you closer, shutting his eyes tight and asking, “Why didn’t you ask for me sooner?”

You shake your head, “I don’t know. I was scared. I thought… I thought maybe you were scared of me after what I—“

Stephen pulled away from you and gazed down at you softly, “No. Not of you.”

He watches as your face scrunches up and tears start rolling down your cheeks, a shaky inhale taken in before you force out, “I’m dangerous, Stephen.”

“No, Sweet Girl.” He shakes his head, “No. You aren’t. Maybe some part of you is, but not the you I know. And I’m not scared of the part I don’t know either. You could never scare me.”

“Stephen?” You ask

“Yes?”

“I- I thought about you every day I was gone. And I don’t know— I know you liked me, I know we were close, but I don’t know if...” You trail off and force out, “I wanted to be something more to you. I wanted to be yours.” Your voice cracks, “And I thought maybe you’d have liked to be mine. And I… I still want you. But I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to want me. You don’t deserve to have to deal with my shit on top of everything else—“

“All I have done for the last seven months is work to get you back to me.” He cuts you off, “Everything I have done, has been to get you back safe, Y/N. And you’re safe now, but I want more than that for you. I want you to be happy.” He seems to think a moment before saying, “I will do everything in my power to make you happy.”

You lean forward and rest your forehead against his own, looking into his eyes. You both just lay there for a long time, trading air and little else. You don’t try to kiss him and he doesn’t try to kiss you, and for the time, you’re grateful for that.

“Get me out of this. Out of this life.” You plead, “Help me get better and then take me somewhere I never have to deal with any of this again. Take me somewhere we can be together.” You pause and explain, “I’m not asking you to give it up, I know you won’t— can’t— but I am tired, Stephen. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

He reaches up and wipes the tears from under your eyes, relief flooding his system at such a request, “I can do that. We can do that together. We’ll talk to whoever we need to. Barton has some sort of deal with the government, maybe you can strike one of your own?” You nod and he gives you a small smile, reassuring, “I’ll get you out, Baby. But take your time and rest first. Heal up and we’ll start worrying about that after.”

“Okay.” You agree

“Okay.” He pauses before breeching carefully, “Can I ask what they did to you in there?”

“I um… I only remember things on and off.” You start carefully, “I don’t remember how I got there, but I remember waking up in that white room. And I remember the gut feeling, knowing immediately that I’d done something awful, knowing I was somewhere I shouldn’t be. And the first few days they just came in and out to run vitals and try to talk to me. I was relatively compliant— you have to be. But then they told me I had two options: Go back to working for them willingly or rot. I told them I’d rather rot and they told me I’d change my mind.” Your brows knit together, “They were never kind even when I was working for them, but they never sent anyone to me… like that. Not the way men came to me there. I still don’t understand why or… or if there’s something I’m missing. I don’t understand why they used me like… that.” You place delicately, “But it was more than just inhumane. It was like they were animals.” Stephen winces and you apologize, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—“

“No, it’s fine.” He objects, “Talk about it. I want to know. It’s just hard to hear from someone you care about.”

You nod and continue, “They’d come on a sort of schedule like it was routine. Most of them would use the trigger to make me compliant, but some of them… some of them liked it when I struggled. They’d drug me with something or another and enjoy the fight as I got weaker. And I swear, I always fought when I could, Stephen. I always tried.”

He nods and offers a sad smile, “I expect nothing less.”

“And I know it’s weird, but that all… they all had this superhuman stamina. Like it was never enough.” You shake your head, “I really am sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. You’re just the first person I’ve… I haven’t talked to the therapist about it yet. And I was afraid to tell Bucky— thought he might single handedly decimate the entire base.”

“They’d deserve it.” Stephen grunts out, conflicted between rage and a sort of comfort that you trusted him enough to talk about it, “And don’t be sorry. I told you, I’m okay with listening. But it is weird, the way you describe it. It wasn’t just…” He trails off

“It’s like they had a purpose, right?”

