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King Robert tends to sneak out of the castle a lot. His advisors and guards despair, trying to impress upon him the danger of the monarch just wandering around villages. They argue even beloved monarchs have enemies who might seek to hurt him while he's dallying about, outside the safety of the palace and his armed guards. The King nods and smiles......and continues to sneak out.
Hob, please don't call him "king" or "Robert," loves getting out of the castle! It's not like regular people really know what a king looks like, even if it's their monarch. When he's out Hob is amazed by his people.
Hob has helped raise a barn, brought in crops, been taught to knit by sweet old ladies, celebrated one of the pagan-ier holidays in a village square (the mead and food were fantastic), got into numerous sword fights to defend the honor of young ladies and men..... It's fantastic and real, and Hob would argue it makes him a better king.
Yes, Hob is aware that his various counselors (and his mom the Dowager Queen) want him to get married and stop venturing out, but all the stuck up potential consorts or soooo stuffy and entitled. Hob does think any of them have helped dig a well for a town that needed water or helped celebrate the birth of a new baby in a village pub!
Besides, there might be this beautiful new artist in town, Dream, who rents a room over the inn and takes simple commissions, who is so lovely. Hob is working so hard to be charming and learn more about him,,,but Dream is tight lipped as to where he's from. Still Hob knows he's wearing him down.....Hob got a small smile from his targeted buffoonery last time!
👑🤴🏽👑🤴🏽
Since they won't stop, Hob has decided he's going to see if he can convince Dream to marry him! Marrying him has to be better than those self serious "royals". But when he goes to see him, Dream is gone,, like he was never there. Hob is heartbroken.
He guesses he's meant to marry one of the snobs. He lets his council choose. They decide to accept the Endless Kingdom's offer - Prince Morpheus.
This is the romcom we ABSOLUTELY deserve with these two beloved idiots <3
Hob is disconsolate after Dream leaves - he doesn't even have the heart to sneak out of the castle. The villagers are quite worried about him until he finally turns up one evening, basically to say goodbye to all his friends. He explains that a spouse has finally been chosen for him, and that as a married man it will be inappropriate to go out gallivanting and putting himself in potential danger. He will have a duty to spend time with his new husband, too. And his friends all understand - they accept his heartfelt invitations to the wedding. He's brought gifts from the castle for all the kids who've basically adopted him as a big brother. And he definitely sheds a few tears in the arms of the old ladies before he leaves.
Meanwhile, Prince Morpheus is en route to his new spouse's kingdom. He doesn't want this marriage at all, but after he ran away (and then got caught and dragged back home) his parents forced him to accept to situation. They won't even tell him where he's going or who he's marrying - a punishment for his disgraceful behaviour! Dream is fully expecting to be married to some awful old man. But when he gets out of the carriage he finds himself in a rather familiar place... he almost laughs out loud! He quickly has to pretend to be heartbroken over the impending marriage, when he really he's nearly vibrating with excitement.
They don't meet until they get to the altar (it's tradition, for royal marriages). Hob’s eyes light up and he looks over towards where his village friends are sitting like "are you seeing this??? it’s dream!!!" Everyone else is quite confused about why King Robert suddenly looks so happy, but his friends are able to heartily applaud the marriage. He truly deserves to be happy!
As for Morpheus - or Dream, as he prefers to be called - with the wedding officially performed, he can throw himself into Hob’s arms. His parents are pissed off to see their wayward son looking so content, but Dream no longer cares. The fates have been kind to him, and delivered him into the arms of the only man he has ever wished to marry. He can't wait to spend many years sneaking out of the castle with Hob, getting up to all kinds of mischief, and finally enjoying life.
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Oh god, why didn’t you just let him through?