“Yeah, exactly.” He agrees, “Sounds awful when we put it that way, but…”

“I just can’t puzzle out what that purpose was.” You say, “It couldn’t have been for reproduction. At least, I’d hope the idiots remembered they fucked up any chance of that years ago.” You pause and ask, “Which, by the way, I know it’s a weird thing to talk about at the moment—“

“I don’t care.” Stephen says immediately, “If you can or not… that’s really not my concern. And if that’s something— it’s just a problem for way down the line. We have bigger fish to fry at the moment.”

You nod against his chest and give a small smile, “I know. I just wanted you to know I wouldn’t hold it against you if that was a deal breaker.”

“A deal breaker for what?” He teases

You look up at him and smile, “A deal breaker for the fact I want you to be mine someday soon.”

Stephen places a gentle kiss on your forehead and repeats, “Someday soon.”

“Will you stay with me tonight? I want to sleep next to a body.”

“I’ll stay as many nights as you want.” He agrees, pulling you closer

You hum happily and allow yourself to sink into him, “Good.”

The next six months were surprisingly easy. Well, you had good days and bad days, but the bad days you had were awful. There was one instance where you’d woke up with a body in the bed and went totally berserk having not remembered where you were. Stephen escaped with a claw mark through his eyebrow and some running down his arms. He’d had to yell for Barnes next door to come get you off of him. Bucky had wrestled you to the floor with little effort and held you down, speaking to you calmly in Russian until you went still and the tears began. You’d refused to see Stephen for three days after the incident.

“She feels awful about it.” Barnes had told him, “She’s scared she fucked up.”

“I’m not mad at her.” Stephen reassured

“Of course not, I know that. Surface level, she does too. But it’s deeper than that. Just be you when you go to see her today.”

“Yeah.” Stephen nods, turning to grab Barnes’s arm as he walked away, “I um… I never said thank you. For finding her, for being there for her. Thank you.”

Barnes offered a small smile and squeezed Stephen’s forearm, “We do what we need to do. You’re welcome.”

Stephen had gone to your room and knocked on the door and you called meekly, “Who is it?”

“It’s Stephen.” A long silence followed and he sighed, “Sweet Girl, please let me see you.”

Another long pause followed before you relented, “Come in.”

Stephen found you curled up in your bed under the covers, face red and swollen. You didn’t look like you’d showered since the last time he saw you, and your food was untouched on your bedside table. Stephen walked over and crouched by your bedside, glancing to the plate of food.

“You need to eat.”

You nod and whisper, “I know.”

Stephen studies you for a moment and brings his hand slowly to your forehead, checking your temperature, “Do you feel sick?”

“I’m not sick.” You say, bottom lip trembling, “I just feel awful…” Your voice cracks as your eyes land on the scar cutting through his brow, “I’m so sorry, Stephen. I- I didn’t mean to—“

“I know.” He assures you immediately, bringing his hand down to cradle your cheek, “I know, Baby. You were just confused. It surprised me more than it scared me. But I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me.”

You pouted and reached out to run your thumb over the healing scar in his brow, “Kinda’ looks like I did.”

“What? That little thing?” He teases, “I thought it was a nice addition. Chicks dig it.”

You laughed and shoved his shoulder, making him fall backward on his ass with a laugh. He stares up at you fondly and you return that same stare. He was in his robes. You always loved him in his sorcerer’s garb. It suited him.

“Can I go run a bath for you? And then… maybe the two of us can go get something to eat? If you’re feeling up for it?”

“I’d love if you turned on the shower for me… but I’d rather stay in still. If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. Just tell me what you’re craving and I’ll go pick it up.”

You consider a moment before asking hopefully, “Greek?”

“Perfect.” He agrees pushing up from the ground and walking toward your bathroom, “Hot or cold?”

“All the way hot.” You say, sitting up slowly, a bit dizzy from one too many days laying stagnant

You and Stephen had spent the rest of the day in lazy bliss, watching movie after movie, and eventually turning to reading books. You’d gotten curious when he had to conjure some into the room, telling you that duty called. But he hadn’t wanted to leave you. So he set himself up at your desk and started working away while you laid and read one of the little romance novels that he always gave you shit about. Before either of you knew it, it was nine at night.

You walked up behind him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, ducking down to whisper in his ear, “It’s getting late, Doctor.”

He’d been presently surprised by the action and brought his hands up to your arms, “Alright, Baby. Give me a few more minutes and we’ll get comfortable.”

You hesitated before asking, “Are you sure you want to stay?”

Stephen replied sans hesitation, “Absolutely.” Turning to look at you leaning over his shoulder, “Nowhere I’d rather be.”

All the air left Stephen’s lungs as you leaned farther down and pressed your lips to his. They were soft and warm. You tasted like some fruity chapstick and your mint toothpaste. Electricity shot through every nerve ending available, his head spinning.

When Stephens’ mind caught up to his senses he pulled back a bit and asked, “Are you sure?”

Your heart fluttered at the concern in his voice, the little crease in his brow, and you meant it when you replied, “Yes, I’m sure. I want you to kiss me.”

Stephen stood from his chair and wrapped a strong arm around your waist. He reached up and cradled your jaw in his hand, bending down and pressing his lips to yours insistently. You sighed contentedly, butterflies erupting in your stomach. You took a second away from the feeling of his lips on yours to feel the strong, scarred hand cradling your cheek and the delicate way his thumb was rubbing up and down against your waist where he held you. His figure seemed to completely diminish your own— you felt so small and insignificant next to him. But you also didn’t feel like you needed to be anything else in his arms.

Stephen broke the kiss and rest his forehead against your own, a soft smile on his lips, his heart beating wildly in his chest. A grin broke out on your face and you gave a shy little giggle, burying your face in his chest. Stephen smiled wider and wrapped you in a giant bear hug and the two of you stood there in that embrace for he didn’t know how long. But he knew it was a damn good first kiss.

In the weeks that followed you slowly started leaving your room. The first time it was Stephen who’d convinced you to venture out to the kitchen with him to grab a snack. After that, Bucky had managed to get you to the gym. That day was frustrating. You weren’t capable of what you used to be and it made you angry. And when Bucky had told you that you’d have to exercise patience, it just made you angrier— even though you knew it was true. Nat managed to get you in the commons room for a girls night, and Tony and Steve wanted you to sit in on a meeting, but that you vehemently refused. Still, you started spending most of your days training with Bucky and Steve… Steve who knew what it felt like to feel weak more than any of the other Avengers. His patience never wore thin when it came to you.

And Stephen spent nearly every night with you, making sure you were taking care of your basic needs. He was happy that you were up and moving again, but concerned that your previous fatigue combined with the exertion of training would be too much. So he always had a shower and bath prepared for you, always sat by your side as you did your hair and skincare, always brought dinner or offered to go pick something up. And when the two of you rolled into bed for the night, he always held you close and read to you or listened to you vent about your day. And you did the same in return. It felt like so much less than he was doing for you, but you promised yourself you’d make it up for him down the line. Once he’d gotten you away from it all.

“You’re looking better.” Stephen murmurs as you crawl into bed

“Gee, thanks Steph.” You say, rolling your eyes and turning your head to hide a smile

“Oh…” He huffs and wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you into him, “You know that’s not what I meant.” He smiles as you try to force back one of your own and kisses your lips gently, “I only meant that I’m glad you’re okay.”

You nod and grab his cheek, tracing the outline of his goatee, “I am. Because of you.”

“Wasn’t just me.” He reminds you

“No, but a lot of it was you, Stephen. I kept going for you. I keep going for you.”

He smiles and pulls your hand to his mouth, kissing your palm, “I have something else to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

“I had a meeting earlier this week with Tony and Steve. Director Fury was there too.” Your eyes go wide and Stephen continues, “A little cabin in Wyoming, twenty acres around it. Beautiful mountain view, nearest town is miles away. You’ll have full surveillance and security for the first year. You won’t be called in unless situations are dire. Even then, you’re a last resort.”

You bolt up in the bed, eyes wide as saucers, “Y-you—“ Your body begins shaking; whether it’s the shock or flood of relief you can’t say, “I’m out?”

“You’re out, Baby Girl.” Stephen agrees, little half-smile on his face, “You’re done.”