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being obsessed w a piece of media is so scary. what if my mutuals see how insane i go about it and think oh i gotta check out what this is about and then think it sucks and kill me with rocks. what if they hate my favorite characters
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OH MY GOODNESS, PICTURE ROSIE AND ALASTOR AT AN OVERLORD MEETING AND THEY'RE BOTH JUST HAVING EITHER A TICKLE FIGHT OR A FOOTSIE BATTLE ALL THROUGHOUT THE MEETING -
they got kicked out more than once
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[id: a light pink userbox with a pastel purple border and pastel purple text that reads “this user thinks jamil viper and azul ashengrotto should kiss .” on the left is an image of jamil viper and azul ashengrotto from twisted wonderland. /end id]
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At war within me is my utter conviction that Hob Gadling is a terrifying badass if he ever got into a fight, with at minimum decades of combat experience between being a soldier, a bandit, and an all-around Just A Guy during some of the more violent periods of history (bar room brawls, etc)
VS
My utter conviction that Hob is the FURTHEST thing from an Old Guard or Wolverine style immortal. He did NOT see his immortality as an opportunity to fight more. Indeed, at points when he seemed most in control of his life (every year except 1389-1489 up until getting a trade, plus 1689) he seems to default whenever possible to a “gentleman’s” lifestyle, however that is defined in that era. He strikes me as someone who stays away from other supernatural entities or is simply not aware of them besides Dream (in keeping with the fact that MOST PEOPLE never encounter the supernatural in this world and Hob is immortal but also Just A Guy), he didn’t mention any combat again after getting out of it (doesn’t mean it didn’t happen but doesn’t sound like he seeks it out or finds it worth telling Dream about) and in general it IS probably much wiser for him to avoid scenarios of personal danger that could out him as an immortal or worse.
So as much as I would LOVE to write a scene where Badass Hob WRECKS an Attacker, one who doesn’t know what hit them, I just don’t see it ever happening except in cases of surprise attacks and EVEN THEN I wonder if normally he would have tried to talk his way out or run, but Lady Johanna already knew he was immortal so there was no reason to hide?
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I had to do my taxes today and now I am wondering about a) Hob dealing with the evolution of taxes over six centuries and b) newly human Dream confronting it for the first time and Hob trying not to *graciously* offer to marry him for (selfish) tax purposes.
I like to think Hob has been doing mega tax fraud since before he was immortal and isn't about to stop now but I am also a sucker for any and all fake marriage so:
---
It's a joke when he says it. Really it is.
There's a thump from the kitchen table, and Hob peers around the corner from the living room to see a charmingly bespectacled Dream with his forehead pressed to the top of it.
"Problem?" Hob asks. He'd offered to help Dream with his taxes. It's baby's first ever tax return and he's got all the forged documents to allow him to be a real live taxpayer. He's been having so much fun, working at the library. He'd initially been shocked they were going to pay him at all and he still doesn't really grasp how money works because Hob is not actually a harsh teacher, as it turns out. He can afford to keep one small former Dreamlord without ever even thinking about the cost. Dream spends a portion of his pay on coffee and books and scented candles and has the rest in the best, most basic savings account Hob could find for him. They're never talking about real investments or shares or anything of the kind, because Dream has suffered enough and does not need to add having to understand the economy to his list of lifetime woes.
"No," Dream says, with a level of petulance that would impress a four-year-old.
Hob hums. "I'll leave you to it, then?"
Dream makes an unhappy sound, and turns his face to look at Hob. He looks so sad and defeated that Hob can't quite go through with leaving.
"We could always get married. Then I'd be responsible for your taxes."
This may or may not be true. He suspects it's not. It's a joke.
The way Dream perks up stops him dead in his tracks.
"What would getting married involve?" Dream asks.
Shit.
"Umm..." Hob scratches the back of his neck. "Well, we'd need to get a licence. Quick little... thing down at the council offices or the courts or something. You would have to kiss me," he adds, grinning.
Dream tilts his head. "Just the once?"
Hob blinks, a little stone of disappointment turning over in the pit of his stomach. "Just the once, yeah."
Dream purses his lips. Hob can almost see the cogs turning behind his eyes.
"Then I accept," Dream says, closing his laptop and pushing it towards Hob. "We will marry, and you will be responsible for my taxes."
So they get married.
"You didn't actually have to kiss me like that," Hob says, face still aflame as they step into the cool air outside, marriage certificate in hand.
"Like what?" Dream asks, so nonchalant it has to be genuine.
Like you were examining my tonsils, Hob doesn't say.
"Doesn't matter. Do you want to grab a bite to eat? In lieu of a proper reception."
"I would like that."