You leaned down and smash his lips to yours, kissing him desperately, kissing him like your life depended on it. Stephen was shocked by the action. The two of you had exchanged a few makeout sessions after your first kiss, but it was never like this. You were always slow, building up to it. But he wasn’t going to complain. He grabbed your waist and rolled you on top of him, wrapping both of his arms around your back, forcing the two of your chest to chest. You broke away and beamed at him, holding his face in both hands, tears crowding your lash line.

You were free.

“And I um… I have one more thing to suggest, if you’re open to hearing it?”

You lean back down and press your lips to his, murmuring, “Hm?”

Stephen kissed you back for a while before withdrawing and asking carefully, “I want to step down as Master of the New York sanctum. Understand, I wouldn’t be leaving my position entirely, I can’t. I’d still be a Master, still teach classes, be called away to missions. But… if you think we’re ready, I’d like to move out there with you.” He pauses and adds, “And if there are days where you just need to be by yourself, that’s okay too. I can still crash at the sanctum, but this way, I can spend a bit more time with you.” He looks up at you through his lashes and asks shyly, “Is that something you’d be interested in?”

You consider the offer for a moment, gnawing on your bottom lip. Stephen reaches up and pulls it from between your teeth and you give a little snort.

“You’re sure you’ve thought that through? You’re okay with stepping down from the sanctum?”

“I’ve thought about it for a while now.” He nods, “And I know it probably isn’t as far from the madness as you’d like to be… and I need you to understand that the Mystic Arts isn’t something I’m willing to walk away from. Kamar-Taj, the other Masters and students are my family. You understand that?”

You nod, “I know that, and I support you one hundred percent.”

Stephen’s face softened. You could feel the gratitude radiating from him head to toe. His hands on your back holding you more insistently, drawing you closer. You complied and scooted up a bit farther, burying your face in his neck and inhaling his scent deeply.

“Then I have no problem turning the sanctum over to someone else. I already have someone in mind. I’m not worried about that, but I need to know so I can talk to Wong and start making plans. If you’re not ready for it and you’d prefer to be on your own for a while, I’ll understand. Or if we give it a while and you realize that maybe we aren’t— maybe you don’t feel for me the way you thought you did…” His voice wavers and he clears his throat, “I’ll be wherever you want me. Whether that’s with or away from you. I just want to make sure you’re safe and comfortable.”

“I’d love if you came with me, Stephen.” You breathe out softly, “And I’d love to start giving us our best shot.”

“Then we will.”

Three weeks later your cabin was filled with Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D operatives alike. A nice little get-together to start your new life. You were ecstatic and Stephen was overjoyed with what the change had done for you already. The two of you had gone on a little date to a local farmers market earlier that morning, and while you were still on high-alert, there were brief glimpses of the care-free, joyful version of you he’d known before the abduction.

Near a vendor with fresh honey you mused, “I should start bee-keeping.”

“I hate to dash your hopes, but I am allergic to bees.” Stephen informs you

You just smiled and turned your nose up at him, “Then stay away from my bees.”

He’d chuckled and pulled you to his side, placing a kiss on the top of your head. At some point there was a large gust of wind that had caused a display nearby to come down with a loud crash and you’d jumped a mile high, a scream leaving your lips. Stephen immediately wrapped you in his arms and spoke to you softly, reassuring you that it was only the wind and you were okay. It’d only taken you a dew minutes to come down from the adrenaline rush, and you came down teary-eyed, but reasonable. He asked if you wanted to leave and you’d pouted saying that he just wanted to stop you from spending any more of his money.

“I assure you, my money is yours to spend on whatever you want.”

You laughed and grabbed his hand, dragging him through the rows of colorful tents and wonderful-smelling foods. And now he sat on your porch, Tony, Bucky, and Steve at his side, watching as you and Natasha played red-light green-light with Clint’s kiddos and Morgan. Morgan was irate because Peter was playing as well and using his spidey-senses to call out specifically when she started moving.

“No fair!” She yelled, “Dad, he’s cheating!” She called to Tony

“No he’s not!” Tony called back, “Don’t be a party-pooper Mo!” Tony sighed and took a sip from his beer muttering, “He so is cheating.”

Steve chuckled, “Like father like daughter.”

“Kids got superhuman abilities. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Bucky chides, “How’s she been, Doc?”

“Much, much better. We went out today, she did well. She’s always tense away from the Compound and the house, but you can’t blame her for that.”

“Certainly not.” Rogers agrees, “She’ll get better with more time.”

“I didn’t think she’d bounce back from this.” Tony admits, “Maybe that’s why she did. Just to spite me.”

“Mm… knew there was a reason I liked her.” Stephen muses

“Shut it, Frankenstein.”

“You were right to come to us about her wanting out, Doctor.” Steve says to distract from an argument, “I know it’d have taken her too long to come to us herself. And I think this is right for her.” He watches as you bend down and scoop up Nathaniel and set him on your shoulders, walking over to the large oak in your front yard and letting Peter haul him up to sit with him in the tree, “And I think it’s good having the rest of us around.”

“She likes having the kids here.” Bucky says, “She likes ‘em.”

“Shit, she can have Mo any day.” Tony jokes

“Think I’ll second that.” Clint says, walking up behind the small group forming on the porch, “Whatdya’ say, Strange? Alright taking the rug rats in for a night or two?”

“If that’s what she wants.” Stephen agrees

“And what about your own?”

Stephen and Bucky exchange a small glance and Stephen replies, “That is… definitely a problem for the future. We’ll just take yours for now.”

Lila gives a little squeal as Nat picks her up bridal style and spins her until she’s dizzy. You’re tackled from behind by Morgan, who clings to your back and screams something about being the most powerful being in the world.

Definitely Tony’s.

You start to feel a bit tired and quietly excuse yourself, walking up the porch toward the house and slipping inside, greeting different agents and stopping to give Thor a hug. You make your way to the kitchen and sit down at the table, running your hands over your face and letting out a contented sigh. You could get used to this kind of exhaustion.

“Come here often?” A deep baritone rings out from the doorway

You put on a sultry voice and reply, “Depends who’s asking, sir.” You glance up at Stephen through your lashes and bite into your bottom lip, giving him a once over in the dark denim and black tee hugging his biceps, “For you, I could come here a little more often, Mr..?”

Stephen smirks and steps into the kitchen, approaching you slowly, “Doctor. Doctor Strange.”

“Doctor Strange. What brings you here?” Stephen leans down and presses his lips to yours, pulling away with a goofy smile on his face, “Well, you’re rather forward aren’t you?” You tease

“With my girlfriend? Yes.” He agrees, kissing your forehead, “How you doing?”

“Good. Starting to get a bit tired, but I feel great.”

“People are starting to head out anyways. Dare I ask what you want for dinner?”

“Greek.” You reply at the same time as Stephen who mocks you

You swat at his chest softly and kiss him once more, “Yes, Greek. Is that alright with you?”

“Of course.”

“You’ll have to start telling me no eventually, you know that right?”

“Why would I ever say no when you kiss me if I say yes?”

You giggle and kiss him again, “Because I have a secret.”

“Oh? A secret?”

“Mhm.” You hum, “I’d kiss you even if you said no.”

“Well, in that case, I want Chinese.” Stephen says, pleasantly surprised when you kiss his lips once more

You grab the collar of his shirt and kiss him more insistently, pulling away to breathe against his lips, “We can get Chinese.”

He hums happily and drops to his knees on the floor, grabbing your face and leading you into a long, slow, messy kiss. Tongue and quiet sighs and exchanged air. God, he never got enough of kissing you.

“Chinese sounds great, but can I have what he’s having?” A new voice cuts through the room

Stephen glances over to find Barnes standing in the doorway and gives a quick, “No.” Before pulling you back to his lips

You let Stephen mark his territory for a moment before pulling away, making him pout up at you. You kiss his nose and walk over to Bucky, hugging his waist.

“Headed out?” You ask

“Yeah. Sam and I are the last ones. We’re still on for next week, right?”

“Mhm. Stephen will portal us to you.”

“Great, I’ll see you then, Mladshaya Sestra.” Bucky gives a wave to Stephen, “Enjoy the new home, you two.”