Hob does Dream's taxes, as promised, two days later, and presents him with the confirmation screen.
"You are a good husband," Dream says, dropping a kiss on the top of Hob's head.
Hob sits for several minutes, poleaxed, before getting up to make them both a cup of tea.
The next time they go to the supermarket, Hob almost has a heart attack when Dream's hand curls around his. He looks down, looks at Dream—who isn't even looking at him—and then looks in the direction Dream's looking. At the end of the aisle there's a pair of, Hob assumes, newlyweds holding hands, having an animated discussion about breakfast spread options.
"You don't have to," Hob says softly.
Dream looks at him, blinks, wrinkles his nose, and tugs him towards the cereals.
Life goes on. They've always gone out together a lot, so they keep doing that.
Hob gets Dream a coffee, and hands it to him as they leave the café. Dream accepts it, and before Hob can figure out what's about to happen, darts in and kisses him. It's not the full dental exam the first one was, but it's very definitely happening.
"You are a good husband," Dream says, turning in the direction of the park they're meant to be heading for without another word or backwards glance.
Hob swings by the library to pick Dream up from work, and finds himself being taken by the hand like something being brought in for show-and-tell, around to all Dream's favourite colleagues and regular patrons to be introduced as his husband. It's...
Well, it's quite nice, actually, but it's not...
"You know you're not obliged to make other people believe it, don't you? The tax man isn't going to find out."
Not least of all because it wouldn't make one iota of a difference, but Hob doesn't quite have the heart to explain that at this point. Dream's treating this very seriously.
If it wasn't all an elaborate panto, Hob would be enjoying it a lot.
Dream looks at him like he's an idiot—familiar territory—and gets his coat. Hob helps him into it automatically, and then Dream takes his hand again as they head outside.
Okay, fine. Dream is clearly convinced that they need to convince other people they're married for reasons other than Hob's ability to manipulate a spreadsheet.
It's not as though Hob minds holding his hand or being introduced as his husband—that is literally true, anyway. And even though he knows it's all part of the act Dream's putting on, he really doesn't mind being kissed as a thank you, or a greeting. Or sometimes just because. Sometimes Dream stops him in the street and holds up the foot traffic to kiss him, and Hob really doesn't mind, honestly.
It's fine. It's fine, it's fine. Hob's managed to keep a greater or lesser hold on his sanity for six centuries, and pretending to have the thing he wants most in the whole world isn't going to be what breaks him. Not even if Dream cuddles up to him on the tube on the way home every time they go out. Not even when he shows up at the university, introduces himself to absolutely everyone as Professor Gadling's Husband, and kisses him hello in front of a whole lecture hall full of first years.
At least, not until Hob drops into the library and finds Dream calmly going through something on the computer with a young woman who's obviously been crying. Dream hasn't spotted him yet, and he doesn't quite mean to spy, but he also doesn't want to interrupt.
"Perfectly simple," Dream says, low and soothing. He's good with people who're upset. Some things never change, Hob supposes, and sleep is always restorative. "My husband taught me all of this, so you mustn't be embarrassed. Taxes are complicated."
Except Hob had not, at any point, showed Dream any of it. He'd just done it. There'd been no instructional element. Hob had simply accepted that he'd be responsible for taxes until the sun exploded.
He watches with his jaw hanging as Dream explains patiently and with authority how to do each step, and the two of them whiz through it in the space of ten minutes before the young woman offers Dream a hug—which he accepts—and goes on her merry way.
It's at that point that Dream notices him.
"Hob," he says, widened eyes giving away that he knows he's been busted.
"Have you secretly got a second husband who showed you how to do that?"
Dream bites his lip.
Hob realises extremely belatedly that Dream knows Hob thinks he's adorable. That he knows Hob can't resist him being a little pathetic. That...
"You knew how to do it," Hob says.
Dream hesitates. Hob watches the full spectrum of possible responses pass through his mind, glimmering in his eyes, before he draws a breath to speak.
"It is a simple form and some basic arithmetic."
"And you're billions of years old and smart even for your age," Hob says as he realises it himself. Why had he thought Dream would be defeated by something like a tax return?
Because Dream had also seemed defeated by...