“Thanks, Barnes.” Stephen agrees, standing to shake his hand, “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do, Doc.”

And with that, the two of you are left alone, the house empty at last. Your house. Your shared home.

Stephen wraps his arms around your waist and sways you gently, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“I love you, Steph.” You murmur

And it’s the first time either of you has said it aloud, but both of you knew, so it came as no shock to either one of you when he replied, “I love you too, Sweet Girl.”

The two of you spent the rest of the day deep cleaning the house— which moves along much quicker when your boyfriend is magic. You both showered and got comfortable and by the time you walked back into the living room there was Chinese takeout and an absolute hunk of a man waiting on you. You’d decided after all this time his robes weren’t your favorite outfit. It was a pair of sweats and no shirt. How fucking delicious could one man be? Lean and muscled, hair always perfect even when it was unruly, gorgeous when he wasn’t even trying.

“C’mere, Beautiful. I got extra noodles for you.”

“Are you trying to seduce me, Doctor?” You joke

“Would it be working if I were?”

“Maybe.”

“Then maybe I am.” He smiles

You plop down on the couch next to him and enjoy the domestic bliss of takeout and the television in your new home. Trash reality that Stephen pretended to hate, but you knew he was just as rapt with it as you. By the end of the night you were cuddled up in his arms, your cheek pressed to his chest listening to the steady thrum of his heart.

“You ready to head to bed, Baby?” Stephen asks groggily

“Sure.” You agree, standing and gathering the trash to throw away, “Head back, I’ll be there in one second.”

Stephen slinked back to the bedroom and turned down the comforter, fluffing up the pillows for you. He wanted you to have the perfect sleep the first night in your new home together. The thought made him smile. A home for just the two of you. Somewhere he could confidently call home. He shrugged off his sweats and slid into the bed, rolling over and holding out his arms, waiting for you to join him.

“Steph?” You called from the doorway

“Hmm?”

“Stephen…” You sang again, a coy tone in your voice

He sat up and his heart beat wildly in his chest when he found you standing naked in the doorway. You were fucking gorgeous. His cock immediately twitched demandingly in his boxers and his head got light. You stepped farther into the room and his breath caught in his chest as the moonlight coming through the curtains washed over your naked form. You looked like a goddess. Every curve, every dip, every scar. He knew immediately he had to worship you.

“I was thinking…” You say, approaching the bed slowly, “That we should break in the new bed.”

Stephen nods quickly and swallows hard, sitting up and hanging his legs off the side of the bed, suddenly wide awake, “If that’s what you want, Y/N.”

You walk forward and stand between his legs nodding and breathing out sensually, “Touch me, Stephen.”

He wasted no time in bringing his hands to your waist, kneading at the skin gently. He stared up at you, enamored with all that you were. Your eyes fluttered shut as he moved his hands to your ass and gave a gentle squeeze, familiarizing himself with your body. He leaned forward and watched as he took one of your already stiff nipples between his lips, suckling gently and swirling his tongue over the bud. You gave a quiet moan, your head falling back, a whimper leaving your lips as he pulled away to switch to your other breast, a shaky hand coming up to play with the one he’d left cold in his absence.

“I need you to remind me how good it’s supposed to feel.” You murmur quietly, “How it’s supposed to feel when it’s right.”

Stephen pulled away and ran his hands up your back, placing chaste kisses across your chest, mumbling into your skin, “I’ll show you.”

He pulled you into the bed and lay himself across your body, his hard cock straining against the fabric in his boxers and rutting into your abdomen as he placed insistent kisses up the column of your neck. He straddled over your waist and ran his hands over your breasts again. He’d always looked at them, observed your form more than strictly appropriate in your combat suit, but now he was enchanted with you. Your naked body beneath him, healed with time, your willingness to let him have you. They hadn’t destroyed you and your chances at physical relationships. They hadn’t ruined you for him, though they had tried. You still wanted him like this, and at the moment Stephen thought he needed you like he needed air in his lungs.

“You’re beautiful, Sweet Girl.” He whispers, kneeling over you, cradling your cheek, “So pretty.”

You bite into your lower lip, your hips shifting beneath him as you reply, “Thank you.”

“What do you want me to do?” Stephen asks not knowing where to start, not knowing what you need

“I just want you inside me, Stephen.” You plead

Stephen nods, hurriedly bringing his hands to his waistband, struggling to shrug them from his hips with the shaking. He was nervous. He didn’t want to fuck this up— he couldn’t fuck this up for you. You see Stephen’s stress and sit up, taking his hands in yours gently. You smile and lean in to kiss him, putting your thumbs through his waistband and easily pull the material from his lower half. Stephen kicked off his boxers and sat up on his knees, staring down at you softly.

You stared up at him with your heart hammering against your rib cage. He was fucking gorgeous. He looked like he’d been carved from stone, muscles rippling in places you’d never cared enough to observe until now. Your cunt throbbed with need, slick leaking between your lips and dripping lower. You looked down to his cock, long and hard, standing tall. You reached out and carefully wrapped your hand around him, slowly starting to pump your hand up and down his length. Stephen let out a choked-sounding grunt, his head falling forward to watch you toy with him.

He heard the impatience in your tone when you plead with him again, “Please, Stephen. I need you inside me. I’m aching for you.”

He brought his eyes back to your own and nodded. He spread your legs and settled between them, using his forearms to brace himself as he got into position. He aligned himself with your entrance and rubbed his head through your folds, groaning as your warm slick covered his tip. He brought his hand to your pussy and ran his fingers though your folds making you gasp, bringing the slick down and over his cock. He aligned himself once more and started slowly easing his way into you. Your eyes squeezed shut, a little whimper escaping your lips and Stephen paused.

“Okay, Baby Girl?”

“Okay.” You agree, “Just been a while.”

“We’ll go slow.” Stephen promises, cradling your face in his palm, “I’ll be nice and gentle with you, Baby.” He eases into your heat a bit farther and you give a little gasp, “There you go. Just relax, Baby. Let me in.” You purred like a happy cat as Stephen brought his hand between the two of you and toyed with your clit, “Let me in and I’ll make it better. Gonna’ make you feel so good, chase away the ache.”

“Please.” You whisper, back arching as he sheathes himself deeper, your hands coming to his sides, nails digging into the skin

“I’ve got you, Baby Girl.” Stephen reassures, pushing himself the rest of the way in, groaning as your warmth envelopes him, “That’s it, good girl.”

Stephen reached to the side and wrapped one of your legs around his waist, his other arm forcing your leg to the side, keeping you nice and open for him. The stretch felt so good, your muscles relaxing, a deep sigh leaving your chest. Stephen slowly rolled his hips forward and you let out the sweetest moan he’d ever heard before. He leaned down and caught your lips in his, swallowing your whimpers as he started fucking into you slow a steady. You braced yourself with one hand on his shoulder and the other tangled through his hair, your head lulling back as you felt wave after wave of pleasure course through your system.

“Oh my God, Stephen.” You whimper

Stephen moans, sucking a spot onto your neck, claiming you as his own. With his cock buried balls deep inside you, how could you be anything else? The well-trimmed hair on his public bone rubbed against your clit with every roll of his hips, the fullness you felt had you seeing stars. One of his hands held your knee, keeping your leg wrapped around his waist, the other cradling your head tenderly. The slow rhythmic roll, the steady push and pull had you in a daze.

“You feel so good, Sweet Girl. So warm and wet for me. Fuck... I love it when you squeeze me like that.” Stephen groans as your walls flutter around him, “Just hold onto me, Baby. Gonna’ love the ache away. Make you forget.”

Those words caused you to moan, “Y-yes. Make me forget.” You pull on his hair gently, “Love me harder.”

Stephen sat up and pulled you with him, keeping his throbbing cock buried inside you. He sat back on his knees and wrapped your legs around his waist, grabbing onto your hips and leaning back to thrust into you.

“Holy shit!” You gasp out, “Yes, yes! Just like that, Steph.”

“Right there, Baby Girl?”

“Oh my God, yes.”