"You know how the kettle works," Hob says.
Dream nods. "I like the way you make tea for me. It is never quite the same twice, but it is made with affection."
"You also know how the telly works," Hob goes on.
"But if you are required to operate it, you will sit with me."
"And you could've done your own taxes," Hob says. His brain feels like a series of knots being untangled. "But... you know me. You know me so well, better than you let on. Because you think it'll freak me out, I suppose. You knew I'd joke about getting married for tax purposes?"
Dream nods in confirmation.
"And you knew you could run with it."
Crafty bugger. But then he can't help it, can he? Dreams are manipulative. You can take the metaphysical concept out of the function, but you can't take the function out of the ex-metaphysical concept, current menace of a flatmate-slash-best-friend-slash-husband.
Dream nods again.
"Because..." Hob lets out a breath. It can't be true, except it's the only logical conclusion. "You wanted us to be married?"
Dream smiles the sort of tiny, proud smile normally witnessed the faces of parents whose children have just managed to say dada for the first time. He takes a step forwards, closing the gap between them.
Hob suspects he ought to be cross, but then Dream takes both of his hands and he can't quite summon the necessary ill-feelings for it past the sudden upswell of happiness and wellbeing he feels whenever Dream touches him.
"I was just dropping by to tell you that we're stuck in a hotel for the night. Kitchen's flooded. Burst pipe, looks like. I packed you a bag."
"You are a very good husband," Dream says. Normally there's a note of playfulness, even laughter, when he says it. But this is different.
Hob glances up to meet his eyes.
Dream kisses him. He's gotten the hang of appropriate depths of kiss for various public settings, so it's soft and gentle, but lingering.
"I really want to be," Hob confesses.
Dream lights up, one of his gorgeous little smiles making his eyes glitter. "Then we are unified in our desires."
"You want me to be a good husband?"
"To continue to be so, yes."
Hob lets out a long breath. Well. This is...
Good, probably. Yeah, good. Who cares how they got here.
"I was also coming to warn you that the insurance has only booked us one room with one bed. Because we're married."
Dream's eyes sparkle in a way Hob genuinely hasn't seen before.
"I believe that is the ideal number of beds," he says. "I will look forward to seeing you tonight."
Hob leaves the library in a daze, with the biggest, stupidest grin on his face. It's almost enough to make him like taxes.
Almost.
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So apparently some people new to Tumblr think a repost and a reblog are the same thing, so when they see creators asking for people to not repost, they're thinking the creators are saying to not reblog 😭
Y'all, a repost is when you copy/download the work and create a new post using the work making it seem as if it's yours. A reblog is you using a site provided feature to share the creator's post directly from the creator so that it's still credited to them and they still get all of the traction/notes from the work.
Please, reblog fics/art/etc. that you enjoy! Reblogging is not reposting! Creatives need support too, and reblogging is a way to do that!
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The older I get the more I admire people who are earnestly, genuinely into whatever their thing is. I know it sounds like an annoying cliche but unless you're being cruel or hurtful there is really no need to be normal about things. The dude with the bad fake accent at the renaissance faire is having the time of his life. The people having photoshoots with their fashion dolls are loving it. The old lady with a yard unreasonably full of tacky ass lawn ornaments is having a blast, HOA be damned.
Don't waste your time being too cool to have fun, y'know?
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due to inflation you must answer my riddles five
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Hello everyone!
Our first mini-event is coming up next week for National Librarian Day on April 16th, where we'd love to highlight works involving both version of our favourite librarian Lucienne/Lucien!
We've created an Ao3 collection here that is now open
https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Dreaming_Librarian_Day_2024
-What's eligible? Any fanworks where Lucien(ne) is a primary focus, gen or ship, old or new, we want to see it all!!!
Also use the tag #DreamingLibrarianDay on Tumblr for posts/reblogs, and we will be reblogging that content as our time allows.
Join us in server for more discussions and celebration!!
Cheers~
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Comet Pons Brooks © Fritz Helmet Hemmerich
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59/ 365 More Things that Don’t Suck:
forget-me-nots
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you. american adult with a drivers license. can you tell me who has the right of way at a 4 way stop
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Am I getting a good grade in tumblr mutual?
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