Stephen steeled his grip on your hips and struck a new pace; still slow and steady, but the thrust themselves harder, deeper. He watched as his erection slid in and out of your heat over and over again, your pussy glistening, hole dripping with arousal. He ran one hand down to your pussy and searched until he found that little bud that made you moan. He steadied his hand and traced small, tight circles over your clit, smiling and letting out his own moan as you clenched around him.

“Baby, that feels so good. Your pussy feels so good, hugs me just right.” He got carried away and let the romantic notion slip from his lips, “You were made for me. M-made to fit me like this.” You whimpered, your hands clawing at the sheets to your sides, “You’re taking me so well, Sweet Girl. So proud of you. Y-you’re such a good girl letting me have you like this.”

“I- I wanted you for so l-long, Stephen.” You whimper out

“You’ve got me now, Y/N.” He reassures, “You have me whenever you need me.” Stephen reaches down and grabs your arms, sitting you up and bouncing you in his lap

“Oh— fuck.” You whimper, biting into his shoulder and making him groan, “Th-that’s so deep. So deep, Steph.”

“Bet you aren’t aching for it anymore though?” He teases gently, “I told you, I’ve got you.”

You reach up and take his face in your hands, kissing him deeply. Stephen splayed his fingers scores your back, wider and wider trying to feel every bit of you possible. The coil in your lower abdomen was unwinding, a wave of relief beginning to wash through your body.

“S-steph, I’m gonna’ cum.” You pant in his ear

“Do it, Baby Girl. Cum for me. Let me feel you, show me how good it feels.”

You crushed your lips to Stephen and he didn’t pull away even when the kiss was broken, breathy moans leaving your lips, your walls squeezing around him tight. Your head fell back, your lips parting, chest heaving as you came with a cry. Stephen had never seen something so beautiful in his entire life.

He praised, “That’s my good girl. You look so pretty when you cum, can’t wait to make you cum over and over again, every chance I get. Wanna’ feel you like this.”

Stephen lifted you both and laid you back on the mattress gently, rutting in and out of you, chasing his own high. He watched the way your back arched and tits bounced, watched the way you squirmed beneath him, the flush of your skin and the clean sweat covering your body. He grabbed your thighs and brought your knees to his sides, leaning down and fucking into you slow and deep. His cock was twitching, balls heavy, the sound of skin on skin ringing through the room as he picked up his pace. You gave a cry of delight and clawed down his chest, red lines forming in the wake.

“Fuck, f-feels too good.” You stutter out, “S-steph, I’m gonna—“

“I know. I can feel it. Love the way this pussy grips me when you’re about to cum. Cum again, Baby.”

“Cum with me, inside me.” You beg, “Wanna feel it in me, Stephen. Please cum inside me.”

“Yeah, Baby Girl?” He pants out, groaning, “Are you still aching? You need more? Need my cum inside you?”

“Yes!” You yell, eyes rolling back in your head as Stephen thrusts into you roughly, “Fuck yes, give it to me, Steph. Need all of you.”

“You have all of me.” Stephen growls out, “I’m yours.”

You came with a silent scream, clinging to Stephen’s shoulders as he settled himself as deep in your heat as he could, rope after rope of his cum spilling inside of you. Stephen didn’t move to pull out, instead collapsing on top of you with a huff. You smiled at the act, withholding a giggle at the action. He knew you could handle it. You ran a hand through his damp hair, both of you breathing unsteadily as you tried to shake off the high. And eventually, both of you relaxed, bodies melting into one another perfectly— maybe you really were made for one another.

The last thing you heard before drifting off to sleep was a deep, quiet, “I love you.” The baritone travels through your entire body, reassuring you that it wasn’t just a dream

It was real.

And you were with him.

tag list:@yuu-chan-is-still-a-student12 @fireworksinthesky @cemak @pinkthick @cumbrbatchbenedict @newavenger @evelyn-kingsley @aphroditesdilemma @ironstrange1991 @strangeobsessed @iamsherlocked1479 @vickie-mcmuffin @rmoonstoner

#stephen strange x reader #doctor strange #doctor strange x you #the avengers

237 notes · View notes